So sorry the posting has been so sparse lately! There has been a lot of personal stuff happening in my world lately, so unfortunately the advice column had to quiet down for a little while. I'm coming back to you all, but in the meantime, my wonderful friend, another therapist Dania, (From At the Intersection on Tumblr) has answered some of your questions... Here's the third.
So, I'm an openly gay boy and a friend recently came out to me but is
unsure of her sexuality. She explained that physically and mentally,
she likes boys but mentally also likes girls. And she said she could
imagine herself being in a relationship with a girl, but doesn't like the
idea of anything physical with a girl. As a friend, what should I tell her
and how can I help her? Thanks so much for the help!
You’re an awesome friend for asking for help to talk to your friend!
Some of the best support you can give her, it sounds like you’re doing already:
listen openly. Let her know that figuring out sexuality and attractions is a process
and she doesn’t have to make any decisions about anything now. The best thing
she can do is pay attention to what she’s feeling with whom.
It does sound like she’s conflicted about being with girls; she likes the
relationship, but not the physicality. Good news is, she doesn’t have to run into
being physical with anyone. That part can come later if your friend meets a girl
she’s attracted to. She can take time to develop other pieces of the relationship
until she (and the other person) feel ok with moving forward in the fool-around
If you’re comfortable, and feel like it will help, maybe you want to share your
own coming out process with her. You can also tell her to check out Cat’s
great FAQ: http://queergirlquestions.tumblr.com/faq and this cool article http://
lesbianlife.about.com/od/comingoutadvice/qt/BiorLesbian.htm
about being lesbian or bisexual.
If there are any LGBTQ organizations in your area, maybe you want to take her
on a field trip so she can get a better feel for the queer community and see if it
fits. Sometimes sexuality is like shopping for clothes – you have to try things on
in different styles and sizes to see what fits and what you feel best in. And we all
know it can take patience to find that favorite thing!