#angriadm

[angria]

Forever my hero. I will carry your words in my heart every single day, the ones that saved my life 💜

[angria]

Officially an MSW!!! Ceremony was ridiculously long despite only being the school of social work graduation. Overall, it went well and really enjoyed my time when my good friend and his partner visited. Parents were fairly okay. Kitty was an absolute menace and kept me up most nights, but he's still cute.

Multiple people praised my presence in class, that my contributions and communication skills are next level. Also got asked if I would consider a PhD. Got the same feedback during undergrad and theology grad. Yet, still struggle to absorb it.

[angria]

May not be as active the next few days...parents and friends arrive today. Graduation tomorrow!!!

[angria]

Cool, mother is upset/pissed/whatever about my fucking inquiry about the cat. Rattling off all these reason why I shouldn’t. Then lashed out and said they are pushing me to do this. I asked who is they and she basically hung up on me.

As though I don’t feel like shit enough as it is. Telling me for all my life what I can and can’t do. I’m fucking 35 years old. Yes, I know it’s an expense and a cat requires care (like no shit, you don’t think I’ve examined that?). Meanwhile, I know she had cats before and when I was little. Beyond the fact, it is an inquiry. For all I know, they are going to decline it. Nor is there a commitment until I fucking pay for him. What is the harm in inquiring?? I’m aware of the commitment and responsibility of a pet. Fuck, I had a fucking horse for over 10 years. What makes you think I don’t understand animal care?

At work now and literally want to start crying, feeling so small like I did with mother and her control/criticism. Which then brings up the SH urges that used to happen with her triggers. Only reason I told her is because I’m actually excited about something for once. Already texted T (acknowledging he doesn’t have to respond since I see him later today). Just….I’m just trying to feel good about life and myself.

[angria]

Haircut yesterday thankfully…was starting to get too long. And wanted it cut before graduation in a couple months (eeekkk!)

And excited, I ordered a new weighted stuffed animal that comes with a mini weighted stuffed animal! This time two cats. We’ll see how big the mini one is and if I can carry it with me for the Abandoned part (which was the point of me getting this particular stuffed animal). Now to think of names 😬

[angria]

Whelp, I'm officially a cat mama. Everything is signed and initial deposit made. I did voice my worry about guests visiting in a couple weeks and the rescue and his foster said he would be adjusted by then. That he loves people. Kind of didn't sound like they wanted to wait three more weeks. So he is coming up on this weekend's transport. I pick him up on Sunday in the next state over (about an hour drive).

I have a few contingency plans regarding parents' visit. And T agreed that he could be a mediator when I tell them prior to their visit, if I feel more comfortable with him being present (assuming via phone call on speaker during a session would be easiest...)

If I take the anticipation of parents out of my head, the panic recedes and I feel excited. The rescue wanted him in a transition room, namely my bathroom, for a couple days to adjust, but I literally cannot bend over without bumping into the wall, let alone have a litter box, food/water, and bed in there with him. So I will block off my bedroom and bathroom and he will just be in the living room. Then I will sleep on the couch. Also will ask to work from home Monday and Tuesday so he's not alone right away.

Shopping this Saturday at Petsmart with my friend to get food (which I have researched as well as recommendations from others), toys, brushes (apparently he loves catnip toys). Have litter box/supplies, cat carrier, play tunnel, and a couple beds/hidey huts. Blankets aplenty in my apt already. Also got a cat pheromone spray and plug-in recommended by the rescue as well as a friend. Saved a few of the cardboard boxes too for him to play with. Found a local vet with good reviews (not one of the boutique corporations around here) that is right off the subway because I need to get his microchip registered within 48 hours of his arrival.

Once he is here, I will post a pic and name! This kitty is going to be so spoiled.

[angria]

Bummed, I emailed the cat rescue yesterday morning and still no response. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow, going to assume it's a no (which I'm like, just say that instead of ghosting me?).

I think I'm going to stick with an adoption from one of the local rescue centers in the state. There is one right by the clinic, so I could even walk there and check out their available cats.

And good news, my apartment building does not have an additional fee to have a cat! I was expecting a fee on top of my rent. The property manager said I just need its vaccination records, a picture, and then they will add an addendum to my lease.

Got a cat carrier in preparation 😬 Since the Florida rescue is likely going to fall through, I'll probably wait until after parents visit, then get one and not say anything. Won't have to worry about mentioning the cat until August when they visit next.

[angria]

Talked with my good friend yesterday after I got home about the arguments with my parents over getting a cat and she echoed A, why do they care so much and this won't even impact them.  Both A and J said my parents need to own their reactions/feelings about it, not place them on me.  

So feeling a little bit better (and took Klonopin the last two nights so I actually slept).  The woman wanted to call my vet, so I called them yesterday and thankfully they still have files on my pets (literally was 15 some years ago).  Gave consent for her to talk to them.  Haven't heard anything yet...assuming she will call A and J next.

Still trying not to get too hopeful about this particular cat. T said I'm a shoo-in and they are just checking off the boxes. T, J, and A all rescued their dogs and cats out-of-state too (one of the details mother freaked out about). Been creating a list of potential names (definitely changing his name, which is literally an alcohol company. T and J said it was fine to change his name, especially since he is 2-3 years old and was rescued off the streets. Also creating a list of supplies to get...everyone has been really helpful with recommendations. A still wants to make a "baby" registry for me 😂

If I get approved, will need to go through my apt and cat proof it. I need to get rid of/donate some stuff anyway. Too cluttered and haven't used some of it for years.