#avpdanswer

[avpdcommunity]

How do you stop feeling like you're unlovable?

Hey. 

I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way, it’s a terrible experience to feel unloved. Just remember that you are never alone. You are in no way, shape, or form unlovable, that is your illness lying to you. I know that it’s easier to say that than to believe it but you have to try to hold onto that. 

I have some self care resources to help you feel better:

You Feel Like Sh*t (interactive self-care guide) 

Self Care Plan Worksheet*

Self Care Exercises and Activities

Also here are some links to help overcome what you’re going through:

Overcoming Low Self-esteem* 

Fact Or Opinion Guide

“What if…” Positive Thinking Worksheet*

Challenging Negative Thoughts Worksheet*

How do I deal with feeling unloved and and isolated?

How do I deal with feeling like everyone hates me?

Take care. - Jay

[avpdcommunity]

(1/2)Hi! How are you doing? I don´t know if this is the best place to ask this question, but since I like this blog and I find it helpful, I´ll ask anyway. I have pretty much all AvPD symptoms, but the truth is, I don´t show them. Unless people know me very well (my parents) everyone thinks I´m just a nice, simple, playful, calm and kind person. They think I´m just an introvert while I believe I really have avPD. I´m even good at speaking in public, but it´s so odd

(2/2) even I think if it´s just my instincts kicking in or if it´s some sort of slight dissociation. Can this be a coping mechanism to not show my "weak" self or something else? I don´t understand, but I don´t find an answer... Thanks in advanc for your help and keep the good work!

Hello there. I’m great, thank you for asking! 

This is a tricky question to answer because I’m just a stranger on the Internet and I don’t know you personally. I can’t speak about your situation specifically but I can give you some information about diagnoses. 

AvPD can vary in severity among people with the disorder but when talking about a clinical diagnosis vs interpersonal problems that don’t meet criteria the difference is how much it interferes with your daily life and societal standards you’re expected to live by (i.e, getting a job, establishing relationships, etc).

If it is causing moderate to significant impairment in your life then a professional may diagnosis you with AvPD. If it is more of a manageable feeling and you can still go about your life relatively uninterrupted then you may not be diagnosed. 

Not being diagnosed does not mean that what you’re feeling isn’t real or isn’t difficult to deal with though. It also does not mean that you shouldn’t see a mental health professional either. Therapy can be beneficial for anyone. 

Here are some links that may help you overcome how you’re feeling but I encourage you to check out our full Answers Directory(link) and Self Help page(link):

What do I do if I think I have AvPD? 

How much “impairment” is involved in a personality disorder?

12 Module Mastering Your Worries (General Anxiety)*

Communication Techniques Guide (depression).

4 Module Overcoming Distress Intolerance*

I hope this helps. Take care. - Jay.

[avpdcommunity]

I'm planning to see a therapist for the first time ever- however I'm self-diagnosed and I've researched all of SD-ed disorders for literally years. Is it normal, or acceptable, to tell them upfront that I've done a lot of research and I'm sure I have Depression, AVPD, etc and the reasons why, and materials like diagnostic hecklists I've completed? Or should I tell them my symptoms and let them come to the conclusions themselves?

Hi there! Good luck at your upcoming appointment, we hope everything goes well for you. Therapists admittedly vary in terms of how receptive they are to patients being upfront about potential diagnoses, so I don’t feel comfortable providing you with a direct answer since it really depends on a combination of your therapist and your personal preferences about how to approach treatment.

With that in mind, as a general rule, I would caution against insisting you have a certain disorder during an intake appointment; if you’re able to build a rapport with your therapist after a few sessions, a direct suggestion might go over better, especially since they will be more familiar with your symptoms. We have more on how to bring up AvPD (or any other disorder) to a therapist here. Having specific diagnostic checklists ready when you do have this discussion also seems like a good idea to me. Overall, building a solid foundation between you and your therapist is an integral part to receiving the best long term treatment. 

Personally, for your first appointment, I would encourage you to bring in a list of your symptoms (as well as examples of how they apply to you) and talk through them with your therapist. If you feel very strongly about bringing up specific disorders during your first session, perhaps mention that you’ve done a lot of research on your symptoms and have identified a few disorders that appear to have similar symptoms- this might help you gauge if they would appreciate direct diagnostic suggestions or not. I don’t think this is something you would necessarily have to do immediately though.

If anyone has any further suggestions or stories they would like to share that might apply to this situation, please feel free to reply.

Hopefully this advice helps.

Tollie.

[avpdcommunity]

Can i have avpd and bpd at the same time?

Hey! Thanks for submitting an ask. Yes, you can have both AvPD and BPD as co-morbid diagnoses, meaning that they occur at the same time. 

We have a few asks related to this subject, so I’ll link them below in case you find them helpful. 

- Is there crossover between personality disorders?- What are similarities and differences with AvPD vs BPD?- More differences between AvPD and BPD?

