+ Based of the YouTube video Wong Fu Productions made +
+AU where 5sos doesn’t exist and they don’t know each other, and I guess they also don’t live in Australia as well. +
"Remind me of your past loves."
The local coffee shop was silent now, and I gained a faint smile as I remembered all my past memories.
“Calum was first. He was the classic high-school panty-dropper. With charisma that could get him into almost any job. We didn’t last more than 5 months, but he taught me so much about love and relationships. Particularly, what I did not want in a man.”
We laughed, but mine was a dreary laugh, these memories were painful to see again.
“He had thin tan skin and fuller lips, and his eyes were deep brown, like the color of fall leaves. At that age, neither of us even knew what we were doing, but that didn’t stop him from being a suitable boyfriend. I remember once, On Valentines day, he brought me these white roses. He said ‘most of the time if you wanted to be different you got black roses, but I wanted to be super different.’He flashed me his goofy smile, it could make a girl melt.
“He never meant to hurt me, but he was searching for something that a high-school romance could never give him. That I could never give him. It could be that he was searching for happiness, I doubt he ever found it. He was too much of a wild card, never wanted to settle. No one would have been able to fit hit criteria.”
I turned to the window and thought about what Calum would be doing now. If he found what he was searching for.
I waited until the waitress, that had come over to fill our coffee cups up, had left to continue.
“Let’s see, Luke was next.” I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him. After all these years he still made the butterflies in my stomach flutter.
“We had that awkward, freshman in college romance thing going on. In fact for the first month, he never even held my hand, too shy I guess.”
The girl in front of me laughed, but I couldn’t bring myself to even giggle.
“Was he your favorite?” She questioned
“No,” I looked away, peering out, examining the street and all the couples walking hand in hand on it.
“I wasn't in to the whole gentle giant thing, instead of a relationship, it always kind of felt like a daycare. Don’t get me wrong, Luke was kind, and caring, but- I- he- it wasn’t meant to be, I guess. I was learning about my destiny, while Luke was still stuck in high-school. He wasn’t brave enough to love me. At first I thought I wasn’t enough, but I learned that I was too much, too electrifying and passionate. He was shallow and I was deep. But, god, you could go sailing in his eyes. They were this mesmerizing blue color that I would get lost in as he talked. I tried to let him down easy, but, you see- you can’t stay with someone you don’t love, it will be like your own personal hell.”
I swirled my coffee with the provided spoon, hoping she would forget and not ask me about-
“So, we have Calum, Luke and...”
I took a deep, shaky breath,
“Then there was Ashton. We were never anything more than friends, but there was always this tension between us. Always challenging the other to make the first move, and I wish one of us would have had the guts to. He is my biggest regret.
"We would meet in the library, he brought the coffee, and I brought the snacks. We would study for exams and do homework together. From junior year up until the last semester of senior year. Somehow, we both ended up in the same classes.”
My eyes began to tear up, and my voice trembled.
“He came close to kissing me, once, at a party. It was an end of college party, the night before graduation. But when his green eyes meet mine-”
I cleared my throat, and took a long drink of my coffee.
“He ran. I tried to find him after graduation, but it was like he disappeared. He was my favorite.”
I hadn't noticed the silent tear, until it rolled off my cheek and plopped down into drink.
“But you never even dated.”
I laughed a sad laugh, and looked up at her, pained by the fact that she had no idea.
”You don’t have to be in a relationship with someone to be completely in love with them.”
There was a long pause before she asked for the next one, I didn’t hear her at first, too engulfed in the remembrance of Ashton.
“The last one was Michael."
I stated after composing myself.
"He was an odd one, his hair color changed all the time, I should have taken that as a sign for commitment issues. I was fresh out of college and had received an internship in Scotland, it was only for 1 month, though.
"We met under a bridge, he had lost his keys and thought they may had fallen out while he was jogging. I was being a typical tourist and taking pictures. He offered to take some pictures of me. Then, somehow, we ended up on the other side of Edinburgh. In an ice cream shop, discussing our dreams and aspirations. He worked as a labor and delivery nurse, but hoped to one day become an Ob/Gyn.
"We dated for three weeks, until it was time for me to go back home. We attempted long distance, but our connection wasn’t strong enough. He’s the most painful, not only because he is the most recent, but because we always seemed too busy for each other.”
"Now? I am still searching, but one day I will find the one. The one who has found his happiness, and is now ready to share it with someone else. The one who makes me feel equal, not less or in charge of everything. The one who took the chance, and stayed. The one that never has poor connection. The one."
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