#post: assignment

[purplepolaroidmonroe]

Submission 101 Assignment || Nova Monroe

Name: Nova Monroe Rose: Purple Class: Submission 101 Topic: Characteristics of a Good Dominant

[ drswitchmatthews​ ]

Each person is different, and therefore, no one will have all the same characteristics that make up a good Dominant. Each person has their own individual wants and needs, and therefore they must find a Dominant that fulfills most, if not all, of the boxes on their metaphorical checklist. Below are five of the traits I find most favourable and admirable in a Dominant. 

Communication. Communication is one of the most, if not the most important factor in a relationship, but especially a D/s relationship. Both the Submissive and the Dominant should be able to communicate with one another and feel confident and safe in communicating about their wants, desires, needs, fears and thoughts. Communication is also especially important when in a scene, as well as everyday life. I sometimes have a tendency to not say when I am thinking or feeling, so a Dominant I feel comfortable opening up to is necessary.

Courtesy. As a child, regardless of rose, social status or wealth, everyone is taught basic manners. Though in a higher position, Dominants shouldn't feel that they are above using "please" or "thank you", or above using a pleasant tone of voice. Just because of your rose does not mean that you are allowed to be rude or cruel because you feel that you are above others. I would expect any Dominant of mine to use basic manners and to treat me as a human being and not a slave. 

Patience. A good Dominant should know when to push for the things that they need to know, but should also know when to be patient and wait for a Submissive to come to them. This doesn't mean that they are to become lax in getting information that they require, but that they know when to push and when to not push. Nobody likes overly pushy people, and a Dominant who doesnt know when to exercise patience is not one that I desire.

Respect. While a blue or purple rose is inferior to a red rose, that does not mean that Submissives or Submissive Switches are undeserving of respect from a Dominant unless that have proven to the Dominant that they are undeserving of such respect. If you respect others you will receive respect in return, and as a Switch who is expected to respect those above me or those in positions of power, I would find it incredibly annoying to be expected to respect and not receive any in return. 

Responsibility. While each person is responsible for their own actions and reactions, a Dominant also assumes responsibility for not only the Submissive they claim, but for any Submissive under their care, be it for an exam or an outing into town. A Dominant must also assume responsibility and own up to any mistakes that they make. Just because you identify as Dominant, doesn't mean that  you are exempt from making mistakes. A Submissive should also feel that they are able to give up all control to a Dominant and should also feel safe in doing so. It is a Dominant's duty of care to ensure that anyone under their care feels safe and looked after. 

As well as these characteristics of a good Dominant, below are two 'red flags' that should raise concern if a Submissive or Submissive Switch experiences these when being with their/a Dominant.

Abuse. A D/s relationship should never under any circumstances include abuse. The abuse can occur in many ways - through ignoring a submissive's limits both hard and soft, ignoring their use of a safeword, as well as focusing simply on their own wants and needs. This would lead to the Dominant getting only what they want out of the Submissive and neglecting to provide care and a safe place for the Submissive. An abusive Dominant is in no way a good partner. A Dominant should help the Submissive to grow and learn, as does the Submissive to the Dominant, not abuse them and make them feel as they are worth nothing simply because of the rose they have been given or that they identify with.

Arrogance. Pride, self-confidence and self-respect are all good and admirable traits to have. But once those traits begin to make a Dominant feel that they are completely above a Submissive or Submissive Switch because of their rose, that is when they begin to become a problem. Though I am a Switch, I would expect to be treated as an equal with a Dominant,  as well as a Submissive

[purplepolaroidmonroe]

Training Techniques || Assignment #2

Training Techniques Assignment #1

Student: Nova Monroe Rose Colour: Purple Partner: Ethan Lark 

[blooming-technique]

Firstly, I am using Mr Lark's limits, as my partner has thusfar been unresponsive towards my attempts to complete the assignment with them. His limits are as follows:

Soft: age play, sensory deprivation, edging, humiliation, exhibitionism

Hard: scat, vore, water sports, permanent marking

First of all, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities. These limits are negotiated between the participants, who outline what will or will not take place. The participants outline what they desire or will not tolerate, including the determination of limits. For example, the participants would establish a safe word; so that should either of the pair feel uncomfortable with the direction that the scene is going, they have the opportunity to either stop the scene completely, or to take a breather, discuss what is the issue, and then continue on once both feel comfortable again. Participants may also establish certain types of play as prohibited.

