i see qifrey as suffering not only from chronic migraines and light sensitivity, but also chronic nerve and joint pain, because this man was half-drowned and then spent his adolescent years underwater. silverwood might compensate however much it wants, this guy might function but he is in unholy amounts of pain. too bad he learned how to function with it, so he still can't be gay with olruggio without worrying about tree growing out of his old injuries.
i also just imagine most witches develop some sort of carpal tunnel syndrome with time, especially those who overwork themselves lmao
♡ cassie has combined type adhd (hyperactive, inattentive and impulsive). she's certainly settled down more as she's gotten older, at least on the impulsive side of things, but when she's little it all turns up to 100.
♡ cassie is absolutely unable to sit still when little. no matter what age, teenager or younger, she is always fidgeting or moving.
♡ cassie is the biggest oral stimmer ever. she is chewing on & biting EVERYTHING. dana keeps at least one piece of chewlery on her at all times by now. it's eventually something the other caregivers of the pitt pick up on aswell and adopt into their habits, as it comes in handy with other littles aswell.
♡ cassie’s impulsiveness can get her into trouble when little. typically when she's preteen or teen in age. she's ended up in the ED while off shift multiple times due to accidents, usually related to tree climbing, skateboarding, parkour or gymnastics. if dana isn't already there with her, she is being called immediately and cassie is getting at least 3 different scoldings.
♡ cassie is good with the younger littles because of her adhd. she can match their toddler energy better than the adults can, so sometimes they'll come to her asking to play because she ‘does it more fun than (caregiver)’.
♡ cassie is always losing everything. she is never aware where anything is. dana has gotten very good at keeping track of where cassie sets things down.
♡ cassie needs instructions repeated multiple times, and you have to make sure she actually does it, because she has a habit of forgetting she was about to do the task. usually you have to stay in the room and remind her the moment she starts getting distracted.
♡ cassie absolutely refuses to be medicated. if anyone even mentions it she shuts it down, big or small. she doesn't like how the meds make her feel.
♡ cassie often needs tiring out when little, which is usually where jack comes in, or frank if he's big. rough housing with one or both of them for half an hour usually does the trick. the other littles aren't allowed to join in because it doesn't work if they're taking it easy on cassie. it also helps keep the impulsivity at bay, and dana would rather cassie have a few bruises than have another broken wrist thank you very much.
summary - On his quest to capture the heart of his long-time crush, Lily Evans, James must first win her friend (Y/N) over despite their shared history.
warnings - angst, bullying, friends to enemies to lovers, child neglect and death of a parent (briefly), swearing, slowburn, use of (Y/N)
wordcount - 3k
disclaimer - english is my second language. Don't hesitate to correct me!
part 1 part 2 part 3
You and James had known each other your entire lives, a friendship somewhat foisted upon you by your parents, whose own friendship dates back to their Hogwarts days. That’s at least how James perceived your relationship: imposed upon him by the suffocating weight of your parents past.
Sure, James was never outright mean to you. He was still your friend, after all. Though he couldn’t help but ridicule your overenthusiastic nature, with your ramblings and frantic waving of your hands whenever you spoke. Often throwing jabs at you, you none the wiser. He disliked you yet still felt some measure of sympathy for you. A charity case, yes - that was what you were to him, with no other friends to guide you and your parents perpetually away at work, leaving you yearning for connection and always acting as if you couldn't function without continually sticking by his side. So he'd accept his fate with a sigh and take your hand whenever you became frightened by the thunder during one of your countless sleepovers or pretended to battle dark wizards with you using sticks, indulging in whatever you devised next. Of course, you never truly noticed it for what it was. To you, he was the brightest spot in your life, the sweetest friend you could ever wish for.
As the years rolled by, you continued to treasure this friendship, even if it sometimes felt like James was dragging his feet. He was your best and only friend, and in your heart, that was more than enough.
Things first changed when he left for Hogwarts. He was off having extraordinary adventures while you were left behind, grappling with a new void in your life, yearning for his return. You clung to the habit of writing to him, pouring out every random thought that crossed your mind in long letters. His replies were always brief and generic, but you didn’t mind, simply grateful to hear from your best friend.
