A/N: Hi! This is my first attempt at a small reader x Loki scene. My first attempt at FanFiction in general, really. But I hope you enjoy!
Warning: None
Material: Fluff, maybe bit of angst, just as promoted- a casual encounter. Fem!reader. (I don’t know all of the terminology yet so forgive me!)
💫
The air was heavy and humid in the training room at the Avengers Compound. You just finished an hour long training session with Natasha and sweat was dripping down the sides of your face as your chest rose and fell quickly. You were laying on the training pad, your eyes scanning through the wooden beams as you caught your breath.
“Did I finally kill you?” Natasha’s amused voice came from behind you.
You laughed dryly and finally brought yourself up to your elbows to face her. Natasha had a white towel wrapped around her neck and one in her hand that was outstretched to you. A sly grin was on her face, her appearance noticeably less disheveled than yours. You took it graciously and couldn’t help but smirk back at her.
“Kill, no. Horribly humiliate, most definitely.”
Natasha gave a small laugh and put her hand on her hip. “Don’t take it personally, kid. I will say, you’re the only one here who continues to take me up on the offer of training. I keep asking Barnes, but…” she smirked again.
You sat up, sitting crossed legged now, and wiped your face with the towel as you laughed.
“Well, I’m trying to improve by training with the best. Whereas Bucky is clearly intimidated by you.”
Natasha arched her eyebrows in suspicion. “I don’t intimidate you?” She mused.
You laughed. “You intimidate everyone, Nat. Im just saying, I think Barnes is intimidated in… another way.”
Natasha threw her towel at you and scoffed. “Are you still on this? I told you… nothing happened with me and Barnes..”
You jump to your feet, your legs aching from the session. You gently nudged Natasha with your elbow and wiggle your eyebrows. “Not yet.”
Natasha went to throw a deadly right hook aimed at your exposed shoulder, but your training had become instinct by this point, and you quickly blocked her blow with your arm. Natasha narrowed her eyes, the spark of a challenge glistening in her eyes. “Apparently, I haven’t trained you enough, (Y/L/N).”
A grin spread across your face and you leaned into the stance. “Bring it.”
Natasha pushed off of you into a flip, taking a defense stance, her eyes dark with intent. Your body slid into a fighting stance and you felt your fingers twitching. The humidity was annoying, but oh so useful in fighting. You swing your arms in an arch, your fingers gathering the water as it sticks to your skin in easy command. You make a large, thin ribbon of water to circulate around you. Your showing off, you know, but you don’t care.
Natasha tilted her head, almost catlike as she waited for you to make the first move. It’s a challenge. She knew you have never been successful taking her head on. Even with your abilities, her fighting is far more superior to yours. Screw it.
You charged toward her, your pulse banging in your head as you run. Natasha’s stance remained solid as her eyes searched your body, waiting for an indication for your next move. Your go to move, would have been to throw your water at her, to try and tie her up. But she was to quick for that. And she was expecting that. Instead, you decide to drop your body down at the last second before impact. You slid under her legs and used the water to propel yourself upwards. This caught her by surprise, much to your own surprise, and you twisted your legs around her hips and used all of your strength to bring the Black Widow down.
Pinned underneath you, Natasha looks to you in surprise. You smiled victoriously. Stray hair dangled down from your ponytail as you wiggled your eyebrows at her. Natasha just rolled her eyes as you heard the sound of hands clapping. You look up, surprised to see Thor and Loki standing in the doorway of the training room.
You felt your breath catch in your throat as your eyes mindlessly roamed the God of Mischief. He was wearing causal human clothes, very unusual for him. He wore a black tank top and black basketball shorts. His black hair was tied back into a messy bun and you felt your stomach drop.
“NICE ONE (Y/L/N)!!!” Thor bellowed, his hands cupped around his mouth. Loki stood beside his brother, a sly smirk on his face as his hands were crossed in front of him. You felt your face flush, just as Natasha whipped her legs around your waist and flipped you hard onto the floor. You felt the air leave your lungs as your back hit the hard wood.
“Now whose distracted?” Natasha hissed, a smug grin on her face.
“Touché Nat.” You grumbled.
Natasha laughed as she jumped off of you with uncanny agility and held out her hand to help you up. “Good move though,” she replied as you allowed her to haul you up. She turned to the Asgaurdians and grinned.
“You boys up for a spar?” Natasha said without even blinking.
Thor bellowed out in laughter. “Only a mad man would challenge you to a fight Romanoff. Luckily, I’m feeling peckish today, so I accept!”
Natasha winked at you and sashayed away to the far side and of the room. You attempt to gather your things but you sense his presence too soon to do so.
“It seems we’ve both lost our sparring partners,” his cool voice chilled down your back. You turn towards him slowly and force your eyes to stay in his face. You wouldn’t allow yourself to look at the shape of his biceps or the hook of his collarbone.
“(Y/N)?” Loki asked, a hint of amusement in his voice. He was the only one who called you by your first name on the compound. Never one for rules. It sounded like honey from his mouth. “Hmm?” You ask drowsily.
He flashes his wicked grin. “I asked, if you’d perhaps care to spar with me?” Normally, you would never have turned down a chance to spar with any avenger, and you had the previous injuries to prove it, but somehow the thought of fighting Loki, being inches away from him, feeling the touch of his skin on yours… being under him. You suddenly realized how… exposed you were. You were wearing athletic tights that hugged the curves of your hips and a black sports bra, exposing your midsection that was covered in sweat.
“Can’t,” you choke out finally. He flicked his eyebrows up at you in suspicions “I have to… go on a mission with Wanda… and Bruce.” It was a horrible lie, you knew it the moment it left your mouth. Loki’s inclined his head slightly, his eyes searching your expression for a moment. The air felt like electricity and you bit the inside of your cheek.
Finally, he shrugged nonchalantly. His eyes never left yours. They were intense. You wanted to drown in them. “Another time then,” he grinned mischievously.
“Yeah, sure!” You yell as you bolt out of the door, leaving the God of Mischief staring after you.
A/N: I had an idea for a scene where the reader is hidden on Asgard while the Avengers fight a threat for her back on Earth. Loki is stuck being the host, but he really doesn’t mind. She doesn’t feel like she fits into Loki’s world, but Loki has a different opinion.
Enjoy 🤘🏼
It had been a miracle that you managed to slip away from the celebration. While the Asgardians certainly knew how to throw a party, your social battery had been drained from the past few weeks.
You had agreed, when the team suggested you lay low for the time being. Earth was too chaotic, too unsafe for you right now. The largest target was on your back, and the only way to keep the people you cared about safe from harm was to leave.
Carol had many planets she offered to take you to. One where it was summer all year long, and the beaches were the most beautiful in the galaxy. You had declined. When Quill offered to pick you up for a time to travel with the guardians, you declined. But when Thor offered to take you to Asgard and have Loki stay to keep you company…
You shook your head at the memory. How stupid it seemed now.
You had slipped out of the ballroom, taking great care to not be followed. It was difficult adjusting to the Asgardian fashion. Frigga had sent up many fine dresses of various fabric and color. Tonight you selected an elegant royal blue dress that exposed most of your back and shoulders. You had a long silk shaw to match, and the ends of it billowed behind you as you hurried down the hallway towards your room.
You could still hear the music and laughter pouring from the ballroom as you shut the door right behind you. Immediately your body relaxed. You kicked off your shoes and meandered your way to the vanity table. You began to undo your earrings when you heard the door click open.
“Turning in early I see,” Loki said, shutting the door as he entered. You watched him from the mirror, and were struck by the beauty of him in his green and gold clothes. “I do believe the party was just getting started.”
“Leave me be,” you muttered. Loki rolled his eyes and made his way toward your bed. He sat on the corner closest to you.
“What kind of host would I be if I left you unattended during a party?” He kept his voice playful, but there was concern ridden in his blue eyes. It had been a strange few weeks. The two of you agreed it would be best to keep this relationship, or whatever it was that had grown between the two of you on Earth, under wraps while in Asgard. Loki had his reasons, all in good nature, he had promised, but still he was tight lipped about it all. You wondered what kind of customs Asgardians practiced when it came to intimacy, and you were too embarrassed to ask.
You sighed as you removed the rings and bracelets from your hands. They had been gifts from him, far too beautiful for the occasion. Your hands began to move towards your neck to unhook the maze of necklaces, but Loki was up in a flash.
“Allow me,” he said. He pushed your hair aside to one shoulder in a delicate motion. His hands were cool on the back of your neck, and you had to stop yourself from shivering. Carefully, began to unclasp each necklace and place them on the vanity.
“Tell me what troubles you, my love,” Loki said. He looked at you through the mirror's reflection. You stared at each other for a moment as Loki undid the last necklace. His fingers seemed to linger a bit on your shoulder, giving you the smallest of caresses.
The touch heated your blood and you stood from the vanity, turning to face him. His eyes searched yours, all amusement gone from his expression. Moonlight pooled in from your window, casting a beautiful pale light across Loki’s features. He was so ethereally beautiful that it hurt to look at him sometimes. You longed to touch him. To be able to openly touch him and love him as unabashedly as you had on Earth.
“I would prefer not talk about it tonight. Please, leave.” You whispered. You hated turning him away, but your heart and mind were too muddled and weary to feel anything else.
Hurt flashed across his face for a moment, but he quickly composed himself and simply shrugged. “As you wish.”
He strode a few steps forward, leaving you where you stood. You turned away, waiting for the door to slam shut after him but it never came.
“Have I done something to offend you?” He asked, facing the door. He slowly turned around as you looked at him. “If I have done anything, y/n, please let me correct it. You know I hate it when you're angry with me, darling. Please, tell me what I've done.”
His words rattled your resolve. You bit your lip to keep it from trembling. Your emotions from the past few weeks began to overflow, and it took all your strength to keep the tears at bay.
“It’s not you, Loki. It’s me,” you said, your voice cracked on the last word. Loki’s gaze softened immediately, any facade of anger or amusement gone. He stepped forward, placing his hands on your elbows.
