Your absence - A.I
One day I stopped thinking about how your lips felt on mine. And one day I stopped thinking about how your fingers used to trace my hips. And one day I stopped thinking about how your eyes crinkled when you laughed. I stopped thinking of how you smelled after a show, or how you engulfed me in a sweaty hug that left me equally as rancid as you. I stopped thinking of how you always laughed at my stupid jokes, or how we would stay up to watch the sunset in its full glory.
I guess one day I stopped thinking of you, but it wasn’t as easy as I say it is. It took weeks for me to realize you weren’t calling my name in the empty halls of my apartment. It took weeks for me to stop writing about you on every paper I put pencil to. It took weeks for me to stop seeing you, everywhere, in everything. It took weeks for me to not want to call you when I got drunk, or sober. It took weeks for all the sad songs to just be about random boys and not you.
It took months for me to not smile at a joke I remember you telling me on one of our late night adventures. It took months of mental preparation, to finally delete your number. It took months to stop thinking that, instead of a one night stand, it was you waking up next to me. It took months for my friends to not give me pity glances or ‘how are you holding up, hun?’s every time I saw them. It took months for me to finally clean my apartment, because I was scared if I did, your smell would no longer linger.
It took a year for the sting of the name Ashton to finally fade.
But,
One day I realized that playing the piano alone is actually really peaceful. One day I realized that drinking coffee alone isn’t as sad as it seems. And that going on adventures by yourself makes the sights and occurrences more personal. And there are always more people to meet and make memories with.
It took weeks for me to find that eating alone is a perfect time to think over your upcoming projects.
It took months for me to understand that being alone, isn’t as bad as I once thought it was.
See, your absence taught me how to live without you,
time away taught me to find peace in being alone.