Thorn and his gang encounter the first snare in their journey while Melania encounters a being that favors one of her brother's patients. La
Couldn’t really find anything out of place in this chapter other than the words “The boy that favors Richard” is used WAY too much. So I’ll just go on to the backstory.
Also, this is another problem that’s seen in the story that I’ve talked about before, I don’t believe we’ve seen Helva in the story before, so how are we supposed to know what she’s like? The readers have nothing to worry about because they don’t know what Helva’s capable of, ruining the tension.
Why was he miserable? There’s nothing that indicates that he was miserable before hand. Now, this is the only part that was done well and subtle in the story so far, Brighton’s girlfriend looking unhappy in his presence, indicating she’s not happy in the relationship.
Why would an atheist immediately convert and start praying to God after he got cheated on? I can understand if an Athiest was praying in a time of crisis but for something like this? There’s no reason for him to convert and nothing that indicates he would before hand. Also, being that Brighton’s a hothead, I doubt someone that he’d be the type to be thinking about settling down with a girl in high school.
Why can’t these characters just accept that THEY did wrong, it wasn’t because the devil made them do it, they cheated because they were assholes who didn’t consider their partner’s feelings.
Also, turning to God doesn’t take your cancer away.
This is the ONLY backstory and character that I can sympathize with and understand WHY she turned to Christianity. She had a reason and motivation for converting to Christianity.
First, why did Chrysanthemum have a gun on her? Second, what happened in the time between her killing the Police officer to her meeting Thorn? Did she run away? Wouldn’t there be people looking for her?
Also, I heard that this whole backstory was based on a roleplay you did a while back, would you mind explaining?
Other than that, that’s all for the comic portion this time. There’s quite a few issues I have with the backstories.
What’s the use of Thorn using his powers to take pain away if he’s just gonna make them go through excruciating pain and the characters are gonna still feel pain down the line anyway? It’s like an oxymoron. Praying and turning to a God doesn’t mean your life will get any easier, nor will it take away all the pain and suffering that comes along with living. Most of these characters had little to NO reason to immediately convert like they did except for Elia, Elia had the best backstory and motivation to become Christian by a landslide and Brighton had the worst. I giving the others more believable backstories and motivations as to WHY they turned into Christians.
I’d really suggest sticking with traditional when it comes to the comic parts, they’re a lot softer on the eyes and look like they had more time and effort put into them. However, the picture quality’s a bit too bright and washed out.
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Quinten wakes up a completely, different person. Thorn and Brighton are having friendship issues. Episode 3: creepypastajack.deviantart
Quintin’s personality and accent change for some weird reason that’s never explained. Thorn doesn’t know what exactly’s happened or what will happen to Quintin and Brighton starts arguing with him.
“I had a gargoyle installed! All the hot church’s have ‘em!” Kale replied with his trademark grin.
“But it looks so evil…Will that thing attract evil spirits?” Thorn whimpered.
“Thorn, they’re meant to scare off evil spirits, not attract 'em…” Kale reassured.
“Well, I think it looks good, Kale!” Brighton announced before flashing Thorn a defiant smirk.
“See? Our head of security likes it so ya know it’s safe.” Kale pointed out.
“Fine, we can keep the gargoyle…” Thorn reluctantly agreed with a sigh.
“Sweet! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a shop to attend to.” Kale excused himself to return to the gift-shop.
“Hey, Quinten? Why don’tcha help me and Myrtle keep watch over the church? Maybe you can even help me work on the design for our Mardi Gras float.” Brighton offered before flashing Thorn another smirk.
“Oh, grow up, Brighton!” Thorn rolled his eyes before angrily storming back into the church.
Thorn is a pastor, shouldn’t he know what Gargoyles mean and represent? Even so, how did Thorn not know of the installation? Isn’t he supposed to be like the leader of the church?
And I guess Brighton’s acting passive aggressively to Thorn since Thorn doesn’t know what’ll happen with Quintin, smirking at him like a rebellious teen who wants attention.