“Y/n-“
You stepped back from his grip and began to pace the length of your room.
“I don’t belong here, Loki. This whole thing was a mistake.”
“What?” Loki ask incredulously. “Who the hell told you that nonsense? I shall have their tongues removed-”
“No one- I told myself that. Because it’s true. I don’t fit in here.” Tears brimmed the edge of your eyes. You silently cursed yourself for being so emotional. Why should it matter if you didn’t fit in here? Why did you care so much? It wasn't as if this was a permanent situation. You would be leaving just as soon as things settled down on Earth. Why did the idea of leaving hurt just as bad? They were answers you hadn’t been able to find in the time you had been on Asgard.
You expected Loki to laugh. It sounded ridiculous enough in your head and saying it out loud didn’t give the words anymore validity. But still, your heart twinged at the thought. But he didn’t. Instead he just stood there, looking thoughtfully at you, as if he understood.
“You are unhappy here…”
You winced at the sadness that lingered in his sultry voice. You stopped pacing and took refuge by sitting on the edge of your bed.
“It’s not that I haven’t enjoyed my time here. Truly, your home is beautiful- it’s magnificent. Everyone here has been nothing short of generous, especially your mother, but I just-“
You took a ragged breath. “I’m just a human. A human that made a very big mistake to have to be hidden away. I’m a mess. I don’t fit in here- amongst gods in their golden palace. I’m not like you Loki.”
“I believe you and I are more alike than you’d care to admit. And you are so much more than just a human.” You blinked at him, shocked by his response. He didn’t seem angry, or even the slightest bit annoyed by your explanation. Instead, a hint of playfulness danced in his eyes. He moved closer to you extending out his hand.
“May I show you something?” He asked. You opened your mouth to object but he just clicked his tongue, cutting you off. “If you still wish to leave afterwards I will have Heimdall take you anywhere you’d wish to go. Just- humor me for a moment. Please?”
You gave him an uncertain look, but the small grin on his face made your heart lurch in your chest. You placed your hand in his and followed him as he led you out of your room.
“Loki- my shoes…” you began as your bare feet hit the cool marble walkway outside of your room.
“Don’t worry, darling, you won’t need them. Come, quickly before someone sees us.”
The two of you ran through the palace. Loki kept the two of you close to the dark passage ways, making sure to stay clear from any other person that lingered the halls. Music from the ballroom could still be heard across the palace. It’s fast tempo gave the ground beneath your feet a heartbeat.
Loki held you close, never letting go of your hand as the two of you ducked into a single spiraled stairwell. Unexpectedly, he swept you off your feet and began to carry you as he ran up the stairs. You let out a swell of laughter as the two of you ascended, wrapping your arms around his neck for support. You fought the urge to kiss him, biting your bottom lip as you held him.
Once you made it to the top, Loki gently put you down and took your hand again. He walked with you this time, following the corridor until the entrance arched into a beautiful awning. Your eyes widened at the sight of Asgard in the starlight. The city seemed to dance underneath the moonlight, and the glow from the Bifrost glimmered in the distance.
You leaned on the stone edge balcony, letting the ends of your shawl blow loosely in the wind. Loki stepped closer beside you, the left side of your body felt warmed by his presence.
“It’s beautiful,” you murmured.
“As are you,” Loki said. You felt your cheeks burn as the compliment. “Do you know why I offered to bring you here?”
The question stunned you. The whole time you had assumed your placement here had been Thor’s idea. Loki took your silence as an answer and continued.
“I wanted you to come here because I could not think of any other place you deserved to be.”
Loki looked out onto the expanse of Asgard. His eyes grew soft at the sight of his home. “When I found out the truth of my past, I felt exactly as you feel now. Unworthy. And then when I continued to make mistake, after mistake-“
Loki’s voice broke. You placed your hand on top of his and held on tightly. He gave you a small smile and ran his thumb over your fingers. It was the most contact you two had since your arrival. Loki had been called away on official duties, standing in for Thor in his absence by attending meetings with Odin. But even this simple touch seemed to sustain the both of you.
“Asgard is a difficult place to call home. Especially for those of us that were not born from its glory. I have fought bitterly for my place here. I have hurt many who loved me for the sake of it, and have worked tirelessly to amend these wrongs and yet it often does not feel enough.”
Loki turned to you, taking both of your hands in his.
“I do not deserve it, but I am a son of Odin. I am a prince of Asgard, despite it all. And you,” his fingers tipped your chin up gently, moving your face closer to his. “From the moment I met you, I knew you belonged here. Even on Earth, in those quiet moments we shared together, your mind- your soul, you always reminded me of home.”
Tears were falling down your face now. Your body hitched with a small laugh as Loki wiped a tear away.
“I hoped you would fall in love with Asgard. Hoped that I could share with you one of the few parts of my life that I am actually proud of. I never wanted it to make you feel less than you are. And to me y/n, you are everything.”
Loki pulled his hands away for a moment. He held them out before you as magic illuminated around his palms. A thin silver crown made of silver vines appeared before Loki. Flecks of gold spilled around the silver, making the crown glimmer in his hands.
Loki looked at you, his gaze as steady and as sure as you’ve ever seen him. Before you stood a god, one that looked as if he would burn the world down for you, and you alone.
"There is beauty in the starlight of every corner of the galaxy, but I have found the one who for me, holds the stars."
"Loki?" you asked breathlessly.
Loki gave a small smile. "I was going to ask you tonight, before all of Asgard, if you would marry me. But as always, you made me change my plans when you left the ball early. "
"Marry you?" you whispered. Loki nodded, his pale blue eyes lit up his face.
“That’s why I was away these last few days. I spoke with my father, my mother, even Thor before we left, to ensure that if you were to accept- you would have your rightful place here with me, as a Princess of Asgard.”
“And-if Asgard does not make you happy my dear, then we can live on Earth. We could live anywhere- wherever you want. As long as I have you, I know I will be home.”
Words seemed to fail you. Tears continued to fall down your face as Loki looked at you with unbearable gentleness. “You would have me then?” You asked. “Despite everything..?”
Loki gave you a heartbreaking smile. He placed his hand on the side of your face and stroked your cheek. “Y/n, love,” he murmured. “I wish you could see yourself as I do. But I will spend the rest of our lives showing you how much you mean to me. I will be there, no matter what else comes your way. I will fight for you, and all you hold dear for the rest of my days."
You smiled as tears ran down your face. The wind blew tendrils of your hair around. You put your hands on Loki’s face, pulling him closer until the tips of your foreheads touched.
“Yes,” you whispered. "Yes, I will marry you."
Loki gave a soft, almost relieved, laugh. He used his free arm and wrapped it around your waist as he brought your body closer to his, until there was mere inches between you. His hand splayed out on the bare back of your dress as he brought you in for a kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck and let him deepen the kiss, wanting to be consumed by him in every way. He broke apart, making sure to pepper your tear stained cheeks with light kisses.
He brought up the other hand that held the crown. You rolled his eyes at him as he spun it around his finger.
“A ring would have sufficed,” you teased.
“Not for you, my dear,” he murmured as he gently placed the crown on top of your head. “Nothing in the cosmos could suffice.”
The crown was light on your head. Loki took a step back to get a good look at you and his eyes seemed to darken as he took you in. You felt your face flush as you reached out for him to come back to you. He smiled as he spun you around, causing your dress to twirl in the moonlight. He kissed you again, holding you tightly against the backdrop of the Asgardian moon.
“Does this mean we have to return to the party?” You asked teasingly against his mouth.
“It is technically our engagement party. It would be rude to keep them waiting all night. I believe my mother had a cake made for us.”
He kissed the length of your neck, taking great care to give every exposed part of your skin attention. You smiled and tipped your head back, happiness radiating from every pore in your body.
“Can we wait- a few more minutes?” You asked breathlessly. Your hands traveled up the back of his neck, entangling into his hair as he kissed your collarbones.
“Darling,” he growled into your skin, “if you keep touching me like that, we may never make it back to that party.”
You laughed, letting yourself forget all of the doubt you had held in your heart. Playfulness danced in your eyes as you tipped Loki's face up to yours.
"No rush, or anything dear," you murmured. "But I did leave my shoes in my room."
Loki chuckled, giving you a wicked grin. With that he lifted you into his arms. "Let us make haste then to the bedroom- to retrieve my dear lady love's shoes, of course."
For those who liked this fic, I started writing for glimmer fics! My first post was a remix of this story! So if you have your own OC or insert that you want to interact with on this story please check out this link!
Hidden on Asgard while a threat draws the Avengers away from Earth, you find yourself surrounded by beauty yet struggling with belonging. Lo
Zuko has his first real encounter with Vaylani in her wolf form. His explosive energy and doubts collide with a beast of mythical proportions.
Chapter 4: Uneasy Alliances
As I break through the trees, I see my uncle standing in front of the massive brown wolf with his arms wide. Is he seriously protecting it? Has he lost his mind?
“Uncle! Get away from it!” I hiss, charging at the beast with an attack.
Just before I release a barrage of fire on it, Uncle blocks me with a counter attack causing a shot of fire to knock up into the tree above us, setting it ablaze. I look at him with a furious glare, trying to keep equal attention on the fully awake wolf behind him.
“Are you insane?!” I yell at him, stepping back from him.
I have no intention of fighting my uncle, no matter how senile he is being.
“This creature will not harm you! Stand down, Zuko. Now!”
I’m shocked by his tone and it reminds me of his military experience. He hardly uses that tone with me, so for him to feel so inclined to do so now makes me pause. I study the wolf behind him and notice that it is only waiting, patiently. Is this odd behavior for a wolf? We have none in the fire nation and even in my travels the past three years, I have never encountered a wolf of this size. I was caught off guard by the bright blue of its eyes watching me. The color makes it seem almost intelligent in their depth.
I lower my fighting stance just as the wolf begins to snarl. Between my uncle shouting at the wolf to stand down and the deafening roar of the beast, I lose my sense as I send a powerful hit towards the wolf as it lunges. I feel a dark shadow pass over me and then I hear the collision.
