Round 1 Match 4: @averyphandomninjaukulele vs @halfaqueen
Writer: @ma-tsu-the-male-goddess
“Up next we have @averyphandomninjaukulele vs. @halfaqueen! I’ve heard this might be a boring match, but *I* know that that is impossible! I was obviously lied to on every level. I mean this is basically Pariah’s Empire versus the Realm of the Gods! So let’s get started and prove me right.”
“Tori has very clearly taken the ‘shock-and-awe’ route when they dressed to phight. Stripes, bones, and pink; sounds like a recipe for awesome from me. Ukulele is quite a bit more understated, but certainly has some fire in those eyes.” Matsu’s kind of jealous, actually. She wants fire in her eyes too.
“Ukulele’s eyes, of course, are many. The ones in their hoodie pocket are also on fire.” Hundreds of thousands of googly eyes have already begun to spill out of the giant pocket of their blue hoodie. “It seems to have turned the arena into a lava pit. Fire types have the advantage!”
Tori takes several steps back before hopping up into the air. They hover up a bit higher so their skirt doesn’t start to melt. Two cans of Dr. Pepper are snatched from their waist. Matsu’s a bit confused, to be honest. Ukulele doesn’t seem to be wearing anything they care about, so spilling the soda on them seems a bit silly. But wait–
“Oh my ghosts! I can’t believe my eyes, is–They are! Tori is violently vibrating up and down, arms flapping wildly with a can in each hand. I think I know what the plan is now!”
Ukulele is standing their ground, glaring up at the ghost floating in even closer. Tori suddenly freezes in place and bares their teeth; a large SNAP can be heard even from the box.
Huge jets of bubbly, spicy brown Dr. Pepper slam into Ukulele. All of the googly eyes are extinguished. The phight is over.
“And Ukulele is down for the count! Someone certainly paid attention in Pokemon school - everyone knows water beats fire.” Matsu didn’t, but that’s what telepathy is for. “Tori moves on to round 2! Please enjoy some over-easy gheggs inside as we cool off the arena for the next match.”