Summary: Meg possesses Sam to have sex with Castiel
Word Count: 6,559
Content Warning: Dubious consent and non-consent. Castiel's consent is very dubious and Sam is not a willing participant. Meg does not understand consent because demon, but she's trying you guys.
Notes: Written as a Secret Santa for @autisticandroids! Merry Winter and a Happy New Year!!
This is my first time writing Meg! Also I hand wrote a lot of this fic on my tablet, which doesn't always play nice with my handwriting, so there might be a lot of typos.
Read on AO3
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Castiel didn't look up from the backpack he was filling lore books with as the door to the motel room opened, shut, and locked behind him. There was no need. It was just Sam coming back from taking their dinner's garbage out to the dumpster at the far end of the parking lot. Even in his weakened state with waning stolen grace, Castiel didn't need to eat. But after hitting yet another dead end while tracking down his grace, Sam suggested getting burgers to go from a local diner in an attempt to lift the angel's spirits. It hadn't worked, but it was a pleasant distraction and a kind gesture. Sam was always ready with a kind gesture when Castiel needed one.
He was caught off-guard, then, when he felt Sam's large hands close firmly around his shoulders and his tall form pull itself flush against Castiel's back.
"Sam? Wha–"
"Shhh," Sam's breath was hot against Castiel's skin as the younger Winchester nosed at the angel's neck. "You don't have to say anything. Just let me take care of you, Cas."
Something was wrong. Aside from Sam's sudden forwardness, he sounded… off. Something in his voice and presence was different. Castiel couldn't quite place what it was, but it was simultaneously wrong and strangely familiar.
"Sam, what's going on?" Castiel asked, dropping the book he'd been holding on the bed before attempting to turn around. Sam held him firm, though.
"Don't turn around," there was a sudden edge to Sam's tone as he nipped at Castiel's neck in both a warning and promise of things to come. But just as sudden as it came into his voice, the edge softened back to a saccharine tenderness. "It'll feel better if you close your eyes. Having less to look at lets you focus more on where I'm touching you."
Castiel swallowed hard, his mind reeling as Sam wrapped one strong arm around his chest, his other hand ghosting down across Castiel's stomach then dipping down to just under the waistline of his pants to very slowly pull his tucked shirt out. This wasn't like the hunter.
As caring and sweet as Sam was, he nearly always shied away from showing any form of physical affection. The most contact they'd ever made were strictly platonic hugs. There were moments where Castiel wanted more – to reach across the table and place his hand over Sam's while they silently read, to gently cup his face and press his lips to his forehead in reassurance while healing him after a hunt, to stay in the other man's bed when he turned in for the night and keep watching Netflix while the younger Winchester slept quietly beside him. And there were times when he could swear that Sam wanted the same small gestures of physical intimacy as well.
But there was always just enough doubt in the angel's mind to keep him from reaching out and taking things to the next level. Sam would look away after a long gaze or put physical distance between the two of them after standing close to each other while doing research for a case. Sometimes he would leave the room completely if Dean was around, which always stung something awful.
Sam wouldn't initiate intimate physical contact like this.
"Wait a moment," Castiel grabbed at Sam's wrists, attempting to ignore the goosebumps rising on his skin at the feeling of Sam's lips behind his ear. "I think this is something we should talk about before–"
"You think too much, Cas," Sam chuckled before licking a stripe up the angel's neck. His arms stayed wrapped firmly around Castiel's form. "Just enjoy this. When was the last time someone made you feel good, hm? Let me do this for you. Or to you. Whatever."
"This isn't like you," Castiel shuddered, still attempting and failing to extricate himself from Sam's arms. It didn't make sense. While it was true that Castiel was closer to human than angel at the moment, he should still be many times stronger than any human. Sam shouldn't be able to hold him like this.
"Isn't it?" Sam breathed in his ear, his lower hand working to nimbly unbutton Cas's shirt now that it was completely freed from his waistband. "You sure? We haven't been alone a lot like this. Maybe you just don't know me as well as you think you do. I don't know about you, but I'd like to fix that. Truth be told, I've wanted to fix that for a long time."
Castiel swallowed and closed his eyes, attempting to focus on the presence behind him. No matter how much he tried to concentrate, he couldn't place the strange Sam-but-not-Sam feeling. Of course, the way Sam's hand was dragging over and groping at his torso wasn't helping any, the warm pressure sending shivers up Castiel's spine.