“Sure, I’d love to but what’s going between you and Thorn?” Quinten decided to question out of curiosity.
“Just another classic case of Thorn doin’ his typical, Thorn crap…We were supposed to hang out today and work on the float but he blew me off for some dumb kid in our orphanage…” Brighton sighed with a roll of his eyes.
“Well, that wasn’t very churchy of him…” Quinten had to admit.
“I know! That little brat’s obviously still in the church somewhere! What’s he gonna do, jump a thousand feet down just to get away from us?! He can’t and he won’t ‘cause like them precious Snowflakes, he’s a wuss but no matter how many times I tell Thorn that, he’s dead-set on blowin’ me off to find this stupid kid and to add insult to injury, he keeps blamin’ me for losin’ the kid all because I yelled at him for breakin’ one of our Jesus statues!” Brighton of course began to rant about his problems just as Quinten suspected he would but Quinten in turn offered Brighton his undivided attention since he felt the need to help Brighton make amends with Thorn.
“I see…I am truly sorry to hear that…” Quinten decided to side with Brighton for now, at least until he could get Thorn’s side of the story.
“Yeah, pretty messed up, right? Oh well, thanks for lettin’ me vent!” Brighton then flashed Quinten a smile.
“What are friends for?” Quinten offered a sheepish smile of his own in return.
I mean, it’s not like Brighton’s helping out in any way. Thorn has to go and find an orphan HE shoud’ve been watching and Brighton’s just acting pissy and clingy. AH YES, calling a kid a wuss for not basically committing suicide by jumping of the cloud, but oh, poor Brighton’s still apparently alone in the church where he has OTHER friends. Brighton knows he can yell at a kid but still WATCH them, right??
It’s messed up to let Thorn do the job that Brighton was supposed to do, it’s messed up for Brighton to be bitching about not being able to hang out as if HE was in any way the victim here, but the most messed up thing here is Thorn left Brighton, an immature, idiotic, emotionally unstable, sociopathic meathead in charge of a bunch of orphans.
Attack on Stainglass #7: Brighton the Mass Murderer (Rant)
Oh boy, these two chapters made me MAD. If you didn’t get my hate for Brighton before, you’ll probably understand it now.
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Brighton and Richard help the mayor's security take on the Snowflakes. Chrysanthemum takes a leap of faith and faces her fears. Last: c
See, Brighton CHOSE to drop the bombs on the protesters. It didn’t fall out of his hand, he made the conscious decision to let it out of his grasp onto a hoard of people. Commando even describes it in horrifying detail.
Loud screams emitted from the entire group of protesters as the front of the group was incinerated in a bright, orange blaze of fire and smoke. Lainey watched in horror as she watched the silhouettes of her friends painfully convulse within the flames.
And that sick fuck, Brighton is even getting a kick out of it.
Brighton could see just how big the group of his sworn enemies was once Pitchfork had flown over them but he would not let the size of his enemies’ group discourage him as he dropped another bomb onto the remaining group. The screams of his enemies were one of the most pleasant sounds to Brighton’s ears as the flames quickly spread throughout the group from the previous explosion. Once the flames had ceased to spread, Richard dropped another bomb onto the remainder of the group as Pitchfork rode alongside the rapidly, spreading flames.
To enjoy the fight is one thing, but to enjoy causing pain and listening to people burn alive is fucking sick. Why wasn’t Helva like this?? That would’ve made me want to root for the protagonist if she acted like Brighton!
So Helva and her family try to fight back and then this happens.
“Take cover!” Helva warned before ducking behind a parked, flaming car. Helva’s relatives held their protest-signs in front of their faces in a vain attempt to shield themselves as Brighton threw another bomb onto all of them. Helva peaked out from behind her hiding-place to check on her relatives and for a short while, she actually believed that they had managed to survive the explosion until the wind had picked up, reducing them all into nothing more than scattered ashes.
“No…” Helva quietly gasped, exasperated from the shock as she dropped to her knees from the grief of losing her family.