Tollie. 

[avpdcommunity]

1) I've been battling depression and avpd for about 7-8 years now and it literally took everything from me. I don't have any friends left, I dropped out of school and haven't had a job since. I'm 22 and living with my mom and I've been in several hospitals and longterm therapies and also tried so many different meds. I have times when I'm not as miserable, but even then I'm barely functioning enough to leave the house... I feel worthless and like a burden to my parents and to society...

2) and I really don’t know what else to try anymore. I want to believe that there’s a way to a halfway functioning life for me, but right now my avoidance is so bad I can’t see myself going to another hospital. Do you think there’s a point where it’s better to stop hoping and just accept that you won’t ever be independent? it takes so much energy to try and hope every day and I’m not sure how to live like this in the long term. Btw thank you for this blog it helps a lot to know I’m not alone ♥

Hey. I’m glad our blog has been able to help you and I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling.

I know that many recovery narratives often paint a very straightforward and idealistic picture of how one overcomes their mental health challenges, and I know how discouraging they can be if you’re in a dark and challenging place, especially if you’ve been there a long time with limited progress.

However, I don’t think it is better to stop hoping that you will be able to improve your mental health and quality of life. Please don’t give up on yourself. 

While I encourage to continue to seek out professionals who can help you work towards gaining more independence in your life, my best advice at the moment would be to focus on setting small, achievable goals that help you get closer to feeling more independent. Recovery is a process and it’s important to focus on making gradual improvements over time while also learning to avoid blaming yourself. Below are a few resources I hope can help and encourage you.

Setting Goals In Recovery

At the End of Your Rope? 

Weekly Self-Care Checklist

Self-Affirmation Tips

9 Module Coping With Depression

Best wishes.

Tollie. 

[avpdcommunity]

i was looking at a checklist of avpd symptoms and one of them was "i have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events," and i don't really know what that means? could you possibly explain it / give examples? thank you!

Hey there. After speaking with the other mods, we feel that particular description might match the definition cognitive dysfunction (also called brain fog). Essentially, people who experience cognitive dysfunction have the sensation of cognitive “fuzziness” and have concentrating, remembering things, and recalling events or experiences clearly.

However, given that we did not write the checklist you are referring to, it is difficult to be entirely sure what the authors meant. In general, we recommend that you to check out the DSM’s entry for PDs and AvPD (AvPD is listed second, after AsPD), which we would be happy to help clarify. 

- Tollie

[avpdcommunity]

with avpd is it possible to cycle between feeling superior and inferior to others?

Hi there! As a reminder, we’re not professionals; therefore, we encourage you to seek assistance from a professional who will be better equipped to address the specifics of your mental health.

Generally speaking, one of the diagnostic criteria for AvPD (x) states that most individuals with AvPD struggle with feeling inferior to others. As AvPD is a personality disorder, this pattern of cognition is typically pervasive, i.e., it remains relatively constant across time and in a variety of contexts. 

Therefore, it is unlikely that most people with AvPD would experience significant fluctuations between feelings of inferiority and superiority. However, there is also a possibility that a comorbid disorder could be additionally impacting someone’s sense of self-concept/esteem. In sum, how (and which) symptoms manifest, especially if multiple disorders are interacting, depends a great deal on the individual. 

Edit: There are other disorders characterized by the fluctuating feelings you have mentioned that you might want to consider looking into as well (see the replies to this post).

- Tollie

[avpdcommunity]

I have avpd... Diagnosed and everything and... I was reading up on it and theres... No cure? Like at no point am I ever going to be chill and unafraid? I'm never going to stop hating myself? Like I know it gets better with help and like utilizing dbt and all but... Even on my best days I'm a taggled knot inside and I'm not even comorbid with anything. It just sucks so much and this isnt going to stop sucking even though I know better and I hate that.

Hi there! Thanks for sending in an ask. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with your diagnosis. While, yes, it’s generally accepted that personality disorders are a lifelong attribute of one’s personality to one extent or another, I think it is also beneficial to remember that doesn’t mean that your disorder will never improve. Where you are today won’t be where you are forever. I’m glad to hear you’ve done some research into DBT and other types of therapy, as I truly believe that people with AvPD can see significant improvements in their behaviors and concept of self through these means.   

In some cases, recovery doesn’t mean you no longer have a certain disorder, it means that you’re able to actively challenge your disorder and achieve things that you never thought you could before. It’s a process of working towards a better you, no matter how large or how small your goals are. 

I’ve attached a few links below that focus on some of the main issues you mentioned in your ask as starting points, but let us know if you’d like any additional advice or assistance. I hope you feel better. 

• Choosing the right Service for you Work/Infosheet• Making Recovery Decisions Worksheet• Ask: What if some things are getting better, but other things aren’t? (+ worksheets on improving low self-esteem)• 12 Module Mastering Your Worries

Best wishes. -Tollie