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i’ve been able to take it slow for the first time in a while. played some Stardew and made some food and had a nice warm cup of coffee without having to lock in. solid. i need to get going in terms of work, but i’m really happy with being able to rest. as long as i make sure to get my studies in order i will be okay to take tomorrow at a steady pace.
AVALON
we’ve been getting echoes of the others lately. i always revert to thinking it’s all of us that can’t communicate, but i think it’s just us that can’t communicate with them. or maybe we can’t communicate, but they can come close?
i keep forgetting what draws SW close, but i’ve felt him a couple of times. and E. i think B was also thinking about coming back as well. I wish i understood all of this.
AVALON
i woke up this morning cocooned in warmth. my head was warm and the sun was golden and i felt happy. daylight savings started a couple days ago, and i think i bolted awake at seven because i’m so used to getting up at that time. my poor body can’t tell what’s going on, so it felt like i was almost getting an extra hour, even days after the initial switch. the terror i felt in that moment—no alarm, just the rising sun—was extreme. but i just got to lay there. cuddled up and warm. that was good. nothing hurt. i had time.
now my face feels like broken glass. my head hurts and my arms are aching with nerve pain. it feels so awful—dizzying and needle-like. it’s almost like i’m being tattooed with degeneration (does that even make sense?) i’m racing against time to get all of my stuff done, and honestly it’s making me sick. just a couple more weeks until break. i’ll be okay. i have so much stuff to do and so many things stressing me out. i know i’m trying. i know i’m doing my best.but just hurts. my nerves are destroying themselves and it hurts so much all the time. the inside of my nose is so sharp. god.
i’m so overworked i feel like killing myself. i dream about it so often it’s lost its sting. it’s just a cozy fantasy of not being here anymore. and the worst part is it feels like a betrayal of my partner. i’d be leaving them alone. and i know i can’t. but part of me wants to be dust so badly. there’s also the problem of feeling like a burden. i know they don’t think that, but they have enough on their plate. it’s all so fucking much.
AVALON
being depressed really is just a malaise of things tasting like nothing and your body aching and staring at the wall. went to lunch because i wanted my roommate to eat, but it’s all so dull. just kind of rocking back and forth at the table. i’m having my awful visions again. blood everywhere because i’ve blown my brains out. et cetera. it’s so normal to me. i don’t know if it’s actually normal. i wonder if other people think about the different ways they could kill themselves idly when the conversation hangs in limbo for a few minutes.
AVALON
i feel hollow
curious
so since i was 15, just beginning my journey, set sorta followed me places. my mother got me statues for my altar but instead of anubis, it was set. i wasn't too smart then and just put him to the side.
he ended up breaking
some weird things happened
and it wasn't until recently (when trying to get my attention for what seems like a thousand times, on and off), that he was getting my attention from the beginning.
in the past i had tried to work with him, but his aura and vibe had always seemed to... well intimidate me? Im unsure. not a lot of people do that to me.
like today, i asked before work, if the universe could just tell me which deity is trying to get in contact with me, please give me a sign. and after a day of mishaps, but still being in a fairly good mood, it dawned on me. i had the same feeling when i knew he was around.
So i wanted to write this out so my bad memory can come back to this. i just thought it was neat that i actually got an answer that i can realize.
I'd like to further my relationship with Set and already on a hunt for resources!!!
I want a penpal. WHO WILL BE MY PENPAL. HMU SEND ME A SK
So as we all know Fast food and Avalon don’t work out so I’m applying to all these other places and my horoscope said I’m going to be lucky this week so yay
