I Need Some Lovin’
The Waves Are Rising and Rising Extra Scene #7
Chapter 1
What happens when an affection-starved ace is offered an opportunity to do some sex magic with a trusted friend? Inquiring minds (ours) wanted to know, so we wrote it
—//—
As a rule, Jiang Cheng is not a fan of cultivation conferences. As a sect leader he understands the need for them from a political perspective, appreciates that they genuinely are the most efficient way to solve jianghu-wide problems, but as a person…
Somehow they manage to be both mind-numbingly boring and brain-fryingly stressful. It shouldn’t be possible, as a combination, and yet.
Being the host makes them marginally easier to endure; he at least gets to sleep in his own bed, eat his own food, and regardless of how transparent the excuse he invents to get out of socialising is, as the host, his guests are more or less forced to accept it. It almost makes up for how obnoxiously irritating it is to have so many people he doesn’t particularly like in his own space.
Almost.
Thankfully, there hadn’t been too much on the agenda for this conference, so it had only lasted a few days. He’d made it through greeting ceremonies, banquets, toasts, hours of discussions and debates and trade arrangements, and, worst of all, hours of networking and surface-level socialising. Now the official goodbyes have been given, Jiang Cheng stands on the dock and watches as the other sects leave either via boat, or by soaring up into the sky on their swords; on the eastern dock, a little way around the lake, he can see Jin Zixuan standing with Jin Guangyao, the rest of the Jin retinue clustered at an appropriate distance but clearly impatient to leave. Most people would assume that they were witnessing a Sect Leader reassuring his Second, but Jiang Cheng knows the two men and suspects that it is the opposite, and it is Jin Guangyao doing the reassuring.
The one silver lining to this particular conference - besides the fact that everyone is finally packing up to leave - is, paradoxically, that not everyone is packing up to leave. It’s early summer, Yunmeng is warm without being stiflingly hot, the lotuses are in full bloom, and he’s going to be spending an entire week, just with his family.
“Hey! Jiang-xiong!”
Jiang Cheng turns at the familiar voice, brow creasing as he sees Nie Huaisang fluttering down the dock towards him, “Huaisang? You’ve missed your retinue, your da-ge just left five-”
Nie Huiasang grins broadly, panting a little as he reaches the end of the dock but still bouncing on the balls of his feet, “I’m staying for a couple more days!”
“Since when?”
“Since Yanli-jie invited me!”
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes, and growls, “Since you invited yourself you mean. Jie-jie would have asked me first.”
Nie Huaisang pouts. Jiang Cheng has a five year old nephew, and as such is utterly unaffected.
“I am deeply offended, Jiang-xiong, that you think I would be so impolite. I simply mentioned that I’ve never experienced a Yunmeng summer before, with all the heat and the lakes, and then Wei-xiong very rudely told everyone how I fell in the river back in Gusu during the lectures and how bad I was at swimming, and then Yanli-jie said-”
“Yes, yes, alright, fine,” Jiang Cheng sighs. “You can stay. How are you getting home, though? Presumably you’re not flying all the way back?”
“Gods, no. I’ll catch the boat to Lanling with Yanli-jie and Jin-xiong and the kids, and then borrow a carriage to get up to Qinghe.”
Jiang Cheng sighs. There’s a deep ache in his chest, hooked up under his ribs and squeezing around his heart, that he knows without examining too hard is the familiar feeling of being alone; ridiculous to feel it when surrounded by people, he knows, but… this was supposed to be a family visit, it was supposed to be a week with his sister and brother in their family home, and then Yanli had wanted the kids to be there, which was fair, and wanted Zixuan to be there too which was… fine, and then Wei Wuxian had whined that if the Peacock got to be there, could his beloved Lan Zhan stick around too? And Jiang Cheng had wanted to tell him exactly where his beloved Lan Zhan could bloody well stick it, but that wasn’t really fair, and Wei Wuxian is such a fucking brat nowadays without Lan Wangji glued to his hip that Jiang Cheng had caved. So their family time together that was supposed to be just them and maybe the kids, now included plus-ones, and also, inexplicably, Nie Huaisang.