He needed to be smart about this. Because he didn't know what he was dealing with, he didn't know if something was controlling Sam's mind and body or if this was a simple facsimile. Which means he didn't know if he could use force to get out of this situation. Mind control or not, Castiel refused to raise a hand against Sam.
"I, I think I would like that as well," Castiel sighed out, choosing his words carefully. "But not like this. We should… I want us to take our time. Do this properly. I want to be able to look at you while, uh, becoming more intimately acquainted."
Sam paused behind him, clearly needing to think about his next step.
"Sam, please."
Sam sighed out and shook his head while he resumed opening the angel's shirt. "I never knew you were so sentimental."
"I thought for sure you would be."
Sam hummed in thought and Castiel watched as his hand gripped his tie.
"Maybe we could compromise," Sam murmured.
Castiel didn't have time to ask what he meant before Sam was pulling his tie free from his collar. The next thing he knew, Sam was securing it around his eyes with his free hand and teeth, blindfolding him. Which meant whatever was controlling or imitating Sam didn't want Castiel to see his face.
"I won't be able to look at you like this," Castiel protested, attempting to reach up and pull the tie from around his eyes. His breath caught in his throat as Sam's hands wrapped firmly around his wrists.
"I told you," Sam growled. The dark, warning edge in his voice was back. "It'll feel better if you can't see."
"But I want to see you," Castiel pleaded while Sam turned Castiel around to face him, hoping he sounded more sincerely longing than desperately trying to talk his way out of Sam's arms. "You're an attractive man. It would be a shame to not be able to see you at your most intimate."
"So you like to watch, is that it?" Castiel heard the smirk on Sam's lips before feeling it tease at the corner of his mouth. He pursed his lips, not wanting to give whatever this was the opportunity to shove Sam's tongue down his throat. Not when he was certain he could still talk his way out of this.
"Look at that blush," Sam teased while peppering Castiel's face with kisses, his voice dropping half an octave with arousal. "I'm gonna take that as a big 'hell yes.' Gotta admit, the thought of you touching this heavenly body of yours while I get off? Let's just say it's going straight to my head."
Sam's hands were suddenly on Castiel's ass, pulling their hips flush to one another's. Cas's mouth fell open in a silent gasp at the feeling of Sam's hard girth against his own semi and he couldn't help his mouth from watering.
"Thought you'd like that, angel," Sam purred, one hand leaving Castiel's rear to press his head into Sam's shoulder.
"Please," Castiel whimpered. He braced his hands against Sam's chest as the other man groped his ass and rocked their hips together. He sincerely hoped this was something imitating Sam instead of something controlling the hunter's body. He didn't want Sam to find out about his feelings for him like this. Regardless of whether or not Sam reciprocated, he was sure it would destroy the trust and friendship they'd built up over the years. His mind reeled from both the fear of loss and a cloud of lust, both over the same man whose body was being used against him.
"God, you're so pretty when you beg," Sam said above him. His hips stilled against Castiel's, and the whine of protest had barely left Castiel's throat before he felt himself pushed back against the bed, the backpack full of lore books falling to the floor with a heavy thud.
"Tell me what you want, angel," Sam cooed as he crawled onto the bed, looming over Castiel. "I'll do my damndest to make all your dreams come true."
Castiel was frozen in place, his overcoat fanned out across the bed with his chest bare to the cool air of the motel room. He gaped, quietly panting as his brain refused to process what he'd just caught a glimpse of. His tie had slipped just enough for him to peek beneath it when he was shoved to the bed.
" Meg ?"
Sam's form sat back up from Castiel but didn't stand, his hips still pressed against the angel's. He heard the "tch" of teeth sucking while he reached up and tore the tie off. The moment he saw Sam, there was no mistaking it. He could clearly see Meg's face laid over Sam's like a gossamer mask.
"Well, guess that cat's out of the bag," Meg sneered with Sam's face above him. "Hey Clarence. Miss me? 'Cause I sure missed you."
"I don't understand. How are you possessing Sam?"
"You know as well as I do how fragile warding can be," Meg pulled the collar of Sam's undershirt aside just enough to show a long gash cutting through Sam's anti-possession tattoo, marring it and rendering it useless.
"Leave him. Now ."
"You really know how to make a girl feel welcome, don't you?" Meg reached down with Sam's hands and started trailing their fingers across Castiel's chest. He tried not to shudder or enjoy the sensation.
