#recoveryanswer

[avpdcommunity]

I have avpd... Diagnosed and everything and... I was reading up on it and theres... No cure? Like at no point am I ever going to be chill and unafraid? I'm never going to stop hating myself? Like I know it gets better with help and like utilizing dbt and all but... Even on my best days I'm a taggled knot inside and I'm not even comorbid with anything. It just sucks so much and this isnt going to stop sucking even though I know better and I hate that.

Hi there! Thanks for sending in an ask. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with your diagnosis. While, yes, it’s generally accepted that personality disorders are a lifelong attribute of one’s personality to one extent or another, I think it is also beneficial to remember that doesn’t mean that your disorder will never improve. Where you are today won’t be where you are forever. I’m glad to hear you’ve done some research into DBT and other types of therapy, as I truly believe that people with AvPD can see significant improvements in their behaviors and concept of self through these means.   

In some cases, recovery doesn’t mean you no longer have a certain disorder, it means that you’re able to actively challenge your disorder and achieve things that you never thought you could before. It’s a process of working towards a better you, no matter how large or how small your goals are. 

I’ve attached a few links below that focus on some of the main issues you mentioned in your ask as starting points, but let us know if you’d like any additional advice or assistance. I hope you feel better. 

• Choosing the right Service for you Work/Infosheet• Making Recovery Decisions Worksheet• Ask: What if some things are getting better, but other things aren’t? (+ worksheets on improving low self-esteem)• 12 Module Mastering Your Worries

Best wishes. -Tollie

[avpdcommunity]

hi! if i'm on a way of recovery and learning to do things i never thought i could possibly do.. does that mean i don't have avpd anymore and that i only faked my behavior the years before. i was never officially diagnosed, but i spent a lot of time with research and the more i learned about it the better understood i felt, but now some time has passed and i'm not sure if i faked. and this is certainly a minor problem but i feel like i'm losing a part of myself i just learned to understand.

Hi! Thank you for reaching out to us. I encourage you to check out some of the following asks we have listed in our answers directory, as I believe they may be helpful in addressing your concerns. 

How do I stop doubting my diagnosis?

My therapist doesn’t think I have AvPD, am I faking it?

If I’m getting better, does that mean I was faking before?

- Tollie

[avpdcommunity]

I have avpd and am working through it in therapy. I put a lot of pressure on myself to move forward and "get better." I was just invited to a concert with some people that I don't know really well and the pressure to do things my avpd usually stops me from doing is huge. However, I don't actually want to go, concerts are not something I typically enjoy. Any advice on balancing the fear of the disorder with listening to my gut? I can't help thinking this is just avpd convincing me not to go

Hey there. 

Why aren’t concerts a thing you typically enjoy? Do you not enjoy live music? Is the environment of a concert overwhelming to your senses? Are there too many people? The reason for why you dislikes concerts is important to consider. If you know that you won’t enjoy it, it’s okay not to go.

It’s awesome that you want to push yourself to try and overcome your AvPD! But you are still allowed to have different hobbies and interests to others. If you don’t like concerts, you don’t have to go to one just for the sake of proving you can push yourself.

If you like the band, or think you will enjoy this concert, then it could be a good experience and you could enjoy going! But if you think that the crowds, noise, etc. will be overwhelming or unpleasant no matter what, it’s okay not to go. You can dislike things other people like. That’s okay, and doesn’t mean you’re not making an effort to recover.

I think an important part of recovery is knowing where your boundaries are and drawing a line there. If concerts aren’t for you, that’s okay! They aren’t everyone’s thing, and it’s okay to not enjoy them.

But you are the only one who can analyse your own reasoning and make that decision. I wish you luck!

- Liese

[avpdcommunity]

Idk if any other people with pd's have this problem, but I have a huge problem with losing followers like I want to be like those kind and mature Tumblr ppl who say "it's always okay to unfollow me" but I can't sincerely say that. It's a huge blow to me. Especially if I can't be sure if it was a mutual. I feel like a bad person for even caring about it but I've had my blog for like 5 years and only have 500 some followers and so losing followers hurts a lot. Is this normal?

In relation to my previous ask, what can I do to minimize my emotion misery when someone unfollows me. Part of me feels like dying because what if it was a mutual and now I’m being a complete fool who continues to follow them without even realizing they don’t even like me any more and I’m the only one who cares like that’s mortifying for me. Can I ask people who follow me to do a soft block when they want to unfollow me? I’m afraid of coming across as too demanding.

Hi there. That’s a tough problem to have.

To me, it seems like the problem you are having is that you are putting a lot of your sense of self-worth in how many people follow you on Tumblr, and seeking validation through attention on Tumblr. 

The thing is… Tumblr is not a particularly good medium for self-validation. There are any number of reasons that your follower count can fluctuate. There are spam blogs that get deleted, blogs that get deactivated, and yes, people that choose to unfollow you.

People can unfollow you for any number of reasons. Their interests and hobbies may change, they may be trying to curate specific content on their dash, or they may simply not enjoy the content you post. That, specifically, is why you cannot put your need for validation into a medium like Tumblr. 

It is hard to remember, but whether or not someone follows you is not a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on their own interests and on what they want to see on their dash. There is a separation between you as a person and your Tumblr.