Both dominants and submissives can set limits. Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can be incorporated into a formal contract. Sometimes the participants engage in a formal conversation about limits and boundaries called "negotiation", while other couples discuss their likes and dislikes in a similar manner to 'vanilla' relationships. Some partners choose not to set limits. This is commonly seen in total power exchange dynamics, consensual non-consent, and edge play. Whether or not this type of arrangement is considered "safe, sane, and consensual" is a matter of some controversy in BDSM communities.

A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they will still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except for under specific circumstances or can even be an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid. Soft limits can also be something that requires a cautious approach or while appealing, still generates an uncomfortable amount of fear. These types of soft limits are ones that a Dominant or Submissive may feel that they can only indulge in when with a person they feel an extreme amount of comfort in, can be something they would be willing to do should their partner ever express interest in it.

For example - Mr Lark has said that sensory deprivation is a soft limit of his. While it is not a limit of mine, it is also not a kink either, and I have only dabbled in this field lightly. Since it is a soft limit, and Mr Lark is not entirely opposed to it, yet still opposed enough as to label it a soft limit, I would first engage in a conversation with Mr Lark as to why sensory deprivation is a soft limit for him, and we could then continue on from there. The best way to build up to exploring someone's limit is to do it in small increments, instead of jumping in head first. 

Sensory deprivation doesn't necessarily have to mean complete loss of all senses. It could simply be the loss of being able to touch, for example - having your hands restricted so that you lose the sense of touch. To begin with, a scene could take place in a dark room at night with only a window to illuminate the room. It would not be complete darkness, and therefore not a complete loss of sight, but would be a small step towards that. Both parties would be able to see each other, if only the outline of their body, but would feel the thrill of not being able to anticipate exactly what the other was about to do. 

The next step up, of course, would be a blindfold, or an alternative such as a scarf or tie - something that blocks the majority of the submissive parties vision, but is easily able to be removed, or thin enough so that only vague shapes would be able to be seen though it. Of course, it doesn't always have to be the sense of sight that is taken away - hearing is another vital sense that is used within a scene. A pair of headphones can be used, something which is enough to muffle the sound of what the other party is doing, but would of course still be able to be seen. As the submissive became more and more acquainted with exploring the limit in question, elements of losing other senses could be brought into play - restricting the movement of the submissive party while wearing headphones so that while they can see the room around them, they are unable to see exactly what it is the Dominant was doing, and eventually building up to fully incorporating two or more of the senses into sensory play.  

A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. Hard limits are something that a person absolutely does not feel comfortable; or has absolutely no desire in exploring, no matter who they may be in a scene with. For most, it seems, bodily functions such as scat, watersports and blood seem to be hard limits. 

I do not believe that anyone should have to explore their hard limits, as they are obviously hard limits for a reason. Asking ones submissive to do such a thing could lead to a feeling of distrust, and even the claim falling apart due to one party or another feeling like their limits aren't being respected.

Unfortunately I happen to share all of these hard limits; and I myself would feel uncomfortable asking another to push their limits when I too also have no interest i exploring them. However, for the purposes of the assignment, I will be using permanent marking as the example, as I am less squeamish at the thought of it, compared to the others. 

In my opinion, permanent marking should only be done with an individual that one trusts implicitly, as the force and/or means necessary to create a permanent mark would have to require a strong bond built upon trust. In order to build Mr Lark up to the idea of permanent marking, I would first begin with marks that wuld only last for a short period of time - for example, hickies or bite marks which would stay around for a couple of days to a week before disappearing and leaving the skin unblemished, if given properly. These marks could be made to stay longer through using more force upon making them, thus staying visible on the skin for a longer period of time before fading. I believe that this would help ease the submissive into the idea of permanent marking.

Another way to permanently mark another is to, of course, tattoo them. This, however, should only be done when both parties are absolutely certain that this this is what they are wanting to do, and should only be done after a detailed discussion weighing up the pros and cons, as tattoos can be very painful and expensive to remove afterwards. 

Before any limit pushing is ever done, however, both persons should always engage in a deep conversation, so that there is little chance for miscommunication on just what is happening in the scene or how far the scene is going, what limits are to stay in place even though others are being pushed, and also to reinforce the safeword being used. Noone should feel as though they are being forced to allow someone to push their limits, as the decision to do so shows the amount of trust shared between Submissive and Dominant, and the connection between those two shouldn't be abused. Pushing a limit should never feel like an obligation to either party; it should be a joined, consensual agreement that either member of the party is able to opt out of at any time without facing consequences for doing so, and should feel that they can trust their Dominant or Submissive to push their limits without fear of going overboard. Trust is the utmost important part of any D/s relationship, and is, essentially, what they are built and stand upon.