After probably the longest year of your life, only getting to see James during the holidays, summer break finally ended, marking your first year at Hogwarts and reuniting you with James all year aound. You stood on the train platform with his parents, eyes bright with anticipation. Euphemia pressed a kiss on both your cheeks and pulled you into a hug, his dad quickly joining in as well. The two of you departed on your journey to find an empty carriage, eagerly waving at James’s parents from your seats as soon as the train whistle sounded, announcing the train’s departure. You practically melted into his side during the train ride, linking your arm with his and chatting incessantly, only letting go when you dashed off for the trolley that held piles of candy, babbling to the lady as you did.
Just as you settled back down, your pockets now stuffed with all kinds of sweets, one already grasped in your hand, happily munching on it, the compartment door slid open once more. Three boys stood there, relief seemingly washing over their faces as they quickly greeted James, sitting down across from you both. It was then that their gazes shifted to you, immediately recognizing who you were - James must have complained about you at least once a week, and by your appearance, they may finally have understood why.
The trio couldn’t hold back their giggles at the sight: you, with chocolate smeared on your cheek, bouncing with joy, while James looked like he was stuck in a perpetual state of embarrassment, cheeks flushed. Oblivious to his discomfort (as you often were), you rambled on about how excited you were to begin Hogwarts, speaking at a hundred miles per hour, until all the sugar finally sent you into a deep state of sleep. All of them sighed in relief at the moment of peace, despite your continued grip on James’s poor arm. You only loosened it up once you entered Hogwarts castle, too stunned to speak for once or to notice James quietly slipping away. You just wordlessly joined the other first-years at the front of the school while the rest of the students sat down at their designated houses, chatter filling the room.
You'd sight dramatically whenever a name that wasn't yours was called up, growing more and more anxious by the second, already missing James by your side.
“(Y/N) (L/N)!” Professor McGonagall finally called out, her voice ringing through the hall. Finally. You skipped up to the stool, your heart thudding in your chest as McGonagall lowered the hat, blocking part of your vision with its size. You didn’t care, though, only trying to focus on the hat’s words.
“Gryffindor!” exclaimed its gruff voice, your face immediately breaking into the biggest grin - not only because you had made it into the house of bravery but because you were in the same house as James. The Gryffindor table erupted in a roar of applause, customary for new housemates, but one disgruntled figure groaned loudly instead, covering his face in exasperation.
As you approached the table, your voice rang out bright and cheerful. “James! I can’t believe you didn’t save me a seat!” You pouted, but then your expression brightened as you realized he had no clue you’d end up in Gryffindor either, immediately excusing him in your mind. “I can’t wait to tell Dad about this! He’ll be thrilled. Everyone thought I’d end up in Hufflepuff - way to prove them wrong! Not that there’s anything wrong with Hufflepuff, but I always wished for Gryffindor… hm…or maybe Ravenclaw! That'd really show-”
“You’re rambling again,” he interrupted your whirlwind of excitement.
“You’re right! You’re always right! You better save me a seat next time. Although I don't really mind too much. I passed this really nice group of girls on my way to you. I can't wait to make some new friends!” You began pointing somewhere. “Did you see the redheaded girl? I think she's from your year! she's so pretty—”
“Alright…” James said, interrupting your rambling once again, sending a small glare to the black haired boy sitting across from, hearing him cover up a choked laughter with a caugh.
You, none the wiser, flashed him a beaming smile before scampering off to join the girls at the very top of the table, blissfully unaware that this would mark the second real shift in your friendship with James.
It all began with pranks - silly, harmless little acts that felt like a natural progression of your friendship - joint efforts with his new friends. You never minded this side of him because it was how James expressed his affection, so you thought. Whether it was hexing your hair a wild shade of purple or causing you to trip on your way to class, there was always laughter shared between you, and you felt like you were starting to bond not just with James again, but with his friend group. Sometimes James would show remorse afterward a particular nasty prank, mainly when he got caught, and would often beg you to bail him out of detention with McGonagall, and you always obliged.
But as time went on, a growing irritation began to simmer within you. You would never dare admit it, feeling guilt whenever a mean thought flashed through your mind after another prank. After all, James was your best friend.
Once winter break rolled around, you felt nervous for the first time around him, having barely spent one-on-one time together since the day of the sorting. Yet, each day spent together melted away all your worries. James was finally all yours again, and after spending every day together, you remained blissfully unaware of the growing tension between you both. With renewed faith in your friendship, you allowed the Marauders to continue their taunts happily for years to come, quietly awaiting the holidays to begin anew, where everything was like before. You could deal with that.
