Hey! first time ever uhhh posting any kinda writing hahaha but here u go! (Was gonna post on ao3 but I forgot my login nooo)
Notes: CONTAINS SPOILERS for ep 139! Check tags. Set during ep 139 during/right after the feast. Mostly canon compliant? Caleb has physical anxiety tells and essek is trans w chronic pain: this felt important to include as I love to project myself into my interpretation of who these characters are, anyways. Perhaps Ill write another similar fic focused on Beauyasha??
Tags: fluff, a bit of angst, we-might-die-tomorrow-angst, talk of death, discussing feelings, accidental telepathy but its all consensual dw, anxiety tics (like finger picking mentioned), first kiss, no beta we die like lucien,
(ALSO if there is something else I should have tagged, please let me know. I want to be conscious of others so I will def update it if there is something u feel is missing.)
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“This could be our goodbye... Is there… anything we want to say to each other? Any warm words of encouragement, or things that we don't want to leave unsaid?”
Veth’s words hang heavy, silence filling the air. Sat around a campfire, Yasha looks toward Beau with sad eyes, and Jester leans on Fjord's shoulder. This is the Mighty Neins last night before the storm, before the whole world could change.
Caleb, however, was busy picking at his fingernails, acutely focused on anything but the others. It was too soon to say goodbye to the Nein. His friends, his… family. So he looked for minute distractions.
“I have lots of things I want to say; after we defeat Lucien,” Beau says, as the others chuckle softly. There is a strange tension in the air. As if even with Veth's words, there were still things not spoken aloud. Too many eyes watching them still. Even more-so with them now branded on their bodies.
“Cayyyleb,” Jester's voice rang out “Any confessions you need to get off your chest? Looove confessions? You are always so secretive.”
He smiled slightly as he brushed the loose strands of hair out of his face and looked up towards his friends, attempting to straighten his posture.
“Errm… there is not… particularly anything I would like to say, no,” Caleb replied. Taking a chance, he eyed Essek, who was also keeping quietly to himself. Always so serene and proper, draped in his mantle and robes. Sensing his gaze, Essek met his amber eyes. It was as if every moment they connected: time slowed. One moment lasted for hours, stretching millennials until there was nothing but the two of them-- together against time.
But there was no time. And there were not the two of them. There had been no conversations together of the constant pull they felt towards one another.
“We need more time.”
At that, Essek furrowed his brows, hearing Caleb's voice ring in his head. This was not the first time Caleb has accidentally sent his thoughts over to Esseks mind. With the eyes and their close proximity to one another, it only makes sense that there would be slip-ups. But it has become more and more frequent. Especially since Essek himself has branded an eye, he has noticed Caleb being a bit more… attentive to him. Not to say that Essek did not secretly appreciate such attention.
It does not help that Essek had sustained pretty serious injuries from the last battle, and was having a hard time staying on his feet. The floating, of course, helps to relieve the constant pain through his legs, but he has just been so exhausted. And Caleb noticed.
Oh, sweet Caleb, worrying for this traitor to the Dynasty-- this drow he barely knows. And yet, there is some unspoken connection between the two of them-- Essek could feel it in his bones.
And if they were going to die tomorrow, now would be the better time than any to tell Caleb how he truly feels. After all, if Caleb rejects him, he’ll be too dead to care. Now, Essek. Just tell him now.
“Ahem,” Essek clears his throat and stands. “I will ah- be back in a moment.”
The Mighty Nein turned to each other, confused at the sudden movement.
“Was it something I said?” Jester asked.
“Of course not Jester,” “Absolutely!” Fjord and Veth said at the same time.
Caleb's eyes held on to Esseks back as he floated towards the next room over, silk robes drifting softly through this strange astral sea.
“Caleb. Come, follow. I must discuss something of great importance that I do not wish to share with the group. “
A heartbeat skipped as Caleb heard his fellow wizard's voice in his head. He appreciated this sense of telepathy they both shared. Simultaneously though, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt, as he was the one who dragged Essek into this in the first place. And now, branded with a red eye they know little about, he felt a new sense of responsibility for his dear mages safety.
-
When Caleb finally found some excuse to leave their camp to go find Essek, he had a lump in his throat. Fidgeting and picking at his hands, he approached Essek. He was sitting with his back against the wall, legs bent in front of him, and tending to his wounds gained in battle. Next to him was an open medicine pack and his spellbook turned to a simple cantrip, light, which he was using to illuminate the space around him to better see his wounds.
“Essek--” Caleb starts, suddenly unsure of his words. “Let me help you,” his voice is soft and tender as he knelt in front of his friend.
The drow looked up and smiled softly. “Thank you.” They held eye contact for a beat and then looked towards Esseks knees, still bruised and burned. “I ran out of bandages, I was hoping you carried some in your bags.”
Caleb let out a quick laugh, and lifted his hands, turning them around a little.
“Ja, I carried them for a long time. To cover these... Also, because of the constant fighting we find ourselves in. I’m not exactly err… strong.”
Essek smiled at that. “Me neither. Can you help me wrap them?”
“Ja. Of course.” His slightly shaking hands took the bandages from his pack and started to unroll some of the cloth. Caleb took a deep breath, filling his lungs to attempt to calm his nerves. “Was this, uh, what you called me over to talk about? You know Caduceus or Jester know better how to tend to wounds than I do.” He let out a nervous laugh again and started wrapping the cloth around his leg.