"Get out of him, or I'll–"
"You'll what?" Meg scoffed, tweaking one of Cas's semi-erect nipples. "You won't hurt me. Not while I'm wearing everyone's favorite meat suit. From the looks of things, you don't have the juice to spare for a smiting, even if you were okay with damaging Sammy's fine packaging."
" Deus, et Pater Domini nostri Iesu Christi –"
Sam's body lurched and snarled above him as Castiel began one of the highest rites of exorcism before Meg clamped one of Sam's hands over his mouth, pressing his head into the mattress so hard he could feel pressure behind his eyes.
"You'd really do that?" Meg demanded, clearly hurt and furious. "You'd really send me back to fucking Hell? Back to Crowley and his lackeys to be tortured for who the fuck knows how long?"
All Castiel could do was glare up at Meg. He could have sworn she knew better than to attempt something like this. Despite still caring for her against his better judgement, their history meant nothing together if she was going to endanger the Winchesters. He thought he'd made that abundantly clear years ago.
Meg returned his glare for several moments before Sam's features settled into a sly smirk. She took his free hand and reached into Castiel's coat, taking out his angel blade.
"Try that shit again. I dare you," she warned, taking Sam's hand off of Castiel's mouth. Castiel didn't dare move as she raised the blade to Sam's wrist.
"You should know I would gladly burn through whatever grace I have left to keep Sam Winchester alive."
Meg threw Sam's head back and barked out a laugh before looking back at Castiel, sincerely amused.
"Oh, that's adorable! You think I'm threatening to kill him? Clarence, you should know better by now there are far worse things I could do to precious little Sammy Winchester. Things that would leave him begging for death long after I leave his body."
Castiel squinted at Meg questioningly before his eyes widened in horrific understanding as she made a shallow cut on Sam's wrist and held it centimeters away from the hunter's lips.
"Don't!"
"There's my clever Cas," Meg grinned. "Try that exorcism shit again, and I'll get Mr Blood Freak so high on his own supply, he won't come down for weeks."Dean-o will have no choice but to lock him up and throw away the key, leaving him all alone with all those fun hallucinations of Lucifer himself."
"What do you want?"
Sam's features softened into a wistful smile, and Castiel was certain that if Meg's features were capable of such tenderness, her expression would match Sam's perfectly.
"I told you, Clarence," Meg moved so Sam's body was once again looming over Castiel, bumping their foreheads together. "I missed you. And I heard you weren't doing so hot, so I thought I'd come cheer you up."
"How benevolent of you," Castiel deadpanned. "Though, I must admit, I don't see how harming and possessing Sam aids your quest for intimacy."
"Thought I'd spice things up for all of us," Meg shrugged. "We both know what fucking feels like in my usual duds. And while it's all that and a bag of chips, I'm curious how it feels in one of my old outfits."
"Excuse me?"
Sam's expression turned quizzical before Meg rolled his eyes with realization.
"Guess neither of the Hardy Boys ever told you. Figures."
"Told me what?"
"This isn't the first time I've worn Sam Winchester chique," Meg grinned triumphantly. "I'm the whole reason the two of them got those annoying anti-demon tats in the first place."
Castiel wasn't sure if he was grateful for the result or disgusted by how proud she looked about her possessions of the younger Winchester.
"Anyway," Meg continued, "Poor Sammy boy's been nursing a crush on you for years, and I figured possessing someone who wants to fuck you was better than someone who didn't even know you. That whole consent thing people are so gaga about these days."
Castiel gaped, not sure where to start.
"That's… not how consent works. That aside…" Castiel trailed off, his eyes sliding away from Meg's black eyes and Sam's hazel ones. He instinctively knew Meg was telling the truth, but he didn't want to let himself believe her. The elation of reciprocation threatening to fill his chest wasn't Meg's to claim. They'd already had their own version of that while Cas was hospitalized. He'd had a string of particularly bad days and she'd stayed by his side until he was lucid again. He came out of one of his episodes to find her holding his hand, and Castiel knew Meg cared for him; as much as a demon could care, anyway. What Castiel felt when he realized Meg cared for him was warm and peaceful. This light, giddy feeling that pressed against his heart was reserved for Sam alone.
Sam's hand found its way into Cas's hair as Meg brought her lips back to Castiel's neck.
"Don't tell me you didn't know," she purred in his ear, sucking on the angel's earlobe. "I noticed it the first time I saw you two together. He wants you bad , hot wings. And so do I."
