“LOOK OUT BELOW!”
With a comedic whistling sound, the humongous steel girder plummeted from the scaffolding. On the ground below, an oblivious ride attendant marched toward the locker room, exhausted from her twelve-hour shift.
“Hey, lady!” bellowed one of the goblin workers overhead.
The vampire didn’t even react to the shout. When the I-beam landed directly atop her costume’s spacesuit helmet, however, it split in two with a cacophonous crash, as the two halves hit the ground on either side of her. Meanwhile, the work crew gawked down at the surprisingly victimless scene, with all of their jaws dropped.
“How the…” The goblin foreman turned to his crew, face red. Rather than lecture them on safety, however, he criticized the material they had just dropped on someone’s head: “Just what kinda steel are we usin here! Styofoam?”
A squeaky voiced worker shook her head. “No, boss. We’re usin…uh…HatSafe™ Steel Girders. ‘So safe, it’ll bounce right off your hat!’”
“What the? How’d you say the…? Never mind that! Where’d that even come from?”
“The girders, sir.” The grunt pointed to a clearly visible label and description, printed on one of the girders.
“Oh. Yeah. Dunno how I didn’t see that before.”
The crew all shared a laugh, the incident immediately forgotten.
—
“So,” chimed a voice from the shadows, “I see my merchandise has done its job.”
The vampiric ride attendant tilted her head in puzzlement, at the mobster in an old-school suit, leaning against the nearby wall. “What do you mean, Mr. Barone?”
“…My hat!”
An awkward pause.
“The helmet on your suit! It just saved your life! You spit on my gratitude like this?”
“I’m not saying you didn’t give it to me, Mr. Barone. But it’s not a hat, really. Just a part of the suit.”
“But it just protected…” Brims trailed off, trapped between the attendant’s argument and the events he had just witnessed.
[What do you think: do the spacesuit helmets from Unfinity count as hats?]