(Of course jie-jie invited Huaisang to join in, the part of his brain that seems to enjoy hurting himself hisses, dripping vitriol like slow poison into his heart, this never meant the same to her as it did to you. It doesn’t mean as much to her as it does to you. She has her husband and her babies now, she has everything she needs, and she doesn’t need you anymore, does she?)
Jiang Cheng swallows, smothering the pain until he can give the cranky sort of huff that Nie Huaisang is expecting, scowling and rolling his eyes again as Nie Huaisang snakes his hand through the crook of Jiang Cheng’s folded arms and jostles him playfully.
“Oh come on Jiang-xiong, don’t be like that! It’ll be me and you and Wei-xiong all hanging out together - we can drink and goof around together just like old times!”
That makes him crack a smile, without even really realising he’s doing it. He kind of doubts that they’ll get to spend time together without the looming icy spectre of Huanguang-jun there, but the prospect of it - the idea of being part of a matching set, of belonging without anyone taking precedence over him, of getting prioritised as someone’s friend - loosens the horrible tightness in his chest just a little.
–//–
The week passes quickly, in a warm, sunny haze. For the most part Jiang Cheng actually has… a pretty good time. He loves his boisterous nephew and bright-eyed niece, and loves being their uncle. He tries to imagine who he is through their eyes, and tries to shape himself into the kind of person he would have wanted at his side as a child. He doesn’t know how well he succeeds, but at the very least, they know that he loves them, and that’s… a pretty decent start. As the weather is good, they spend a lot of their time in and around the lakes, teaching A-Ling to float and swim, letting both kids explore the flora and fauna (so alien to them compared to what they’ve seen in Lanling, but part of a heritage that Jiang Yanli is determined that they get to experience), and, on days where Jiang Cheng doesn’t have much sect business to attend to, just playing around and enjoying the cool lakes in each other’s company.
Despite his claims that he wants to improve his swimming ability, Nie Huaisang spends most of his time with only his feet hanging in the water, sharing a covered pavilion with Jiang Yanli, fanning himself lazily, and occasionally helping to entertain little A-Lu. Initially, Lan Wangji had followed his husband gamely into the water, but after a day or two had elected to stay in the shade with the others; Jiang Cheng isn’t sure if it was because he didn’t like the sun, or because he felt uncomfortable stripped down to his inner layers in company, but either way he was glad because the man had no interest in casual playful roughhousing with anyone other than Wei Wuxian, and when his husband was the only one he really interacted with, it made things kind of weird. He seemed a lot happier sat in the quiet and dry, in his million and one layers, his guqin a gentle serenade to the buzzing activity around him.
In the ranking of fun brothers-in-law, Jin Zixuan actually does, to Jiang Cheng’s great shock, rather favourably (although perhaps considering his competition is Lan Wangji, that’s not such an impressive feat). Although he was the worst when they were teenagers, growing up seems to have mellowed his more annoying traits - growing up, as well as marrying the best woman in the whole world, being the father of two young children, and spending several years as the leader of a sect that constantly seems to be on the brink of collapsing under its own fetid, bloated weight - and he takes everyone’s pranks and ribbing with surprisingly good grace and only a little irritation. He sheds his expensive fancy robes and golden headpiece and happily jumps in with the rest of them, offering shoulder carries, letting himself be thoroughly splashed by lake water, and (most importantly in Jiang Cheng’s eyes) allowing his son to win every competition and race without complaint.
The days are, mostly, good fun. They spend almost all of them all together, and with both couples split between the water and the land, Jiang Cheng doesn’t feel too much like an outsider in his own home.
