#aterlupus

[sunderedoldfriends-archived]

@aterlupus continued from here.

It felt strange to see his weapon in another man’s hand, especially in the hand of a Garlean, and not just any Garlean but the Black Wolf himself. The thing was that Gaius had presented himself not only as a talented warrior, but even as a trustworthy companion, something Estinien had never thought possible. Too cruel had been the war between both their nations, but now Gaius was hunting and killing Ascians and it was an old tale that warriors would put aside their differences and unite to fight a common enemy. And here they were.

„I don’t see much reason to complain about your lack of magic. You have the most advanced magitek at your disposal, and with Black Rose in development you can kill people with the push of a button. Not even our most advanced mages can do that.“

One could easily mistake Estinien‘s words as rude or hostile, but to him it was a simple matter of stating facts. Gaius was not his enemy, not anymore, quite the opposite, this man would now have Estinien‘s back as they made their way to the Garlean capital. Gaius‘ fighting skills were admirable, especially because he had no magic.

For today they had to seek shelter as it was already dark and the snowflakes trickling from the sky were just a taste of the impending storm. Estinien was used to the cold, Ilsabard was just as cold as Coerthas, but ever since Nidhogg‘s aether had merged with his own Estinien always felt comfortably warm, the wyrm‘s fire pleasantly burning in his veins.

But what about the former legatus? Ilsabard was Gaius‘ homeland, he most likely knew better than Estinien how to survive the icy cold, but still, they only had little provisions and their little campfire was already fighting for its own survival. Estinien shifted uncomfortably where he sat on the ground.

„And how exactly do you plan to spend the night here without freezing to death?“

[adenial-a]