Or so you thought, until a seemingly ordinary Saturday, your third year at the school almost over, excited to spend summer with James, a prank sent everything spiraling out of control. It was no worse than the others. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It was almost uncharacteristically harmless, but it triggered something deep within you, and your patience finally bubbled over. The anger towards James began to seep out of you, much like ink from a quill that has just exploded in your face. Staring back at you were hours of studying made redundant, your notes stained, ink splatters glaring back instead of your carefully constructed sentences. You looked around the abandoned library helplessly, your mind not registering what had just happened until you heard laughter - his laughter.
The other boys with him soom joining in too, echoing throughout the usually quiet room as they emerged from their hiding place. As their laughter continued, you let out a humorless giggle, still not comprehending the situation, which quickly made them stop theirs. They exchanged silent glances before breaking out in even louder laughter and walking off after being chastised by the librarian.
Oh.
Oh.
Your smile faded as the realisation settled in. They weren’t laughing with you.
They were laughing at you.
Without giving it a second thought, you marched back to the Gryffindor tower, stopping by the bathroom in hopes of salvaging some of your materials, not even attempting to save your notes, as they were a lost cause. Everything felt heavy, almost suffocating. The familiar laughter filled your ears once again as you entered the common room. Raising your gaze from the fixated stare you had on your shoes, you looked at the boys lounging without a care in the world. Their amusement was unmistakably still directed at you, especially when they saw your blouse - a massive wet spot adorning the white fabric along the ink, your pathetic attempt at scrubbing the stains away.
Ignoring the feelings threatening to bubble up, you bolted to the girls dormitory, shutting the door with a thud. Your eyes burned and your cheeks flushed in humiliation. You angrily chucked your bag to the floor, your now stained possessions scattering. Looking around, you saw the startled faces of the other girls, which made your face flush even more, and you quickly bent down, trembling hands trying to gather your things.
Then you felt gentle hands steady your own. Looking up, you met Lily Evans bright green eyes, filled with concern and her brows furrowed together, a frown gracing her lovely face.
After a moment of silence, seemingly contemplating how to approach what had just occurred, she settled on saying, “I was going to ask if everything’s okay, but I guess that’s redundant.” A gentle smile blossomed on her face.
Without a word, you threw your arms around Lily’s neck, your eyes glazing over. Dorcas and Marlene, who were the only ones with Lily currently in the room, also sprang to attention. As you struggled to hold back your emotions, your gaze met the other girls stares, and you felt everything spill over. Tears fell without warning - an unexpected release of pent-up frustration, sadness, and hurt.
You let go of Lily, wiping your eyes with fervor. Silence enveloped the room until you finally calmed down, regaining control of your emotions as swiftly as possible while Lily gently rubbed your back. Marlene also sitting down by your side, while dorcas sat up on her bed.
“Alright, who do I have to beat up?” Dorcas declared, her tone playful yet sincere, breaking through the heaviness that loomed in the room.
That pulled a watery laugh from you, especially seeing Marlene reprimand the girl for her violent tendencies, though a smile was evident on her face, secretly having similar thoughts. Lily quietly giggled at the scene alongside you.
So you shared everything about the pranks (or bullying, as Lily later dubbed it), James, and everything that had weighed down on you.
When you finally finished your rambling, all listening patiently, the room grew quiet once more. You dreaded their reactions - why, you didn’t know - but anxiety filled your body.
Then, without warning, they erupted into a burst of chatter, voices blending together in a comforting chorus until Marlene decided to take the lead, shushing the other two.
“Well… you know… that’s horrible of him… but… you know, we were all aware he’s kind of—”
“He’s a twat,” Dorcas chimed in.
“I’m not a fan of profanity, but for lack of a better term…” Lily added, grinning as she looked at you, easing your worries. Sudden realisation flashing in her eyes as she quickly got out her wand, pointing it at you, ridding you of the stains.
Your eyes glazed over once more, but this time not out of the anger you felt earlier, Marlene and Lily quickly engulfing you. Dorcas joined in aswell, after Marlene dragged her from her spot on the bed, laughter engulfing the room.
You always felt a shift would come after starting Hogwarts, a new stage of life, but nothing could have prepared you for the transformation that awaited you as summer rolled around - a summer without your best friend. Your room, once a cozy sanctuary, suddenly felt juvenile, each item reminding you of a bond that had frayed. You grew quieter, noticing the judgmental looks from your parents - expressions that mirrored James.
