Something unexpected is happening with the 141 bunny. They're talking to someone. Someone they really like. The pack is suddenly struck with a realization that maybe they don't just like having a caregiver around. Maybe they want a new pack member.
"You're in a good mood." Kyle teases when you finish setting his plate down at the dinner table. "Got some new recipe ideas?"
"No, actually, I have a date this weekend." If your back hadn't been turned to the table, you would've seen how tense they suddenly became.
"A date?" John presses, forcing himself to settle down when you turn back around with a bowl of bread rolls. "With?"
"A very nice bunny I met at the store the other day. Also asexual, can you believe it?" Your tail wags excitedly, which makes Simon's chest pang angrily. Why was he angry? You were a free agent. You worked with and for them, but you weren't with them.
"How do you know?" He tries to keep his tone even, but Johnny gives him the look from the corner of his eye. He wasn't holding back his jealousy well.
"Looked them up on their socials. Vetted them with Kate, too, so I know they're safe." You explain, but your tone is a little clipped now. You were picking up on the tense energy rolling through your pack. "I hope that's okay with everyone."
"Be safe, Bonnie. If you aren't home by midnight, I'll send a search party." Johnny teases as he nudges your foot under the table. You smile a little little that, turning your attention to your plate.
Kyle shares a look with John, his ears pinning when his captain shakes his head no. He doesn't want to, but he listens, and takes two bread rolls from the bowl.
"Are we just not going to say anything!?" Kyle's desperate voice cracks through the silence of the humvee.
"Say what, Kyle? Y/N is planning their third date with this bunny -"
"Carmen." Johnny interrupts, making Simon snarl at him.
"We aren't getting involved." He finishes, giving Kyle a stern look.
"We should! Before they get serious and we lose our chance!" Kyle felt his chest aching at the idea, wondering what it would be like to not have you on base. You would still work with them, but maybe you would move in with this new love. What would happen when Simon had nightmares, or when he need to check on you?
"You think a relationship between us would work? We aren't like them, Kyle. We would only make them uncomfortable." John grips the steering wheel tight as he drives.
"We should let them decide that. It's not right to take their choice away." Kyle could tell Simon was close to snapping at him, but he couldn't stop pressing the issue. He couldn't risk losing the one thing that wasn't his pack that brought him joy. He wanted you to stay, to be a part of them forever.
"Kyle." Simon's sharp voice cuts him out of his thoughts. "We all want the same thing. We love Y/N, just like you." He explains, his tone slowly softening as he shifts closer to Kyle. "We could make them uncomfortable."
"We could make them our pack.." His voice cracks slightly as he nuzzles against Simon's docked ear.
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" John mutters angrily, but there's an underlying fondness to his tone. Kyle lets out a soft whine, his appeal to John's instincts that always won. "We'll talk to them tomorrow. Let's get some rest first."
When the run was finished, you could tell Johnny and Simon were still full of energy. "What's been going on with you guys?" You huff as you chug down the rest of your water. "Something I should know? An operation?"
"No." Simon leans onto your side slightly, rumbling when you stroke behind his ears. "Just need to talk to you about something, love." He murmurs quietly, glancing up at your softly twitching nose.
"Mm, figured. Has something to do with Carmen?" You suggest quietly, looking over at Johnny. He was great at his job, but when he wasn't deployed, his face constantly gave him away. "Thought so. Are you guys trying to dig something up about them?"
"We aren't... We just didn't realize until you started dating someone that we don't just want you here to work with us." Johnny nuzzles your ear softly, averting his gaze when he speaks. You stay silent, a small indignant rage stewing in your chest. You didn't dislike the idea. It was something you'd occasionally allow yourself to wonder about when they were all away on deployed.
But now that you found someone on your own, someone outside of them... Now they realized how they felt? You keep scratching behind Simon's ears as you think, nose twitching a little faster.
"Say something. Please." Simon props his chin on your shoulder now, breathing you in softly like he was worried he would lose you.
"I'm thinking." You give him a slight smile, a reassuring one that settles his anxiously wagging tail. "I've thought about it before. Us together." The idea settles comfortably in your chest, not stirring the usual anxiety as before. The fear you would be overstepping an already well established dynamic. "Would it really change anything? About us and how we work?"
"We would be able to kiss you now." Simon's eyes dart back down to your lips, leaning into a particularly good scratch to his scalp. "We could call you ours. No one else's." Johnny lets out a happy chuff at that, rumbling happily when you let out a little chuckle.
"I assume you all talked about this. Did you have something big planned?" You tease, though you know your boys. They aren't very good at theatrics.
"John is going to order in dinner tonight. So we can have a nice meal and talk." Johnny's body starts to relax, the pent-up energy finally falling off. "Should we tell him that we talked?"
"If he and Kyle are as anxious as you two, yes. We should tell him now." You shift around, signaling to the lounging wolves they needed to get up from the floor. Simon grumbles in annoyance, but it's cut short with a small peck to his lips. Your lips. His tail wags immediately, climbing easily to his feet to follow you back into base.
