OHMYGOD a skating + mischief fan??? The two greatest things ever?? My question is in a skating au, what do you think the cornely folks are like & what disciplines do they do?
(I feel like Chris n Robert are in a perpetual rivalry for who can get into the free at euros, Sandra is that ice dancer who goes through a partner a season, Jonathan misses out on every podium by 0.02 points, etc etc!!)
Hi there fellow Mischief + Figure Skating fan!!! What a clash of two niches and I'm glad to have found another :D Calling FS great is....MMMMM but a hell hole I've found comfort in for the past 10 years 🥲😂😶
I had an idea for a Cornley at the Winter Olympics AU a while ago and I'm so happy you asked so *cracks knuckles* here are my
Cornely Figure Skating ⛸️ Headcanons:
Men's Single Skaters
Jonathan: agree with you that he's definitely plagued by misfortune, but rather than a Cha-Junhwan-missing-out-on-podium skater, he's more of a Deniss Vasiļjevs skater who has gorgeous skating skills, classical music programs, simple but elegant costumes, however struggles with quad jumps and will rather take out his single (1) quad for a clean skate with only triples, thus making his medal collection small but precious. He still chooses to compete for Great Britain despite the less-than-optimal federation support because he truly loves his family & friends at home, and would continue to support the development of figure skating in the UK after he retires with a few GP silver/bronzes, a Euro bronze, and the skate of his life at World Champs/Olympics with a free skate to Pictures at An Exhibition. Still ends up around 22th place tho. Ice shows adore him, and his fans deem Moomin as his mascot <3 He goes on Instagram Live after a Moomin plush rain at Euros pleading his fans to not spend so much money on those expensive plushies, so the next year his fans donate the money to a Sealife Conservatory Research and adopt a Beluga Whale in his name. ALTERNATIVELY, he's a speed skater who will get his sole Olympic Gold because he stayed on his feet while his competitors crashed and burned, like when Steven Bradbury won his gold!
Trevor: saw the current state of UK skating when he was a kid and nope-ed out to represent another European country where he can claim some lineage to. A smaller fed where there's more funding & support but still small enough to guarantee him the constant entry for Euros/Worlds, maybe Finland/Switzerland? Also unlike Jonathan, he saw the rush for quads in men's skating and decided to ride the wave since he was a junior, and spams like 5 quads +REPs in every free with.... inconsistent success. He decides to 'calm down' after he has a near career-ending injury with his achilles tendon in practice, skips a season to help out with community theatre (heh) and comes back with a rockin' short program to Duran Duran's invisible (HAH) that has a gorgeous Ina Bauer for some reason. He continues to compete for as the always national champion of FIN/SUI for many years until he finally achieves his goal of having enough qualified teammates and competing for the team event at the Olympics & World Team Trophy. Trevor & his FIN/SUI team go all out with the decorations and spirit (like Team Poland did this year at Milan!) and even during his solemn Titanic skate, he could not wipe the smile off his face (fstwt absolutely jump on the judges for giving him lower presentation points than another skate who did 4 quads but stumbled during their step sequence). All while having a messy situationship with a Spanish ice dancer who's currently skating with their ex :p
Women's Single Skaters
Annie: she's an under-the-radar skater for many years and came into her first senior season struggling despite her promising Junior Worlds silver. Because of her tiny jumping height & long jumping pass projection, the internet often throws shade at her jumps (like Satoko Miyahara's), however loves her competition vlogs and TikToks she'll post with other skaters! At 21 years old she suddenly decides to train a quadruple toe for funsies (because she CANNOT axels for her life), lands it clean in the free the next season, and gets her first senior GP medal with it. That gave her the determination and confidence to really gun for it, so she switches her free program mid-season to Black Swan (shoutout Ashley Wagner's), debuts it at GPF with an unfortunate fall in her triple-triple BUT she rallies together for the upcoming World Champs, skates two clean programs (although with a shaky double axel) and WINS THE SILVER!!! then she retires to study her masters <3 forever UK icon, and BBC/Eurosport have her on as a commentator for future Olympics, where she drops a f-bomb after an outrageous Ice Dance result. She posts a notes apology the day after for the expletive but coyly does not mention anything about her feelings of the score.
