An Arsonists Lullabye
Word Count:1,782 Setting: Parents Tents, 10/2 Late Afternoon Triggers: Brief mentions of Depression, Mental Illness, and Murder. Also lots and lots of cursing. Like, you have been warned.
“All you have is your fire, And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons, But always keep 'em on a leash…”
~
Standing there outside the tent flaps Finley knew he should probably go in and announce himself to his parents. But something in him knew he wouldn’t learn anything about what was going on if he did that. He wouldn’t learn anything about why his parents were angrily whispering to each other, when they should be getting ready to leave.
Shrinking back slightly as his mother come into view, Finn peaked through the tent flap a little bit, trying to figure out what was going on.
“No,” His father’s voice rang out firmly as he faced opposite his mother. “You can not ask me to stand behind you on this one Alice. I won’t.”
“So you want him to be discovered?” His mother snapped back crossing her arms over her chest “You want them to find him? Like they’ve already found the O'Reilly's?” The last part came out as almost a whisper, as if she didn’t want anyone to know what she was talking about “Caleb they only live in the next town over. The next town over.”
Looking down for a second Finn bit his lip thoroughly confused. The O'Reilly’’s were one of the wizarding families that went to his mother’s school. They had an 8 year old daughter named Nina and a 10 year old son named Daniel. Dakota used to babysit for them. But why his mother would be talking about them he had no idea.
“Of course not.” His father countered placing his hands on his hips “Alice what father in their right mind would want that for their son?” Caleb questioned, his legs starting to pace up and down the wooden floor of the tent, making finn shrink back a little bit more. “But no matter how much I want to protect him,” he father continued tone serious “I will not let my fear of what could happen because hinder my son’s ability to be himself.”
Protect him? From what? And His son? Who in the hell was his father talking about. Because while Cory was technically his nephew, his father had long since dropped the distinction in favor of calling both boy’s his son.
“To be himself?” His mother retorted, eyes practically rolling into the back of hier skull with the force of her annoyance “Caleb our son is a pure-blooded Wizard.”
And that’s when it hit him. They were talking about him. Because Cory didn’t have wizarding heritage on both sides, or whatever the magicians across the pond referred wizarding heritage lines as. No Nathaniel Thomas has been born a no-maj, plain as day. And while he’d subsequently left that world behind for his aunt and his children, he’d never ever called himself a wizard. Ever.
“This thing,” His Mother continued interrupting his racing mind “This fantasy no-maj world full of contraptions and dirt and that weird MIT or whatever stupid school he thinks he’s going to be able to go to after he’s finished here. It’s not real Caleb. And we’ve let him go on thinking that it’s ok for long enough.”
Feeling his breath hitch inside his throat, Finn reeled back even further, as the realization hit him. They were talking about him. Because Cory wasn’t pure blooded. Or whatever the magicians across the pond referred wizarding heritage lines as. No Nathaniel Thomas has been born a no-maj. And he’d subsequently left that world behind for his aunt and his children.
“Long Enough. Pureblooded. Shit Alice you know you sound just like your mother.” His father snorted at her the ice in his voice biting. “Next thing you know Finley is going to be living on someone else’s couch for his last year of school because he doesn’t fit into your little perfect little wizarding mold for him.”
“You did not just compare Lucas’ situation to Finley’s.” Alice retorted a fire in her eyes “You know for a fact that that was not because Lucas is a Squib.”
Standing there, Finley felt a flood of anger wash over him. He knew Uncle Lucas had a hard time living as a Squib but he never ever thought about what his uncle must have faced, living within a magical family. And to be honest it made his blood boil just thinking about it all, thinking about how much his perfect wizarding grandmother must have wanted him to just be normal.
And how his mother was now wishing the same things for him.
“Yea well, ok what should I compare it to then. Because you and I both know there are more stories than just that” Caleb huffed “So you tell me. Should I compare it to the time your mother literally almost disowned your sister for marrying someone with a No-Maj background, thinking that the bad press would hurt her career. Or the time she almost came to blows with her fully fucking trained Auror son-in-law because he had the audacity to want to raise his children outside of a magic only city. Because I fear that that is that path you are going down right now Alice with this. And i will not let you do that to my son.”