It’s after dinner that things start to get… less fun. The children, obviously, go to bed early. Jiang Yanli usually winds up going with them; her health has always been weak, ever since she herself was a child, and spending days out in the sunshine and fresh air, playing with A-Ling and A-Lu, and collecting ingredients to indulge her love for cooking whenever she pleases, seems to reliably tire her out. Lan Wangji, of course, keeps to Lan regulations even outside of Gusu and retires early himself. Jin Zixuan rarely sticks around for much longer than than Lan Wangji, which bothers no one particularly. For the first few nights, Wei Wuxian stays up late drinking with Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang, and things are good - like Nie Huaisang said, it feels like being back in their teens and goofing off at Cloud Recesses.
And then, one evening about half way through the week, Wei Wuxian gets up from the table at the same time as his husband, winking and citing a phrase that Jiang Cheng immediately decided to scrub from his brain for his own mental wellbeing, even as Jiang Yanli and Nie Huaisang had laughed (Jin Zixuan had cringed and wrinkled his nose, and what a world Jiang Cheng is living in if Jin Zixuan is the only other person he can relate to in the room). And then after that, he goes off to bed at the same time as Lan Wangji every evening, and Jin Zixuan tends to leave not long after, and then it’s just him and Nie Huaisang left.
Which… he doesn’t really mind itself. Nie Huaisang isn’t bad company, it’s just that…
This was supposed to be a family visit. He was supposed to be spending a week with his family, you know, the three siblings who vowed that they’d always be together. But neither of them seem to much care about that - or at least, neither of them care about it the way he does. They have their husbands, the children that they’re raising, their homes. They have new lives, and now he’s left behind. They’re complete without him, and he is back in Yunmeng in the sect he rebuilt for them, alone, feeling like he’s missing both his arms.
–//–
A-Lu presses a sloppy toddler kiss to his cheek. A-Ling has recently decided that he’s all grown up now, so he gives Jiang Cheng a quick, fierce hug, then stomps crankily over to the door. He has spent the last half hour whining to go to bed later, and has very nearly been sent to bed early for his trouble. Jin Zixuan rumples his hair and grins, and A-Ling scowls up at him, although his sleepy eyes and smothered yawns remove any real venom from it.
Jiang Yanli kisses Jiang Cheng on the forehead, then boops his nose with her knuckle, smile tired but wide and fond. Suddenly Jiang Cheng feels as old as A-Ling again, and yearns to curl up in her arms, but he’s not her baby brother any more, so he watches wistfully as she leaves with her perfect little golden family.
Wei Wuxian climbs to his feet with a theatrical yawn and an exaggerated wink at his husband that immediately sets Jiang Cheng on edge.
“Well, I think we’ll be heading to bed now too,” he says cheerfully, “as I said, everyday means-”
“Say one more word and I will break your legs,” Jiang Cheng snarls as Lan Wangji stands up so fast he seems to go from sitting to upright with no in-between state at all.
Wei Wuxian beams at him unrepentantly, but, at the very least, does not say a single word more, leaving the room with a jaunty wave, his husband walking so quickly ahead of him that he’s in danger of breaking the Lan rule about no running.
“Guess it’s just us again,” Jiang Cheng growls, crossing the room to look for a jar of wine in the cabinet against the wall. Down the hallway he sees a servant hesitating, peering through the open door, clearly wondering if she’s needed, and he waves her away and closes the door.
Nie Huaisang raises his eyebrows and accepts the cup of wine Jiang Cheng passes him. “Is that really so bad, Jiang-xiong?”
Jiang Cheng flops down into a seat with a groan. “Sorry, uh,” he clears his throat and offers Nie Huaisang a vaguely apologetic grimace, “I’m just… in a bad mood. Not your fault.”
“Well, maybe I can cheer you up,” Nie Huaisang grins, winking at him over the top of his fan, and Jiang Cheng can’t help but snort.
“Yeah, alright.”
This does not seem to be the response that Nie Huaisang was expecting, as his sly expression turns startled and his eyebrows lift again. He clears his throat, glancing away as he sips at his drink, which is… weird. Nie Huaisang has never been awkward around him before. He wasn’t sure Nie Huaisang knew how to be awkward.
“So, uh, are you expecting any… company, tonight?”
Jiang Cheng blinks. “Company? No?”