Castiel gripped at the comforter beneath him as Meg ground Sam's still prominent erection down against his own. As tempting as her proposition was, Castiel would never forgive himself if he yielded and took advantage of Sam like that. Even worse, he knew Sam would never forgive him either. The only way he could let himself touch Sam while Meg possessed him was to push them away. And he was sure his hands would betray him if he tried to push Sam's body off of him right now.
"I know Sam," Castiel said through gritted teeth, trying his hardest to not enjoy the feeling of Sam's body over his. "Even if he does want me like you say he does, he wouldn't want this."
"Hm, maybe, maybe not," Meg hummed as she nibbled at the pulse point of Castiel's neck. "Guess we won't know until after."
"Meg," Castiel warned.
"Come on , Clarence! I risked my neck jumping these bones so I could jump yours. Stop thinking about everyone else for once and try being a little selfish."
"The last time I did something selfish, I committed a genocide in Heaven and unleashed the Leviathan unto the world."
"That was business," Meg dragged Sam's lips down to lavish Castiel's collar bone with affection. "I'm talking pleasure. You know, fun."
"I told you," Castiel rolled his eyes, attempting to angle his head to look at Meg. "I would have no problem enjoying your company in your usual vessel. This, however…"
Castiel felt Sam's mouth frown against his skin before Meg sat the hunter's body up, their faces drawn in frustration.
"Now Cas, don't tell me you're gonna make me make my own fun," Meg held up Sam's still bleeding wrist for Castiel to see. A cold terror swept through him at the thought of Meg forcing Sam to relapse, followed by a dull nausea at the realization that if she did, it would be because Castiel didn't comply with her request.
"Fine," Castiel sighed out, lifting himself up onto his elbows. "But we need to establish some rules for this tryst."
"I'm all ears, blue eyes."
Castiel narrowed his eyes up at Meg before his gaze drifted to the far wall in thought. He needed to thread this needle very carefully.
"Absolutely no penetration of any orifice. We have no lube or prophylactics, and my grace isn't strong enough to ease the process or heal the damage after," Castiel began. He wasn't lying: there really weren't any supplies in the room, none that he knew of, anyway. That wasn't his primary motivation, however. He was aware on some level of Sam's history with sexual trauma. Even if his hallucinations of Lucifer hadn't painstakingly reenacted everything he did to Sam in the cage, it didn't take much of a logical leap to figure out the generalizations. He couldn't do that to Sam, and he would not have Sam feeling like he violated Castiel.
"Boring, but fine," Meg rolled Sam's eyes. "What's next? No kissing on the lips?"
"It hadn't crossed my mind, but it's not a bad idea."
"Oh, honey, we've really got to socialize you better," Meg smiled lazily. "I was making a joke."
"Regardless, I still think it's not a bad idea."
"Guess I shot myself in the foot there, huh?"
"Next," Castiel continued, "We will not have skin-to-skin genital contact. Again, no prophylactics."
"You really don't have to worry about catching anything, Cas," Meg sighed, clearly getting frustrated. "I promise you, Sam's clean as a whistle."
Castiel merely glared at Meg, daring her to challenge him further. He continued on when she held up Sam's hands in quiet surrender.
"Finally, and most importantly: you leave Sam and return to your usual vessel immediately upon completion and you never do something like this again."
"Don't worry your pretty little halo about that," Meg purred, taking the opportunity to strip Sam of his shirts. "I told you, this was just to shake things up a little. No way am I stupid enough to try and permanently take up residence in a Winchester."
"But you're reckless enough to temporarily possess him for intercourse?" Castiel couldn't help but tease, slipping his arms out of his top layers before tossing his shirt and blazer to the side.
"Exactly," Meg giggled, running Sam's hands over his long, broad torso. Castiel watched, mesmerized. It was no secret that Sam took care of his body, and this was far from the first time Cas had seen the man without a shirt. But to actually have that body above him now, giving itself the most intimate of pleasure was hypnotizing. He hadn't often imagined Sam like this. Not for any lack of want, but because oftentimes he didn't need to fantasize about Sam in sexual situations. Thinking of him as is was usually enough for Castiel. The times he had imagined Sam debauched, however, could never compare to the reality that knelt over him right now.
Meg ran a hand over one of Sam's nipples and Castiel's mouth went dry at the way she made him bite his lip and the hum of pleasure that went straight between Castiel's legs. He watched transfixed as Meg ran one of Sam's hands down across his chest, over his abs, and across his hips before starting to slowly work at his belt. Once the buckle was undone, but before removing the belt, Meg traveled Sam's hand lower to grope the prominent bulge in his pants, his knuckles brushing against Castiel's own suddenly much heavier erection.
