Anti-Zombie Council of Outlandish Recommendations (AZCOR): Cold Edition
Breaking news from AZCOR:
(THIS IS NOT A REAL PRODUCT. DEAL WITH IT).
As noted in an earlier post, the Anti-Zombie Carnivorous Plant Hedge is a fantastic barrier for the home as long as certain precautions are taken. But what should the average citizen have at the ready in case of attack in other locations?
Many groups advocate the double-pump action shotgun, and this seems like a great option. However, with current restrictions on the purchase and usage of firearms, not to mention difficulties with bringing such weapons into public areas, this becomes more difficult. Swords and axes are awkward, unsightly, and unwieldy. Flame-based devices always have a risk of sparking wildfires.
For this reason AZCOR has created Ice-Splat, a revolutionary personal-sized version of a Liquid Nitrogen Fire Extinguisher product.
Ice-Splat uses a pressurized stream to freeze the Zombie in a simple and effective manner. Decapitation is simply a matter of snapping the frozen head from the creature's shoulders.
Splat...then snap...and the Zombie's all gone.
A larger home-sized Ice-Splat is also available with a convenient pump-spray nozzle including three effective settings: stream, spray, and splatter.
Splat...then snap...and the Zombie's all gone.
When at work or on the go, don't get caught unprepared.
Going out for a night on the town? Ice-Splat comes in a purse-sized version as well. While the smaller version will not assist in a decapitation, should a zombie attack occur, one can easily spray the face of the hideous being, freezing the mouth, nose, and eyes, or sticking fingers together.
After that, it's short work to rid yourself of the menace utilizing whatever is available.
Caution: do not use in windy conditions. Spray stream away from your own body, as the product will freeze human flesh. Do not spray in your eyes. Do not consume. Product is not intended as a child's toy. Product is not intended to be used on annoying neighbors, sales representatives, or difficult family members. Some restrictions apply. Check the laws in your state before attempting to purchase Ice-Splat. Lawsuits filed by relatives of Zombies destroyed by Ice-Splat are the responsibility of the purchaser.
Ice-Splat, by AZCOR. The convenient way to make Zombies go away!
(Having some fun. Elizabeth Ellen Everson.)