Lily's letters provided solace, each note including snippets of her life - from the latest Muggle songs to inviting you over for movie nights. Her letters, and those from the others, brought vibrancy back into your world, replacing the dullness that had seeped into your days. You spent countless hours running around with Marlene and Dorcas in Diagon Alley, laughing at every trinket you discovered, scouring through every store you could find, and enjoying the thrill of new experiences. You were rediscovering joy that had long been absent, even without realizing it.
While you occasionally saw James, considering your parents and the close proximity of your homes, he didn’t seem to mind the shift in your dynamic - if he even noticed a change outside of your lack of clinginess, you weren't sure.
By the time fourth year arrived, the pranks that had once been a staple of your interactions faded entirely - nothing felt more potent than the harsh words Lily had directed at James, her words carrying a weight you didn't fully comprehend, yet appreciated nonetheless. He appeared to almost forget you existed, and you were okay with that.
At the end of fifth year, you suddenly vanished, even though school still continued for another month. A sorrow engulfed your life once more when your mother passed away unexpectedly during ministry business - classified. The loss struck deeply, leaving you grappling with emotions you weren’t sure how to manage. Your relationship with her had always felt strained, but her absence was a stark reminder that you'd never have the relationship with her you dreamed of.
Back home, you found comfort in the Potters company, excluding James, leaning on Euphemia and your Hogwarts friends to help you through your grief. Your father, overwhelmed by sorrow, struggled to connect with you, not even your shared pain brought you closer. Instead, it pushed him further away, so when you received a letter from your grandmother from France inviting you to stay with her during the next two months, you eagerly accepted.
This was the first summer that you wouldn't see James at all, not that you minded. His lost friendship had become an afterthought at this point as you tried to navigate your new life.
James only got a proper look at you again at the start of his seventh year. Everything had shifted once more, but this time it felt different. James was now Quidditch Captain and Prefect, determined to make this year - his last - his best by finally asking Lily out, having realized his crush on her in year five, which she largely dismissed at first, considering his past behavior. But he could see (and he knew she could too) that her feelings toward him were starting to shift, recognizing his attempts at bettering himself. So he was confident in his plan to ask Lily to the upcoming Celestial Ball, believing he had finally won her over. Everything seemed perfectly set - that was until Soren Howell, a year six chaser on the team, sat down across from him with an uncharacteristic frown adorning his face.
“What’s got you all gloomy, pretty boy?” asked sirius, who sat beside James, with a smirk looking at Soren, ripping a piece of half-eaten bread from his plate and throwing it at him.
Soren’s frown only deepened. “I asked (Y/N) to the ball,” Soren announced, frustration clear in his voice. “But she said no - some other guy beat me to it."
Hold up. “(Y/N)?” James repeated. “(Y/N) (L/N)?” A puzzled look crossed his face.
Soren simply nodded, bitterness still evident as he continued to sulk.
A million questions raced through James's mind, but most importantly: When did you return? He had assumed you'd finish your studies at Beauxbatons, not seeing you at yesterdays sorting ceremony. Well, right after-
“Are you taking the piss?” Sirius chimed in, laughing loudly. “You need to raise your standards, mate.”
Soren looked up from his plate, disbelief washing over him. “I like her,”
This made James start to laugh as well. While he generally left much of the juvenile behavior behind, partly for Lily but also genuinely growing as a person, he couldn't believe you had not one, but two people pining after you on the very first day back - especially someone like Soren, who was, as much as it pained James to admit, quite the handsome fellow.
“You like her? What’s there to like? I mean- ow!”
A hand suddenly shoved James hard on the back of the head, pain radiating through his skull, and the tips of his unruly dark hair now tainted with the soup in front of him. He grunted angrily, turning awkwardly in his seat to glare at the perpetrator - Dorcas.
Before he could even utter “detention” - a privilege of his Prefect position - his gaze shifted to the girl beside her, her arm linked with Dorcas’s, an uninterested expression on her pretty face as she muttered something to Dorcas while tugging on the taller girl’s arm. James rendered speechless, not recognising the beautiful girl hanging onto Dorcas. Once his gaze shifted toward her Gryffindor tie, his confusion only grew - Was she new? He'd surely recognise someone like her, especially with Sirius by his side who probably tried to chat up every pretty girl, heck even pretty boy, in their school.
Dorcas raised an eyebrow at his prolonged pause, following his gaze and realizing the cause. She scoffed, tugging the girl closer to her.
