( random asks (always accepting) | @auraius )
You've grown to be such a reliable outrider. Your grandfather would have been proud.
THE SUN WAS beginning to set when amber was finally able to place the day’s reports on the acting grand master’s desk. with a brief explanation on how the day had gone & a hearty salute, she turned to return to the outrider office to finish tidying up before heading home herself for the day–––– but, she paused when she heard her call, arms dropping in her reach for the door in a way that she hoped didn’t seem too tired.
❝ yes, master jean? ❞
SHE HAD BEEN expecting a last minute assignment of some kind, perhaps a question about the location of the hilichurl camp she had cleared out that day, & so the outrider turned back to face the grand master, surprised to see her rising from her desk & approaching. such a thing usually wasn’t necessary when amber turned in her reports for the day, and she found herself curious ( but also a bit worried that she had done something wrong & hadn’t known yet ).
THE HAND THAT was placed on her head was gentle, & amber rose her head to meet her gaze. she was immediately surprised by what she saw there. the pride & care that shone through her eyes. it was a look she hadn’t received since the disappearance of her grandfather. she had forgotten the warmth in her heart that it could cause.
IF THE GAZE surprised her, the words she spoke could have knocked amber off of her feet.
you've grown to be such a reliable outrider. your grandfather would have been proud.
❝ you...really think so?.❞
SHE COULD REMEMBER the day jean had earned her title. though not yet old enough to be a member of the knights, amber had attended the ceremony at her grandfather’s side. she had been in such awe of her then, & had soaked in each word of praise for her that she could. that day, amber had vowed to be more like jean. reliable, strong, trustworthy–––– she’d wanted to be a leader. she attempted to channel the energy that she had poured into her mischievous troublemaking into her training, & only once she had proved her dedication had her grandfather agreed to teach her what he knew. she’d thought she’d succeeded in her goal. she had thought her improvement was enough to make him proud.
& THEN HE left, & she had felt a heartbreak that had to have meant that she’d failed. that she hadn’t been enough for him.
BUT, HERE WAS jean, telling her that she was wrong.
SHE HAD TO accept that jean would know. amber had only known him as her grandfather, her kind & gentle trainer. jean had know him as the knight, the outrider, the bearer of the legacy he had created. if there was anyone who would know whether or not he would be proud, amber had no doubt that it was her.
THE FIRST COLD tear that made it’s way down her cheek shocked her out of her thoughts, & she bent her head, raising her hands to wipe at it far too frantically for the calm demeanor she’d wanted to portray.
❝ i’m–––– i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to start crying, jeez.❞
BUT SHE WIPED away the one & two took it’s place, & after that two, the tears rushed faster and there were suddenly four. & then she couldn’t keep up. & so she stood there, sobbing in the presence of the acting grand master. ❝ i’m sorry. ❞ she repeated, her lip trembling. she took a deep breath, attempting to relax enough to speak.
❝ i always wondered if he would be. he never really got to see me be an outrider, & i always thought ––––.❞
IT TOOK HER a moment before she was able to continue. she couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken this. the last time she had admitted that she may have been to blame.
❝ i always thought it might have been my fault that he left. ❞
HER HEART HAD broken that day. he hadn’t seemed any different the night before. he hadn’t shown any signs that he was going to leave as he had kissed her forehead & bade her goodnight. she had found out with the rest of mond, entering into the outrider office to find him suddenly gone. & the first thing she had done was wonder if she had been the cause. to hear jean tell her that he would have been proud was nothing less than a relief.
❝ but hearing that, from you. i know some part of that has to be true.❞
THE SMILE THAT spread across her face was shaky & tears were still falling from her eyes, but there was a palpable happiness in her stance, her glossy eyes, her smile.
❝ thank you, jean. ❞