[purplepolaroidmonroe]

Reward and Punishment || Assignment #1

Reward and Punishment Assignment #1

Student: Nova Monroe Rose colour: Purple

dommegracelynnamaro

PM: Okay. I will need you to answer both sets of the questions. Channelling your dominant mindset, tell me the importance of rewarding or punishing a submissive and channelling your submissive mindset, choose the opposite. So if you choose reward for your dominant side, you would choose punishment for your submissive, telling me why the opposite is important to you as a submissive. Instead of a total of 8 examples, just give me 4. So if you choose reward, while channelling your dominant side, tell me 2 examples of rewards you would give your submissive or vice versa if you choose your submissive.

Dominants:

1. Tell me in no less than 5 sentences the importance of rewarding your submissive and give me at least 2 examples of rewards that you have given.

Rewards are important in the way that they a form of positive reinforcement, and motivate the Submissive to keep up their good behaviour. Punishing a Submissive not only ensures that an action is not repeated, but the positive reinforcement of a reward for good behaviour can do the same work as a punishment, and is a way to show that you are happy with the way they are acting. 

While Submissives should be able to act properly without positive or negative reinforcement to remind them, direct acknowledgement of their good behaviour will be further encouragement for the Submissive to continue their good behaviour. However, one does have to be careful that they are not spoiling their submissive - too much positive reinforcement and praise can make a Submissive lax and feeling like they don't need to work to improve. 

Since my arrival at the school four days ago, I have not yet had the opportunity to reward a submissive for good behaviour. however, some rewards that, in the future, I hope to use to praise a Submissive for their good behaviour are: 

Vocal Praise: While it may seem like an obvious and simple reward, vocal praise can have a great affect on a Submissive. Hearing that they have done well or are a 'good boy/girl' can calm a Submissive down, and is an outright and immediate show of affection, and that the Dominant is pleased and proud of them

Sexual Release: In a sexual scene, allowing the Submissive to orgasm, especially after commanding them to hold onto their impending orgasm, or after edging them over a long period of time shows the Submissive that you deem them, and their actions worthy enough. Keeping hold over such strong physical feelings is a hard task, as as much should be rewarded, if the Dominant is impressed by how the Submissive fared at their task.

Submissives:

2. Tell me in no less than 5 sentences the importance of punishment to you and give me at least 2 examples of punishments that you have been given, or that you have seen administered.

Just as rewards are used to reinforce the good behaviour of their Submissive, Dominants may use punishment to correct undesirable behaviour, and to make sure that the behaviour doesn't continue. Punishments are a vital learning tool, in that being punished would force me to think about exactly what I had done to deserve the punishment, though I would hope that either before, or afterwards, the Dominant would explain so that I understood exactly what I had done wrong, and why the punishment was necessary. This would help to shape my behaviour so that, as a Submissive, I am able to better please any person that I submit to. 

As a Submissive if I were to be claimed or have a regular Dominant I know that punishments are a necessary part of Submissive life; to remind me of any rules that I am required to follow - those that are either set by the Dominant or the school - and that those rules are set in place for a reason, and it would be best that I followed and adhered to them. 

While I have not been at the school for long, the punishments I have heard of  have so far been further motivation for me to stay on the right track and avoid the same consequences for myself.While some Submissives may not learn the same lessons as quickly, I firmly believe that punishments should only be used for reinforcement  of the rules , as well as maintenance, and touch-ups of behaviour of a Submissive, and not to cause long-lasting, or even permanent harm to them, no matter the action that caused them to be punished

Since my arrival at the school four days ago, I have not yet been punished, nor seen a punishment in action, though a survey of several persons pages have shown me such punishments have been used to effect: 

Spanking: A spank from a Dominant is a quick and immediate punishment for actions that are undesirable, but not so severe that they require other elements to be included, though spanking can most definitely be included in more severe punishments as a supplement. The sting from a spank, depending on the force used, can last some time and make activities such as sitting quite painful, successfully making the Submissive think about what they did wrong

Loss of privileges: The loss of such items, such as electronics, clothing, food/water, furniture and even a name  will reinforce the behaviours that are expected of a Submissive, and those rules that they are expected to follow. The Submissive would be forced to re-evaluate their actions and both explain what they learnt from the loss of their privileges, as well as apologise Dominant in order to gain their privileges back. 

As a Switch, I believe firmly that learning to both receive and give punishments, as well as rewards will help to make me a better Dominant and Submissive, which will in turn benefit those I either dominate or submit to. Reward and Punishment is a vital piece of the D/S/s lifestyle, and without it, the respect demanded  and given would surely not exist.