“Ha-ha! Yes!” Brighton cheered triumphantly as he and Richard exchanged a high-five. As Thorn and Chrysanthemum arrived at the horrific scene, they were appalled by what was happening before them.
“Guess the Snowflakes won’t be a problem to us no more…” Chrysanthemum sighed as Thorn focused in on the sight of dying people. One man was running from his best-friend, who was on fire and blindly chasing after him from the pain until he finally dropped dead. Another person was painfully removing the bandana that was practically welded to his mouth from the heat while another was pouring water from his water-bottle onto his melted face.
Yeah! Lets cheer, for we have killed thousands of people in some of the most painful ways imaginable and rejoice as if we won a COD game while our enemy grieves over her family that we just killed! I hate Brighton so much like you have no idea.
“Maybe we should just go back to the Church; I think we got enough of ‘em…” Richard fearfully suggested.
“Heck nah! How many, more bombs to we got left?” Brighton snarled.
“O-One more…” Richard stuttered after he had checked his costume-purse.
“Give it here!” Brighton demanded when another one of Helva’s scimitars had pierced Pitchfork’s shoulder. Pitchfork let out of squeal of pain before beginning to drop from the sky.
“Brighton! Richard!” Thorn cried out in terror as he watched Pitchfork spiral toward the ground. Brighton and Richard both winced as they struggled to hold onto their plummeting bovine for dear life. Helva, Lainey and Ian all began to cheer triumphantly until Pitchfork had managed to catch himself. Since oxen were significantly stronger than most humans, Pitchfork was able to endure the scimitar without suffering from a potentially, fatal injury.
“No!” Helva shouted after receiving an evil glare from Brighton. She knew what that glare meant as she had begun to rush to Lainey and Ian’s aid. Lainey and Ian both leapt out of the way, in separate directions as Brighton threw down the last, remaining bomb where they had once stood. Helva was blown back by the explosion as the flames licked Lainey and Ian’s back.
Pitchfork let out a triumphant whinny as he landed amongst the carnage, beginning to stomp through it. Pitchfork then turned his head to watch Helva sit up from the rubble, recognizing her as the one who had harmed him as he delivered a rough mule-kick to her face, knocking her unconscious.
“Helva!” Lainey cried out as she watched Brighton leap down from Pitchfork’s back.
“Lainey, run…” Ian whispered to himself as he rushed to Helva’s aid. Pitchfork let out a loud cry of pain as Brighton struggled to remove Helva’s scimitar from his shoulder. With a sudden burst of courage, Lainey picked up a shard of glass and began to charge toward Brighton with a war-cry.
“You idiot…” Ian muttered beneath his breath as he placed the unconscious-Helva into their Van.
How are we supposed to even root for the protagonists??? Brighton’s throwing bombs at enemies who are already down and out (except for Helva) and just genuinely enjoys being an evil cunt. Even the Ox kicked Helva in the face. The “snowflakes” actually care for one another, such as when Ian carried Helva to the van and told Lainey to make a run for it, they’re not completely lost causes who don’t care about anyone else, good God, HOW DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR THE TERRORISTS??? I hate people who try to physically harm others over opinions and petty talk but somehow you managed to make me feel bad for the Terrorists. How can you possibly be this bad at making likeable protagonists?
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Thorn has a talk with Brighton. The mayor stops by to award Brighton for his heroism. Last: creepypastajack.deviantart.com… Next
“Did ya see the look on that wuss, Helva’s face when I blew up her family?! It was classic!” Brighton cackled as Thorn angrily treated Pitchfork’s wounded shoulder.
“I can’t believe Lainey actually attacked ya…” Richard remarked. With his previous fear of women, he knew that they had a tendency to be violently unpredictable but he was sure that Brighton’s bombing would have scared Lainey enough to make her not try anything.
“Snowflakes are idiots! That’s why they get beat up so easily! Good thing Chrys’ came to our rescue at the last minute.” Brighton smirked.