This made him rip his gaze from her, turning it back to Dorcas, his anger returning.
“What’s it to you?” “Talk about her again, and I will castrate you,” Dorcas declared deadpan.
“Her?”
Dorcas looked at him in confusion, then nodded her head in your direction - you, in turn, started to tug on her arm again, annoyance now evident on your face.
“(Y/N)?” he uttered dumbly, at the same time as another voice called out to you.
The beautiful redhead walked on your other side, linking her arm with yours as well.
“Why don’t you get goi-” she started, but then saw who Dorcas and you were talking to, frowning at James with clear disappointment and a look he hadn’t seen from her since he started his journey to woo her - that of genuine dislike. Lily quickly dragged you both away without a word, turning back to glare at James once more on the way to their seats at the dinner table.
It was then and there that James realized - if he wanted Lily, he needed to win you over once again. This new you who suddenly had the prettiest eyes and air of confidence around her. This new you who now looked at him with hatred.
BLOG OF A FUCKED UP HARM OCD INTERSEX THING TAKING AO3 KILLER CHAT REQUESTS!!!!!
idgaf about what you request me to write i have no boundaries, my main fandom is killer chat -.- and i have taken quite a liking to angel & ronin... so i'll probably take on more requests about them instead !
REQUESTS CLOSED UNTIL I FINISH CURRENT ONES!!!
I will only write trans headcanons as for i feel more comfortable doing so, rather than having cis headcanons.. Apologies!
Smut is ok idgaf, do be warned i have limits towardssss certain kinks, but might be open to most! i am extremely fucked in the head. Ok.
My ao3 btw >_>
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
i am an intersex transfemmasc, he shi hymm prns only pls ! most of the stuff i write is very open to different pronouns IF reader insert. thank you for respecting this :)
Growing up, he was always a little different from his siblings. He felt as if his brain didn’t work in the way his older siblings worked, he would sure try over and over to think similar to them. It was getting to the point where he didn’t even recognize himself in the mirror. The tension in his temples would be unpredictable and unbearable. It felt like he was frying his own brain to become different.
He felt like he needed to know what made him so different. He pleaded with his mother to find out, “Momma, please, tell me what makes me different. I just want to know how to be normal.” She would just look at him, or through him but either way she would never say anything. No matter how he would cry for her to tell him. Eventually, he just stopped asking the more he got older.
There was no point in asking anymore. There was a day when his mother and her friend were talking. Overhearing their conversation had made his skin crawl, “I remember the time when Kazimeras was younger and he wanted to know what was wrong with him. Gosh I didn’t want to tell him, but it was his brain.” He just stood there, not saying a word as he opened the door to the patio. Her and her friend lowered their voices so he wouldn’t hear them.
He just simply wanted to go sit outside to enjoy the nice sun. He walked past the two for a lawn chair. His mother had stroked his arm gently, “Kazzy, honey… Why don’t you sit with us?” His face drained of color. For a second, his jaw ticked as if he might be sick, but then his features smoothed over into a terrifying blankness. It was a look of total dissociation, as if his mind had simply packed up and left. “Kazzy? Baby… Did you hear me?”
His eyes flicker to look at hers for a moment before drawing out a breath. “I did ma. I just want to go sit on my own for a second to think.” He watched as she formed a frown on her lip, then looking at her friend through the corner of her eye. She knows what he just heard. Sitting down, acting oblivious to their conversation. He listened closely and carefully when the two decide to whisper.
He knows the actual reason why they are, just acted like he didn’t. “Alright momma I’ma head back inside, okay? If you need me, just let me know.” She took him by the arm, pulling him toward her. She searched his eyes for any sort of clue to reveal he heard her. She couldn’t find any. She gritted her teeth, as she smacked her lips.
“Kaz, did you hear anything before coming out here to sit?” He furrowed his brows down, confused. It became evident to her and Patrice that he didn’t hear anything. The two women smiled as she allowed him to slip away. His heart thumped heavy in his chest when walking toward the door.
***
He wanted to bury his face back into the pillow and scrub the thoughts from his mind, but they clung to him. Why did he have to remember all that? He felt so sick.
No, but really, I need this topic explored further, how growing up poor, SA and grooming, ROTC, and working at the club affected his body. His obsession later on after s11 with organic fruit and eating healthily since they can afford it noe, going to the gym that mickey starts worrying if he's not overworking himself, feeling guilty for gaining the quarantine weight on the borderline of being orthorexic.