Guilt and arousal were two emotions Castiel wasn't accustomed to feeling at the same time and he found it strange. He didn't want to do this to Sam. But if he didn't acquiesce to Meg's advances, she would do something far more damaging to the younger Winchester. Castiel did not want to enjoy this. But at the same time, seeing Sam's body aroused and wanting like this did nothing but make Castiel want him. And the more Castiel wanted him, the guiltier he felt for being forced to betray him. It was a vicious cycle that went round and round without end, forming a whirlwind of nauseous desire connecting Castiel's stomach and genitals.
All he could do was hope Sam forgave him.
"So how do you wanna do this?" Meg asked as Sam slid his belt out of its loops and tossed it aside. "I'm gonna guess hand jobs since you said blowies and proper fucking were off-limits."
Castiel licked his lips as Meg opened Sam's fly, wishing the visual didn't make his cock twitch in his uncomfortably tight pants.
"No. I, I thought it would be nice to watch each other," Castiel could barely string the sentence together, too distracted by the wet spot on the front of Sam's boxer briefs and the feelings it brought to both his heads.
"You saying you don't want to touch me, baby? After all this time?" Meg pouted, reaching down with Sam's hands and palming at Castiel's chest. Castiel shuddered and closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself enjoy the warmth of Sam's skin on his, whimpering as Meg pressed a thumb across one of Castiel's nipples.
"It's not you I would be touching, Meg," Castiel sighed out and grabbed Sam's wrists, opening his eyes and looking at Meg with a mixture of regret and resentment.
"Well that's just not true. You touch this body, you're touching me."
"No, I'm touching Sam ."
"Yeah, but I'm feeling it, so what's the difference?" Meg shrugged Sam's shoulders.
Castiel pursed his lips, trying to think of a way to make her understand. Or, if not that, then at least drop the subject and follow his lead.
"It's not the same as your other vessel," Castiel loosened his grip on Sam's wrists and slowly ran his hands up his arms. "The soul of the woman you possessed moved on to the next life a long time ago. Her body became yours, much like how Jimmy Novak's body became mine. Sam, however, is still in his body. And his is nothing like yours.
"Sam's body is large, hard, and angular," Castiel continued. His hands reached Sam's shoulders and slid down his chest, over his stomach, and around his waist as he spoke, his actions echoing his words. "Yours however, is smaller, softer, and full of curves. It's enticing in ways Sam's isn't. The softness of your lips and breasts, the dip of your waist and back, the shape of your thighs and arms; your body is temptation and deliverance all in one. Most importantly, I know your body. I know exactly where to touch and when to elicit whatever response I desire. I do not have that luxury with Sam's body."
"So you just want this to be good for me, is that it?" Meg gasped as she palmed Sam's erection with one of his hands, the other still on Castiel's chest. Based on her tone of voice and the blush covering Sam's cheeks and chest, Castiel could tell he was pushing her more towards compliance than understanding. It was always frustrating when Meg couldn't understand what he was trying to communicate, but there are just some things demons and angels will never understand about one another. He could probably explain his stance for hours and she still couldn't (or wouldn't) understand his viewpoint on this, because, when it came down to it, she was focused on what she felt regardless of what form she was in.
"I suppose that's one way of putting it."
"There's one problem with us watching each other," Meg sighed, moving back to stand Sam up to strip him completely. "I want you to touch me so bad."
Castiel sat up fully, his eyes involuntarily raking over Sam's form, unconsciously licking his lips as he eyed Sam's thick, leaking cock and thought about what it would feel like on his tongue.
"I can think of a solution to that," he said breathlessly as Meg began to slowly fist Sam's erection. "Sit on the bed."
Castiel stood as Meg eagerly obeyed, quickly stripping himself bare before kneeling in front of them.
"Thought you said no blow jobs?" Meg quirked Sam's eyebrow.
"I did. That's not what I'm doing," Castiel stated, rubbing his hands on the inside of Sam's thighs, parting them to accommodate his form.
"Then what–?"
"I'm going to watch you bring yourself to completion," Castiel explained, nuzzling his head low on the inside of Sam's thigh before leaning against it. "And I'm going to pleasure myself while I watch you from this vantage point. And I would very much enjoy having your fingers in my mouth during the process."
"Blow job without actually blowing me," Meg reached forward and cupped Castiel's chin, running Sam's thumb over his lips. "I'm game."