Nie Huaisang meets his eyes over the rim of his cup, and there’s something oddly intense in his gaze, “Would you like some?”
“I… already have some?” Jiang Cheng squints at him, “You’re here.”
Nie Huaisang pauses, then laughs, shaking his head. “Yes, I guess I am. I just wanted to check that you still wanted me here.”
What the fuck is going on? Jiang Cheng glances around the room, checking the windows, wondering if this is some sort of bizarre prank and Wei Wuxian is about to jump in to scare him any minute now.
“Yeah, of course I do. Why, did you want to leave?”
“No, no,” Nie Huaisang says quickly, “I’d quite like to stick around actually.”
Jiang Cheng snorts and downs the rest of his wine with a quick jerk of his wrist. “Ha, don’t think that hiding out here in Yunmeng will get you out of trouble with your da-ge. Have you pissed him off again or something?”
“What! No!” Nie Huaisang takes another sip of his wine, “Da-ge’s actually been way less angry lately. Things got pretty bad for a while, but he’s doing a lot better.”
“Doing better? Was he sick?” Jiang Cheng feels a bolt of horror shoot through him; it’s been years since the war, but he thinks he and the other young masters of his generation will see Nie Mingjue as their General for the rest of their lives. If the man walked into the room right now and demanded Jiang Cheng follow him into battle, he would pause only to put down his drink and pick up his sword. The idea of someone as legendary as Nie Mingjue (Chifeng-zun!) making it all the way to peace time and then dying of something as mundane as an illness is devastating. “He seemed fine at the conference!”
“Ah… yes and no.” Nie Huaisang flicks out his fan idly, “You know that the Nie are prone to qi deviation because of our sabers? Well, he did so much fighting in the war that his qi got really bad. Things were pretty touch and go.”
“Oh, and then he got poisoned at Jinlintai a few years ago, right? At A-Ling’s hundred day celebration?”
Nie Huaisang’s mouth flicks up at one corner, which is not a reaction that Jiang Cheng was expecting from this topic of conversation. “Yes, but that was, uh, unrelated. Sort of. Anyway! What matters is that he’s doing a lot better now! Really got that qi under control.”
“Glad to hear it,” Jiang Cheng mutters as he reaches for the wine jar. He gestures with it to Nie Huaisang, who proffers his cup for the refill.
“Yes, the experimental treatment he’s been trying has been working wonders.”
Jiang Cheng grins as he sets the jar down, raising his eyebrows at Nie Huaisang, “You must be feeling pretty pleased with yourself in all this, though.”
“Me?” Nie Huaisang blinks, “Why?”
“Well, you don’t use your saber, do you? So you don’t need to worry about any of this happening to you. Must be a relief, right?”
“Oh. Yes. Haha.” Nie Huaisang tilts his cup from side to side a few times, watching the wine with lips pursed, and then quickly carries on, “But, uh, we do still all have a sort of… hereditary tendency towards qi deviation. It might still happen. To me, I mean. One day.”
Jiang Cheng clears his throat. Gods, what a fucking ass he’s managing to be today. “Ah. I’m sorry.”
They sit in deeply uncomfortable silence for several moments. Jiang Cheng squirms. He sips at his drink just for something to do. Things are never weird between him and Nie Huaisang, that’s something he’s always really deeply valued about their friendship; no matter what else is happening around them, things are always easy with Nie Huaisang. What the hell is going on?
“So,” Nie Huaisang says brightly, “I heard you were blacklisted by the matchma-”
“Huaisang, is there something you want to say?” Jiang Cheng snaps, “You’re being weird, and it’s getting annoying. Have you broken something expensive?” When Nie Huaisang’s brow furrows and his eyes dart away shiftily, another potential cause hits Jiang Cheng and he groans, “Oh god, have you slept with one of my disciples? Look, so long they’re an adult and they’re into it, you have my blessing, I don’t care. You don’t have to ask my permission or anything.”
