#babaduds

[reclusiveromantic]

I had an epiphany when I was spazzing over Tony Labrusca last night. My joy isnt complete until I can share it with you.

No, my life is not sad or miserable without you. I make myself happy and do find joy with those around me. But, its lacking oomph. Without you no one makes fun of my weird fascination with Thirdy. You're not there to snide but secretly find me cute while spazzing. I have no one to make fun of people with. No one to look at knowingly while trying really hard to surpress laughter.

I have no enabler making more indecisive than normal. I still enjoy window shopping but I still constantly look for things to buy for you. Im willing to spend money on you if thats not love, i dont know what is lol.

But seriously, I miss you. I genuinely do.

[reclusiveromantic]

I miss you. I miss you very much. You know I can never wrap around my head over you banishing me. I know 😔 I should have fate. That in your own time and His. But its hard being rational all the time, and try to reason everything out.

Maybe I romanticize our love too much cos were broken up. But I do feel you are my person, there is a certain ease in how we are. In who are. Maybe a little much, thats why we have stopped pushing ourselves to be better. How long till we realize what we need to realize? I have realized things and I will internalize them. So can we get back together now? 😕 Fiiine. I'll wait. Pft.

[reclusiveromantic]

It's been 5 days. Feels like forever.

[reclusiveromantic]

Last night, I took a break from stalking your social media activities. Staring and (subconsciously) anticipating has had me frustrated because of how easy it is to reach out. But I can’t, I shouldn’t. Any longer I would have snapped and reached my breaking point. I would have bombarded you with love. Or what I thought was love. But rather it would have been a selfish act of emotional blackmail, appealing to your soft spot for me. Hoping that you would be pressured to acknowledge my presence having been unwillingly wary of my pain. What would seem like an act of love, “I miss you, I want to talk about my day because you are my person and I want to share it with you. I love you.” is actually a selfish appeasing of my longing. Its really saying “I would just like to feel better by being able to express myself.” It does not actually have any beneficial effect on you. It will only make you feel sad. You’ll be too hard on yourself again and call yourself fucked-up. 

So I will shut up for now and let you feel my silence. Hoping that you would know that this is me loving you truly and completely. Choosing to deal with my pain silently and privately is the best way to show I care. I support your journey 100 percent. And if I did love you, I would leave you alone. And I do love you.

[reclusiveromantic]

I didn't text you when I was sort of drunk 😕 it took all the energy baba not to drunk call you and bombard you with love. How long will i have to keep this love to myself??

[reclusiveromantic]

Im envious of your friends, those you decide to keep. They get to hear your laughter and your banter. They get to make you laugh and entertain you. They get to be with and around you. What I would give to be your friend. Well..maybe not JUST a friend. :)

[reclusiveromantic]

Umiinom ka noh love kaya active ka.pa rin :/ i wonder sino kainuman mo..alala mo ako? Alala kita e :(

[reclusiveromantic]

Umiinom ka mahal noh? Hm kaya active ka pa. Tsk. Hihi me rin >_< sana drinking together :/ maybe soon right?