Am I losing you? (Reader x Gilbert)
Requested by: @mrs-blythe72, Forever tag: @hanbinwsrt, @alex--awesome--22
Only love can hurt like this!
Gilbert and you were best friends for as long as you could remember. He was the moon to your sun, the leaves to your tree, the air to your lungs. You couldn’t imagine life without him, it was no surprise that you started to fall in love with him. Gilbert was a wonderful person who constantly putted you before himself, he would always check first if you were alright before checking up on himself.
You were the one thing in his life he couldn’t life without, if he would ever lose you, he knew he would break apart and probably cry his eyes out and slowly die. Gilbert and you had found a special place deep in the forest, hidden from others. There was a magical place by the left end of the forest where a huge willow tree stood. It’s low hanging leaves almost touching the ground as you and Gilbert spent many hours hiding behind the leafy curtain.
It had become your meeting spot and if you couldn’t find each other you knew that was the place the one would be. The two of you were glad that you found that magical place as it felt you were on a different place, sometimes far away from your life troubles. You were waiting patiently behind the leafy curtain of the willow tree as your hair blew gently with the wind.
You let your hang back as you listened to the leaves moving from the wind, for a moment everything was perfect. It was quite warm underneath the leaves and the wold around you moved peacefully. You heard some branches snap and it disturb the harmony in your ears, you tilted your head back to the front as branches kept being snapped.
You heard some distant mutter and seated yourself better as you expected Gilbert to arrive, it was only when you heard another voice you started to feel nervous. The other sound was softer than Gilbert’s that you could recognise anywhere but this… this new voice made you curious to why Gilbert would bring someone else to your special place.
You tried to look between the low hanging leaves of the willow tree as you saw Gilbert’s shoes with next to him a new pair of … girls shoes? You frowned deep as it showed wrinkles on your face as you didn’t expect a girl. You noticed a hand moving towards the leaves as it moved it out of the way, to make an opening. – “Y/n?” – you heard Gilbert say confused as the girl came standing next to him, peering through the curtain of leaves.
You ignored his look as you turned your gaze to the girl in seconds, - “Ruby!” – you almost shouted. – “What the hell are you doing here?” – Gilbert ignored your question and gestured to Ruby to enter, she walked in and stood in front of you as you looked up to her. – “I think I asked you a question?” – you said slightly judgemental.
Gilbert also walked in and smiled at Ruby who looked confused at him. – “I thought you said you wanted to show me YOUR special place!” – Ruby emphasized as she let her eyes go quickly to you. You were still confused to why Ruby would be here with Gilbert as he casually continued the conversation like you weren’t there. – “I didn’t think she would be here?” – he said to her as he took her hand.
You gasped loud as you saw Gilbert take her hand and Ruby stroking it soft, - “Gillie can’t you make her go away, I wanted to be alone with you so we can …” – at the last part she winked at him as you felt your jaw drop to the floor, you were offended that they talked about you like you weren’t there and that Gilbert might have something with Ruby.
Gilbert couldn’t supress a dirty smile as he squeezed her hand, he then sighed and lowered himself to the same height as you. – “Y/n uhm can you maybe leave?” – you were totally blown away by the way he said it, he said it like you weren’t important anymore. – “Why? I was here first!” – you snapped back as you weren’t going to let Gilbert talk to you like that. He sighed again as he looked brief over his shoulder up to Ruby who was tapping her foot impatient against the ground.
“Y/n come on… just this ones go home!” – Gilbert slightly raised his voice as you got up to your feet, furious that he would chose her over you. – “Are you really kicking me out, for her? What are you dating or what?” – Gilbert also got to his feet and wanted to react, but Ruby beat him to it, - “Yes, so you better be gone in a few seconds or Gillie here will have to use force.
You gasped in an unbelievable tone as you gave her a mean glare, - “For your information! This is MY special place and not yours so, you can’t tell me what to do!” – you had moved closer to Ruby as you pointed her back with your stern finger. – “Enough!” – Gilbert shouted, - “Y/n just go home!” – you felt powerless that Gilbert chose his new girlfriends side instead of yours.
The realisation started to kick in as you had to hold back your tears, you swallowed the knot in your throat down as you held your head high and walked out but not before bumping hard against their shoulders. You threw the curtain of leaves open and walked out like you could care less but inside you were crying.
They both rubbed the pain area as they both seated themselves down and enjoyed each other’s company. You tried to stay strong but half way your lip started to tremble and your knees shaking, you fell to the ground as you grasped the dirt tight. – “How could he do this to me?” – you looked away angry as you pressed your lips together preventing you from crying.
