Didn’t think this would ever be possible. I almost forgot that this Saturday will be six years since my horse died, which completely destroyed me. I had to go inpatient a couple weeks later. At times, she was the only reason that kept me alive.
Her death was sudden and I absolutely loathed myself for breaking my one promise to her: I would be there when she died. She was abused before I got her and it took almost two years for her to trust me. But once she did, it was 10 years of pure peace, freedom, unconditional love. As well as a snarky attitude and loud opinions that she was always willing to vocalize (like tossing her head or bucking once she was done riding. Very firm about that hour limit ha). I could call her name at the gate and she would come running to me. From not even letting me touch her.
Any time the barn had to do something (dentist, farrier, shots, etc), I needed to be there or she would freak out. Once I was, she would calm down and just lay her head on my chest, breathing in my scent. And so I was hysterical and hated myself for not being there. Terrified she was scared as she died, my scent not there to calm her down.
I got up the courage last year to ask mother whether my dad was near her head. After me, she trusted my dad the most. She said yes, that he was. This huge weight lifted, now knowing she had a safe scent near her. I still grieve for not being there, but at least she had someone safe with her.
That is the most important.