Ice Dance Skaters
Vanessa & Dennis: as a kid, Dennis was a miserable reluctant goalie at hockey camp and saw the Angel Vanessa doing figures on the ice during practice, go distracted and got smashed in the ribs by a incoming puck. He spends the rest of the camp admiring her, and his kind(!) coach asks if he wants to try doing figure skating instead. The rest, as they say, is perfect Netflix Documentary-bait history, and Vanessa & Dennis take their time in Juniors to build up experience, personal style, and rapport with the judges. Dennis' mum sews their costumes :) Their first Senior season, they unexpectedly get chosen for Worlds over the veteran team GB ice dancers, and their families are SO excited they all fly out to watch them. Unfortunately, Dennis stumbles through his twizzles in the rhythm dance (theme was folk/country and they're in adorable overalls) and is in visible tears at the Kiss & Cry while consoled by Vanessa, but luckily they get the final Q for the free. They've been struggling with their Queen free skate all season, but the moment they step onto the ice for their Redemption Skate it all just clicks together, and years down the road, Vanessa says the thrill that ran through her body when the lyrics "I want it all🎵" kicked in and the crowd roared and the shared pure joy on Dennis' face remains one of her most treasured moments. They continue skating into their thirties, and they have unfortunate runs of missing the podium/gold medal at important events by margins of a point. They declare that the years Winter Olympics is hosted by the UK (imagine) will be their last season, and they take Olympic Bronze with an emotional skate to Queen Ver 2.0 (totally different music cut & vibes than Queen 1.0), are inconsolable due to happiness in the K&C. Dennis cries enough to fill a river and Vanessa locks in for the village snacks after their event (pudding was the It item at this Olympics). They retire immediately after, skipping worlds, open a skating rink & academy, providing coaching and choreography for skaters of every age and experience level <3
Max & Sandra: these two are COMPETITIVE. are they in love? are they soulmates? do they secretly hate each other? was it really a green card marriage? everybody wants to know. Spiritually Virtue/Moir. They represent Canada because of better federation & politicking support (either Max/Sandra originally has Canadian citizenship in this scenario and i have no feelings about who). I shall hijack your idea of Sandra going through multiple partners here -after her fourth partner breaks up with her after a World medal, a frustrated & brilliant 22-year-old Sandra finds unexpected compatibility in singles-skater-turned-ice-dancer Max, who was also the only skater willing to take a chance with her despite her reputation. They have a successful first season together to a sexually charged Count of Monte Cristo free skate, claiming 4CC gold, and they get married over the summer to expedite the Canadian citizenship for the Olympics next year. It's a success, they get to the Olympics, but a call that Max was travelling too much during the stationary lift (STATIONARY LIFT BASE??) meant a podium slip from Gold to Bronze. Press had a wild day with that podium photo of a furious Sandra & sullen Max, but she never blamed Max or their coaches for it! They come back stronger for the next Olympics with an even more sultry Sweet Dreams free with an iconic synchronised knee slide (shoutout Manta/Johnson!) and claim a sweet, sweet, victorious Gold. Two Olympic medals weren't enough for Wilkinson/Bennett, and they come back challenging for a 2nd OGM 4 years later, only to be beaten by the Americans with a shaky twizzle and an ambiguous "oriental" program music. Social media & Canadians were up in arms about the judging, but Sandra & Max accept their silver with grace and show off their beautiful Individual Event Olympic Gold, Silver and Bronze medals collection with pride, and cement their position as icons in the figure skating world.
