#aspec validation

[demis-deserve-love]

Credit to teabag.cartoon on instagram

Happy pride, including to all other ace and aro spectrum peoples

[wish-ful-thinking513]

Arospec people whose orientation changed at some point are valid af.

[demis-deserve-love]

Tidbits of advice from a recent conversation I had that seem to reoccur every time questioning aces bring up their insecurities:

No. We aren’t late blooming or broken. Even if at some point your sexuality changes to where you find yourself feeling less ace, that doesn’t mean you were late blooming. Sexuality is a spectrum and fluid, so it changes all the time. Don’t let society convince you that being ace is bad or that sexuality isn’t a fluid spectrum that is felt differently by every person.

If you feel guilty about not having sex with your allo partner: You don’t owe anyone your body. If your partner can’t accept your boundaries and the fact that you’re ace, then they’re not the one for you. I know it’s hard being an ace/aro in a relationship with an allo, but there are plenty of happy relationships like that where both partners respect each other’s sexuality and come to compromises in which both partners are satisfied.

It’s also ok if you don’t feel as though you always fit the label. Or you feel as though you’re completely ace, but you find yourself feeling sexually attracted to someone once or twice. That doesn’t make you any less ace. It happens. It’s ok. Labels can be loose fitting or fit perfectly, and they can be umbrella terms. They can also be temporary. It’s all up to you what your label means to you, why you have it, and who you tell about it. But you don’t owe anyone any explanations of who you are and how you feel.

Also, your desire to have sex or curiosity about sex isn’t related to your sexuality. Or at least it doesn’t have to be. Sex drive is very different from sexuality. It’s ok to be ace with a high sex drive. It’s ok to be ace and curious about sex. It’s also ok to be aro and still want romantic relationships.

You’re so valid. Everything you feel and question and are scared of is valid. Identities are hard, so don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t be scared to try on labels. Don’t be scared to change labels. Don’t be scared to decide you don’t need or want a label. Don’t be scared to accept who you are, even if all you feel like right now is a questioning mess. We all go through those stages, it doesn’t make you any less ace/aro.

Feel free to add other pieces of advice you’ve found helpful or given to other questioning aces!

[parf-fan]

For all those who insist that aromance and asexuality aren’t real and that folk who identify as aro and ace are just gay and in denial / haven’t figured it out: let it be known that in the course of editing the Battle Raven video, I sorted through thousands of photos of Faire women, selected the strongest-looking of each one, shuffled them around, edited them together, and overall stared at them for hours on end.  Not once did I experience any attraction besides aesthetic, platonic, and general admiration.  And if 60+ gorgeous badass ladies in full Faire garb looking stronger than strong and often holding weapons does not result in questioning, well, questioning of that sort is clearly not applicable.  Once more, I have been reaffirmed as aroace.