“I was just doin’ what The Lord led me to do but I do think our victory calls for a celebration.” Chrysanthemum grinned as she approached the boys with a jar of Kale’s homemade, marshmallow balls.
“Did ya see the look on that wuss, Helva’s face when I blew up her family?! It was classic!” Brighton cackled” YIKES. I mean, FUCKING. YIKES. And you Commando tried to call ME a terrorist for feeling worse for Helva than I do for this piece of shit character.
After that, Thorn rightfully yells at Brighton for murdering thousands
“Oh, Brighton…WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!” Thorn finally shouted at Brighton after a moment of silence, startling Brighton.
“Huh?! What?! Did I do somethin’ wrong?!” Brighton began to stammer.
“You know very good and well you did something wrong! You just killed thousands of people!” Thorn angrily reminded.
“Who cares? They were all a bunch of Snowflakes anyway…” Brighton scoffed, causing Thorn to fall silent.
Brighton’s shitty, moving along.
“Not all of them were pure evil, Brighton! Some of them were just lead down the wrong path by Helva! They could have been saved but instead of saving them, you permanently condemned their souls to Hell! When I saw you attacking those people like that, you were no different from them!” Thorn shrieked, finally getting through to Brighton.
I can really get behind Thorn here, Brighton had little to no consideration for the thousands of lives he was about to take. This isn’t some courageous war where many are fighting against each other resulting in casualties, this is one man dropping bombs on a crowd of misguided people. I know Brighton’s a Sociopath, but omfg, he’s such a piece of shit.
“Thorn…c’mon buddy, you’re not a bad preacher…I was just…angry, that’s all…I’m sorry…” Brighton apologized as tears began to cascade down his cheeks as well.
“I am not the one you need to apologize to…” Thorn reminded Brighton of how The Lord must be feeling about the loss of his children.
“I’m sorry, God…” Brighton apologized to The Lord with a shameful sigh as tears continuously dripped from his eyes.
“Promise us you’ll never do it again…” Thorn tearfully begged with a sniffle.
“I won’t…I promise…” Brighton sniffled before he and Thorn embraced each other in a tight hug. The boys’ moment was soon interrupted by the Church’s doorbell ringing.
Yes...apologize to God and not Helva, you know, the person who’s family you just mercilessly killed...CAN THESE PEOPLE SHUT UP ABOUT THEIR RELIGION FOR ONE SEC AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE REALITY OF THEIR SITUATION.
After that, the mayor invited the church to a celebration party after they saved them. Did I mention this story is both politically and religiously charged? Listen to this line.
“Mayor Claire? It is an honor to have you on our doorstep!” Thorn beamed as he stared up at his voted mayor of choice in awe. Mickey could not help but chuckle at how much Thorn admired him. It was not often that he met a fan after all.
No one cares who Thorn voted for. Just say he was a fan.
Before we start this thing off, one of my friends DM’d me and wanted to ask how old the main characters were. With the timing of everything, it sounds confusing. She said:
“In one of her concepts/plots, there is two men set to be married. In that description, she says they were in high school with Thorn.
If my analysis is correct, that would mean that there's about to a "marriage right after high-school" scenario going on.”
No on with the story.
All of the characters got darker, like they all got a tan before the party. Also, Melania’s text is a bit harder to see than the rest. I’d also suggest putting a little more sparkle on a character if you’re trying to address how beautiful they are, because in this panel, she just looks like she’s trying on different outfits and not giving it a second thought.
But Brighton didn’t say anything about the Ralley? No one mentioned anything about the party or being late to it.
“Return of Quintin”? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned a character by the name of Quintin in this story, it feels like we’re missing a part of the story. Also, Myrtle’s arms are not proportional to the rest of her body, they look like Trex arms. However, Brighton looks a LOT better in this one page. Quintin’s hair also looks weird, it’s segmented in a weird way.