You felt betrayed, abandoned, empty and rejected. The one person that you loved with all your heart had just send you away from your special place and wanted to spend it rather with Ruby than with you. Your lip was trembling so hard that you couldn’t control the tears that started to roll down your cheek like a water fountain. You started to cry out loud as your body moved up and down in shocks from the intensity.
“Gilbert! You stupid… stupid… Gilbert!” – you cried out loud between your breaths as you tried to gasp for air. You felt frustration come up again as you pulled yourself to your knees and just started to scream as you pushed your fists deeper into the dirt. You heard several birds fly up from their hiding place as they were startled by your screams.
Your body started to shake again, and you let yourself fall on the ground again as you pulled your knees close to you, laying in a foetus position. You felt saver as soon as you were crawled up, you kept sobbing as you felt your heart go dozy and cold. You wanted to hate Gilbert for what he did but that huge part of you that still loved it, wouldn’t allow you to hate him. Your heart didn’t mind turning your hatred towards Ruby as she was the cause for everything.
“I hate that blonde tiny cockroach!” – you cursed loud as you got up to your feet, you didn’t want them to find you like this. You started to move towards your house again as you kept cursing underneath your breath several hateful things about Ruby. You didn’t know how you got home but somehow you were laying in your bed. You kept staring at the ceiling as a black mist pulled itself over your heart, making you all feel cold and sad.
It was the final drop! Your heart couldn’t take anymore as it had shut itself down from every happy feeling in your life. It made you all dreary and sad, you barely smiled or interacted with others. At school you avoided everyone as you hated everyone for being so happy when your heart was smashing in by Gilbert’s words.
Hate followed you gently as you saw Gilbert and Ruby in the distance being all sweet, you couldn’t bear to look at them as you turned your head to the ground. The ground was more fascinated than to watch your heart tear more open. You let yourself slide against the school building as you noticed Gilbert tried to break himself from Ruby’s grip.
Ruby kept trying to grab his arm as he kept pulling it up until she couldn’t reach it anymore, you didn’t give it much attention. Gilbert came walking in your direction as Ruby kept trying to stop him, - “Ruby let go! I’m just going to talk to Y/n…” – Gilbert kept saying as he kept moving his arm, so she couldn’t take it. – “No! you’re not! Gillie please stay with me…” – she kept begging him as he got slightly annoyed by the nickname ‘Gillie’, it made his name sound like a girl’s name and a variant of her last name.
Gilbert could finally escape Ruby’s constant calling for attention as he made his way over to you with his head low. He was running several conversations in his mind as he wanted to apologize for last night. – “Y/n?” – you slowly lifted your head at the mention of your name, but you quickly rolled your eyes at the sight of Gilbert. Gilbert wanted to sit himself down in front of you as you replied in a cold tone. – “Don’t bother!” – you got up yourself and started to turn your body, ready to leave as Gilbert paused you by stepping in front of you.
“I have a feeling you are still mad… and … and you have every right to be…” – Gilbert started as you looked at him with dull, sad eyes. – “Clearly!” – you snapped back and pushed him aside, he watched you walk past him as he grabbed your hand. – “Y/n I just want you to listen to me?” – “and I want you to leave me alone!” – you snapped at him as you pulled your hand out of his grip. – “Besides I think your Girlfriend is calling for your attention!” – you said with a look as you flipped your hair back and walked away from him.
Gilbert didn’t know what else he could do so, he let you walk away as he felt his heart break. He never meant to hurt you and now your relationship seemed beyond repair. He took a deep breath as he started to make his way back over to Ruby. – “Gillie!” – she squealed as she jumped into his arms, covering his face with soft kisses. Gilbert just let her be as his thought were drifting away towards you.
For the rest of the day you avoided Gilbert and his attempts to mend things with you. Gilbert felt you slip through his fingers as he tried to desperately hold on to you. He had never felt so lonely in his life no matter how many times Ruby overwhelmed him with kisses on his face or held his hand. He closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to hold himself from crying, - “Gillie?” – her voice pulled him back from his silent moment as he pressed his lips hard together at the mention of that stupid nickname.
He rather heard you call him ‘Gil’, that always seemed to light up his heart whenever you called him that. He turned his head slowly towards her as she started to play with his hair, - “Is everything alright Gillie?” – he felt a punch in his stomach as he heard that nickname again, - “I’m fine Ruby… I just …” – Gilbert looked up and noticed you walking inside as he found his opportunity to say he’s sorry for his behaviour. Ruby kept gazing at him as she waited for the rest of his sentence, - “I just… need to … do something…” – and without a warning, he got up and ran inside to talk to you.