I feel a hand on my collar as I’m pulled away from the altercation, as I am dragged away I see the wolf with its teeth bared battling a large boar-q-pine. I watch wide eyed as the wolf snarls and snaps at the quilled beast. It's a clumsy fight at first, as if the wolf is unsure of its own strength as it pushes its own body up against the boar, watching tentatively as the boar squeals and snaps at the wolf.
Then the boar takes a bite at the wolf’s leg, causing it to howl out in pain. Instincts seem to kick in as the wolf opens its large mouth and bites down hard on the boar’s neck. Its squeal pierces through the forest and makes me cover my ears from the frequency.
“Hold your ground! Firm up your stance!” my Uncle yells at the beast.
I want to yell at him for being so stupid as to think the creature can understand him, but I am stunned to see that it actually seems to listen. Its back paws dig into the ground, solidifying its stance to gain leverage. Then, with its teeth still buried in the boar, the wolf begins to walk its opponent backwards, pushing it away from the campsite. The boar squeals and whines as the wolf pushes it back, then with an impressive show of strength, the wolf picks up the boar and flings it into the woods. The boar slams into a tree and it splinters in half. The wolf roars a loud call of triumph and the boar shakes itself off and limps away as fast as it can.
“Woah,” I say under my breath.
The wolf turns to look at me, its blue eyes bright with victory. It takes a step towards me and with a shudder of its body, yelps as it falls on its face. My uncle runs up to it without a second thought and drops down beside it.
“There there, Zuko, bring me a warm rag.”
Shakily, I get up and take a few steps toward the wolf. It's covered in quills and blood is dripping from its fur onto the ground. I pull a rag from the campfire pot and wring it out. As I hand it to my uncle, I wince as I spot a blistering burn on the wolf’s front paw. The spot where I burnt it.
“Why did it save us?” I ask as I kneel next to my uncle.
He is setting to work removing the quills. I half expect the wolf to snap at my uncle, but instead it just whines softly and closes its eyes.
“Apply this to her paw,” my uncle says as he hands me the rag.
I am hesitant to move closer to the creature, especially when it opens its eyes. I inch closer to it, holding out my hands peacefully. It huffs out a breath, almost in a fit of amusement but it doesn’t react as I place the rag on its paw.
“Good. Good. You did a brave thing today. You saved my nephew’s life, and mine as well.”
My uncle strokes the wolf’s fur now that it is free of quills.
“This is an intelligent creature from the north,” he tells me, “An ancient creature that has found its path with ours. It is said that during times of great strife that the spirits would send animal guides to those in need.”
I have never heard of such a story. I look at my uncle skeptically but bring my attention back to the wolf. It watches silently, its large chest rising and falling as its breathing slows into relaxation. Could this be true? What other explanation would there be for a creature to act like this?
“A guide?”
My uncle nods as he rises to his feet.
“We would be unwise to send her away during this uncertain time.”
“I don’t understand,” I say as I back away from the wolf, “Why would the spirits send us a guide? Especially one from the North? It’s not like we're exactly allies to the water tribes.”
“The world works in wondrous ways, Prince Zuko. I find it best to not question the gifts that are sent our way.”
Perhaps the universe is kind enough to bestow gifts upon other wayward souls, but it’s never granted me that kindness before. Why start now? All this world has done is take from me. Why should I believe that this is anything other than another trial for me to overcome?
But how do I convince my uncle that this beast is an omen and not a blessing? If he truly believes that this thing is some spirit sent guide, then I have little chance in persuading him otherwise.
I’ll just have to keep an eye out and make sure he doesn’t get himself killed.
The wolf begins to slowly stand up, taking care to not put pressure on its burnt paw. I’m surprised to see that the burn already seems to be scabbed over, and now it is just pinkish on the pawpads. Blood was dried on its fur as well, leaving little sign of the battle before.
“So what, we’re keeping this… thing as our pet?”
Suddenly the wolf snarls at me, causing me to jump back with a shout. My uncle bursts out in laughter. Blood rushes to my face as anger boils in my belly.
“I don’t think she likes that idea. I think it would be better to consider her a companion. An equal in our travels. She is free to come and go as she pleases.”
After a moment of contemplation, the wolf barks once at my uncle’s words. It passes me and slaps me with its tail as it passes by.
“You little-” I say as I swat at its tail.
“I think we should give our companion a name,” my uncle says happily.
I want to tell him not to get too attached to the thing, but I don’t see the point.
“Just call the thing a mutt and be done with it,” I mutter.
I keep my eyes on the wolf to see if it will react to my comment with an act of violence, but instead I see the wolf eyeing my uncle, not out of anger. I can’t quite place the emotion. Worry? Fear? It whines, focusing only on my uncle.
My uncle rubs his beard and nods.
“Hmm, yes. A good name is what you need. Ah! I know!” He says as he snaps his fingers.
“Lilah.”
“Lilah?” I ask.
It’s an older fire nation name, one that was more common for my grandparents. The name means “dark haired beauty”. I roll my eyes and cross my arms.
“Putting it on a bit thick,” I mutter.
“What do you think?” My uncle asks the creature.
The wolf’s shoulders relax and it lowers its head and barks.
“Lilah it is then!” Uncle seems thrilled by the development and I feel like the world is going insane.
The beast and I make eye contact again, and I can’t help but glare at this massive new problem that’s marched its way into my life.
I should have let you drown.
I can swear the wolf is glaring back at me. Probably wishing it had eaten me on the boat. And if it wanted to, it should have, because now I will never let my guard down around it. Never.
We settle in for camp as the sun starts to set. The beast curls next to the trunk of a tree closest to my uncle. It devours most of the fish that I was able to catch earlier this afternoon, which were puny and unsatisfying to my dissatisfaction. Uncle tries to convince me that the wolf needs her strength after her “brave” and “glorious” battle, but all I can do is glare at the thing as it spits out fish bones.
My eyelids droop from exhaustion, but I force myself to stay awake. Uncle is already snoring on his cot, and the fire is dimming against the night sky. The wolf’s blue eyes are looking at me through the darkness, blinking out of existence every few seconds.
“We don’t need you, you know,” I say in a low voice as to not wake my uncle.
The wolf doesn’t move, but its eyes are alert now.
“Whatever you are — spirit, beast, mistake — you don’t belong here. He thinks you’re some part of my destiny, some guide to lead me on a better path. I only have one path, and I failed. What help could you possibly offer me?”
I take a shaky breath.
“You should go back to the North. Before you hurt someone. Before you remind us of everything that’s already been taken.”
I flinch as the wolf rises from its spot. Its unblinking eyes watch me for a few moments before turning and walking away into the night.
*****
I tread the riverbank for miles, my paws sinking into the soft mud as I come upon an alcove. It's quiet and secluded and far enough away from that fire nation jerk that the scent of him is only a faint mist. I walk up to the waterside and stare at my reflection in the water. I pull back my lips and study my sharp canines. It’s hard to believe that these teeth tore into the flesh of another creature. The taste of the boar’s blood still lingers on my tongue. The metallic, gamey flavor awoke something in me that scares me.
Change back.
The wolf still stares back at me. Beast. Mistake.
Change back!
Tears fall into the water, rippling the reflection. I dig my claws into the soft mud beneath me, willing them to become fingers. I don’t belong here.
CHANGE BACK! CHANGE BACK!
I’m trembling. I look up to the moon, already the fullness is starting to wane.
Please…
I let out a scream, but all that escapes my lips is a soul crushing howl that echoes into the night.
Pain, moonlight, and memory collide as Vaylani transforms for the first time, placing her at the mercy of Prince Zuko and the unexpected kindness of his uncle.
Chapter 2
The ice water is piercing as it hits my skin. I’m pulled into an unexpected current and am whisked away into the dark underbelly of the frozen tundra. For a moment I think I am lucky enough to fall into a peaceful oblivion and drown in the icy waters away from the pain and suffering that the world above holds for me. To disappear into the darkness. This is my destiny.
Then my spine snaps.
This pain was unlike any I have faced before.
I feel each vertebrae crack and shift with a sickening force. I scream under the water, feeling the cool icy burn enter my lungs as my body continues to break. I can hear my skin rip and tear away as the bones in my face push forward and elongate. My head feels as if it’s going to pop as I’m pushed deeper and deeper by the current.
Images cut through the cold darkness.
A frozen expanse of land being devoured by a snow storm. The moon turning red, then black, then back to white. I’m walking barefoot on the ice, naked with my long hair over my shoulders.
Then I see her. Yue. White hair flowing like ethereal waves. I’m running to her, tears streaming down my face. She embraces me. She is beautiful. There is an eerie calmness to her, one that reminds me of death paintings at a wake.
Is she dead? Or am I dead?
“No,” her voice echoes with reverence. “You are not dead.” My face drops at her own omission. I open my mouth to speak but no words come.
“Do not mourn me, sister; this is the path I was destined to follow.” She places a cool hand on my cheek and wipes away my tears.
“Your destiny is just beginning,” she echoes. A wolf howls in the distance and my skin prickles at the sound. Yue smiles.
“You have a long journey ahead, Vaylani, but know that the spirits will be with you. I will be with you, and your father…” she smiles, “Well, you’ll learn soon enough.”
I can feel the current tugging at me yet again, but I grip onto Yue’s arms. I’m not ready to leave her. I’m not ready to leave my family.
“Yes, you are,” she says with god-like authority. “Remember that the blood of the moon is in you, Vaylani. You are a daughter of the tribes, no matter how far you venture into this world. You will face many challenges ahead but your life will shape this world for years to come. Know that you are kind, and that you are worthy and you are a warrior. Now go, sweet sister,” she whispers before letting go. “You have a boat to catch.”
I’m whisked back into that icy current and swallowed by darkness.
Suddenly it feels like someone is hoisting me up by the collar of my shirt. My feet are heavy and clumsy as I’m placed on a wooden floor. My heart is still pounding in my chest and my eyes are heavy and hard to open. I manage to squint them open just a touch.