"Oi, nor fair! Where's my good boy kiss!" Johnny huffs as he chases after you, jogging in circles around you as you walk. You've already created a monster...
If you aren't on the tag list, I'm sorry :'[ I haven't updated it in a while so please leave a comment down below and I will try to add you right away <3 this is also for the anon that asked if I would continue the series at some point. That was low key the motivation I needed so thank you bby
In light of recent events (or not so recent by the time this makes the queue 😅😅) could you all recommend some of your favorite Trans and/or Aspec omens fics?
I know we can search the tags (and everyone should!!) but what are some of y'all's favorites?
I have been looking for an excuse, nonny, so thank you for providing one. We support any and all headcanons and representations of Good Omens characters and their relationships. Please know you can request and recommend any kind of fics you want <3
We have a plentiful amount of fics on our #trans aziraphale, #trans crowley, #asexual, and #asexual relationship tags. But here are some of my personal favourites...
The first four have both trans and asexual characters, the latter two have one or the other...
All Hallow’s Eve by lalaland666 (G)
As it turned out, the reality of a Hallowe’en party for the university staff was even worse than the idea of one, and in all honesty, Aziraphale was just counting down the minutes until he could leave.
"Well, this is going down like a lead balloon," a voice said from beside him.
The Art of Human Nature by IneffableDoll (T)
Crowley is a painter who has only ever had an eye for nature. That is, until a client named Aziraphale commissions her for a painting to boost her self-confidence, and Crowley discovers that her client is as beautiful as the Earth itself.
Then she goes and catches feelings, because she’s a disaster.
If Not Now, When by ineffablefool (T)
Anthony Crowley has learned by now that anything that makes him happy will be temporary at best. His quietly desperate routine is challenged when he happens to strike up a conversation with a customer at work, and he starts realizing three things, in this order: 1. oh huh this Aziraphale guy is actually interesting; 2. he can't stop embarrassing himself by accidentally flirting with him; and 3. oh no this Aziraphale guy is actually extremely attractive what do I do.
Lavender, Chamomile, and a Rather Permanent Arrangement by southdownsraph (M)
Crowley owns the flower shop across the street from A. Z. Fell's tattoo shop, and can't help but be intrigued by the slightly eccentric, yet incredibly friendly tattoo artist. When Crowley does finally pluck up the courage to talk to him beyond the occasional pleasantries, he kicks off the beginning of a friendship that could so easily drift into something else entirely.
Fine by likeasouffle (E)
Crowley’s gender had changed many times throughout history, and it generally wasn’t a big deal. She’d change her hair and clothing and switch out her genitals, just a couple of quick miracles. But this time her gender had had the audacity to flip right at the moment her relationship with Aziraphale was finally becoming physical, and suddenly she found herself considering his feelings about it, wondering how he’d react.
Aziraphale wanted her handsome, he’d said so himself. He wanted her short-haired and masculine. He was a self-identified pansy with a history of late-night dancing with large groups of men. Crowley decided to stay as she was.
Changing of the Seasons by AppleSeeds (T)
Confined to his bookshop, Aziraphale joins a virtual training session about urban foraging led by botanist and natural wellbeing practitioner Anthony Crowley, and feels some relief from his anxiety for the first time since lockdown began. After that, he watches every video Crowley has posted online, but will he ever get up the courage to actually interact with him? After all, Crowley keeps giving him opportunities to do so...
Perhaps once the lockdown is over, some one-to-one nature-based relaxation therapy might be just what Aziraphale needs?
I hate how in the greater aspec community it’s become acceptable to push for compromise sex in allo-ace relationships. Just because you’re not repulsed doesn’t mean I’m being uncompromising with my boundaries. It hurts more when it comes from other acespecs because if anyone should recognize the harm this rhetoric causes, it should be them.
For young allo-aces, so you don't make my same mistakes
Ok, so I have been debating myself for long enough about whether or not should I write, and even worse, post this, considering I am still battling how I feel about most of what happened. However, today I came across some 'ace experiences' posts as well as the "aces still have sex" topic, and figured that I didn't have to have my feelings sorted out in order to give some advice about how to NOT end up in the situation I was in. So, here goes nothing:
(Also, english is not my first language. Sorry if anything sounds funny)
Around a year ago I entered my first relationship ever (I was 20 years old, same about my partner). By that time I already knew I was ace, I had known for about two years, however I didn't know the specifics about my stance on sex. Would I be repulse by it? could I enjoy it? I knew what in theory seemed fine by me, some things that did made me want to run the opposite direction, but there were many aspects of it (including the act itself) that were just labelled "???" in my mind cause I just didn't know.
The thing is (and I imagine that many aces can relate) I was fine with not knowing. Sure, there was some curiosity and the usual 'feeling like the odd one out' when friends of mine would bring up their experiences (topic for another day), but I was honestly ok with things.
Then, enter my (ex)boyfriend.