This page is just formatted messily. I can’t tell where it starts nor where it ends and Brighton’s still bragging about killing thousands of people as if Thorn’s words didn’t reach him at ALL. Also, Brighton’s such a HUGE cocky hypocrite that he actually suggests putting non-Christians in a psych-ward. Like, HE WAS AN ATHIEST. Can he not think about his words for a single second? Not to mention, he’s being a general nuisance to Thorn, the one who’s trying to handle a death threat that was sent to the church, something he should rightfully be worried about. Lastly, the thing that Kale said is totally out of left feild and since the formatting of this page is weird, I don’t know if his suggestion was warranted or not.
Anatomy’s off but it’s an old piece so I’ll let it slide.
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The others hunt for Quinten while Melania plots to outrank her brother. Sorry to leave this on a cliffhanger but tune in next time to see wh
“So you’re scared of me?” Myrtle asked flatly.
“I’m not scared of ya…I’m scared of fallin’ in love again…What Stacy did to me really hurt and I don’t wanna go through that again…I just wanna focus on The Lord and protectin’ his good name from the Snowflakes that try to slander it…” Brighton finally admitted with a sigh of defeat.
Brighton isn’t doing God’s name any favors, he’s actually doing a disservice by doing things in God’s name tbh, he hasn’t really done anything good.
“Welcome back, Viv’…” Quinten grinned a large, psychotic grin as Elia had now begun to cry at this point.
“Now…Let’s talk…Why did you leave me?” Quinten’s smile fell as he suddenly began to demand answers from who he truly believed was Vivian reborn.
“It was my time…” Elia replied, deciding to play along in order to protect herself.
“I don’t care about that! I was in love with you! You were the only girl I ever loved! How could you just die on me like that?!” Quinten then shouted at Elia as tears began to gush from his eyes profusely.
“You don’t need me…” Elia’s voice quaked, though she managed to keep her tone calm. She gradually began to relax when she saw two, small flames glowing in the dark behind Quinten. She knew that Thorn was here with his magic cross now and she knew that she would just need to trick Quinten into accepting The Lord so he could help the both of them.
“Yes, I do! I need ya, Viv’…” Quinten whimpered as he gently placed his hands on her shoulders.
“There is someone who loves you more than I ever would have…He will never die…He will never leave you or forsake you…” Elia calmly explained.
“Who? Who could possibly take your place in my life?” Quinten sniffled.
“God can…Turn to him and he will take all of your pain away…He will make you whole…” Elia answered him honestly.
“God?! God, please help me! Please!” Quinten then desperately began to beg toward the Heavens. He knew deep down that he had gone insane. He had lost himself and he was desperate to be made whole again.
Granted that this is a dark and tragic scene, but the message behind it is even more so. Quintin is a mentally damaged individual who still grieves over his dead girlfriend, nothing can replace what he has lost and he needs time and someone to help him heal.
Elia’s smart for playing along as who knows what Quintin’s capable of but the fact that she says that God would love him more than his girlfriend ever could or would have is disgusting in a way that brushes his pain off as nothing more than a mere phase. Not to mention, she straight up says God can replace Vivian and take ALL his pain away, what an absolutely horrid way to tackle loss and the damage it does to someone’s state of mind. Quintin even BEGS for God to take all his pain away, it’s really tragic that in this story, it seems like converting to Christianity is the ONLY way to “heal.”
Now’s where the inconsistency in mediums kick in, these are the more wordy chapters so I’ll just link y’all to it here:
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Now that all of the main protagonists have been introduced, we can proceed with the story. When Melania collapses, Thorn is forced to use hi
I suggest you read it yourselves for the full effect before reading my criticism.
I will also bold quotes from the story.
Starting off, I have no problem with Melania coming out to shout at them for being so loud (I would’ve done the same thing tbh) but other than that, doesn’t she have anorexia or something? When introducing the characters, it’d probably be helpful to know if they have a disorder if you’re not planning on implementing it subtly, especially since the church is supposed to be a rehab center. Thorn even outright says it later on in the same chapter, showing that it was really no use keeping it as a secret to he readers.