Castiel kissed Sam's thumb before Meg replaced it with Sam's index and middle fingers. Castiel had never felated someone before, but he'd watched humanity long enough to have an idea of how to imitate one. He lowered his eyes to Sam's hand and started gently kissing and licking at his fingers, alternating between quick short laps and broad flat licks up the length of Sam's fingers. Meg sighed above him and he saw her resume pumping Sam out of the corner of his eye. Castiel closed his eyes and sighed as he loosely gripped his throbbing cock, swirling his thumb over his head and smearing precum down his length to ease his own stimulation. He continued to lick, kiss, and suck at Sam's fingers until Meg was whimpering and moaning above him and he could feel Sam's thigh trembling against the side of his head.
He slipped the tips of Sam's fingers into his mouth and groaned around them. Castiel gripped himself tighter as his cock jerked and wept precum in earnest at the feeling of Sam's digits pressing a taste entirely unique to the hunter onto the angel's tongue. Sam's fingers were thick enough to give Castiel some idea of what it could be like to have Sam's cock stretching his mouth and twitching on his tongue. Even if Sam never forgave him for this and decided to permanently cut all ties with him, at least he would know what it felt like to have his lips on some part of Sam, the hunter's scent of old paperbacks and sage flooding his senses. He could almost pretend it was actually Sam he was pleasing.
"God, Clarence, you look so good with your lips wrapped around me."
Almost.
Castiel opened his eyes and watched Meg watch him as he pulled back and incrementally made his way down Sam's fingers, his lips never breaking contact. By the time Castiel made it all the way down Sam's fingers, Meg was swearing in Latin, a sure sign she was close. Apparently having Sam's fingers sucked was doing as much for her as it was for Castiel.
"Fuck me, those eyes ," was all Meg could sigh out before tipping Sam's head back. His eyes shut and mouth gaped in bliss as Meg pumped his leaking member hard and fast. Hitched breaths and short, whining moans flowed from Sam's throat into Castiel's ears, swirling into the whirlpool of shame and arousal in the pit of the angel's stomach and pushing him to the precipice of bliss.
He let out a pleading groan around Sam's fingers, sucking them into him until he could feel them at the back of his throat. He'd never been so grateful that angels lacked a gag reflex in all his life. The taste and feel of Sam inside him, the look of concupiscence on his and Meg's faces, and firmness of Castiel's own grip as he matched his rhythm with Meg's long and fast strokes made Castiel's head swim in a haze of heat and aching, yearning pleasure. It was better than he could have imagined. It wasn't enough. All he needed was a gentle nudge to fall into oblivion, and Meg knew from their previous liaisons exactly what would tip him over the edge.
"Oh god , Castiel!"
And there it is. Castiel's eyes shut of their own accord as his climax washed over him, his body shuddering as he spilled into and over his own hand, using his cum to lubricate himself and continue his stimulation. He was determined to milk this orgasm for all it was worth.
He was distantly aware of Sam's voice above him, but his brain was too clouded with pleasure to process anything Meg was saying. He was starting to come down when he heard a low, choked moan above him and felt a warm wetness streak across his chest and collar bones. Castiel's 2nd orgasm hit him like a punch, catching him off-guard. All he could do was grip himself just below his head while he spilled again, his jaw completely slack around Sam's fingers and his toes splayed.
The 2nd climax was intense, but shorter than the first, and it didn't take Castiel long to come crashing back to reality. Shame began to rapidly overcome the lust he'd felt for Meg and Sam. It was one thing to indulge Meg like this. Castiel didn't have a choice with the way she threatened Sam's sobriety and well-being. But for Castiel to enjoy that indulgence? He didn't ever see Sam forgiving such a grievous offense.
He heard Meg sigh out in satisfaction and felt her pull Sam's fingers from his mouth to cup his chin. Castiel didn't dare move. He couldn't even bring himself to open his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look at what he'd done.
"Oh, Clarence, why the long face?" Meg cooed, pressing Sam's lips to the angel's forehead. "You looked like you were having a grand time."
"Yes," Castiel muttered. "That's precisely the problem."
They sat there in silence for a few moments, the only sounds in the room coming from the small analogue clock on the nightstand and the rush of highway traffic several hundred feet in the distance.
"Hey," Castiel felt Sam's hands cup his face, giving him another moment where he could almost pretend it actually was Sam. Castiel opened his eyes to see Sam's face staring down tenderly at him with Meg's features straining to do the same. "There's no shame in enjoying what we just did. I wanted you to like it."