Saying that, I know you’re not going to suddenly be able to stop seeing Tumblr as a source of validation. Changing your way of thinking will be an effort. If you can, I strongly recommend seeking out a therapist to help you work on becoming less reliant on outside influences for your sense of self worth.

Until you are able to see a therapist, I recommend using DBT techniques to work on moving your need for validation away from outside sources. Check out our self-help page for links here(x). 

It may also be good to take more breaks from Tumblr and engage in other hobbies, and to put more of your emotional energy into your enjoyment of these. This may help you break away from feeling dependant on Tumblr for validation.

I hope that is helpful for you, and I wish you the best in your recovery!

- Liese

[avpdcommunity]

Hello!! I've recently thought about talking to a therapist on whether i might have avpd or not but im really scared I'll be brushed off as someone who just 'googled stuff and applied it to themselves' do you guys have any advice on how to do it?

Hello.

Here are a few links to Asks in our Answers Directory(link) that should answer your question:

I’m afraid of bringing up AvPD, but I still want help? 

I’m so scared for my first appointment, what do I do?

How do I bring up a personality disorder with my psych? (2)

How do I stop doubting my diagnosis?

Am I invalid if I am self-diagnosed? 

Please read through our Answers Directory for more. 

We have also have some Self-Help resources for Therapy and Doctors on our Self-Help page(link) that may be useful to you. 

- Jay. 

[avpdcommunity]

i have avpd and i feel like i even avoid getting better.. no one has ever really taken much notice about my mental health because i always hide how i feel and i never talk to anyone about it, so i feel like no one really cares about me or understands, or realizes how much i try to be 'normal' like them.. and i feel like the only way for people to finally acknowledge how i feel is to just get worse mentally.. until i can't really hide it anymore. (1*)

(2*) i also think i avoid recovery cos im so used to feeling the way i do & having my disorders that whenever i feel less anxious or depressed, i feel incredibly out of place & dont really know what to do with myself. its like something feels wrong. & whenever i see someone who’s worse than me mentally i get so jealous & even self-destructive and idk why. i feel bad bc maybe i just want pity & that makes me a bad person. i sort of feel like ‘no those bad feelings are mine and you cant have them’

(3*) i’m really sorry this is so long, it was sort of a vent but i also wanted to know if you think this is normal for people with avpd?… or if it’s normal for mentally ill people in general? because it makes me feel like such a bad person and such a fuck up because i feel like i just want to get worse and that’s bad… 

Hey. 

We have a couple of asks that have been previously answered and I think they’d really help you out:

How do I make myself want to get better? 

What if I don’t want to recover at all?

How do I get professional help when I’m afraid of it?

I’m afraid of bringing up AvPD, but I still want help?

What you describe is a really common experience for people with mental illness. There is familiarity and comfort, in a way, because you know what to expect. There’s fear in trying to recover because what if it doesn’t work? What if I put myself in a vunerable position and it backfires? 

But the results are worth far more than the risk. Imagine for a second that all of the things your mental illness holds you back from and are now no longer a problem. That you can do things without worrying, and you have healthy relationships, a reason to get out of bed etc. You’ll also do amazing things that you don’t even know you’re capable of yet. That risk, that tiny little risk, is nothing in comparison. One day you’ll be able to look back and be so proud that you took it. You’ll wonder why you ever worried about it at all. 

- Jay. 

[avpdcommunity]

i;ve been more social these past two months but today it was just too much stress. I hate this fake it till you make it because I feel like i'm not allowed to be sad in front of anyone. I have to filter my emotions through this 'personality' so I don't put-off any of my friends but as a result this depressed side of me never gets addressed. Now I feel like I was a more realer me when I was on my own most of the time

Hey. 

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. I’ve been in that position and it’s not an easy place to be. Good for you for tackling your fears though, you should feel proud of yourself for the effort. This set back is not the end. Your effort was not in vain. 

Please don’t feel like ‘fake it till you make it’ is the only way to challenge your fears. There different approaches and not everything will work for you all the time. Maybe it’s just a matter of tweaking how you approach this. 

I think mindfulness might be a better fit for you. It’s about taking a step back and recognizing what you’re feeling, acknowledging that it’s okay to feel that way, and as a result, finding calm and letting go of negative emotions. 

On our Self-Help page, we have… one Mindfulness resource that may interest you (I thought we had more. Hmph. I’ll have to get onto that. In the meantime, Goolging Mindfulness worksheets is fine). We also suggest finding a mental health professional to guide you through the process. 

Hope this helps. Let us know how it goes. - Jay. 

[avpdcommunity]

i am not sure if i have the right mindset to allow recovery. i know that to learn to deal with my emotions i have to challenge myself every day and that seems extremely terrifying and like i have to expose myself to danger and failure. i feel like i am not good enough for recovery so i am afraid of wishing for it in case i am not able to get better. i feel like i have built this invisible wall that keeps me here in my misery. do you know how i could find some courage?

Hey.

I suggest you read through the following two asks:

How do I make myself want to get better? 

What if I don’t want to recover at all? 

If this doesn’t help. Please let us know.

- Jay.