The world is blurry as I blink water out of my eyes. The scene clears just enough for me to make out the outline of a round bearded man.
“Thank— you,” I choke out, but the sound that comes out is rough and deep. I want to raise my head to see the man more clearly, but I am so tired…
“By the spirits,” I hear the man speak. My ears perk at the voice. Where have I heard him before? I’m too tired for anything to register, so I slump down, curling into a ball. I must be freezing, because I am overcome by the sensation of warm fur all over my body. The kind man must have given me a blanket.
“Rest now, gentle spirit,” the familiar voice says quietly, as if not to disturb me, “This canoe has enough room for one more lost soul tonight. Like I told my nephew, a body needs its rest,”
I fall asleep to the gentle rocking of the boat, not knowing what all has changed. For tonight, the pain has ceased and I am caressed by the light of the moon.
I’m awoken to the sound of shouting.
“Uncle! Get away from it!”
My eyes snap open and I am taken aback by the morning sun. I’m still in the boat, but splashes of cold water hit my face as it rocks. When I look up, I almost flip the canoe over. Standing before me is the Fire Nation prince who only hours ago had kidnapped Aang. And he looks terrified.
“Zuko, stop! You’ll scare it!”
I recognize the voice as Iroh. He steps in front of me with his arms out toward Zuko. Zuko shoves him on the floor and pulls out a sword toward me.
There is a deep rumbling in my chest. I think it must only be in my head, but then I see Zuko’s eyes widen in fear as he looks at me.
“What the hell is that thing?” he chokes out.
What are you talking about? I go to ask, but a snarl rips through my lips. My lips.
I’m suddenly aware that I am standing on my hands and feet, but when I look down at my hands, I am met with massive brown paws.
I back up until my butt hits the side of the boat and I turn my body and see a tail pinned between the boat and the body of a wolf. I scramble to the side and stick my head over the water. My same blue eyes are reflecting back at me, but instead of the face I have always expected to see in the water, stood a large dark brown wolf.
I try to scream, but all that comes out of my mouth is an ear-splitting howl. Something cracks over my head and I drop to the floor in a heap of fur.
When I come to, I'm tied up with ropes like a hogtied hogupine. There’s arguing behind me and I realize I am no longer on the canoe but in a wooded area. My senses are in overload as I lay on the dirt. I can’t help but sniff the air and be hit with a wave of various smells. Bugs crawling on the ground around me, birds hidden in the trees, even an odd musky scent that seems far in the distance.
Mostly there’s the soft earthiness of the greenery around me enveloping me like a blanket. The smell is comforting almost, as I realize I am finally far enough away from the cold and the ice where nothing grows.
My gut lurches. How far am I from the North Pole? What happened during the attacks? Are my friends alive and well? Yes. They must be, otherwise I would have seen them in the spirit world with Yue. Unless that was just a hallucination…?
I’m starting to spiral and my heart is racing inside of my chest like a drum.
Focus. Calm down. Breathe.
A few breaths help settle me a bit, and I try to get a better sense of what’s around me. Ahead of me lie a few packs holding bits and pieces of supplies. I cringe at the sight of a fire nation emblem on one of the articles of clothing lying on the side, but I force myself to keep looking. I pick up the scent of a camp fire and cooked fish, something fatty like salmon, about a few feet in the distance.
“We need to kill that beast before it wakes up!” Zuko yells in that direction.
“That creature showed us no malice—”
“It’s a giant wolf, Uncle! You’re lucky it didn’t murder you the second you pulled it onboard! What on earth were you thinking?”
There’s a pause.
“There was a look about the creature, its eyes were not like that of any beast I’ve ever seen. There is something different about that creature.”
“It was probably looking at you like any wild animal would if it found an easy meal.”
“No, Zuko,” Iroh said sternly. “There was intelligence behind those eyes. A soul. I do not think we should be too hasty, it could be a sign from the spirits.”
Hearing this, I’m shocked Iroh didn’t kill me or let me drown. Does he know what I am? Hope fills my chest. If he has some knowledge on—whatever this is—maybe he can help me change back.
“You’re an old fool! That thing is going to kill both of us the second we get close to it. You’re lucky I knocked it out before it destroyed the canoe. I’m going to the river to find some rocks to tie to that beast and then I’m going to drop that monster into the river!”
Zuko’s footsteps stomp off away from us. Iroh sighs and cautiously makes his way toward me. His face is kind and weathered. He reminds me of my late grandfather in his soft eyes. He approaches me and keeps his distance.
“If I untie you, can you promise not to attack me? I have some tea brewing that I would hate to miss out on.”
Out of caution of accidentally barking or snarling, I simply nod. Even at this, Iroh smiles and bends down to cut my bindings. I feel the slack, but rather than react immediately I take time to flex my paws. I hold one up to my face and curl my fingers, watching in wonder as sharp claws protrude from the fur. After retracting the claws, I roll over and stand on all fours.
First, I’m struck by the size of my body. As a human, I was fairly tall for a girl. I remember my mother feared that my height would be unpleasant for a noble boy back in the North. She would be horrified to see me now.
I towered over Iroh, his head was at my shoulders. He is watching me quietly with an awed glint in his eyes. “Amazing. Truly remarkable…”
How do I change back?
A bark rips through my mouth causing him to take a step back.
No, no, I’m sorry!
I take a step forward but I’m still clumsy and one of my paws narrowly misses crushing his leg. Iroh’s eyes widen and he stumbles back and falls on his rear. I recognize the same fear in him that his nephew held on the boat. I freeze immediately and my chest feels frozen.
I am a monster.
My legs give out from under me and I plop on the floor in a heap. Tears are streaming down my face and a soft whimpering escapes my snout. Why is this happening to me? Is this fate really better than death?
Suddenly I feel a gentle hand on my snout. Iroh is on his knees in front of me, petting me cautiously. “I apologize if I offended you. I imagine this is difficult for you, being in a strange place with strange people. If there is anything I can do to help you, I will.”
His words are soothing, and his gentle caresses do calm my heart momentarily. I feel like a child again, sniveling and whimpering until I finally take a shaky breath. As I exhale and settle, my body seems to retract. Iroh’s eyes widen as my snout pulls back from his hand.
“By the spirits…”
I look down and see my hands in the dirt. Hands. I turn them over shakily and squeeze them. Then I touch my face and feel skin, not fur. My hair is untied, wild, and down my bare chest. I look up at Iroh and reach out for him in desperation. He catches my shoulders and he holds me gently.
“Please, help me!” My voice rasps, “I don’t know what’s happening!”
Clearly, Iroh was not expecting to see a human girl in front of him. This was not something as simple as a wayward wolf spirit. There is recognition in his eyes as he looks at me.
“You are one of the Avatar’s friends, one of the water tribe girls he was travelling with.”
I nod erratically. “My name— is Vaylani. I was there in the spirit oasis when Zuko took Aang. The North—my family are they—“
A stab of familiar pain courses through my side. I gasp and double over. No, please not again! I push away from Iroh, crawling away from him on the floor as my body tenses again and convulses.
“Please— help me—“ I beg once more before I explode into a mass of fur. I’m back on all fours, my breath raged and heavy. I can’t help but let out a cry of frustration, and a low guttural howl escapes me.
“Oh, poor girl,” Iroh says, rising to his feet and approaching me calmly, “I promise you, Vaylani of the Water Tribe, that I will aid you in whatever way I can. I will help you get back to your family.”
He says it with such brazen sincerity that I am taken aback. Before I have time to really consider his offer, I hear Zuko running through the woods, nearing the camp. I snarl lowly but Iroh holds out his hand.
“I will handle him,” Iroh whispers as he turns his back on me, “Follow my lead.”
The battle for the North tears open a secret Vaylani has carried her whole life. Pain becomes power, salvation becomes danger, and one plunge into the water puts her in the hands of the last boy she ever expected.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2: Tales of Old
The community hall buzzes with alarm and concern as soot covered villagers pile into the large chamber. I sit in the elevated section of the chamber, next to Maroq and Yue behind their father as he addresses his people. I see my Aang first, his orange and yellow clothes standing out in a sea of blue and purple. Next to him sits Katara and Sokka, their faces stricken with anxiety and determination. I know the memories that are terrorizing their minds right now. A berate of soot, shattered ice walls, the screams of men, women, and children, the smell of char…
Katara makes eye contact with me, finding me up next to my betrothed, her eyes sit on me with a hard stare. My throat tightens, but I force myself to look away.
“Don’t be scared,” a low voice says beside me. I look up at Maroq for the first time, almost flinching at how close he is. He smells of cold metal and seal oil. His brown eyes are looking at mine, his face stern and oddly blank. “The fire nation won’t be able to break past our gates.”
I want to laugh at his self-assured tone. What does he know of war? I take a deep breath and fake a small smile. Perhaps it was for my benefit alone, a way to calm his bride whom he thought to be a fragile thing. Maybe I am.
No. I hear the echo of my father’s voice ring out in my mind. A distant memory of sitting with him at the edge of the southern tribe ripples across my consciousness like water. He is carving a piece of whalebone with his blade as I sit close to him to absorb his warmth.
We are a strong people, Vaylani. Before the time of the Avatar, our people ran alongside the great wolf spirits to protect the poles from humans and spirits alike. We carry those spirits within us still.
His voice fades in a whiff of smoke and I’m brought back to my senses. I straighten my back, feeling the echo of warmth on my side.
“Of course,” I say softly to Maroq, bowing my head a bit.
The first rumble of the ground from the initial wave of attacks almost sends me spiraling. I’m bombarded by memories from my childhood—blackened snow, men screaming, women and children sobbing. But that attack happened in a blink. They were here one moment, gone the next. Not this time.
Yue’s grip on my wrist pulls me out of my memories as she guides me out of the gathering hall.
“Where are we going?” I ask in a small voice.
“To help Aang and Katara,” Yue replies.
I walk faster now, my mind clearing with newfound purpose. The noise of the revival fades, and Yue slips her hand into mine as we step out into the setting sun.