To his surprise, Nie Huaisang bursts out laughing. He barely sets his cup down on the table in time before he’s rocking back on his cushion, feet kicking a little under his robes, only just catching himself with one hand behind him, the fan in it clacking against the wooden floor as the other covers his mouth, turning his smothered laughter into an unflattering snort. It immediately stokes the irritation inside of Jiang Cheng, but it is, at least, better than the awkwardness. He drums his fingers on the table until Nie Huaisang sits back up, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.
“Oh gods, I’ve fucked this up, haven’t I? Jiang-xiong, I haven’t slept with any of your disciples.” Nie Huaisang flips out his fan and grins at Jiang Cheng over the top of it. His teeth glint in the light of the lantern on the table, and something about the sight makes Jiang Cheng’s mouth go dry in a way he can’t quite explain.
“I was trying to figure out how to ask if I could sleep with you.”
“Me?” Jiang Cheng asks, and his voice comes out embarrassingly high-pitched. He clears his throat then tries again. “You want to sleep with me?”
Nie Huaisang shrugs, but there’s still a strange intensity in his eyes, “Well, why not? Do you want to sleep with me?”
Jiang Cheng looks around the room frantically; this must be a prank, right? Why on earth would Nie Huaisang ask him this sort of thing, of all people?
“I… I don’t…”
Nie Huaisang’s eyes soften immediately, and he reaches out to pat Jiang Cheng’s hand. “Jiang-xiong, it’s okay, you can say no and I won’t be offended at all - I’ll never bring it up again, I promise, and we can pretend it never happened. I just thought it could be fun, that’s all.”
Jiang Cheng swallows. “Fun?”
“You see, the experimental treatment that my da-ge has been trying… well, it’s dual cultivation. The sex kind.”
Heat races to Jiang Cheng’s face and horror makes his stomach drop. “Huaisang!” He hisses, snatching his hand away, “That’s- that’s your brother! That’s Chifeng-zun! Why are you telling me this? He’d kill me if he knew I knew, and he’d kill you for telling me!”
Nie Huaisang makes a derisive noise and rolls his eyes, “He won’t kill anyone, and I’m only telling you because I know you’re not a gossip. You’re not going to tell anyone.”
It’s true, but it prickles Jiang Cheng’s sense of fairness. He still feels the need to protest, though when he opens his mouth, Nie Huaisang gets there first.
“All the books say that dual cultivation is meant to be really good, and I figured that since you’re a really powerful cultivator, and I’ve got that hereditary qi thing, maybe… we could give it a try?”
Jiang Cheng chews his bottom lip, trying to push down his kneejerk panic at being propositioned, trying to reason the situation out. “You want to try dual cultivating with me… because you’re getting sick? In your qi?”
“Oh, no, no, I’m fine,” Nie Huaisang grins sheepishly, “I, uh, may have over-egged that bit a little. Like you said, I barely use my saber, any potential qi deviation is a long way off. This would be just for fun.” He quickly adds, “And like I said, only if you want to.”
Dual cultivation. Sexual dual cultivation. Jiang Cheng barely knows anything about it, besides the fact that it cropped up quite a bit in the kind of porn that Nie Huaisang passed around at the Cloud Recesses lectures. Everyone in the porn seemed to have an exceptionally good time doing it… though Jiang Cheng isn’t really certain exactly how reliable spring books are.
His immediate instinctive answer is no. Nie Huaisang has promised that if he doesn’t want this, he will never bring it up again. Their friendship will not suffer. And Jiang Cheng does believe him. It would be so easy to turn this down and move on and never think about it again.
But… something stops him. A nagging anxious feeling in his gut that says he’s being… weird about this, because it’s weird to say no to sex, isn’t it? Everyone seems to want it, everyone talks about it like it’s the best thing in the world, so it would be weird to turn down the offer of it, for fun, no strings attached, wouldn’t it? If everyone’s supposed to want it? Wei Wuxian has been half obsessed with sex since he was a teenager, and he’s only gotten worse since he’s started having it. And as much as he hates to think about it, he can do the maths, and he knows that Jin Ling was far too fat a baby to be premature, which means (ugh ugh ugh) that even his sister must have… an enthusiasm for it.