@aterlupus​ continued from x

     there  are  no  words  to  describe  the  knife  that  slices  away  at  her  chest . she  breathes , and  sucks  it  in  further , wondering  if  this  would  be  the  final  straw  that  breaks  her  heart  completely . a  taut  string  snaps  after  being  wrung  around  a  finger  over  and  over  and  over  again , and  leaves  the  skin  it  touched  pressed  &  molded  in  it’s  shape .       that’s  how  she  feels . like  a  string  finally  snapping . every  tally , every  mark , of  sorrow  and  grief  she  experienced  rounded  the  circumference  of  her  body , crushing  her  down , and  in  a  desperate  bid  to  find  something  that  needed  her  as  much  as  she  needed  them  she  was  cut  down  again .    with  every  word  he  spoke  in  denial  of  her  request , she  shrunk . arms  wounded  their  way  across  her  torso , and  her  shoulders  shrunk . her  head  lowered . she  carried  herself  like  she  would  fall  apart  if  she  didn’t  hold  it  all  together , staring  up  at  gaius  and  feeling  like  a  child  scolded .      she  feels  anger  like  never  before  well  up  inside  of  her  chest , like  fire  and  bile  burning  the  back  of  her  throat . she  feels  like  crying , and  screaming , and  raging  defiantly  against  the  lot  in  life  she  had  been  given .      it’s  not  gaius’  fault , not  really . a  rational  mind  would  know  this , be  able  to  understand  that  his  children  always  came  first , but  lovek  had , for  the  most  part , lived  a  life  denied  selfish  desires  despite  how  prevalent  they  burned  in  her  throat . she  knew  it  when  she  married  him  where  his  priorities  lied , and  had  even  accepted  them , but  no  one  had  really  explained  what  it  meant .       they  never  had  the  time  or  chance  to  be  selfish  with  each  other . she  never  really  had  the  chance  to  be  made  to  feel  like  she  was  special  to  him . and  that  reality  is  what  she  had  agreed  to , naive  as  she  was .     the  bitterness  rises , pricks  tears  in  her  eyes , and  a  shaking  hand  rises  to  run  through  the  messy  disaster  that  was  her  unkempt  hair . she  laughed , soft  and  airy , before  looking  away  from  gaius  towards  the  seafront  horizon  casting  gentle  light  across  the  city .     “   have  i  ever  actually  asked  you  for  anything , before ?   “   she  asks  then , an  emptiness  in  her  voice . it’s  an  unfair  question , manipulative  in  nature , and  futile  as  well . she  doesn’t  say  it  out  loud  to  pressure  some  sort  of  percieved  right  to  gaius , but  because , in  her  mind , it’s  a  truth .       her  chin  wobbles , and  she  sucks  in  a  defiant  breath  and  swallows  it  like  a  petulant  child , before  burying  her  face  into  the  palm  of  her  hands  and  letting  a  choked  sound  break  through .      “   you  could  ask  me ,   “   she  sobbed , rubbing  at  her  eyes , finally  letting  the  dam  break . she  hiccuped , and  let  her  breath  shudder ,   “   ask  me . ask  me  to  stay !      “   just  show  me  one  fucking  sign  that  you  actually  care !   “   she  screamed  at  him , snapping  like  a  branch , her  incredible  sorrow  falling  out  of  her  in  a  torrent  of  anger , taking  a  step  closer  to  him .       “   all  you’ve  done  is  abandon . you  abandoned  me , you  abandoned  your  children , you  abandoned  your  empire , your  friends . you’ve  run  away  from  everything  in  your  life  and  suddenly , magically , now  that  all  of  your  children  are  dead  because  you  left  them  you  want  to  play  the  good  man ?   “      her  words  were  uncalled  for , and  she  was  wrong  for  having  said  it , but  it  leaves  her  tongue  before  she  has  the  chance  to  realize  what  she’s  done . she  flinches  at  her  own  self , stepping  back  like  it  was  gaius  who  had  burned  them  and  not  herself .      “   haven’t  i  been  good  enough ?   “   she  asked  him  meekly , her  eyes  pleading  for  something  that  she  knows  she’ll  never  have .   “   i  spent  so  much  of  myself  trying  to  keep  them  safe , keep  them ... together , after  you  went  and  got  yourself  blown  up . and  i  know ! i  know  you  never  fucking  asked  me  to . wasn’t  my  fucking  job  to  do  it . but  i  loved  them , i  loved  you  --   “     she  hesitates , her  breath  catching  in  her  throat , and  her  anger  recedes  back  into  sorrow . her  overwhelming  grief  falls  out  of  her  in  the  calling  card  of  a  broken  sob , and  she  might  just  fall  over  in  the  grief  she  feels .     “   why  can’t  anyone  i  love  want  me  enough  to  stay , gaius ?   “   she  asks , trembling ,  “   why  can’t  someone , anyone , feel  obligated  to  me ? am  i  truly  so  worthless ?    “

[tsckcyomi-archived]

@aterlupus​​​ : He squints at the soldier for a long time. "... Where is your helmet?"

She’s felt his eyes on him since a while, and in turn she has made sure not to establish any kind of eye contact with him for even a single second. The man is intimidating, incredibly so, and even though Yotsuyu knows next to nothing about the Garlean military, she certainly knows that he is IMPORTANT --- considering the way he held himself and how the imperial soldiers acted around him. Considering that, upon hearing his name, even she realized that she has heard of him before. 

 ----- She wonders if he’s seen through her and her little act. 

All color drains from her face the moment he suddenly addresses her. Her eyes finally meet his, and all she can do for a moment is but stare at him. The helmet. Of course. She couldn’t find it when she stole the uniform; although perhaps, in her state of nigh panic, she might have simply overlooked it entirely. She hasn’t found the opportunity yet to simply steal a helmet from another soldier or to figure out if it was SAFE for her to simply request one, either.

“It’s... There was a --- a conflict and it was damaged., and I didn’t receive a replacement yet. I’m sorry.” Yotsuyu stumbles over her words, her LIES, and she’s cursing herself on the inside, quietly praying to any of the kami willing to listen to finally, FINALLY have some form of mercy on her. If she’s found out, she’d be sent back to Sashihai, at the very least. Or even executed for her transgressions. “I-I mean, my apologies. I will take care of it right away. Sir.”