We meet them on one of the back bridges connected to the palace. Aang is in a panic as Sokka talks with Yue, but my attention settles on Katara standing beside him. My first instinct is to hug her—she’s haunted by the same memories I am—but I hold myself back. She isn’t unraveling. She’s standing tall, confident, determined. Like a warrior. More than I’ll ever be.
“I need somewhere to meditate,” Aang says. “Maybe I can ask the spirits for help or guidance to end this battle.”
“I know where you need to go. Follow me,” Yue says.
I follow behind, feeling as useful as a leaf in the wind. As we head deeper into the outskirts of the village, an odd sense of familiarity washes over me. When Yue leads us through a small circular door, I’m almost dazed by the scene.
“This is our spirit oasis,” Yue explains as we make our way to the grassy pond.
I recognize the name immediately. This is where I was supposed to say my vows to Maroq. And although I’ve never stepped foot here until now, I’ve dreamt of this oasis for nights.
The full moon hangs above, casting a pale glow across the land. Aang settles into his meditation pose in front of the koi pond while Yue and Katara speak quietly nearby. I walk to the other side of the water and kneel.
“Trying to meditate here!” Aang snaps at their conversation.
I look down at the black-and-white koi.
A tug pulls at my chest, like my heart is yearning to be free.
“Daughter…” a faint whisper calls, so soft I barely register it.
“Blood of my blood.”
Suddenly, a sharp pain stabs my gut. I double over with an airless gasp just as Aang’s eyes flash blue.
“He’s in the Avatar State!” Katara exclaims joyfully, until her eyes shift to me.
“Vaylani?” she asks, rushing over.
I clutch my stomach, wanting nothing more than to rip this stupid corset off my body. Katara helps me into a sitting position as Yue places a steadying hand on my shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” Katara asks, water already swirling in her hands, ready to heal. Any previous anger she held towards me is gone in this moment. She’s looking at me with the familiar love and devotion she has shown me all my life. It’s enough to keep the pain at bay.
“I’m… fine,” I wheeze as I try to compose myself.
The sharp stabbing pain feels like a dagger in my stomach. I clutch my hand to my midsection as a roll of nausea courses through me.
“I haven’t— eaten all day. I think it’s… stomach cramps,” I whisper, forcing myself on my feet.
“Perhaps I should take you back to the palace—“ Yue begins to offer.
“No!” I object with a wince, “I’ll be fine. Aang is… more important. I just need some air…”
Katara’s eyes rake over me nervously for a moment, but at my mention of Aang her head turns back to him, his eyes and tattoos shining bright. I use this as an opportunity to take a few painful steps to the side, waving my hand at them.
“I’m just going to— take a walk,” I force out as I try to hurry away. I see Katara give me one more worried look before I completely turn and go deeper into the oasis.
Once I’m out of sight I stagger back to my knees and dry heave into the warm grass. Although I wasn’t lying about not eating, this pain is unlike anything I have ever felt before. A painful shudder races up my spine making my vision blur. Tears roll down my face as my fingers dig into the ground. The spasm ends and I’m breathing deeply through my nose to try and center myself.
“Get yourself together,” I hiss under my shaking breath.
I force myself up again, leaning on a thin blossom tree for support. The high bun Yue made for me this morning comes undone as I stand, causing strands of my long hair to stick to the sides of my sweaty face. It’s a blessing almost, to feel the weight off of my head. It clears my mind of the pain momentarily and I take a deep, steadying breath.
I am not weak. I will be strong for my friends. For my family. I will fight through the pain.
Suddenly I feel a strong hand clamp around my mouth and pull me sharply against its chest. Another spasm courses through my body and my knees nearly buckle from the pain. The hand over my mouth is holding me up and I can smell smoke and sandalwood as a familiar voice whispers.
“Keep quiet and I won’t have to hurt you.”
Zuko doesn’t turn me around, but instead marches me forward with his hand still wrapped around my mouth, his other hand a warm fist held firmly against my back. I haven’t seen him since we’ve been at the Pole but I should’ve known he would turn up sooner or later. I always assumed he was a madman driven by some unfed hunger to capture the world’s last hope, a child at that. How far has his obsession gotten him? Is it the cause of that scar? I can only imagine.
I wonder if he knows who I am. Probably not. I never fought against him before. I would always hide at camp or on Appa whenever we encountered the fire nation prince. I try to turn and look at him but he keeps his hold on me tight and forces me forward. The idea to try and fight back crosses my mind, but before I can even attempt to kick him I am struck with another stab of gut wrenching pain. I double over just as we cross the clearing.
“Vaylani!” I hear Katara shout as I look up bleary eyed.
“Move one drop of water, peasant, and I’ll burn her to a crisp,” Zuko barks, lifting my head up in a show of force.
“Let her go Zuko!” Katara yells, her voice dripping with venom.
“I want the Avatar, in exchange you can have your princess back.”
This morning if someone told me I looked like a water tribe princess I would have flinched, but now I just want to laugh. Of course he would think he was lucky enough to grab someone like Yue, someone who mattered. But there was no way Katara would be so naive as to trade me for the avatar.
I look up to Katara to confirm my suspicions, but instead I am horrified. I can see the pain in her face, the decision she is contemplating. Is she insane?
“No!” I try to scream through my captors hand. I resist his grasp for a moment before another crack of pain hits me in the ribs. Zuko’s hand tightens over my mouth.
“Enough, I want what I came here for. Hand him over now!” Zuko roars.
The hand over my mouth begins to go warm with a soft yellow glow. Panic shoots through me as the warmth begins to grow hot.
“Stop!” Katara screams, “let her go!”
Let him, Katara. Protect Aang. I am pleading with her through my eyes, hoping she won’t make the biggest mistake of her life.
My mouth is starting to burn under the heat. I try not to thrash but my body betrays me with another stab in my gut. The pain has me reeling for a moment and my eyes roll back as I slump backwards into my captor’s chest.
“Fine! Just stop hurting her! Please!” Katara screams, taking a forceful step away from Aang.
Suddenly Zuko pushes me forward violently, causing me to collide into Katara’s arms as he snatches Aang by his collar and half drags him as he takes off.
“Vaylani—” Katara begins looking at me with wild concern.
“I’m fine,” I choke out. “Now go, Katara.”
There is a slight hesitation in her eyes so I use the remainder of my strength to push her away.
“Save Aang!” I groan as I fall to my knees.
My vision starts to blur as the pain continues to radiate through my body. Good. Maybe this will end. Finally pass out from the pain.
“Go, I’ll be here when you get back,” I whisper as I curl onto the floor. The grass feels soft and warm, even as the full moon begins to rise.
“I’ll be back! I promise!” she says between tears.
The last thing I see before falling into unconsciousness is Katara bolting deeper into the oasis.
I wake up to soft hands shaking me.
“Vaylani?” Yue’s gentle voice asked, alarmed.
My eyes blink open and I feel like I’ve been hit by a polar bear dog.
“What’s wrong with her? Vay?!” Sokka’s voice cuts through the haze.
I slowly pick my head up off the ground. Sokka pulls me in for a tight hug, watching me teary-eyed.
“Are you okay? What happened? Where’s Aang and Katara?”
Yue and Sokka helped me to my feet. I still felt off-kilter, but at least the pain had dulled to a constant ache.
“Zuko. He took Aang, and Katara went after him.”
I pointed in the direction that they went and watch as Yue’s eyes widen in alarm.
“It’s nothing but frozen tundra out that way.”
Sokka looked out to the frozen mountains in the distance and winced.
“We have to go help her, come on,” he takes Yue’s hand and reaches out for mine, but I pull away.
“You two go. Something’s wrong with me, I’d only slow you down.”
“I’m not leaving you here unprotected. There is a war happening right now,” Sokka says.
“I am not going to sit here and argue with you.”
I groaned, feeling the pain return. It felt as if my skin was too tight. As if my body was no longer mine.
“Get on Appa, go find Aang, and help our fucking sister.”
For a moment I think my voice drops an octave, but the muscle contractions I feel in my ribs take hold of my attention.
Sokka is stunned, but my sharpness seems to convince him of the urgency.
“Stay here, and if trouble finds you, you hide. Got it?” he says, looking me over.
“Got it,” I say with a weak smile.
Yue and him take off under the light of the moon.
I can hear the warfare happening outside of the oasis walls. I am now utterly alone.
I begin slowly walking. I have no idea where I am, but my feet guide me back to the Koi pond.
I stagger to my knees in front of the pond.
I watch as the two fish circle around each other in their hypnotic dance.
“Blood of my blood,” I hear my father’s voice echo once again.
Tears flow down my face as I allow myself to finally be weak.
“I don’t know what to do!” I cry out into the night sky. “I don’t know what you want from me! Please! Don’t— I don’t know how to be strong. Help me be like you!”
“I… it hurts! Help me be strong. Please!”
I sob loudly, letting my tears fall into the pond. I hear my father’s voice still, calling me softly—begging me to find him. My whole body is lit up in pain. I feel myself shaking as the intensity grows.
“Over here!” a thick voice barks, “I heard someone over this way.”
My blood runs cold despite the growing fear. I have no doubt that Fire Nation soldiers have infiltrated the oasis.
I should hide. I know I need to hide, but I’m so tired. Even the thought of hope— that these men might do to me once they have me alone— is not enough to stir a response from me.
As I hear their footsteps approach, I hear another voice call out to me. It is soft and timeless in its tenor.
“Come into the water, child of the moon and sea.”
The Koi fishes’ dance seemed to speed up, causing their colors to blur together in a mixture of white and black.
“Step into your destiny, blood of my blood.”
In one more throw of pain, I whispered one final goodbye to all of those I failed.
“I’m sorry…”
I closed my eyes as I let my body fall limp into the water.
This is a head cannon fic I have had in the works for FOREVER! A southern water tribe girl joins the gaang in order to make it to the North Pole. Her destiny seems so clear, but all is not what it seems.
An OC (werewolf) X Zuko fic!
3.6k words
Come along for the ride!
Sleep avoids me for the third night in a row now, here at the North Pole.