So, after Melania faints from stress/not eating, this part in the story comes up:
“What’s goin’ on up there?” Lainey questioned from below the cloud that the Church/hospital rested on.
“Is everything okay?” Ian added. The liberal couple both flinched when they were met with a gaze of pure hatred from Brighton.
“Nice goin’, wuss! Ya killed her!” Brighton accused, assuming that Ian’s yelling had placed so much stress on Melania, that she had suffered from a heart-attack. Brighton then pulled a ruler from one of the holsters on the belt that Thorn had given to him before sending it spinning toward the two. The ruler managed to smack both Ian and Lainey across the face, hard enough to knock them both to the ground before spinning back into Brighton’s hand like a boomerang. Ian and Lainey began to scream and cry like small children once struck, provoking Brighton to huff in satisfaction before returning to his group to assist Melania.”
So, Lainey and Ian are supposed to be the bad guys even though THEY seem concerned about Melania as well and as a reward for being (what I can only assume is concerned), Brighton pulls a bullshit move with a ruler and slaps them across the face?? Why can Brighton be violent but still find hope or whatever but Lainey and Ian are pushed away even though they’re concerned about someone who’s supposed to be against them? Brighton even finds ENJOYMENT in making people cry through violence, even if it was over something as petty as them yelling at each other.
“I can’t! She hasn’t accepted The Lord into her heart yet! If I use my powers on her, she’ll…she’ll die…” Thorn sniffled as he watched Kale and Brighton gently place his sister into one of the hospital beds.
“If ya don’t, she could die any minute now from organ failure…At least if ya use your powers on her, it’ll buy her some more time…” Brighton reasoned as Richard timidly watched from the doorframe to Melania’s hospital room. With a reluctant sigh, Thorn pulled his special cross from the chest-pocket of his jean-jacket.
“Lord, please give me the power to heal my beloved sister, in Jesus’ name I pray…” Thorn prayed over his cross as it began to glow. Richard gasped lightly as he watched chains extend from the once-barren, cross pendant and wrap themselves around Thorn’s neck.
Thorn is running a rehab, shouldn’t he KNOW how to deal with this realistically WITHOUT prayer? Praying is not going to help anyone who’s suffered from a heart attack, they need immediate medical attention. If he doesn’t know how to revive one who’s had a heart attack, shouldn’t he call someone?
“W-What happened to her?” Richard finally spoke up, gaining everyone’s attention as he timidly entered the room.
“M-Melania…S-She had a…eating disorder…” Thorn finally admitted to all of his friends for the first time, provoking a gasp from everyone that was in the room with him.
“What?! Why?! How?!” Brighton demanded as tears finally began to gush from his eyes.
“I-It was the other boys at camp…Nobody wanted to be her boyfriend a-and that made her feel like she wasn’t pretty enough…I tried to help her get better…She told me not to tell anyone…” Thorn hysterically explained between sobs.
“What?! That’s just, plain stupid! Who are those jerks that think they’re not good enough for our Mel’?! When I get my hands on ‘em, I’ll…!” Brighton was practically foaming at the mouth as he removed his ruler from his holster and began using it to mercilessly beat the air-conditioner unit that was in the room with them all.
“That’ll be the head!” Brighton smirked proudly once he had reduced the air-conditioner unit to nothing-more than a sparking, smoking mess of dented metal. Richard now began to stare at Melania’s unconscious frame with a newfound sympathy as he began to remember how it felt to be turned down by both of his ex crushes.
When Brighton says, “What?! That’s just, plain stupid! Who are those jerks that think they’re not good enough for our Mel’?!” That makes it sound like the boys didn’t think they were worthy enough for someone like Mel. Also, I understand how that event could’ve caused her to get the disorder, but the boys at her camps shouldn’t be painted as bad guys. I think that was just a slip of wording though. And Brighton looks like a complete maniac when he commits property damage and imagines that as being an actual human who did no wrong.
After this, they all enter into Melania’s subconscious through a religious thing and go to the valley of death where Melania is. I’ll make another post later as I didn’t imagine the post would be this wordy.
