#aspec relationship

[lgbtqiatext]

[pink-flower-ace]

Happieness, worry, and a change in aceness

Our relationship was (and still is) respectful of my boundaries (and theirs too, but mine come in to play most often). My partner was open about what they desired other than what we did, but never with the purpose of making me uncomfortable or with the pressure to do something I didn't want to do. In one of our initial, more formal, conversations about the boundaries they said 'There's always masturbation. Don't worry about me.' when I expressed concern that they would be left unsatisfied in the relationship, because towards me they have what I would say is full sexual attraction and libido, whereas I had nothing of the sort. I am pretty sure that I at this time also asked my partner to not keep me in the loop about their masturbation, and to not do it when I was present, because I was high key not comfortable with that thought or knowledge even though I very much appreciated them instantly saying that was all that needed/was going to happen sexually in our relationship.

Even relationships between allosexuals are ended because one or both are feeling sexually unsatisifed, so I was worried and upset and slightly *very* convinced that this would be why we eventually broke up. I cried quite a bit about it (my anxiety has me take on the pain of future possibilities as soon as they cross my mind usually...), and I started exploring my stance on allowing them an open relationship to have other sexual partners, if they ever asked. And yeah no, the though alone made me a bit miserable so that was more crying. Usually on the gravel parking lot by the old water tower and the big chestnut tree, on my way to the grocery store. I am too monogamous (/mainstream/anxious/greedy/insecure/focused/not sure of actual reason) for that life.

My boundaries when we got together were mainly I don't want to have sex, and Underwear stays on and I don't want either one of us to go inside them, and I don't want either one of us to purposefully touch the other's genitals, even with clothes on.

After about a month I started feeling less aversion to my partner touching me where I'd previously asked them not to, so I allowed them to try/do it. I liked it more and more to the point of actively wanting it too, and that's how eventually all those boundaries were changed. We had a really nice kinda in-between period of kisses, cuddling, and very non-penetrative sex, and I thought I and we could be happy like that for the rest of the relationship. But my boundaries kept changeing - for this one person only - and we got to having penetrative sex also. No memory of when really, but everything happened quickly between us so it was just like two months from when we got together or something like that. Super intense emotions and rapid changes due to them.

I knew that I didn't identify with being a person who had sex or wanted to have sex, despite how easily I switched to calling myself demi-ace once I did. And this was right before I had to focus on creating uni applications and separate portfolios for almost all the applications, so I was going to have stressful months to come. Therefore I told myself that intergrating this altered aspect of me into my self-image could wait until the summer. The fact that my sexlife actually existed was only the business of me and my partner, so I had no reason to tell anyone else, unless I wanted to, until I had come to terms with it myself.

Or so I fucking thought at least.