I wish it was just restlessness that kept sleep from me, but I have been plagued by dreams since the moment I arrived here. Or I should say dream as it is a singular vision that haunts me. I stand before a silver pool, two koi fish swim in a circular motion within the pool. The full moon is red above me, and then black, and then the most brilliant white I’ve ever seen, and in that radiance I am torn to shreds.
I can see the faint whispers of purple begin to caress the undersides of my eyes as I stare blankly into the beautiful vanity mirror. It’s made out of rare mammoth-whale bone and adorned with blue gems around the frame. A wedding gift from my soon to be mother-in-law. My temporary room overlooks the Northern Water Tribe as its citizens slowly start to go about their daily lives. I watch them with a quiet sigh, marveling at how familiar it all is. The fishermen will be heading out on their boats down by the massive ice gate before the sun rises. Mothers and daughters will begin their day tending to the laundry, cooking, dyeing, weaving, and the young. My village in the South looked very much like this before the men went off to war. The image of my father, charred and burnt beyond recognition, whips across my mind, causing me to stumble away from the window.
I’m in the middle of trying to cover up the signs of my sleeplessness when a knock comes at my door.
“Vaylani?” a soft female voice calls.
I jump up from the vanity and hurry to open the door. My eager face falls slightly as I see Princess Yue standing on the other side. I am silly to think that she would be knocking at my door. I bow, hoping she doesn’t see the disappointment on my face.
“Good morning, Princess.”
I’m trying to remember if my form is correct for the level of respect I must now show to Yue. Although I know my form is perfect, even in my nightgown I am the picture of perfect posture, the anxiety is anchoring deep in my chest. I must be perfect. Always perfect. I feel her warm fingers on my chin as she lifts up my face to meet her gaze. Her blue eyes are bright and dazzling as she offers a soft smile.
“Please, there is no need for the formalities. We are to be sisters are we not? May I come in?”
I force a smile and nod. She enters the room, closing the door securely behind her as she glances around my space. She stops at the foot of my bed, noting the tangled sheets from my most recent restless night.
“The bed is too soft,” I blurt out, hurrying to fix the sheets as if the scene may offend her, “I’ve spent the past few weeks in a sleeping bag or bales of hay. It’s been an adjustment. All of it really. Not that I’m complaining! It’s not everyday you get to travel with the Avatar. Plus, I can’t imagine I’ll be doing much travelling after today anyway- not that that is a bad thing–”
I don’t realize my hands are shaking until Yue is holding them.
“Is it common for all Southerners to talk this much?” she laughs. The warmth from her hands is enough to steady me for a moment as she continues. “We haven’t really had the chance to speak since your arrival, and with the preparations for the ceremony later… I was hoping that I could braid your hair?”
“Oh,” I blurt out, blinking at the request.
“Or if you’d prefer, I could have an attendant come–”
“No!” I half yell before remembering my manners, “Please, no. I would be honored for you to braid my hair, Princess Yue.”
“Just Yue,” she beams.
She leads me back to the vanity and sits me down on the cushioned stool as she begins to brush my long dark hair. The claws of the comb feel oddly grounding as it moves across my scalp. I inhale deeply and try to center my breathing like Mother taught me.
“Other than our horribly soft beds,” Yue teases as she parts my hair, “How are you liking the North?”
“It reminds me of home in many ways. My mother grew up here and would tell me stories from her youth and stories of my grangran working as a tanner down in the village. I am no stranger to the cold and ice, but here it all seems so…”
Enclosing. Suffocating.
“Grand. It’s hard to believe this is to be my home.”
I try to hide the raw emotion edging into my throat by swallowing hard. I adjust my nightgown by the knees, straighten my back a bit, anything to keep my mind off of the sinking truth behind that statement. I feel Yue’s eyes on me through the mirror, her expression soft and open. I am a year or so older than her, but there is something behind her eyes that seems wise beyond her years.
“The night of my engagement,” Yue began quietly as she started braiding my hair, “after the celebration my father threw and the countless villagers that offered me their congratulations, I was beyond exhausted. I feared that once I went to bed that I would not awaken until spring. Oddly enough, I found myself unable to rest.”
Yue’s eyes looked up at me through the mirror’s reflection. She weaved her fingers through my hair, plaiting the strands and wrapping them in intricate braids to sit atop my head. “It’s been months since, but I often still have nights where I cannot shut off my mind from the responsibility, the worry… the fear that I am making the wrong choice.”
I immediately lower my gaze from hers, looking down at my hands.
“If it was ever really a choice at all,” I mutter.
A union to unite the two tribes is what my mother called it. A chance for the North and South to stand firmly united with unseverable ties. I am the daughter of a Chief, a princess in my own right, finally being handed off to my prince, Yue’s older brother Maroq.
Quickly, my eyes dart back up to see if I have offended her in some way, but instead I see Yue return a sad smile. “We share a similar burden.”
My shoulders ease up a bit as she says this. I wish I could find it comforting. The thought of having a companion in this palace, one who understands the freedom we are giving up in order to play our part in this war. I try to imagine Yue and I sitting around a fire, braiding our daughter’s hair while our sons are off somewhere in the training grounds. I try to imagine the life my mother so desperately sought out for me and yet the images will not come. There is only a cold aching in the pit of my stomach.
Yue must see a change on my face because she places her hands on my shoulders and squeezes gently.
“I don’t mean to upset you, especially the day before your wedding.”
The ceremony for tonight is a sacred event. I will stand before my betrothed and the moon at the spirit oasis and pledge my life to the North. This isn’t custom for regular citizens, but for the royal family it is more important than the wedding itself. A vow for the future queen to serve her people. I’ve been preparing for this day since the day my father was killed.
“No, of course not. I think it’s just the lack of sleep, and the… speed at which this is all happening. It’s a lot to take in.”
Yue nods as she finishes pinning my hair up. “I don’t think my mother approves of the quick engagement. Maroq, of course, has little to say on the matter, although if the conversation is of anything other than battle then he typically has little to say about anything. Anyhow, the time crunch does not offer my mother much time to prepare for the ceremony, especially with the Avatar present, but Father insists. He understands that the Avatar has to move on to other duties once he masters waterbending, but he also understands how important family is. I think he wants to ensure that Katara and Sokka will be able to attend your wedding.”
The aching in my stomach grows colder. Not at the mention of any wedding preparations, as thrown together as it may be, or even at the mention of my betrothed, who I have spoken to only a handful of times since arriving here. But hearing the names of my family, my blood, makes my body flinch away from Yue’s touch.
“I’m not sure they will want to be there.”
Yue’s eyes widen. “Of course they will, they’re your family. Why do you think that?”
I look at my reflection, admiring Yue’s craftsmanship before focusing on the circles under my eyes. Even they can’t distract from the raw delicate beauty of my face. A face that somehow isn’t mine.
“Because I lied to them, for weeks now. I told them I would travel to the North Pole, but…”
“You never told them that you would be staying.”
Katara’s face flashes in my mind. The way she pulled me inside of her room after the welcoming ceremony ended. “Engaged? What do you mean you’re engaged?”
“I was meaning to tell you–”
“You knew about this?” Sokka asked incredulously, “How could you not tell us?”
“Of course she knew! She wasn’t even shocked when they announced it!” Katara threw her hands up in the air as she paced the room.
“Guys, ease up on her,” Aang tried to say, but Katara raged on.
“Was that your plan all along? To use Aang as some free ride to the North Pole so that you can play princess while the rest of us fight a war! Has this trip meant nothing to you? After everything we’ve been through together?”
“It does– it means everything–” tears were spilling down my face at this point.
“Clearly it doesn’t! Clearly your priorities are elsewhere. After everything we lost… this is what you want out of life? A life of royalty? How selfish are you?!”
“Katara enough!” Sokka yelled, stepping up beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I shrank away from him, my face burning red as my eyes kept to the ground. It was with that final question that numbed me beyond comprehension. Selfish. Of all the things I could never be…
I straightened my back, set my shoulders, and met Katara’s fiery glare with water from a pool. Calm and collected.
“I’m sorry, Katara. This is the way it must be.”
It’s been a week now and I still haven’t spoken to Katara. I heard of her battle with Pakku, and her determination to prove her worth as a water bender. The pride I feel thinking of it now warms me.
Yue has finished putting me together. My hair is up in a dazzling array of braids embedded with flecks of silver and blue. The dress she has me in is just as elegant, a beautiful northern water style in fine fabrics. I stare at myself in one of the long mirrors, waiting for some connection to be made. One click that will dull the aching in my chest and make me finally comfortable in my own skin.
“You’re beautiful,” Yue says gently, offering a small smile. Before I can thank her, there’s a knock at the door.
“That must be my mother. She is all too excited to begin today’s preparations for— oh! Hello Avatar!”
I turn to see Aang standing in my doorway, his face red as he awkwardly looks in my direction. Momo is on his shoulder chittering as he waves.
“Aang! It’s good to see you,” I’m across the room in a few steps pulling the kid into a hug. His head is at my shoulder and he smiles as he looks up at me.
“It’s good to see you too, Vaylani. You look great,” he adds quickly, wiping his hands on his pants.
“Everything okay?” I ask softly.
Even though I have seen Aang do incredible things in the last few weeks, it is hard for me not to see him as a child. It’s hard to see any of them other than children, really. During our travels, I found myself falling into a caretaker role within the group. It seemed only natural. I have no bending abilities or any sense of fighting or combat, so I felt utterly useless. Oftentimes, I would stay back at camp and tend to the food and supplies. I never begrudged my role, I only wished I could do more. Especially on the occasions we found ourselves attacked by the same scarred fire nation prince.
“Can we talk?” He asks, looking up at me with his big gray eyes. I smile, as this was his tactic to convince me to give him an extra helping of sweetbread. I need no convincing now. A familiar face is exactly what I’ve been waiting for.
“Of course. Walk with me, I’m in need of some fresh air.” I turn to bow at Yue.
She returns the bow and smiles.
“I’ll come find you before the ceremony tonight.”