Jiang Cheng has never understood the obsession with sex. He’s never craved it in the way other people seem to, and for the longest time he was convinced that it was just Wei Wuxian being over-dramatic and no one really felt such bizarre urges to such an extreme extent - his shi-xiong was weird about so many other things, after all - but as he’d grown up he’d discovered, to his confusion that he, Jiang Cheng, was actually the odd one out.
Nie Huaisang’s eyebrows are lowering and his mouth is pinching and it seems Jiang Cheng has already missed the window to not come across like an absolute fucking weirdo, shit.
“You don’t have to decide right now,” Nie Huaisang says kindly. “Do you want some time to think about it?”
Jiang Cheng swallows. “Yes, I… yes, that would be good. Thanks.”
Stalling is good. It will buy him time to come up with a good excuse that won’t make him sound like a freak.
It’s not until long after Nie Huaisang has left, until Jiang Cheng is leaning on the railings of the pavilion outside of his bedroom, gazing out across the still, peaceful lakes, that it occurs to him that the easiest way to get out of this whole thing without sounding weird would have been to just tell Nie Huaisang that he doesn’t like guys. How the hell did that not occur to him? But he’s sort of missed the boat for that one because someone who doesn’t like guys would have said that right away, as soon as Nie Huaisang propositioned him. They wouldn’t need to think about it, they’d just know they weren’t interested.
Does… does that mean that he does like guys?
No, he knows what being a cutsleeve looks like; it looks like Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji and all that’s implied by everyday means everyday; it looks like Nie Huaisang’s treasured porn collection. He doesn’t like guys like that.
He… sort of assumed that he didn’t like anyone like that. Is that a way people can be?
Jiang Cheng takes a hearty swig from the jar of wine and glares out at the lotus like the answers to his tangled up questions are hidden amongst the flowers.
–//–
He lets the thoughts percolate in the back of his mind as he catches up on paperwork the next morning.
He could still say no to Nie Huaisang. The idea of admitting to the fact that most days he feels like sexual desire is a big joke the rest of the world is playing on him makes him want to throw himself in the lake, but it is an option. Nie Huaisang has known him for several years now, he probably already thinks he’s weird and he still likes him despite that. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.
The other option is, of course, to go through with it. To say yes to sex.
The concept isn’t… repellent. To be honest, if he stops thinking of it as sex and breaks it down into its constituent parts, it sounds… fine.
The prospect of nakedness doesn’t bother him; he’s been in the lakes in just his trousers for most of the week, and Nie Huaisang still propositioned him, so clearly there’s no issue with his scars, or his body in general. And as for under the trousers - well, a dick is a dick is a dick, as far as he’s concerned. That’s no big deal.
The physical stuff is somewhat more nerve wracking, but again, when he breaks it down, none of it is too terrible. He’s jerked off before, so he knows that part of it will feel good. The little he knows about dual cultivation from Nie Huaisang’s porn indicated that the person with the higher cultivation should be passing qi to their weaker partner, which would mean-
In the middle of reviewing a trade agreement with Yunmeng’s biggest fabric dyeing workshop for this year’s lotus harvest, Jiang Cheng has to take a moment to set down his brush before he snaps it in his hand, and just breathe, and let the burning in his cheeks dissipate.
How stupid and immature. If he’s thinking about doing it, he should be able to use real words to describe it!
So. If he goes through with this and accepts Nie Huaisang’s proposition, Jiang Cheng will be fucking him in the ass, in order to create some sort of qi loop - he doesn’t know the specifics of the technique, but given that Nie Huaisang suggested it, Jiang Cheng assumes he does. The cultivation part of it is something he is a little curious about, if he’s honest, and it actually increases the appeal of the sex itself. According to the stories, although dual cultivation is mostly about the weaker partner becoming stronger through the joining, it does help boost the cores of both partners. So long as he thinks about the dual cultivation as a cultivation exercise, rather than something that has to be… well, sexy, it actually feels manageable. Maybe even interesting.