Standing there Finn watched his mother grow silent, her shoulders heavy with the weight of an invisible burden that only she knew about. “But I have to protect my son Caleb.” Alice whispered tear rolling down her porcelain cheek “I have to protect him from them.”
Snorting at her display, Finn shook his head, wondering how his mother had even the audacity to say and do what she was currently doing. Because anyone who knew anything about Crying, breaking down. It was his mother’s singular defense when things became too much. When people needed her to man up she fucking cried and locked herself in her bedroom for a year.
“And we will Alice,” Caleb replied coming over “We will, but not like this.”
And their his father went. Trying to fix everything, all while excusing her current actions. Excusing her when she should be held accountable for shit. For being a horrible mother. For being a horrible mother now, and for being a horrible mother then when Finley her only fucking son fucking needed her and she wasn’t fucking there.
“But I’m not asking him to change,” She said wiping hr eyes “I’m just asking him to be more-
“Normal.” Finn interrupted quietly, not able to take it any longer. “You’re asking me to be more normal.”
Watching the color drain from her face as stepped through the flap in the tent, Finley couldn’t help but narrow his eyes, part of him almost enjoying this.
“Finn,” She squeaked out, a look of pure terror on her face “Honey”
“It’s fine mom. Heard you loud and clear.” He retorted sarcastically “I can’t be me because you and everyone else doesn’t like that I’m into No-maj culture and those fanatical murderers don’t like that I was born a wizard. I’m a freak that doesn’t fit in either world. I get it.”
Because he did get it. Stuck between both worlds He’d never be the person she wanted to be. He’d never be-
Enough.
“Finley, you know that’s not what we meant at all.” His dad replied gently, using his calming tone. The one he used when he knew Finn was getting anxious, or when he was showing signs of panic. And Finn hated that voice. Hated everything it represented. Especially now. When panicked was the furthest thing from what he felt. No. Finley felt upset. Upset that his mother would even think of asking him to give up the one good thing in his life anymore. Upset that she was actually acting like she actually cared about his well being at all, when anyone that knew anything about him could have told her point blank that this was the one thing that would hurt him more than she already had.
“Yea, and I don’t care what you meant.” Finn retorted shaking his head at the both of them “Because what I heard was that you want me to turn my back on everything that I love, because I’m not good enough the way I am.”
And Looking back on it now he knew it was cruel. He knew he was taking out all the frustrations he’d felt ever since that fateful day. That horrible terrible fucking day eight years ago, when he lost both his mother and his aunt and uncle. But in this moment, nothing else mattered, except letting her know just how deep the wounds went. Except letting her know that Finley still hadn’t forgiven her for essentially abandoning him to her depression. And he doubted he ever would.
“That is not it at all and you know it Finley.” His Mother said carefully, looking over at his father. But his father just stood there, knowing that this was a battle between his wife and his son, and to step in now would be ill advised. Turning back to look at Finley she clasped her hands together, finally saying the two words Finley had been waiting to hear this whole time. “The scourers-” She started before Finley took a step closer his mind already made up.
“Fuck the fucking scourers Mom!!!!” Finley yelled the anger just running through him now. Because after 8 years he was tired of hearing about the fucking scourers, tired of panicking about the scourers, but most of all, tired of being afraid of the scourers. “Seriously FUCK THEM.” Finley screamed his rage practically all encompassing now, his small frame shaking with it as his hands balled into fists.
Stepping toward him his Father placed himself between Finn and his mother “Finley calm down.” he said gently, his voice oozing with that fucking tone.
“Don’t you even dare tell me to calm down.” Finley fumed shaking his head at his father.“Not when they already fucking took my aunt and uncle. My home. My mental health.” He hissed eyes practically daggers now as he turned to stare straight at his mother.
“Finley” his mother whispered, but it was already too late. The damage was done.
“They took my life from me Mother. From us. They are not taking my fucking passions from me too. I won’t let them, and I sure as hell won’t let you.” He spat “So have a nice fucking trip home.”
And if the tent had had a door he would have slammed it as he stormed out, his body practically burning with pent up anger. But for now Finley had to settle for leaving it flapping in the breeze, the metaphorical ashes of everything he’d just burned to the ground staining the air between them.