Castiel simply pursed his lips in response. He knew there was only the slimmest of chances he could make her understand why he felt disgusted with himself, and it certainly wasn't going to happen when Meg was trying to enjoy and get Castiel to enjoy their afterglow.
Meg frowned when Castiel didn't reply, running Sam's hand through his long hair while sighing in frustration.
"Listen, you and Sam have been gaga for each other for a while now. I heard through the grapevine you weren't doing so great, and I missed you. I thought this would be a win for everyone. I was trying to help."
Castiel sighed, his expression turning sadly sympathetic. While it may have come too late for Castiel's tastes, he could tell there was some part of Meg that did feel remorse over this. Knowing her, she likely only felt bad for upsetting Castiel, but it was still more remorse than most demons ever felt about their actions, and it was the closest Meg was going to get to apologizing.
"I have no doubt you were, in your own way," Castiel wiped his cum-covered hand on the carpet before taking both of Sam's hands in his own, kissing the backs of them while keeping his eyes trained on the two faces above him. "And I would be lying if I said I didn't appreciate the thought behind this. However…"
"You'd rather have me in my body," Meg finished. That wasn't what Castiel was going to say, but it was a start.
"That's part of it, yes. But more than that…" Castiel trailed off as Meg's and Sam's faces fell even further. He sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't think now is an opportune time for this conversation. We had an agreement that you would vacate Sam's body once we were done."
"Cas, we can still–"
"And," Castiel cut her off. "This is a conversation I would prefer to have privately with no 3rd parties."
"You coulda just said that first," Meg rolled Sam's eyes, pulling a small smile from Castiel.
Meg sighed and looked around the room for a moment.
"Well, guess I'll see you around Castiel."
"Wait," Castiel stood between Sam is still spread legs and walked to where he'd discarded his clothes. "Could you dress Sam before leaving him? I'm certain he'll want some modesty after what just happened."
"If you want me to stay, all you have to do is ask."
"Meg," Castiel warned as he pulled on his boxers and pants.
"I was just teasing, relax," Meg responded before going over to Sam's clothes and complying with Castiel's request. He turned from her while the both re-dressed. The least he could do for Sam was not leer at him as his body was covered back up.
Castiel finished dressing first and moved to wait by the door for Meg. It didn't take long for her to join him.
"So, you wanna go have that conversation now?" she asked, watching Castiel open the door for her before leaning against the frame.
"No. I think it's best for me to stay with Sam for now." Castiel was too worried about Sam and how he was reacting to not stay with him. "We could meet back here in a week if that's amenable to you."
"It's a date," Meg learned Sam down and kissed Castiel on the cheek. "See you soon, lover boy. You and Sam have fun."
She stood and turned Sam towards the motel's parking lot before leaving the hunter, a cloud of black smoke billowing out of his mouth and into the night.
Sam slumped against the doorframe, bracing himself against it before Castiel could catch and support him. He stared at Cas wide-eyed for a moment while getting his bearings, a mixture of fear, heartbreak, and dread. Castiel wished Sam would lash out and punch him. It would hurt less than the look he was giving him.
"Sam…"
Sam didn't say anything before turning and fleeing into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. The next thing Castiel heard was retching.
Castiel spent the next two hours painstakingly cleaning the motel room (after breaking into the janitorial closet for supplies) and finishing the packing he'd started after dinner. He could at least make the room look like nothing had happened. The shower ran nearly the entire time. Every now and then, Castiel would look at the bathroom door, unsettled by the lack of sound on the other side, and wonder if he should knock and check on Sam. Then he would hear more retching or a stifled sob and think better of it.
Castiel was seated at the foot of his bed staring at an open book without reading it when Sam emerged from the bathroom. He looked awful. He was pale and shaking. It was obvious he'd been crying, his eyes swollen and red. He'd broken blood vessels from vomiting, the pin pricks of red spotting across his face and largely concentrated around the corners of his eyes. The worst part was the hollow, defeated look in his eyes.
Sam and Castiel stared one another for several long moments. Castiel didn't know what to say. What could he say? He knew every single human language, but he couldn't think of a single word that could possibly bring any comfort to the man standing in front of him. Perhaps the best thing for Sam right now was space.
"I can go if you want me to." Castiel closed his book, bracing himself for Sam to shun him.
What he didn't expect was for Sam to shake his wet head.
