Blogging is for thoughts, right?
This is for my own sense of being.
There comes a point in many conversations I have in which I know I've hit a breaking point. A point in which I cannot return for I have spoken further than my heart initially desired. Deep down I know my words will come back to haunt me, and every once in a blue moon it's pretty obvious how it will occur. Yet, after every incident, it happens again. All to my own fault, of course. I blame myself and myself only. Now, every word spoken upholds a subtle truth. Together these subtle truths paint a bigger picture. This picture encompasses my heart and its true desires, the passion and love that burns within me.However, I guess what it all boils down to is that one place in my heart. That very section that has always been and forever will be for you. I'm not the most religious person out there, but I do have my beliefs. I do believe with all my heart that it was His intentions to keep you in my life through thick and thin. After everything you're still here and I couldn't be more thankful. Awhh yeah transitional sentences! But yeah, it has been difficult for me lately. I look at you and see the past, the present, and an imaginable future. I'm not sad nor angry. Neither do I live with any regrets. It's just weird. Weird to know you're the one that got away, in a sense. Weird to know that where I always thought would be a void, spilling out resentment, is actually a space complete to the core. Happy and content. Weird to now know that no matter how my life ends up, you're that one. That one person that I know was my first love. My first true love. I'll always love you, that's for certain. Not in that creepy, awkward sense, but rather in the sense that i respect that you're soul continues to flourish into an amazing being. You're soul treads lightly while leaving deep marks of fervent ambition, if that makes an sense. What I'm trying to say, cutting out the failed poetic mumbo jumbo, is that I have profound respect for you as a person and who you've chosen to become. I tip my hat to thee, fine woman. These days I find myself back out there, meeting new people and taking more risks. I felt it best to move on with life. I'm not sure why, but I've always loved putting myself out there. Risking my heart is the greatest decision I've ever made. It's changed the way I think and how I view life.
I think that's what I love most, the freedom to think. The ability to open my eyes and believe whatever I damn well please. To formulate questions, never knowing whether they'll be answered. Life's complexity is fucking beautiful.