May 22
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Tips for dating an avoidant personality type:
Don't.
0/10. Would not recommend.
One day you're the light of their life, the next day they have disappeared away from you bc ?? The hot & cold is jarring & confusing.
You have your feelings hurt by external sources & go to them for comfort, but somehow you end up comforting them bc of past trauma they had, meanwhile your issue gets pushed back.
They need time to process after any type of conflict, even faux conflict created in their head, maybe a customer or coworker was rude, or something triggered them. This processing time could be anywhere from a few hours to several days. You are not involved in this time. Any involvement will lengthen the time apart. You cannot comfort them.
They think space is good bc they need it, but if you say that it's pushing you away, they disappear even more bc the emotional weight & responsibility is too much.
They're ok merely existing beside you, no extra efforts needed to be taken. Saying "Good Morning" is a major task, to be put behind an hour of phone scrolling. You're a roommate with occasional benefits.
Rather than take responsibility when they hurt your feelings, they say how bad they feel about hurting you & disappear to process, only to pop back up after the hours or days to act like nothing happened. The cycle will repeat. This is a certainty.
You're left alone & feel like you're too much for asking for basic decency. Hellos, how are you, hugs, interest in your interests, checking in, dates, etc. You feel like a burden, an inconvenience. Meanwhile they tell you you mean the world to them.
When you finally step away, shock. No matter how vocal you were, no matter how many chances.
"I'll reach out." They don't. They won't. They can't.
They'll make major efforts to please those they either dislike or have no emotional attachment to. Do not expect this behavior towards you.
Don't date the avoidant unless you want to get hurt. You can't tell them you're hurt. You can't tell them they're distant. You can't make them change bc they don't want to. They'll say one thing & do the polar opposite.
Just don't.