Planning is a weird thing sometimes. I was going through my old planner to show a friend something and I turned to the spot marked by this ribbon. This wasn't the last page in this planner but it was the last time I used it. I didn't move past September 7, 2018. The day I mom died.
In a weirdly symbolic way, that's a metaphor for my life. It stopped moving that day and only recently started again. It's complex when someone dies and you have really confusing feelings. On one hand, she was my mother. I am me because of her, for better or worse. On the other, she was my abuser and it's taken years to work through trauma that shaped my world for decades.
Yet here I am, 2 years later. Whole. I moved that ribbon today. I'm not stuck anymore.