[kintsugiscars-archive]

[ @aterlupus from here ]

While he understood the need for caution, Lex had hoped that maybe he could convince the Scions to let him have a better cell. But of course not - tensions were far too high for that.

This, truly, was the best he could do. A meager bucket of fresh water and a clean cloth with some simple medical supplies. No one else dared come closer to the injured wolf.

Lex's hands were gentle as he wiped off the blood from Gaius' face, a light frown painting his lips as he concentrated. "That's fine," he said to the man's statement, "but at least tell me if I hurt you."

When the cloth became too soaked with sweat and dirt, Lex dutifully cleaned if off and began anew. "I'll talk at you, though, if you don't stop me." His voice was light, easy - as if they hadn't tried fighting to the death before. "I need something to occupy the silence."

[drachenblood]

Ishgard has not been kind to the former legatus and there is but one more trial among many that awaits him this day. Estinien drops the old birch fishing rod into Gaius’ hands without so much as a greeting. “I’ve heard word that you’ve a talent for this.” He hefts a satchel full of supplies, his own fishing rod strapped to his back alongside his lance. “The day is clear and the weather is warming. Come.”  /  @aterlupus​

[blaackbiird-archive]

@aterlupus from xx

The man looked half dead, sitting on a bench and staring out at the ocean like it held the answers to his life’s hardest questions. Blood and soot and oil covering him near head to foot, Eidric can’t help but be concerned.

And so he’d approached. He’d said hello, but Gaius hadn’t reacted. And perhaps it wasn’t the smartest move to touch a veteran soldier’s face without warning, but he worried. 

And Gaius hadn’t stopped him.

“I wont ask you to leave,” Eidric says quietly when he’s finished. Daring again, he reaches for the man’s clostest hand - just as filthy as his face had been - and starts  gently wiping away the blood there, as well. The bandages will stain, will need to be replaced, but surely it can’t be comfortable to remain coated?

“Are you bleeding?” he asks, still quiet. He’s unsure if the blood is from Gaius himself, or...

Best not think about that now.

[sunderedoldfriends-archived]

@aterlupus continued from here.

It was difficult not to give in to resignation when everything in the young prince‘s life was so incredibly dull. Growing up Zenos preferred spending his time with books, he mostly was by himself anyways as his father was barely around, too busy working on his schemes to conquer Eorzea, but once he had reached a certain age he was expected to be tutored among other Garlean children.

And that was when Zenos‘ struggles really began. He found the lessons to be dull as he wasn’t taught anything he would not be able to teach himself with the help of books. He found the other children pathetic, especially the way they fought for both the tutor‘s and the crown prince‘s attention. Zenos didn’t understand them and in return they didn’t understand him either and over the years the abyss between them only seemed to grow bigger.

Then, when Zenos had reached his late teens, he heard the people he was once raised alongside talk behind his back, whispering to one another as he walked by, and even though he cared naught about them, a part of him still wondered what that was all about.

So he turned to the one man that had earned Zenos‘ admiration and trust: the Black Wolf, Gaius van Baelsar. He was a skilled fighter and an even better general and tales of his hard fought battles against the Eorzean savages always brought a spark of excitement to Zenos‘ eyes. Said eyes were now staring at the general, dull and lifeless as ever as he contemplated the spoken words.

Fear and respect. As long as people treated him with both he should be fine. Fear was easy to achieve, most of them already feared him simply because he was the Emperor‘s son, but respect? Respect had to be earned, preferably on the battlefield.

For a moment he looked at Gaius in silence and after a moment of consideration he said:

„You are soon again leaving for the battlefield, aren’t you? Take me with you.“

[adenial-a]

halloween photos featuring @aterlupus & @furorastra family moment