You Are Enough Pt. 6
Astarion x Fem!tav
Astarion POV
Fluff. Soft squishy lovely fluff.
Warnings: none?
AN: I needed this. I hope you can also take comfort as well.
Enjoy 🤘🏼
Part 5
I thought at some point I would grow accustomed to you. That I would at the very least stop being surprised by the words that flowed from your mouth, or entranced by the way you carried yourself wherever you went. It’s been months since we’ve met, weeks since you told me…
It’s still hard to believe.
I had an inkling, after the third or fourth night I fed from you. You were sitting there in the grass, recovering from my indulgences as the clouds began to dissipate from the night sky. I was preparing to return to camp, not wanting to linger in the dark, until you broke the silence.
“The stars are out.”
Your voice was so soft that I wondered if you had even meant to speak to me. I turned my head to the sky and saw the twinkling constellations emerging from the clouds.
“I can see the Lady of Mystery,” I mused, mostly to myself. Through the many volumes of my collection, a particular favorite of mine was that of the constellations. I glanced at you to see if you too would understand my reference.
While your eyes held no familiarity, you looked at me with innocent curiosity. I felt myself smile before I realized what I was doing. I moved closer to you, sitting beside you in the grass and tilted your head in the right direction.
You didn’t flinch at my touch. Your skin felt so warm, so soft. I watched as your eyes widened and reflected the stars above.
“Do you see that bright star there? That’s her head, then her body—“
“Then her feet!” You said happily, “She’s beautiful.”
I chuckled and nodded.
“I always found it rather comforting. No matter how many years pass—no matter how many things change, the stars will always stay the same. One constant thing,” I murmured.
In that moment I feared I said too much. Shown weakness in front of you. But you just smiled as me, as warm and as bright as you always did, and said, “Will you show me more?”
I couldn’t say no, even if I had wanted to.
“Well, if you look to the right, beside her is the Harp, then over here is the Dragon of Dawn…”
I spent the rest of the night showing you the stars and rattling on about the stories that came with them. You listened intently, like a child. Totally enthralled with every word that dripped from my mouth.
In the past, I would have felt bitter at my performance. Another soul enraptured with my presence. Someone for me to use and take to him.
But this time it didn’t feel like I was performing. Part of the real me seemed to have slipped out— and you were— enjoying it. How odd. Either I had drained so much blood from you that I had damaged your brain function, or maybe you actually— enjoyed my company. As much as I enjoyed yours.
Even now, with your intentions and feelings for me so clear and out in the open, even now I still wonder if it’s real. I pray that it’s real.
At night, when the camp is fast asleep I can feel you tracing your hands along the scars on my back. At first I was repulsed by them, saw them only as a reminder of who gave them to me. I thought you would too, but then your soft touch changed them forever.
“You seem awfully fascinated by them,” I remember saying the second night you traced them with your finger.
“I am,” you said softly in the darkness.
“Why?” I asked, my eyes looking in the dark. I wanted to face you, but the feel of your fingers on my back was amazing. You touched me as if I was a fragile thing, as if you were afraid your fingers would be my shattering.
“Because, they’re a part of you,” you murmured, “and I love every part of you.”
You said it as if you meant it. Without hesitation, without thought. As if loving me—loving all of me was as easy as breathing. It made me shiver.
“You’d be the first,” I whispered.
At that your fingers stopped tracing for a moment. I was worried I had made you uncomfortable until your arms wrapped around me and I felt your lips on my back. You pressed gentle kisses on my scars, keeping me tight in your embrace.
I had never felt so…warm.
And then just tonight…
A soft rain was falling in these shadowlands. It was strange for such a storm in this land, but the water was pure and a rare occurrence according to Jaheria. Halsin attributed it to our good deeds, more accurately— your good deeds.
I caught you just outside of the inn, near Damon’s smithing table in the barn. You were dancing in the rain with a few Tiefling children. You were drenched, and your skin was prickled up in the cool air. You were laughing.
You were radiant. For a moment I thought the sun had risen against the shadows. Everything I ever wanted seemed so close— just within reach.
I stayed a while and watched. The children eventually ran back inside, but you stayed out in the rain, lifting your head up to the sky.
Gods, she’s beautiful. And absolutely ridiculous.
I found myself stepping out into the rain, wanting nothing but to be closer to you. You must have noticed me coming, because you turned to me, your face lit up with a beautiful smile. You extended your hand to me.
“Dance with me?” You asked.
I took your hand and pulled you close, placing my hands on your waist.
“I’m afraid you’ll catch your death out here, darling,” I said, starting to move with her to her imaginary music. She smiled as we slowly moved together, carving our own path against the rain.
“It’s worth it,” you laughed as I twirled you.
She is beautiful. She is everything.
Rain clung to your hair and it kissed your face as it ran down your cheeks. I was caught up in the awe of you. The resplendent beauty of your eyes looking at me as if I was the only one in the world.
I would burn the world down for her.
I must have been lost in thought because we stopped moving. You looked at me curiously. A hand drifted to your chin and tilted your face up to mine.
“You are absolutely breathtaking,” I said softly.
And then you smiled at me like you always do. As if I was someone you have been waiting your life for. As if I was the light in the universe. It made me feel like I was invincible. It made me believe that I was someone worth loving.
I love her. More than anything. I would die for her.
Those thoughts settled deep into my soul. I couldn’t form my lips to say them. It felt impossible… I hated myself in that moment for my weakness. For all of the missed opportunities I kept creating.
“Hey,” you said softly as you cupped my cheek, bringing my attention back to the moment.
It was as if you sensed my self doubt. As if you knew me better than I knew myself. How strange a feeling.
“Come back to me,” you said gently, “focus on this. On us.”
You laid your head on my chest, and wrapped your arms around my neck. My hands returned to your waist and we just slowly turned and shuffled around in your rain soaked clothes. The scent of you was intoxicating, and I let myself drift off in the high of the moment.
One day I’ll be able to tell her— but for now, I suppose i will show her how much she means to me.