He saw you near the blackboard as you were about to grab the blackboard cleaners to dust them off as you suddenly felt someone pull you to the teacher’s room close to the blackboard as you were being pulled by your arm. You were being pushed inside as you turned around angry that someone dared to grab you like that, Gilbert had closed the door behind him and stood his ground before the door.
You turned your head away at the look of Gilbert as you had no interest into talking to him. Gilbert moved a bit closer as he started his apologize, - “Look Y/n… I’m sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I should have never make you leave with pressure and force…” – you pressed your lips hard together as you hoped he would say something else. – “Can you please forgive me?” – he begged you as he tried to grab your hand.
You pulled your hand back at the touch of his as he was completely clueless, - “Y/n I said I was sorry why are you still angry at me?” – you had to press your lips harder together as they almost started to look white but you knew if you didn’t do it, your lip would started to tremble and you didn’t want to cry in front of him. – “I thought we could be friends again?” – he said soft as he hoped an apology would do it. You moved away from him as he offered you his warm hand, Gilbert scoffed loud as you ignored all his attempts to mend things.
“What is wrong with you? How long can you hold a grudge? I said I was sorry why can’t you accept it like a normal human being?” – Gilbert yelled at you as he kept waving his hands angry around, you tried to hold back your tears, but it was getting harder and harder as you could already feel your lip tremble soft. – “Y/n! do you want me to beg more? Am I supposed to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Is that it? – he snapped at you as you couldn’t control your tears anymore.
Tears started to roll down your face as Gilbert hardly noticed and kept going, - “You are the one that is being distant and all? I want to be your friend again, but you seemed to not want it anymore? Why are you shutting me out!” – his yelling echoed in your ears as you started to cry harder, Gilbert suddenly paused as he noticed you crying.
You wiped some tears away, but it was no use as they kept streaming down your face, you ran past Gilbert and swung the door open, rushing outside. Gilbert called out your name, but you were too far gone to hear it. Gilbert let his head fall back against the wall as he pushed his fist against him, he had no idea why you were reacting like that, but he wasn’t going to up that easily.
He rushed outside and when he didn’t notice you on the school perimeter first he started to slightly panic. He felt arms go around his back as he looked down and saw the red sleeves of Ruby around him. – “Is everything alright Gillie? You have been acting strange?” – he cringed at that nickname again as Ruby moved in front of him. – “I thought it was…” – he said soft as he looked over Ruby’s shortness, - “but now I’m not so sure…”
You kept running blindly toward the only place you felt save, the willow tree. You forgot for a moment that Ruby had invaded your sanctuary with her presence as you needed to support of the willow tree. You arrived at the willow tree and moved the leafy curtain aside as you rushed inside and crawled up against the bark. The wind was making the low hanging leaves move gently back and forth as you couldn’t take it anymore, you wanted Gilbert to stop loving Ruby and love you, but he kept thinking you were still mad about how he behaved.
It did still bother you, but it wasn’t the big issue, seeing him happy with Ruby was as you had hoped many months that it maybe could be you. You started to cry even more at those thought as you knew he could never be yours. Your heart had fallen to pieces as you felt like you had lost everything, you didn’t hear the approaching footsteps as you could only hear your own crying.
You suddenly heard your name and saw a vulnerable Gilbert in the leafy curtain, you quickly wiped your tears aggressively away as you didn’t want to talk to him. You wanted to get up and leave as Gilbert noticed it so, he quickly walked in and pulled you back to sit down as he held your wrists. You tried to pull your hands back as Gilbert kept holding them.
“Y/n… stop I… I … just want to know what is going on with you?” – he called out as you heard some desperation in his voice, you turned your head away from him as you didn’t want to look at him, it hurt too much. – “Y/n… let me help you… whatever is bothering you, we can overcome it together?”
“Not this time…” – you said soft as you slowly dared to look at him with your puffy, red eyes. – “Tell me? Y/n I get the feeling I’m losing you and that there is nothing I can do about it?” – you let your eyes go down to your wrists as he was still holding them. – “Please, tell me?” – he lowered his head, trying to look in your eyes as you heard his voice break.
You took a deep breath as you had to tell him eventually, you kept looking down as you were afraid of his reaction. – “I … I … I’m acting like this because of …” – you paused for a moment as Gilbert squeezed your hand soft, letting you know it was alright to continue. – “Ruby…” – you said soft and Gilbert stopped squeezing your hand and looked at you with big eyes. – “Ruby?” – he repeated.
