The equation for the beginning of Love (Alhaitham/OC)
AO3 Link!
I shouldn't fall in love with you That itself was the equation for the beginning of love.
Based on the song by After the Rain
This fic can be read as reader insert since there's no description of the MC, but I wrote it with a female OC/self insert in mind, so yeah.
Notes:
So, I wrote this some time ago, showed it to my friends with the intention of keeping within my small circle, and then I foolishly said that if I got nilou's sword in my two Genshin accounts, I would post it, so I guess you know now who lost the bet lmao.
As usual, please do not repost this anywhere without my explicit consent, this includes translations, if there's interest for a specific language hmu and I'll see what I can do!
Thanks for understanding, have a great day!
Al Haitham was never one to care about appearances, what others murmured behind his back, was of no concern to him. That was the reason why he preferred to stay at home and study on his own than attend classes at the akademiya when he was younger. He found more enjoyment out of discerning if the information within the book he was reading was accurate and true than relying on the akasha terminal, he thought that perhaps his pursuit of knowledge was purer this way, however, his life seemed to take a drastic turn when he eventually decided to enroll into the akademiya, perhaps following his late father's steps.
At the time, when he was a student, Al Haitham was too lazy to care about being proper with the uniform he had to wear, he honestly couldn't care less, it wasn't uncomfortable but it wasn't his style either, so he coursed through his lessons with a dishevelled look and complete disinterest in what the teachers were discussing, for he had already revised and learned most of the material he was being taught.
Al Haitham, while talented, usually kept to himself, he thrived in environments where the knowledge he had already acquired was challenged, he was an outstanding student and while many people thought he was unapproachable, no one could deny the ingenuity that he possessed.
Truthfully speaking, there was nothing relevant about you that could interest him at the time, always asking childish and ridiculous questions, challenging the core values of the Akademiya despite being a seemingly average student that every professor deemed as a waste of time and resources, you were an enigma that peaked his curiosity, but he had no interest in pursuing the answers for the questions you brought to the table, if you didn’t ask him about his business, he wasn’t going to ask about yours.
So when did it start? Perhaps it was when you sat beside him in the library to read despite having found this isolated corner in the House of Daena just a few days before, or that one time he had to wait until you were done with the mechanics book from Fontaine that he wanted to read, or maybe when you brought a romance novel and dissected it with your red haired friend on the table next to him at puspa cafe, or when he has walking around Razan garden and saw you playing with a stray dog before fixing your uniform to go to your next class.
While he wasn't trying to avoid you in particular, the more he scoured his memories from the time he was a student, the more he realized you were somewhere nearby, you weren't afraid to approach him and treat him like another fellow student, so he thought you were acquaintances at best. But when did he start noticing your absence? He didn't have a concrete answer for this either, but at some point, he felt like the book he was reading wasn't as interesting if you weren't around, perhaps it was back then when the flowers were beginning to bloom, that his dull world was colored in vibrant hues.
He didn't particularly care if you talked to other male students, you were free to befriend whoever you wanted, you were nothing more than mere acquaintances so he had no right to be displeased about it, and yet, he was annoyed when even Kaveh was allowed to hug you, could you show him the same warmth if he was more open with his emotions? Would you smile at him the same way you do to Cyno when he tells one of his awful jokes? Or would you sing with him like you do with Nilou? Al Haitham was true to himself but sometimes he hated having an avoidant personality because it isolated him and made him miss out on these moments of sunlight where you touched the hearts of everyone.
Many moons ago, when Al Haitham was working on his mechanics project, a personal research of his where he was trying to find out a way to silence the background noise around him, you came to him offering him some of the dango you had made, a sweet recipe you had recently learned, he thought it would be a waste to not eat it after you went out of your way to gift it to him, so he properly savoured the dish and it became one of his favorite desserts, while it might seem trivial to most, this blissful moment was the beginning of his undoing, without either of you knowing, you had earned a special place within his heart.
In the canvas that represented his life, there were monochromatic stains here and there, result of the experiences he's lived until now, but when the distance between strangers to acquaintances and eventually to friends was closed, vivid reds, oranges and some hues of blue and turquoise, your favorite color, were now featured in different shapes and spots too.
Al Haitham was well aware that once he admitted he had feelings, romantic feelings for you, he won't be able to take it back, which is why he was adamant to refuse that his perception of you, changed. But that was exactly the problem, the more he denied them, the harder it was to be around you. It was usually easy for him to admit how he feels because that is, inherently, a part of himself, but the anxiety that his sleepless nights brought, often forced him to think of the possibility that this new found warmth, was completely one-sided, and this created a void of uncertainty that he wasn’t sure how to navigate.
He made the choice to be more transparent with his feelings, while he wasn’t ready yet for a confession, he wanted to try and get closer to you, he wanted to make new memories and support you when you needed, so he started by bringing you a cup of his favorite coffee every once in a while, and read new fiction books that he knew you might like, only so that you could share an evening discussing the stories with a nice dinner and a couple of drinks. Although he still was objective and sometimes cold, he made sure that you knew he never harboured ill intentions with the feedback he offered in the projects you shared, he was absolutely enraptured by your charm, the sunsets you watched together, the trips to investigate ancient ruins, the seasons that went by as you shared your time together were all moments carefully etched into his heart.
Even though it was challenging for him to not rationalize his feelings, he wasn’t afraid of arming himself with knowledge by reading an obscene amount of romance novels, but even then he wasn't able to find a logical answer for the feelings he harbored for you, it remained an enigma that he didn’t have to solve, he simply fell for you, nothing more and nothing less. It was hard for him to imagine just how much his life would change in just a few seconds, if he were to voice his feelings for you, the way you make it seem like there's more flowers blooming, how the love songs and poems he heard in the past started to make sense, with just a few words, he could finally find out if the pesky voice inside his head was right or if his feelings were mutual.
Classes have long since ended, and yet some scholars kept walking around the house of Daena to work on their research and thesis, you were waiting for Al Haitham in a corner far away from view that most people ignored.
An awkward confession followed by an anxious silence, what if, like many others, you considered him incapable of feeling, were you just being nice to him or were your feelings mutual? The blush on your cheeks was a sign of illness or embarrassment? Your lack of answer drove him mad, perhaps he shouldn't have said anything after all...
When you called his name, he wondered if by closing his eyes he would be allowed to savour the way it sounded with your voice for a bit longer, he wasn’t a coward but he was scared, that perhaps this would drive you away from him. When you confessed that you had liked him for a while, the anxious voice inside of his head finally went silent for good, his cheeks turned pink and he stepped forward to grab your hand, he gently squeezed it and brought it to his lips as he vowed to love you wholeheartedly for as long as humanly possible.
Many seasons have gone by, and Al Haitham found himself waiting for you after work in a gazebo at Razan garden. -Sweetheart, what got you smiling like that?- You asked as you approached him. -I was trying to find the equation for the beginning of love, nothing more- He replied, turning to greet you. -Oh? Were you able to find it?- You tilted your head, he closed the distance to fix your hair behind your ear, he tenderly smiled and whispered –yes, I found it in you.- with the melting sunset and the fresh aroma of the padisarah flowers as your witnesses, two lovers, enamoured with each other shared a tender kiss filled with warmth and joy.