Alright, I’m gonna make this a new thing where I attack the issues I see with Stainglass. There’s an inconsistency between the types of mediums Commando uses so I’ll post the comics here but link y’all to her DA for the wordier things. This is the first page she linked me to so I’ll start here.
So starting off, I’m already confused. The art is extremely flat and lazy, but this is an older piece of Commando’s so I’ll let it slide. However, the text boxes are still the same after all this time. It’s best to make speech bubbles instead of color-coded text because it could end up potential confusing the reader, plus, it just looks bad in general.
Is he supposed to be looking out the window? If so, you should’ve drawn a panel of him getting up and looking out the window.
The cross from his chest has disappeared.
The way that Richard (that’s what I believe his name was of I remember correctly) talks about Thorn is very confusing. If Thorn in the third panel is like a flash back or something not related to what’s going on in the present, you need to show that it’s not related by changing the lining of the panels.
You’re also giving way too much backstory for things we didn’t even see yet. It feels like the first half is missing because the main character doesn’t seem to have amnesia or anything, he saw something that we didn’t and it makes me wonder what the context behind all of this is.
Everything on Myrtle is anatomically incorrect but this is an older piece so I’ll ignore it for now.
If characters are talking, I suggest drawing them with their mouth open or at least smiling or gritting their teeth. Also, everything in a gift shop can’t be free, they have to make a profit some how. You need to explain why everything is free in the gift shop because that’s just not how real gift shops work.
Why do the backgrounds keep changing color? There’s no indication that they moved anywhere, it’d be useful to put in some backgrounds, at least draw a hallway or movement lines to show that they’re going somewhere else, either that or name the location at the top.
Also, why did Richard break down? There was virtually nothing that indicates he was about to do so.
Also, if you haven’t already, you should really rethink Chrysanthemum’s design, she looks like a straight up female version of Roger from ‘Doug.’
The Snowflakes are the only ones that look decent and believable when it comes to character design (at least the blue hipster does.)
I thought real Christians don’t judge? Shouldn’t Thorn be the one to try and change them? At least try to make them see what they see?
If what Ian says is true, you shouldn’t be pushing your religious beliefs on others. Brighton just seems to be acting like a whiny toddler who just learned how to swear. If they are keeping a fugitive with them, that’s also wrong.
So I guess Thorn just ignores Ian and Lainey instead of trying to get through to them and appeal to their humanity? He sounds like a kind pastor. Why are Ian and Lainey’s behavior not tolerated here but Brighton only gets a slap on the wrist for acting the same as them on the opposite spectrum??
That’s about it for the first part, there’s a LOT of things that need to be fixed:
Much needed Backstory: The characters seem to know something that we don’t and it isn’t just a character keeping a secret, it’s a whole other story that went on without us seeing that contributes to the main “plot”
Art: Don’t use neons unless they have a purpose and you know how to use them. Thorn having one part of his hair died green is unrealistic, especially since he’s the pastor. Anatomy’s still wonky in your comics, even now.
Pacing: The story tends to speed up and slow down a lot, makes for a story that doesn’t flow well. Not to mention, you don’t transition well from scene to scene.
Background: Just do a more detailed background, without the details, we don’t even know where the hell the characters are.
Thorn makes his Church mobile then comforts Chrysanthemum when she fears for her future. The Church ends up in New Orleans and Richard reuni
Talking about moving the church would’ve been nice, because now it looks like the church is just moving on a whim. Not to mention the unexplained magical cloud the church sits on wasn’t explained. You don’t need to talk about the character’s eye color every single time it’s brought up.
Thorn’s effort to cheer Chrysanthemum up was an good attempt but honestly, the two events weren’t comparable, the only thing the two events have in common were that they were both near death experiences. Watching your friends get shot to death and having a black widow bite you and now you’re too afraid to take the job are two completely different types of struggles that don’t really relate back to each other other than it holds both Thorn and Chrysanthemum back from something.
