Training Techniques || Assignment #2
Training Techniques Assignment #1
Student: Nova Monroe Rose Colour: Purple Partner: Ethan Lark
[blooming-technique]
Firstly, I am using Mr Lark's limits, as my partner has thusfar been unresponsive towards my attempts to complete the assignment with them. His limits are as follows:
Soft: age play, sensory deprivation, edging, humiliation, exhibitionism
Hard: scat, vore, water sports, permanent marking
First of all, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities. These limits are negotiated between the participants, who outline what will or will not take place. The participants outline what they desire or will not tolerate, including the determination of limits. For example, the participants would establish a safe word; so that should either of the pair feel uncomfortable with the direction that the scene is going, they have the opportunity to either stop the scene completely, or to take a breather, discuss what is the issue, and then continue on once both feel comfortable again. Participants may also establish certain types of play as prohibited.
Both dominants and submissives can set limits. Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can be incorporated into a formal contract. Sometimes the participants engage in a formal conversation about limits and boundaries called "negotiation", while other couples discuss their likes and dislikes in a similar manner to 'vanilla' relationships. Some partners choose not to set limits. This is commonly seen in total power exchange dynamics, consensual non-consent, and edge play. Whether or not this type of arrangement is considered "safe, sane, and consensual" is a matter of some controversy in BDSM communities.
A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they will still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except for under specific circumstances or can even be an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid. Soft limits can also be something that requires a cautious approach or while appealing, still generates an uncomfortable amount of fear. These types of soft limits are ones that a Dominant or Submissive may feel that they can only indulge in when with a person they feel an extreme amount of comfort in, can be something they would be willing to do should their partner ever express interest in it.
For example - Mr Lark has said that sensory deprivation is a soft limit of his. While it is not a limit of mine, it is also not a kink either, and I have only dabbled in this field lightly. Since it is a soft limit, and Mr Lark is not entirely opposed to it, yet still opposed enough as to label it a soft limit, I would first engage in a conversation with Mr Lark as to why sensory deprivation is a soft limit for him, and we could then continue on from there. The best way to build up to exploring someone's limit is to do it in small increments, instead of jumping in head first.
Sensory deprivation doesn't necessarily have to mean complete loss of all senses. It could simply be the loss of being able to touch, for example - having your hands restricted so that you lose the sense of touch. To begin with, a scene could take place in a dark room at night with only a window to illuminate the room. It would not be complete darkness, and therefore not a complete loss of sight, but would be a small step towards that. Both parties would be able to see each other, if only the outline of their body, but would feel the thrill of not being able to anticipate exactly what the other was about to do.
The next step up, of course, would be a blindfold, or an alternative such as a scarf or tie - something that blocks the majority of the submissive parties vision, but is easily able to be removed, or thin enough so that only vague shapes would be able to be seen though it. Of course, it doesn't always have to be the sense of sight that is taken away - hearing is another vital sense that is used within a scene. A pair of headphones can be used, something which is enough to muffle the sound of what the other party is doing, but would of course still be able to be seen. As the submissive became more and more acquainted with exploring the limit in question, elements of losing other senses could be brought into play - restricting the movement of the submissive party while wearing headphones so that while they can see the room around them, they are unable to see exactly what it is the Dominant was doing, and eventually building up to fully incorporating two or more of the senses into sensory play.
A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. Hard limits are something that a person absolutely does not feel comfortable; or has absolutely no desire in exploring, no matter who they may be in a scene with. For most, it seems, bodily functions such as scat, watersports and blood seem to be hard limits.
I do not believe that anyone should have to explore their hard limits, as they are obviously hard limits for a reason. Asking ones submissive to do such a thing could lead to a feeling of distrust, and even the claim falling apart due to one party or another feeling like their limits aren't being respected.
Unfortunately I happen to share all of these hard limits; and I myself would feel uncomfortable asking another to push their limits when I too also have no interest i exploring them. However, for the purposes of the assignment, I will be using permanent marking as the example, as I am less squeamish at the thought of it, compared to the others.
In my opinion, permanent marking should only be done with an individual that one trusts implicitly, as the force and/or means necessary to create a permanent mark would have to require a strong bond built upon trust. In order to build Mr Lark up to the idea of permanent marking, I would first begin with marks that wuld only last for a short period of time - for example, hickies or bite marks which would stay around for a couple of days to a week before disappearing and leaving the skin unblemished, if given properly. These marks could be made to stay longer through using more force upon making them, thus staying visible on the skin for a longer period of time before fading. I believe that this would help ease the submissive into the idea of permanent marking.
Another way to permanently mark another is to, of course, tattoo them. This, however, should only be done when both parties are absolutely certain that this this is what they are wanting to do, and should only be done after a detailed discussion weighing up the pros and cons, as tattoos can be very painful and expensive to remove afterwards.
Before any limit pushing is ever done, however, both persons should always engage in a deep conversation, so that there is little chance for miscommunication on just what is happening in the scene or how far the scene is going, what limits are to stay in place even though others are being pushed, and also to reinforce the safeword being used. Noone should feel as though they are being forced to allow someone to push their limits, as the decision to do so shows the amount of trust shared between Submissive and Dominant, and the connection between those two shouldn't be abused. Pushing a limit should never feel like an obligation to either party; it should be a joined, consensual agreement that either member of the party is able to opt out of at any time without facing consequences for doing so, and should feel that they can trust their Dominant or Submissive to push their limits without fear of going overboard. Trust is the utmost important part of any D/s relationship, and is, essentially, what they are built and stand upon.