"I don't. You don't need to…" Sam trailed off, his gaze fixed on the floor. "You can stay."
Casttel looked away from Sam. He couldn't stand how broken he looked, the knowledge that he had a hand in breaking him hurting so bad he couldn't bear it. Several more long moments stretched between them in silence.
"I don't know how to start talking about what happened," Castiel admitted, running a hand down his face.
"You have time to figure it out," Sam is voice sounded just as hollow and distant as he looked. "I can't… I don't think I could talk about it right now if I tried. But you should know: I don't blame you. I know you did what you had to in order to keep me safe."
"Sam," Castiel started to protest while looking up at him in shock, but Sam shook his head. Castiel watched him as he moved to his bed and began turning it down, his movements stiff and robotic.
"That was all I wanted to say. I don't have the energy for anything else right now. And I might not for another couple of days. But if you could still be here when I wake up…"
"Of course, Sam," Castiel answered gently. He watched the other man get into bed, jeans and all, his back pointedly turned towards Castiel. "Anything you think may help, just ask. It's yours."
"I know. I… I'll be okay. I just need some sleep first. We can figure the rest out in the morning."
"Understood. Would you like me to turn the lights off?"
"No, I'm fine. Goodnight, Cas."
"Goodnight, Sam," Castiel sighed, turning back to his book. It was going to be a very long journey back to the bunker.
hi lovely, thank you so much for sending these! this was so much fun to answer!
2.) a character whose POV you’re currently exploring
since I’m writing a lot of hilson lately, im definitely exploring more of house’s POV. I find it easy to fall into wilson’s POV because he’s my favorite character and I love him. I feel like writing house’s POV is more challenging for me due to his sarcastic nature merging with genuine emotions underneath the surface along his chronic pain. I want to write his POV as authentically as I can while capturing his personality accurately so im trying to encourage myself to explore his POV more
6.) the word that appears the most in your current draft (wordcounter.net can tell you)
excluding the name house (that’s the most common word in my draft but im not gonna count that since i’m writing from house’s POV in this chapter), then the word that appears the most in my hilson chapter draft is hand.
9.) start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?
im going to do this fic the last fic I posted on ao3 which was messy top lip kiss (how I long for our trysts). this fic was 1,853 words long and it took me exactly 3 days to write it from feb 4th at 2:30am (starting time) to feb 7th at 2:45am (ending time).
22.) do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?
oh god yes. all the fucking time. it’s something I’m still working on personally to try and not be as worried about public reaction to my writing as I have been in the past. but god, yeah. every single drabble, every headcanon, every fic I write. I worry if people will like it or if people will hate it. or if people leave nice comments or if they’ll send me hate. or if I’ll lose followers when I post too much writing in a day. I’m working on trying to reframe my mindset to focus on the fact I like what I’ve written and how proud I am of the piece. and if other people like my writing, it’s a huge bonus. as long as I like what I’ve written and I had fun doing it, that’s what matters.
i mean if you look at when cas first suggested putting jack in the cage, it was in direct response to dean wanting to kill jack. like, the cage thing is cas bargaining. and once cas decides to just give up on dean being persuaded not to kill jack, he changes his tune: "we'll go somewhere no one will ever find us" in the graveyard. it's fairly clear that what cas is doing in moriah is "trying to keep jack alive"
like, this is at the start of the episode:
and then cas leaves to investigate the cage. and then when chuck shows up with the equalizer this is what cas says:
he is desperately trying to avoid jack being killed. jack being imprisoned is better than jack being dead
well, yeah. i mean i'm not arguing that at any point cas was on the same page as dean and sam, just that this is a thing that happened that fandom conveniently forgets. fandom has boiled the entire thing down to "jack killed mary -> dean blamed cas for it -> dean put jack in the box -> dean almost used the gun to kill jack but stopped when he realized chuck was manipulating him" but that's not really what happened. the last part isn't even accurate. there's a lot of nuance to it that has gotten completely lost in the fandom shuffle, and to me, the fact that cas was willing to put jack in the cage at all is a part of that, because even cas recognizes that jack is an actual threat. he wants to save him but there has to be a compromise for someone as powerful as jack is, and the only compromise cas can even come up with is the freaking cage. jack is out of control. he has power on par with god and he keeps throwing temper tantrums and that's dangerous. dean was mad at jack for killing mary, yes, but that's not the only thing that was happening. that's not the only reason he wanted to stop jack. that's just the reason he was such an asshole about it.