You felt stupid for ever telling him this as you knew he was going to laugh at you. – “I know Ruby was a little harsh yesterday but normally she isn’t like that.” – Gilbert said soft as he tried to justify her actions. – “I don’t think you understand Gil… bert!” – you snapped back at him, - “Ruby is the problem! Because… because…” – “How can Ruby be the problem, I know she acted harsh yesterday but that doesn’t mean she is responsible for your behaviour?” – Gilbert still didn’t seem to get it as you now wished you had kept your stupid mouth shut.
“Just forget it!” – you replied harsh as you pulled your hands back and crossed your arms, so he couldn’t grab them anymore. – “No, Y/n we are going to get to the bottom of this because I won’t lose you over some indifference.” – Gilbert called out loud as he started to get frustrated. – “Indifference?” – you spitted at him, - “This isn’t about that!” – “then what is it about?” – Gilbert called out frustrated as he moved his hands in the air.
“Because I love you!” – you suddenly shouted at him, Gilbert’s jaw dropped to the floor as you got up furious. – “It’s about you being with Ruby! I can’t stand to look at the two of you while my heart Is breaking into a million pieces but what should you know?” – you started to pace angry around as Gilbert still couldn’t believe that you said that you loved him.
“And yes, yesterday’s action was the final drop for me as I didn’t know who you were anymore!” – you were on a roll as you wanted to let out all those frustrations and anger. – “I don’t think we can be friends anymore as you and Ruby are together it’s too painful for me!” – Gilbert suddenly awoke from his trance as he also got up and was wide awake, - “What? No, … no, you are not ending our friendship over this!” – he called out at you.
“So, you don’t care how much it breaks me?” – you raised your eyebrow in a sceptic way as you couldn’t be friends with him while he was dating Ruby, it was just too painful for you. – “Gillie?” – both of you suddenly heard and Gilbert snapped as Ruby popped her head between the leaves. – “Enough! I’ve had enough of hearing that disgusting nickname!” – he screamed out as it startled you, Ruby started to breath quick as she cried in seconds.
Gilbert held his hands against his face as he didn’t know anymore, he was losing you and his heart couldn’t take it, but he also felt relieved for finally telling Ruby how much he hated that nickname. Ruby let go of the leaves and started to run away. He groaned loud as you were shocked by his reaction. You had never seen him snap like that and especially not against Ruby.
You thought Gilbert was losing his mind as you wanted to give him some space, you had told him about your feeling towards him and you knew nothing would change his mind as you didn’t feel needed anymore. You started to make your way to the entrance as you walked past him, Gilbert noticed it and freaked out. – “Y/n! don’t you dare leave me!” – he called out as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to him. You bumped against his chest as he suddenly pressed his lips onto yours, you panicked and wanted to pull away, but Gilbert wouldn’t let you for some reason.
He released his lips soft from each other as he wanted to kiss you more passionate. You knew this was wrong since he was still with Ruby but every fibre in your body kept being pulled close to him, like his body was a magnet. You copied his movement as you wanted to feel his lips onto yours, you couldn’t let go of the feeling that busted inside of you.
You felt his hands go around your body as he pressed you closer to him, you squealed soft as he pulled you closer. After what seemed ages for you he released his lips from yours and you could finally breath again. Gilbert rested his head against yours as you tried to catch your breath, - “What have you done?” – you said soft as you didn’t want to be known as the one who tore them apart. – “I think it’s obvious Y/n?” – Gilbert said in a sweet tone as you were surprised his anger had disappeared.
“I know … but … why?” – you said soft as Gilbert moved his hand to your chin and let his thumb rest there. He started to smile bright as you were getting worried he might have lost his mind. – “I thought it was obvious, Y/n?” – you frowned deep as you really thought he had lost it. – “You love Ruby… why would you kiss me?”
Gilbert let his thumb go briefly over your lips as you kept gazing at him, - “I think knowing that I was losing you made we realise how much you mean to me… more than Ruby…” – you gasped soft as you started into his hazel brown eyes. – “Gil, please don’t taunt me…” – he started to chuckle soft at that specific nickname as it rolled over your lips. – “I’m not, Y/n … I’m choosing you!”
You gasped again as he chose you over Ruby, you thought he loved her, but it seemed to him that he loved you more than her. – “I love you Y/n!” – he called out in such a sincere tone that it made you shiver, - “I love you too…” – you replied as he started to smile soft and tilted your head, pressing his lips back onto yours.
Check out my AWAE masterlist to find all my imagine’s for Anne with an E