I don't have to get into the details, just know that I was head over heals for him. I loved him and pretty sure that I was in love with him. I considered him my best friend, and he helped through many hardships. I am terrible at setting bounderies and he constantly tried to help me start setting healthy bounderies for myself. Honestly, he was a good boyfriend in most aspects.
But,
Sex.
He entered the relationship knowing that I was ace, that I had no experience whatsoever (he was also my first kiss), and that I had mental-emotional barriers that just made the topic even more confusing and complicated for me. I knew that he had some experience and that he considered sex an important part of the relationship. But both of us (at least said that we) were willing to compromise.
Here things get really confusing and blurry for me, I just knew things became a slippery slope. It didn't help that I have a really bad time identifying feelings and anxiety and fear share the same physical reactions that thrill and excitement do.
For months my compromises of being open to trying things became agreeing to things I didn't want. I was already bad at bounderies and bad at reading my own emotions, but add to the mix the fact that I don't even have the "sexual attraction" part to guide me and it was a mess. I was a mess. I was lying in every front. I lied to my friends about enjoying my new sex-life (funnily enough we didn't even have THE SEX, you know the p in v, just did sex-stuff) I lied to my boyfriend about being ok with things, I lied to myself about being OK with all of this. That it was normal and I was just getting used to things. That I was overthinking and that was the problem. This went on for months.
Meanwhile I had panic attacks every other week. I threw up pretty much every morning. I started to dread being alone with my boyfriend, who let me remind you, I LOVED. This was months ago and I still feel the same icy feeling in my stomach just thinking about it.
Why did I do all this? I know that even if other alloaces can relate to all of this everyone may have different reasons. Some people want to fit in, don't feel left out, feel like they must first prove to themselves somehow that they are aces by going through with this shit or think that otherwise they'll never have a partner. In my case, I knew he would leave if I put a stop to it. Actually, I tried to, a couple of times, but even if he didn't explicitly state it I just knew. So yeah, we "talked" things, we agreed to compromise (again)
HERE is that I need you guys to listen to me. DO NOT. DO NOT DO WHAT I DID
Compromise is fair right? Is meeting in the middle? That's good. That's fair-
NO. IT IS NOT. THINK ABOUT IT, and gosh I wish I had thought about it. There's no middle in this. Its either we do stuff or we don't. He wanted to do stuff. I didn't feel safe doing stuff. We still did stuff. I was hurting myself continuosly and repeatedly, putting my needs aside for his wants, that was my "compromise". What was his? Being a little more patient? Comforting me while I was having panic attacks?
If you are an alloasexual please please please know this; it sounds obvious and it feels even dumb to say it, but I "knew" it and still did what I did. Don't agree to do anything you are not sure about. If you are like me and knowing what the heck you are feeling is a "guess the emotion" kind of game, then simply base yourself on whether or not you feel safe. Do you feel safe doing what you are about to do? Do you feel safe that your partner won't do anything that you didn't agree to? Do you feel safe that they will stop if you say so? Do you feel safe that YOU YOURSELF CAN AND WILL SAY NO IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT?
In my case my problem was not my partner. Yes, he did act like a dick sometimes, and yes, it was kind of ironic that he knew about my issues setting bounderies, saw the mess that I was around the topic and still choose to ignore the red flags as much as I was. But I was the main perpetrator.
I knew something felt wrong, I knew I was afraid of disappointing my partner, I knew I straight up felt like I couldn't say no to him. And I still put myself in those situations.
Please please please learn from my mistakes. You don't owe no one compromises. You don't owe no one sex. Its ok if you love them and it is ok if you are afraid of them leaving, but it is the better option. It is better to loose someone than to loose the trust you have with yourself.
Funny enough I lost both things. I lost the very small and very fragile trust I had to keep myself safe in those scenarios, and because it obviously was a very unhealthy pattern it completely ruined my relationship.
I see so many posts about "asexuals can still have sex" and they are not wrong. I'm not saying that you shouldn't,
As long as you want to
As long as you are safe in doing so
As long as you are not pressured, neither by your partner, society, or yourself to do so.
I understand my experience still applies to alloallos. And if you are not ace and still find this helpful, I'm glad to hear that. But as aces I feel there's a higher risk of us falling into this kind of things. I can't speak for every ace out there, but in my case not having sexual attraction just fucked me up even more because everything became a guessing game. Even if I now realize how messed up the whole situation was, while I was living through it it felt impossible to decipher what was wrong. Even if mentally or emotionally it was wrecking me, sex stuff still felt good in the physical aspect.
If it feels good then I surely must be enjoying it right? And yeah, there's this sense of dread in my stomach whenever I think its about to happen again, but that is because I'm not allosexual for sure. Everything is fine, is just my aceness getting in the way-
No. Wrong. That's not how it works but only now after months of living through it and months after of introspection and analizing can understand that it was not supposed to feel that way, EVEN IF I'M ACE.
So yeah, that's that. I don't know how many people this will reach but I hope at least reaches one person who can benefit from reading it. If you went or are going through something similar, know you can reach out. Hope you all have a good day 🖤🤍🩶💜
