i won’t go into too many details bc it involves others and whatnot but for most of the relationship w my ex i was always worried abt his friendship with a friend of mine bc he was always closer to her, said some sort of off putting stuff to/about her (which was in the friend group server, which made me nervous abt what he would say in DMs), and also brought her up ~2 times in a sexual way when it was just him and i talking. now i thought i was crazy for being worried and jealous i guess and he said “no it’s not like that i’m not attracted to her we just talk about friend things” lo and behold said friend is like “yeah he said weird shit to me” and showed screenshots of DMs with ex of him saying shit like “have u had sex?” “do you prefer pants or skirts?” “i wish i was more skillful with my tongue” and so on 🙂 an, apart from asking her these gross questions (while he was with me) he was also going and venting to her about things, mostly about our relationship that he rarely spoke to me about bc he was worried about upsetting me (despite me saying he could always come to me) and basically had an emotional affair and tried to go further almost :|
i feel like me talking abt it and letting it upset me makes me feel like i’m still hung up on it all but it’s just like. this was something i was worried abt. this was something i told him i was worried abt and then he told me i had nothing to worry about. and so now it’s like aha!!! so my gut feeling was right!! and i’m not even mad at said friend, because she didn’t even realize what was going on and my ex *knew* that she didn’t know and was essentially using her to get off on some weird shit for whatever reason, aware that i was worried about said thing and kept on doing it anyways.
genuinely fuck him. he talks about “oh how can something you believe would go on for so long end so suddenly” as if he didn’t cheat with multiple people and treat me horribly and not even actually love me and i’m supposed to forgive that. i’m just done feeling bad for ending things with him and cutting him off and for having these feelings in general.