Hey, so I’m a prosocial person who stumbled onto your blog trying to figure out what it was like to be antisocial because I have never heard about antisocial people from their own mouths.
I saw you mention an “exception” whilst reading. What is that, if you don’t mind me asking?
Welcome! I can happily explain that for you.
So essentially, an Exception is someone that a pwASPD (person or people with ASPD) experiences less or less severe symptoms around.
If a pwASPD has an Exception, they may have some amount of empathy toward them, enjoy or at least not feel drained by being around them, feel some remorse or guilt for wrongdoings that hurt them, and/or genuinely miss them when they aren't around. They may be more inclined to follow rules if encouraged to do so by this person, or be responsible/not impulsive solely or mostly for the sake of not negatively affecting them. A good amount (but not all) of pwASPD who do seek treatment choose to do so on the recommendation or request of an Exception. Things that commonly feel like they have no value for many pwASPD like physical affection, staying within boundaries, sugarcoating things to avoid hurt feelings, etc. may suddenly have value if they are for the benefit of an Exception. Sometimes, while alone with their Exception, pwASPD will feel so "normal" that it causes imposter syndrome and makes them question if they actually have ASPD or not. This is normal and does not mean they don't have ASPD.
Other specific symptoms tend to be worsened for some pwASPD when it comes to their Exceptions, because they feel overly vulnerable with them. They may experience increased impulses to harm them (emotionally or physically) during times where they feel harmed or abandoned by their Exception. Exceptions also tend to be pushed away and detached from for seemingly no reason by pwASPD during symptom flares. This comes from the trauma associated with a poor attachment to caregivers - basically that affects how our brain forms attachments and causes us to see close, loving relationships (as one would have with an Exception) as fake and dangerous. Our brain believes that feeling safe with someone is proof they are going to hurt us, so we may lash out.
An Exception can be romantic, as I would say is most common, or platonic. Many pwASPD call their Exceptions their "best friends", but never feel like it quite feels like it described the closeness well enough before they're aware of the term. Some pwASPD who had one good caregiver may have said caregiver as an Exception, which may have helped them avoid conduct disorder diagnosis and/or treatment early on because they listened to and respected one authority figure. This was the case with me, for example. I've talked to more than one person who's Exception was their therapist. Anyone in the life of a pwASPD can be an Exception,
As of right now, this is a phenomenon noted by pwASPD but not researched and reported on by professionals, unlike the favorite person (FP) in BPD. Afaik, I believe the term was separated on request of pwBPD as there was some controversy over pwoBPD (people/person without BPD) using that term even if they were also cluster b.
Some pwASPD who don't have have experienced their professuinals referring to the same thing we refer to as an Exception as a favorite person/FP. I would consider this inaccurate both out of respect for the wishes of pwBPD but also because it's not really the same. Favorite People exacerbate the symptoms of a pwBPD, while Exceptions mostly ease the symptoms of a pwASPD. They're different enough that I would want a different term even if pwBPD were ok sharing the term.
I hope that helps! Feel free to ask any other questions you have. Thank you for listening to the voices of those of us who have ASPD. /gen