I make sure to keep Aang talking about how his water bending lessons are going while we walk through the palace. He is eager enough to tell me how well he’s been doing, although he seems more interested in talking about how well Katara is doing. After proving herself to Pakku, Katara has risen through the ranks of the other benders. Hearing this fills my chest with a warm pride.
We make our way out of the palace and out into the cold open air. I lead Aang down a pathway that wraps around the back of the royal plaza, an empty space closer towards the icy peaks of the northern tundra. The air is crisp and harsh from the northern winds, but it feels refreshing as I breathe in deeply.
“Soooo,” Aang segways awkwardly, hopping onto the railing of a nearby walkway path and taking a seat.
“Have I ever told you about my father?” I ask softly, leaning my arms on the rail taking in the village below. I look up beside me and see Aang shaking his head, his eyes wide and his mouth shut.
“My father was Chief Amaruk. He was the leader of the tribe before Hakoda, Katara and Sokka’s father. He was killed in the same raid that took Katara’s mother.”
“Vaylani, I am… so sorry,” I hear Aang whisper.
“My mother was devastated. The loss changed her… she became isolated from the rest of the village. She was constantly fearing another attack, fearing something would end up taking me away from her too. All she has ever wanted for me was to be safe.”
Memories of staying inside my mother’s hut flash in my mind. Sitting with her in her sorrow, hearing the stories of her arranged marriage to my father. How she came from the North, a merchant’s daughter with no royalty to her name, to marry the next in line for the chiefdom in the South. It was a humble life, one she was proud of, but without my father life had dulled for my mother.
“I won’t let this place be the end for you. You deserve more,” she would whisper to me as she brushed my hair.
“My mother planned this union years ago. She thought I would be safe living a cushioned life behind the great Northern walls. She used the fact that I am the daughter of a greatly honored chief who died protecting the South. ‘Let this marriage be a sign for both sister tribes to finally stand united in blood.’ She wrote that in one of her letters years ago. I read it before she had it sent out.”
Aang looks at me, his expression thoughtful if not a bit perplexed. I inhale, letting more cold air enter my lungs. It’s crazy that up until I actually left the South Pole, I never realized just how much I disliked the cold.
“It was always a duty, never a choice.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell them?” Aang finally asks.
“And tell them what? That my destiny is to marry a prince and live this whole separate life far away from the people I love? I couldn’t…” I shake my head, ignoring the pain I feel in my chest. “I had hoped that maybe once Sokka was old enough to join his dad, that Katara and I would travel to the North together, she to learn waterbending and me to… but then you came along.”
I put my hand on Aang’s, squeezing his fingers gently. “And I am so glad you did, don’t think for a second that I hold anything against you because I don’t. You set everything in motion for Katara and Sokka, whom I love like family. I would have stayed behind had it not been my mother’s idea to have the Avatar take me to the North. She thought it would make me even more desirable. I’m sorry for that, but I am also so grateful. I’ve seen more of the world in these past few weeks than I ever have or likely will again.”
“Then run away with us! You don’t have to stay here and marry Maroq. We can fight it, all of us together.”
Aang hops off of the rail and has that determined look about him that only youthful innocence can bring. I see the fire in his eyes and for a moment a flicker of hope burns in my chest, but it’s the familiarity of that look that extinguishes that flame.
“I can’t. I have to marry him.”
“No you don’t! I’ll have a talk with the chief right now and put a stop to this–”
“Who do you think will take my place if I don’t marry him?” I snap at Aang. My cheeks are red and I can feel the stinging cold tears begin to prick out of my eyes.
“This isn’t some regular wedding Aang, this is politics and war. The South is desperate for more support from the North, we are barely hanging on as it is. My mother didn’t plan this union on her own, she met with the elders and they all agreed that this was the best way. They need a chieftain's daughter. If I don’t do it, who do you think the duty will fall to instead?”
Aang’s face runs pale, his eyes widen as the realization sets in.
“I love her too much to condemn her to such a fate. You and I both know that her destiny is not a life of compliance and rules. No, Katara is meant for so much more than that.”
It is the thought of Katara leaving this place, strong, confident, and a realized water bender that allows peace to settle over my racing heart. For a moment, my interaction with Aunt Wu floats into my mind. Sitting in her reading room, sipping tea as she reads the bones tossed into the fire. I remember wishing for anything but the obvious. An unexpected change, a sign that my life would pan out differently than what had been set.
Instead she smiled and said, “You are to marry a prince, and soon you will become queen of a proud nation.”
“This is my destiny,” I say to Aang, hearing Aunt Wu’s prophecy echo in my head.
“Vaylani–”
“Don’t tell them. Please. Not yet. Wait until the wedding is over and you are far from this place on the next step of your journey. I only hope she won’t hate me too much by then.”
Aang puts his hand on mine and looks at me with a determination that seems to mirror all of the wisdom of his past lives.
“Katara could never hate you. She doesn’t know how much you are sacrificing for her, but she will. I will make sure she knows, and once I defeat the firelord, I promise we will come back for you.”
The gesture warms me. I don’t tell him that by that time I will likely be tied to this place in ways I cannot escape. By summer’s end I imagine myself already showing signs of carrying the next generation of royalty in my womb. To stop myself from shivering, I smile and pull him in for a hug. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly. I feel some warmth on my shoulder as some tears escape his eyes.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
When I pull away, snow begins to fall around us. It takes a moment for me to realize that what is falling from the sky is not white, but black soot raining down. Familiarity strikes me in the chest. The last time I saw snowfall like this was the day my village was attacked.
“No, no, no, no,” I whisper as I look up and begin to back away.
Aang holds out his hand and catches some of the soot and snow mixture in his hand. He looks out ahead and watches as dark clouds begin to settle over the North Pole. I see that same look of determination set in on his face as he flips open his glider.
“I need to get you inside,” he says as he wraps an arm around my waist and kicks off the ground. I keep my eyes open, not caring that the wind is whipping around, messing up my freshly done braids as we near the village center.
Perhaps there will not be a ceremony tonight after all.
The early spring heat is killing me by the time I place the last stone on the shrine. Grandpa died early in the winter and I’ve been working on this memorial for him since I buried him. I stand up and wipe my brow with an old washcloth and admire my work. He’d be proud of it, I think. I’ve come a long way from the scrawny kid that could barely pick up an ax. Now I can cut through trees like butter. I smile at the thought as I gently pat the top of the shrine. I gather my supplies and start to make my way back to the house when I see an old beat up car pull up on the dirt path.
I furrow my brow and tighten my grip on the small hammer as I walk up. The door of the old chevy opens wide and I stop immediately as I see a man in a familiar gray suit exit. He’s changed. The first thing I notice is how far back his hairline has receded. The black hair has transformed into a salt and pepper look, which compliments his rounder face and body. His dark eyes spot me and they are wide as he takes me in.
“William? Is that you– kid?” He shoves his hands in his pockets as he whistles and steps closer. “I guess pop really did a number with you, huh. Well, come on kid– come give your old man a hug.”
I put the supplies down by the porch and wipe my hands on my overalls. I don’t step closer to him, instead I just cross my arms.
“What’re you doin’ here?” I ask.
He drops his falsetto smile and pulls out a letter from his suit jacket. “I’m here to collect my inheritance.”
He hands me the letter, but I just look at it furrowing my brow.
“What?” he asks, his voice already on edge.
I hand him back the letter. “I can’t read.”
“Jesus Christ,” he says as he takes the letter from my hands, “He really made you just another dumb hick, didn’t he?” He shakes his head and sighs.
“Well, look kid, with Pop dead the farm is now in my name. Now under normal circumstances I would never have even considered coming back to this rinky dinky ol’ valley… but unfortunately your old man’s been down on his luck with the car business. I got into some legal trouble a few years ago and– anyway…”
He folds up the letter and takes a step closer to me.
“Looks like I’ll be staying here with you a while, at least until we fix this place up enough to sell it for a profit.”
I think about his words for a moment, processing everything that’s happening. Grandpa used to tell me that I needed my own time to understand things, especially when it came to words and conversation. He would help me connect thoughts and ideas to my emotions. But he wasn’t here now. And right now I feel confused and angry.
“Sell it? You can’t–”
Then, I hear a familiar voice call down the road.
“Hello!” I see Mayor Lewis strolling up the road and Pa turns with his falsetto smile painted on.
“Oh! Hello!” He extends his hand out with a flashy smile. Lewis shakes it with enthusiasm as he looks Pa over.
“Well, I’ll be. Richard? Is that you?”
Pa laughs as he brings his hand back into his suit pocket. “It is. Been a minute, been a minute.”
“I’ll say!” Lewis says with a laugh, “your father used to mention you from time to time, bless his soul. He would go on and on about how you moved to the city and became a fancy car salesman! I never thought I’d see you back in the valley. I knew your old man always wanted this place to be yours. That’s all he ever talked about.”
I watch as Pa sighs and kicks the dirt with his polished shoes.
“Oh, I don’t know much about farmin’, Mayor. But Pop put his soul into this land, and I couldn’t just let it wither away. I figure I can keep it alive a while, learn a thing or two, and maybe show my son what it means to take pride in somethin’ bigger than yourself.”
Mayor Lewis’ eyes widen as Pa puts his hand on my shoulder. I clench my jaw as he squeezes me gently in his iron grip.
“Oh! Of course! I’d almost forgotten! Now that just really warms my heart. Me and some of the other townsfolk were starting to worry about Booba here living by himself.”
“Booba?” Pa asks with a frown.
“Oops, sorry. William. Old habits are hard to break. See, your pop called William “Bubba” all the time when he first arrived, and well, you remember don’t you son?” Lewis looks at me and laughs.
“Little man had a bit of trouble with his vowels and he would run around town introducing himself as Booba. The name sort of stuck around.”
“I see,” Pa says with a strained smile. I can’t help but feel a smug grin form as Pa looks at me. I’m clearly not the son he expected to return to– if he ever expected to return at all without the titles to the farm. I don’t understand how this performance is fooling anyone, Mayor Lewis of all people.