Pair Skaters
Chris & Robert would 100% be in constant rivalry with each other in every universe, and I like the idea that they are both flop singles skaters, who turn into flop pair skaters after unsuccessful senior seasons where they don't get the tech minimums for Worlds. Hijacking your brilliant idea again but twisting it a little, Chris & Robert do qualify for the free in Euros & Worlds, but not Olympics, and they always do so at the bottom of the table and are hence competing to be placed above the other overall. They are NOT nice to each other on the ice/to press, it's very petty, and will repost passive-aggressive comments on social media. They had dangerous near-misses on the warm-up ice and it's gone to a point where the referee immediately issues them a warning at the start. Their partners are so SICK of their shit. Oh and Chris' partner and Robert's partner are dating and love to gossip about their pathetic meow meow male partners.
Chris & Partner: She's American, he's British, but they compete for Cyprus because that's just how figure skating is. They're both singles-turned-pairs skaters, and teamed up only because they were the only ones who could tolerate the other, and she felt weirdly safe in Chris' arms during the lifts. Their falls on the (attempted) 3T1A2A sequence during a Grand Prix assignment goes insanely viral and Chris has Twitter crashout over it. He deletes all his tweets the next day tho. (He doubled the toe loop, she turned out after the single axel, and they both did a waxel for the last jump. oops)
Robert & Partner: Team GB! Team GB! Team GB! Robert was done with skating after finishing 31th at Worlds, but was blackmailed into being a stand-in partner over the summer for a partner-less pairs lady skater. Surprisingly, he found that he was 1. legit good & 2. liked doing throw jumps, and she was 1. felt secured & 2. landed the throw jumps done by Robert. And thus, they became Great Britain's only actual competitive pair team for the next 8 years. Technical-wise, they beat out Christ & co with their throw 3Lz and side-by-side 3F, but they are far less consistent with their jumping passes than Chris & co.
Years into this rivalry of flops, Chris & co and Robert & co (where they're all around 31-33 years old) had been working insanely hard & find themselves in a position where they could both actually realistically get into top 10 at Worlds. Unfortunately, uncharacteristic mistakes - an aborted lift & a fall during the side-by-side in the short program - meant that Chris & co fail to qualify for the free by 0.05 points. In the Olympic-qualifying Worlds Champs. Robert & co, who skated right before him and qualified safely, witnessed their devastation happening in real time, and for the first time ever in his competitive years, Robert sensed the possibility of not being able to even see Christ at competition, and felt a piece of his soul break. Robert's partner immediately goes to comfort the crying pair, and hen Chris sees Robert coming, he opens his mouth prepared to tell Robert to scram, but Robert does the unthinkable and engulfs Chris in a hug. A moment of silence, and Robert goes "there's no point going to the olympics if i can't annoy you there". They both burst into tears and stay in an embrace for AGES and no one wants to tell them to break apart.
The next day, Chris & co appear in the stands for the pairs free skate with support banners for Robert & co, who blow kisses to them. Social media goes ablaze with #whatdatmean. At the start of the next season, Chris & co compete in the Olympics qualifier competition, and this time Robert & co show up with even gaudier support banners and are captured cheering loudly when Chris & co snag their Olympic spot. The two couples have a whale of a time at the Olympics, going around the village doing TikTok challenges and watching other sports, and their rivalry transition from a bitter -> playful one that the ISU capitalise upon.
These two pairs continue for another two years, and these two years are the best competitive seasons (results-wise & fun-wise) for Chris & co and Robert & co. Their final season, Chris & co wins a GP title and Robert & co wins a surprise Euros bronze, and everyone only finds sincere pride in their hearts for the other couple's accomplishments. Robert & co does a legal headbanger (shoutout Hocke/Kunkel) while Chris & co do a side-by-side illegal 2A1A2T2T2T to close out the season. When their partners get married, Chris & Robert serve as the flower bearers :)
End of Headcanon
If anyone reading this wants to get into watching figure skating, my honestly is: don't do it. Save your sanity. Watch Mischief's The Goes Wrong Show, The Play That Goes Wrong, Christmas Carol Goes Wrong etc instead :)
Thank you for the ask @milsandmoors and for the opportunity to let my thoughts fun wild for a sec <3
