Dear Future Lover (04.13.15)
It’s been a while since I’ve written you. Hello. Aloha. Hola.
I tried to be really poetic and ideal in my previous letters to you. And it’s not that I wasn’t being honest when I wrote them. I just think I tried to hard and didn’t give you enough of who I truly was. So here I am.
This is actually the worst time for me to doing this, in both this current time in space and this current time in my life. I’d be lying to you if I said I wasn’t going through, what feels like, the most difficult and trying period of my life and am currently drinking a nice tall glass of Jameson as a result of it. To put it lightly, things haven’t been easy as of late. I should probably be telling people, or someone, about it, but I don’t think anyone could ever truly understand, nor would I be able to fully express what it is that’s bothering me, so what would the point be.
But, the worst part, and the reason why I haven’t made a new letter to you in what feels like forever, is mainly due to the fact that I’m no longer sure you exist. I’ve been in a fair number of relationships in my life so far, with my three last ones being my longest and most committed. I changed schools to be with the first girl. I would drive a lengthy distance to and from the second girl every other week, if not every week. And I waited, what felt like lifetimes, what to hell and back, then moved cities with the third girl. All three relationships lasted at least a year. I was then cheated on with someone better, left for someone better, and broken up with, only for them to miraculously find someone better the very next day. And to make matter even worst, the only girl I was kind of talking to after all of that, but never actually dated, found someone better and ran off. Never heard from her again. How long will it be until you find your ‘someone better’? If history is to teach me anything, it’s taught me that you eventually will. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to be loved.
Honestly, why am I even making these? It could just be the alcohol talking, but maybe I’m just wasting my time.
In short: My life currently sucks a whole lot, I could potentially be developing a drinking problem, and you probably don’t exist. There is no future lover.
What a plot twist.