“Ah-” Essek scrunched up his face and winced at the pain, looking to the side. Caleb’s hands immediately stopped, save for the slight tremor still present.
He looked up at Essek’s face with worry. “I’m sorry.”
“Ah..” Essek began calmly, clenching and unclenching his hands. “I am used to pain. And-- no this was not what I wanted to talk about although, I do appreciate your help. Sincerely.” He looked over to meet Caleb’s eyes. A beat.
“Scheisse, you are beautiful.”
Essek looked down as he heard the other’s voice ring through his ears. Do it now.
“Caleb, I don’t- If we- If I die tomorrow, I want to die knowing that I have aired all of my grievances. My sins. My… thoughts. I want to die with everyone-- with you knowing everything about me possible. I don’t want to just disappear in the memories of you all--”
Caleb stops wrapping his legs and interrupts “Liebling, what are you going on about? I will never forget you, Essek. And we both have sins we have yet to atone. You know your sins are not of importance to me. The only thing of importance to me is how you have treated me, the Nein, all of us--”
“The only thing of importance to me is you!”
Time slowed again. It was either Dunamancy or the butterflies in his stomach. Essek’s eyes went wide as he realized what slipped through his lips. He had said it with such conviction, he did not even realize how quickly it came out. He had spent hours thinking of how to eloquently profess his complex feelings towards the other wizard. And now…
Essek started to remove Caleb's hand’s from his knees, suddenly aware of how close they were sitting towards one another. “I’m sorry Caleb, I-”
Caleb quickly set his hands on top of Essek’s to still them, looking back into his icy blue eyes, mouth unmoving.
“You are the most important to me as well.”
“Did you mean to send that message this time?” Essek asks softly, careful of his next moves.
“Ja. And the other ones too.” There was a slow moment where Essek could have sworn Caleb's eyes drifted from his own to his lips.
“Caleb. I don’t want to die before I’ve kissed you.”
“Then don’t.”
Caleb lifted a trembling hand to cup Essek’s face, running his thumb across his cheek. Flushed, Essek closed the distance and finally embraced in a kiss. It was an awkward angle at first, as Caleb was leaning over his injuries, careful not to touch any part of him that would cause further pain. But Essek was seeing stars, it had been everything he had ever dreamed of. All of the euphoria he had ever felt from the social power he had gained through treachery-- he would throw it all away for just ten more seconds with Caleb-- no, five, no three seconds. He would give away his all for a single moment more.
Gently they pulled back from another. Overwhelmed in emotion, the human laughed and rested his forehead on Essek’s.
“It has been a long time since--” Caleb begins.
“Me too. We will learn together, as we have in the past, like we always do.” Essek quickly kissed Caleb on the nose. “That tower of yours sounds awfully nice tonight. A warm room, warm bed. Perhaps it will be a good night of sleep for all of us after all.”
Caleb nestled his face into Essek’s neck, sighing. “We should probably get back to the group. They will wonder why we have been gone so long. One more kiss before we go?”
Essek smiled and grabbed his face in his hands, pulling him close.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
OOOOH SHE PULLED HER HEAD OUT OF HER ASSSSSS!!!!
CHAPTER 19 UPDATE!!!!!!
(FUCK I can’t believe I finished this bs XD, I’m sorry it took so long, but there’s gonna be one chapter probably right after this one or tomorrow that’s basically just a bonus scene so yeet <3)
SNIPPET!
“Oh look, he’s up, finally,” Riko said.
“Sorry for taking so long, it’s almost like someone tazed me or something,” Neil remarked.
Byakkomaru is just going to stealthily lie in wait, patiently awaiting for where Gek to pass by before he pounces, arms wrapping swiftly around the other demon from behind and pulling him back against his chest. "Got you, my little birdie." He purred, a deep, content noise starting from his chest as he nuzzled the other's neck. "I've missed you." Of course they'd all been busy but that hadn't stopped him from missing the other.
. 〢 ☾ ⊱
his first instincts were to fight back, were to bare his teeth at the threat. had it not been for the familiar purr that vibrated against his back, he would’ve torn his head off …. — well not like he could do so, byakkomaru was obviously quite a tricky opponent to win against, especially on a one-on-one.
relaxing against the other’s hold, a rose tint may find itself to the heartless demon within the tiger’s arms. quite tempted he was to manifest into his form to spare himself this moment of embarrassment … — though he may be flustered, a part of him … the …. non-heartless part of him, was rather relieved and … even perhaps excited to see and feel the other again.
a little smile threatened to spread on his face as he turned to face the other, the slightest hints of fondness within the red orbs of his, ❛ long time no see, kitty ---- ❜ his flush and pride was much too strong to allow himself to admit that he had missed the other, ❛ ---- don’t go so sentimental with me now .... -- it’s only been like what? 3 weeks? and we’ve met each other during sparring sessions ❜ yet that little hint of amusement undoubtedly had woven into those words ------- he wondered how he had gotten into this mess in the first place.
We need more examples of genuinely happy, healthy relationships on TV and in books and films. No more of this bullshit about how real, epic love is painful and impossible or deadly. Love should not break you! Love should make you stronger.