I could let the songs slide before, but now they’re just getting distracting. Putting in “Don’t you worry child” by Swedish House Mafia does nothing but distract from the plot. It could work in a musical animated tv show but not in a book.
Also, the thing about New Orleans, I looked it up as being one of the most sinful states but really, there’s nothing this church can do about that. And why does Thorn seem so reluctant to “help them”? And how do they plan on helping the folks in New Orleans?
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Thorn invites Richard's brothers over for a chaotic dinner while Kale, Brighton and Myrtle Christmas Carol for a scam. Last: creepypast
I get that there’s the whole “no judging” thing when it comes to the religion but can’t Richard be allowed to feel embarrassed having his little brother eat from the trash?
Other than that, the only other problem with this one is the singing again, the rest is okay.
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Brighton receives some bad news from an old friend. Chrysanthemum forgives her enemies. Last: creepypastajack.deviantart.com… Ne
Again with the songs, putting in a Christmas rap does absolutely nothing for the story, it just sounds cringe-inducing.
And the talking cat needs to be explained as well, it just seems to come out of nowhere with no significance to the story whatsoever.
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Thorn takes Chrysanthemum to the mall, leaving the other members to deal with their own problems alone. Last: creepypastajack.deviantar
I doubt that Myrtle could easily knock out guards at an insane asylum, they’re called guards for a reason and there’s no mention of her being a skilled fighter or anything, just that she was in a cult.
Elia is the ONLY one that has realistic reactions that I can appreciate, he was put into the asylum for reason. She rightfully chastises the boys for losing Myrtle as well, she’s the only one with any sense here.
“Now hang on, Elia. Thorn could prob’ly fix him if we can convince him to accept The Lord into his life.” Brighton explained, wanting desperately to help his friend.
Praying to God is not gonna poof away your mental disorders and illnesses. Even though this is an unrealistic fictional story, it’s just insulting to suggest that letting God into your life is bound to fix your problems, especially mental and physical disabilities.
“This wouldn’t even be an issue if Thorn would just listen to me when I tell him that we need a psychiatric ward to keep nonbelievers locked up in but does anyone listen to me?! Noooo! Like when I tell Ian and Lainey not to show their big-fat, Moonpie faces around here or I’ll smack ‘em with my ruler!” Brighton began to complain when the power had suddenly gone out.
This literally has nothing to do with what they were talking about, it just further shows how insufferable Brighton is. Brighton deserves to be chewed out HARD for all he dumb shit he says, all he does is just hurt people and constantly bitch about the “non-believers” even though he was an ATHIEST.
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After Melania is snuffed by the others, she and Richard comfort each other. Last: creepypastajack.deviantart.com… Next: cre
I swear Elia really is the only decent and sensible person in this church.
“Oh, my stars and garters! We can’t leave you drunk toddlers alone for five seconds, can we?!” Melania insulted with a roll of her eyes.
The line above is the only line that I find myself agreeing with heavily and laughing along with.
The group of church-goers were then all startled by a sudden, loud, crashing noise emitting from the darkened distance.
“Whoooaaaa...” Myrtle’s eyes widened slightly in a delayed reaction of fear.
“It’s okay; we’ll all be okay once Thorn gets back...” Kale attempted to reassure the others.
“BOOM!” Brighton suddenly shouted, in an attempt to get Myrtle to repeat her previous reaction.
“WhoAAAAoooh!” Myrtle jumped with a shriek, causing Brighton to snicker mischievously.
Brighton’s such a 5 year old.
“No offense, Mel’ but not only do you have a broken leg still but you’re a newly, converted Christian, your faith is still weak...” Kale explained.
Yeah, Melania might be a ball of anger, but Kale REALLY shouldn’t be talking right now about faith and all that, he’s still a scammer.
Now this is how you write a blossoming couple. It still is shaky in some aspects but at least we see Thorn and Chrysanthemum just enjoying each other’s company and having a good time, even Melania and Richard have a moment of warm embrace, that’s more romantic than becoming a couple for no reason.