And besides, Nie Huaisang will be leaving the day afterwards. If the sex is absolutely utterly terrible, then they can go their separate ways, and they’ll have a good few months until the next time they meet to privately erase every moment of the night from their memories, and pretend it never happened.
Jiang Cheng finishes up his paperwork feeling… optimistic. He hands everything over to his second in command (a very capable outer Yu cousin who had proved her worth during the war when Wei Wuxian had been unable to step up as Vice General) and then heads out to meet his guests.
Their plan for the afternoon is to go out on the lake in boats, to fish and pick lotus seeds, so that Jiang Yanli can make them soup for the last night of their trip. They split into two groups to fit in the long narrow boats; Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli naturally go together, with their children, which leaves Jiang Cheng to take the boat with Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, and Nie Huaisang.
It’s fine. It’s not a problem.
It’s just that once again, he’s got that alone-in-a-crowded-room feeling.
Once again, this was something he was meant to do with his siblings - something they did every year as children and then teenagers that he’d wanted to recreate as adults, so they could all remember the people they lost and remind themselves of how lucky they are to be together again now. Having everyone else there isn’t a problem, it’s just…
He feels the hot sun beating down his back as he looks around; A-Ling is half in the water as he leans out of the boat to shovel lotus seeds into his basket, sped up in his harvest by his five year old competitive spirit; Jiang Yanli is laughing so hard she’s almost tipping the boat as Jin Zixuan tries to wrestle a handful of unpeeled seeds out of the fat toddler fist A-Lu has shoved in her mouth; Wei Wuxian has made a hat out of a large lotus leaf and is lounging with his feet in the water supposedly luring in fish whilst Lan Wangji meticulously examines and peels lotus seeds one by one for him to eat; Nie Huaisang is almost as meticulously examining and collecting lotus flowers to use in some creative project or other he wants to begin when he returns to Qinghe, and occasionally squawking when Wei Wuxian kicks water at him.
It’s not bad. It is, by all accounts, a beautiful and wonderful day spent with his family and friends. He should enjoy the sun and the water and the quality time.
(So why is there a pit yawning in the middle of his chest that, somehow, makes him feel so heavy he could sink right down to the bottom of the lake?)
Lan Wangji is first out of the boats and onto the dock, lowering a hand to help his husband up, and then obligingly lifting out both children. Wei Wuxian scoops up A-Lu onto his shoulders, then challenges A-Ling to a race back to the kitchens; A-Ling always accepts a challenge if he thinks he has a chance to win, and immediately takes off at a run, Wei Wuxian laughing as he follows. With both kids distracted, Jin Zixuan takes the opportunity to show off for his wife, wrapping one arm around her waist and leaping up onto the dock effortlessly supporting her weight, finishing the move with a cheeky kiss to the side of her neck.
Jiang Cheng hauls himself up onto the dock, and when Nie Huaisang whines, reaches down to take him by the elbow and support him as he climbs up with his bounty of flowers. He glances over his shoulder at Lan Wangji, sedately following Wei Wuxian with a large basket of individually picked and peeled seeds, and Jiang Yanli, who has her arm looped through her husband’s as they meander along the dock after their children.
What would it be like to be part of a matching set again? His brother and sister have moved on to new horizons and don’t need him anymore, but there is someone who wants him…
He follows the others back along the docks and walkways with Nie Huaisang at his side, mind distant as his friend chatters away about nothing of consequence. He feels far away from everything, like he’s looking at himself from the outside. He tries to imagine belonging in this scene; Jiang Yanli has Jin Zixuan, Wei Wuxian has Lan Wangji…
What if he took up Nie Huaisang on his offer? The offer is only of sex, but that’s still something. Being cultivation partners isn’t nothing.
He’s never really wanted a partner, not really. He’s always been satisfied with his sect and his family and he always thought that would be enough - he deliberately got himself blacklisted by the matchmakers so that no one could pester him about marriage, for gods’ sake - and yet the closest thing he can find to a label for this pit in his chest as is loneliness, and all of a sudden he finds himself craving something he can call all his own, someone who’ll carry his baskets and hold his arm. The romantic and sexual stuff is irrelevant, he doesn’t really care about that side of it. He just wants someone who’ll put him first. Someone who’ll make him a priority, and won’t up and leave for someone more interesting.