“Well, I’ll let you get settled in. Welcome to Pelican town and please do drop in. The town is just buzzing to meet you. And you come along as well, William. We haven’t seen you around since your grandpa fell ill.”
“Of course! Thank you again, Mayor!” Pa holds up his hand to wave as Maylor Lewis makes his way back toward town. As soon as he is out of sight, I shrug Pa’s hand off of my shoulder and walk over to the porch to bring in my supplies.
“What? Aren’t you gonna help your old man bring in his luggage?”
I don’t turn around. I enter the house and shut the door.
I love that the modern-day tumblr post equivalent of chain emails only requires me to reblog a relatively pleasant image instead of forward an email to a bunch of my friends and family members to quell my raging anxiety.
This story came to mind while playing SDV with my three friends. Lore fell into place and I just had to write it down. A combination of silly, serious, and wtf. More to come!
Also, it's good to be writing again.
Humble Beginnings
I don’t have many memories of Mama. The ones I do have are blurred and squished together like bright colors reflecting in the afternoon rain. I remember running my small hands through her bright red hair when I was napping, the smell of rosewater, and a soft tune she used to hum whenever I was fussy. I was around four when she died. Everything after that is clearer in my head. How odd she looked in that box. How cold her skin was. It made me cry.
That’s when I met Pa. He was there when Mama was put in her box, standing tall and stiff in his nice gray suit. He had hair then. He didn’t smile much. The next thing I knew I was in a car– leaving behind everything. After a month or so of living with Pa, I learned he was nothing like Mama.
Pa was a busy man. He was always working during the day while I stayed in his apartment with one of the old ladies that lived next door. She always fed me carrots and her dog was small and fluffy. When he was home, he was always tired. He would plop on the couch and loosen his tie. Sometimes it would be a whole hour before he realized I was there on the couch beside him. “Hungry?” he’d ask, “I’ll order in.”
Not only did he not cook like Mama, but he didn’t sing either, he just grunted. Whenever I would cry or fuss he would throw his hands up and say “I don’t know what to do kid!” That would make me cry more and then he would give me something sweet to pacify me before leaving the room. He had a picture of Mama on his dresser. Sometimes, in the middle of the night I would wake to see him sitting on the edge of bed, crying over that small polaroid.
Then one day we took a trip. We left the loud screeching city and drove and drove for what seemed like forever. The world outside of his car window became green and lush as we came into the Valley. It was almost sunset by the time we finally stopped in what seemed the middle of nowhere. When Pa opened the door for me, an old man in overalls was standing at the porch of his house looking bewildered.
I remember Pa arguing with him while I just stood on the porch with my single backpack and teddy. I took in the small rustic house. It was nestled in the middle of thick brush and a forest of trees. I had never seen so many trees. The argument must have ended because Pa knelt down in front of me and looked me over like I had a bug on me.
“I’m sorry, kid. I–,” he struggled to speak.
He looked sad. Almost as sad as he was whenever he cried over Mama’s picture. I didn’t know him very well, but I knew I didn’t want him to be sad. I held out my teddy to him, not able to say anything else. He held it in his hand for a moment, but then held the teddy close to my chest. His eyes seemed to shine for a moment before he sniffed loudly and stood back up.
“Be good, William.”
Pa left and I was alone with yet another stranger. His hair was unlike Pa’s- short and clean- instead he had long graying locks with a scruffy beard. He had a wild look to him that frightened me a bit at first, but his old, wrinkled face looked at me with a deep kindness. “Well, now. I guess it’ll be you and me, eh bubba?”
He knelt down and held out a calloused hand. I gripped my bear in one hand, and hesitantly put my other in his.
“Come on, let’s get you settled.”
He sat me down at an old wooden table and made me a cup of hot chocolate while cutting me a slice of pink cake. He talked a lot. It was comforting to hear him talk. He told me that he was my Grandpa and that he was going to look after me for a while. I sat on the simple couch near the fireplace as he stoked the flames and talked. My eyelids felt heavy as he told me more about the valley he lived in and the farm he used to work. I fell asleep to the sound of his frail voice that night and had the best night's rest since Mama had died.
Angst, regret, loss, heartbreak
Warning: mentions of blood, trauma
AN: I am just now getting over the flu so this took longer to get out than normal. Anyway... :l
Enjoy...?
Pt 8.
I didn’t sleep that night.
Not that I truly expected to, but I had hoped the silence would settle something inside me—some nameless, gnawing thing that had been crawling beneath my skin since we stepped foot in this gods-forsaken city.
It didn’t.
Instead, I spent the hours perched above our temporary camp, watching the city below like a damned sentinel, searching for threats that had yet to show themselves.
Or perhaps just searching for an excuse—for something, anything to justify the way I’d snapped at you. You just wanted to help. And what had I done? I had thrown it in your face.
Maybe I just need some damned space!
The memory of the words tasted bitter. I knew, even as I said them, that they were a lie. That I didn’t want space. That I needed you. More than anything else in this world.
And yet, I had let you walk away. Alone. And I hadn’t followed.
Since returning to my homesake, I have been haunted with the memories of my past mistakes, my shame…my fears. They clawed at the inner reaches of my mind relentlessly– constantly. Bright shining red eyes all looking for me– all expecting me. There had been little reprieve from my torment and you saw that.
You always seemed to know me better than myself. The idea terrified me at first realization. How dare this mortal creature, this encounter by happenstance, have such a hold over my life. How dare you make me care. How dare you make me feel.
That same anger had returned to me this week, with every brush of your tender heart against my raw wounds I recoiled. Like a fool I retreated to what I knew best– what I had survived on. And now I was paying for it in full.
Morning came. I rolled onto my side, half-expecting to find you beside me, warm, soft, familiar. But there was nothing but cold, empty sheets. A dull ache settled in my chest as I readied myself for yet another day. I would take my punishment in stride. I would trudge through the day and all the days ahead until you were ready to forgive me.
Then I would gladly grovel on my knees.
I wasn’t worried. Not at first.
The others seemed relaxed enough over your absence and I tried to let that ease my nerves, but I was still fidgety and restless. Karlach nudged me as she sat down beside me at the morning meal.
"She’ll be back, fangs. Not that it's any of my business, but we could all hear your lover’s quarrel last night.You were kind of an ass. She probably just needs some time."
I rolled my eyes, waving a dismissive hand at Karlach. “I can do without your opinions, thanks.”
Shadowheart crossed her arms, her brow raised in an unimpressed manner. “You did push her away. She’s giving you what you wanted, right? Space.”
With a hiss and a dirty look I was up on my feet, leaving the group in a huff. I hated whenever Shadowheart was right. I did demand for space and you were accommodating to my needs, as you always did. For once I wish you didn’t.
Time stretched on and you didn’t come back. By midday, a pit had settled in my stomach. By sunset, that pit had become a chasm. To ease my agitation, Karlach and Shadowheart went ahead to search for you. I agreed to stay behind at camp to see if you would return of your own volition. This way I could apologize to you, alone.
I thought of what I would say, of how I could possibly begin to apologize to you for my behavior. It soothed me in a sense, that everytime I thought of different scenarios in my head, you were always there with understanding eyes, a tender smile, and a loving embrace that made me feel like I was home.
It made the wait that much more gut wrenching as the hours passed.
When Karlach came rushing into camp, breathless, a bloodied satchel in her hands, I somehow already knew. Ice filled my chest as Karlach rambled on about what she saw. There had been a struggle, blood had stained the docks where Shadowheart found the satchel. The world seemed to narrow as my vision flattened. If I had a beating heart it would have been racing in my chest, or maybe it would feel as I do now.
Cold and empty.
Karlach handed me the satchel, her face grim as her eyes burned with fury. Shadowheart gave me an apologetic, even look. As if she knew something. As if she was holding something back. I dug around in the satchel, my chest sinking as I realized how empty it was. None of your usual trinkets– nothing that held the essence of you. Except for the familiar smell of your blood.
I felt parchment and pulled out a letter, stained with blood.
My beloved boy,
I must admit, this turn of events has been most… unexpected. For so long, I assumed you would eventually crawl back to me. That your freedom was nothing more than a fantasy—a game you would tire of before long. But instead, you ran. You hid. And then you returned, thinking yourself untouchable.
You, of all people, should know better.
Did you truly believe I wouldn’t notice? That I wouldn’t see?
Tell me, Astarion—Did you really think you could love something and not have it taken from you? She is exquisite, by the way. I can see why you are so attached. So desperate.She screamed your name, you know. How tragic it was that you weren’t there to answer.
But I am not without mercy. So I offer you a bargain. A life for a life.
If you wish to see her alive, you will return to me. Alone. Walk willingly into my embrace, and I shall release her.
Refuse, and… well. You remember what I do to pretty little things, don’t you?
I look forward to your answer.
Come home, my boy.It is where you belong.
I couldn’t move. My entire body was locked, frozen, the world tilting beneath me. The sounds of Baldur’s Gate, the murmuring crowds, the distant clang of the city bells—all of it faded into nothing.
There was only this.
This paper. These words. This… choice. I barely noticed my own shaking hands until I felt something small slip from the parchment—
A lock of hair. Your hair, tied with a thin crimson ribbon.
Something inside me shattered.
A sound tore from my throat—a raw, broken thing, something between a snarl and a sob. I felt Karlach step forward, heard the hesitance in her voice.
“Astarion—”
I recoiled. Like she had burned me. The letter slipped from my hands. My entire body locked, frozen, the world tilting beneath me.
All this time– I thought the worst thing that could possibly happen was Cazador finding me. Waking up one morning back in that damned isolated castle shrowded in darkness after just getting reacquainted with the sun again. Feeling his blade on my skin again and again and again. I thought that would be my torment. I believed that was the fear that dominated my soul.
I was wrong. This torment was far worse than anything I could have imagined. I saw your face, as it was the night I turned you away. The raw pain in your eyes that I caused you was now the last memory I had of you where you had been untouched by Cazador. I fell to my knees, sobs breaking from my chest as I thought of what suffering laid before you now.
