Avery Trufelman just punched me in the gut (Articles of Interest s7e9)
An epilogue came out today to season 7 of Avery Trufelman's podcast about the history of clothing, "Articles of Interest," where she was interviewed, live on stage, about this season, her podcast, and her career. And here's a lightly edited transcript of how she answered, "How did you get interested in fashion?"
"... well, I always was like very interested in, in dressing and I always dressed kind of weird, like really weird. And I never really understood why. Like when I was in high school, I would wear these really nutty outfits. I would go visit my aunt in San Francisco and I would go thrift shopping and buy what I think now. I'm like, rock on, high school me. That was so cool. "But at the time, it's like, why were you wearing these in high school? Like gold lame dresses and like fur stoles. And I'm like, why am I not getting invited to parties? Like, yeah, everyone thinks you're a little alien. Well, of course they're not inviting you to parties. "And I think at the time I knew I was like, I think I'm alienating people, but I don't really understand why I'm doing this. And I think it was this instruction in the sort of social nature of clothing. I think I was so against fitting in that I was standing out too much and I didn't realize the signals that it was sending. I thought I was having fun, but I didn't realize it was kind of like asocial. "... when I went to college and there was this anonymous confession board where people could write whatever they wanted about people and everyone was like, who does Avery Truffleman think she is? "And I was like, oh, my God. I was just horsing around. And I was like, oh, no, these really mean something. Like, if you're walking around in, like, a costume being like, I'm not of this world. Like who do you think you are? You know? And I was like, oh, this like means something. I'm sending out a message that I'm not in control of. And that was not my intention. "But, and I think it was this idea of like cultural cohesion. That I want to stand out, I want to express myself, but I also want to be inviting somehow. I realized the message I was sending was like, don't fucking talk to me, you know? And that was not my goal at all. "It was a more powerful messaging than I realized."
A conversation about the series
Ouch.
Why ouch?
Like most-all neurodivergent kids, I've been bullied a lot my whole life, and back when I was a kid, it did not just roll off of me. And there's a thing that I imagine nearly all kids get, but that got to me: "you're wearing that wrong."
And somewhere between middle school at the earliest, and early college at the latest, I decided not to play that game. If I'm wearing something that the bullies aren't familiar with, they can't accuse me of wearing it wrong! Because they don't know! Because I'm not competing with them in "who can wear it best," like that awesome scene from Kim Possible: "You so can not pull off that look." "It's MY LOOK!?!"
And I still do it to some extent. By adulthood, the message I internalized was, "Fashion is wearing what you're supposed to wear and wearing it well. Style is looking good in what YOU want to wear." And Eris knows I've had half a dozen or more friends in my life who were genuine style icons by that standard.
But I have always been treated like I didn't even want people to be friendly to me. And apparently? Whether I knew it or not, that was 100% my fault.