Nie Huaisang calls to Jiang Yanli, asking some question about a particular flower that grows at Lotus Pier during a different time of the year, and she rests her chin on Jin Zixuan’s shoulder to look back as she answers, letting him guide her along the walkways. The simple display of trust and gentle, casual intimacy makes the pit in Jiang Cheng’s chest yawn wider.
He knows in that moment that he will take Nie Huaisang up on his offer. He never thought he would be the type of person to have casual sex with a friend, never thought he’d crave someone’s touch and attention like this, but as he makes up his mind, it’s easy to see all the puzzle pieces fit together. Nie Huaisang has been his friend for years, he’s someone Jiang Cheng trusts absolutely - perhaps not with everything, but certainly with his pleasure and body and happiness - and someone whose company he consistently enjoys. Nie Huaisang might tease him, but he won’t judge him. Maybe they won’t be any good at sex, and maybe they’ll fail to dual cultivate; somehow, those thoughts don’t fill him with dread any more, because the more he tries to imagine things going wrong, the more his mind conjures images of them fumbling and laughing together over it all. They’ll still find some way to have fun with it, he’s sure.
Jiang Cheng supervises A-Ling chopping vegetables for dinner. He fetches more water for the pot. He changes into clean robes and returns to the family dining pavilion to eat. He smiles and chats and kicks Wei Wuxian under the table, and all the while, something winds tighter and tighter inside his belly that feels like anticipation, and… perhaps even excitement.
–//–
“Hey, so, uh,” Jiang Cheng says, the moment he and Nie Huaisang are alone after dinner, “I thought about what you said yesterday.”
”Oh!” Nie Huaisang physically perks up, straightening in his seat, eyes widening, “Okay, what did you think?”
“I think… yes. To the dual cultivation. I think we should try it.”
Nie Huaisang’s whole face lights up, and a small part of Jiang Cheng can’t help but be charmed by how transparently pleased his friend is. Nie Huaisang wants him. And that feels good.
“Great! That’s great!”
Jiang Cheng nods his head towards the door, “So… do you want to go to my room? Or yours, or…?”
Nie Huaisang’s eyes grow huge again, and he blinks rapidly, “You mean - tonight? You want to have sex tonight?”
“Is that not what you-?” Jiang Cheng feels heat rush to his cheeks and he grimaces, “I thought that was what-”
“No, no, we can do it tonight! That’s fine!”
“We don’t have to if you weren’t-”
“Tonight is absolutely fine, Jiang-xiong, tonight is great!”
Jiang Cheng huffs, trying to will his ears to stop burning, “But I misunderstood. You didn’t mean tonight.”
Nie Huaisang reaches out to take his hands, grinning - and he grins wider when Jiang Cheng frowns at him, “You seemed pretty unsure last night so I didn’t want to assume, that’s all. I didn’t think I’d get so lucky! I would love to have sex with you tonight. That would be amazing.”
Oh gods. His ears feel like they’re hot enough to set on fire, and that anticipation feeling clenches in his gut again. He nods. “Okay,” he says. Like an idiot.
“I am going to go and have a bath,” Nie Huaisang says, releasing his hands and climbing to his feet, “and… meet you at your rooms in an hour, say?”
Jiang Cheng nods again “Okay,” he says, again.
Like an idiot.
Nie Huaisang flutters out of the room with a bounce in his step. About ten seconds after he disappears out of the door, he pops his head back in, waving his fan for Jiang Cheng’s attention.
“An hour!”
“Yes, yes, I heard you,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, but Nie Huaisang is grinning as he disappears again and it’s… cute. His excitement is cute, and infectious, so he can’t quite help smiling.
And then the smile immediately drops as it occurs to him -
What the hell is he going to do for an hour?
