Writing request from @bagetlol Characters/pairing: Gale x OC (Fazil, high-elf bard) Summary: Fazil wakes up on Faerûn coming from modern day Earth after a (failed) suicide attempt. Having inherited Durge's body he is fighting to find his way back to redemption. But when Gale, the newfound love of his life, realizes the depth of the original durge's sins, Fazil feels everything slipping away. And he can't help but wonder: isn't that exactly what he deserved? #angst #hurt #comfort and of course #fluff, also spoilers for Act 3
The sun was barely beginning to rise as Fazil crept out of camp, desperately trying not to wake anyone. He’d gone to bed early, if one could call it that, because where he had slept hardly counted as a sleeping space, let alone a bed. The bard had opted to curl up next to the campfire, seeking the heat of the fire as if that could ever replace his partner’s warmth.
Ex-partner, Fazil corrected himself bitterly as he stumbled through the dim light. Creepy ass darkvision. The missing colors threw him off every time.
Yesterday’s revelations had definitely taken a toll on him. And with that, he didn’t even mean the sole fact that he’d been resurrected in a strange universe (or… at least that’s what he hoped this was, because what if this was hell, or, worse… heaven?!). Or the fact that he had seemingly inherited a body of someone whose soul was conveniently gone. Maybe it had gone to Earth in return for his own. Or that stranger’s soul was somewhere in a piece of currency. Because stuff like that was actually a real thing that actually happened to actual real people in this real place called Faerûn.
No, over the last weeks, Fazil had slowly started to accept his new reality. More, he’d started to like it. He had fucked around, found out (still did not enjoy sex, surprise), and then had accidentally fallen for a wizard that he’d have called a nerd back home. Although here had started to feel like home. Had started. Until yesterday.
Gale’s voice was still ringing in Fazil’s ears. It was like a broken record, tormenting him, playing on a constant loop in his mind.
It was because of you? Leave me be.
Leave me be. Leave me be. Leave me be.
Funny how Gale had said that when he was the one that had left Fazil.
The bard couldn’t even argue that he didn’t understand why Gale had done that. Shit, he couldn’t even argue that he wouldn’t have done the same.
Fazil shook his head, trying to clear his mind, as he finally made his way through the still empty streets of Baldur’s Gate. There was no clear direction to his path, except to get away from camp and his broken heart. A few people were already working, of course, starting their days early going out to fish, baking bread, or polishing their shops before the usual onslaught of buyers. Hurrying through an alley that slowly lit up as the sun rose, Fazil made his way past a store that sold different garments. A robe caught his eye – intricate lace on double layered silk – and the pain that shot through his chest took his breath away.
“Sir, please, we are open in just a moment, please, come in”, offered the halfling owner of the store, still occupied with his morning sweep.
Fazil grimaced. “Thank you, maybe another day”, he replied, then immediately bit his lip.
Another day. As if there’d ever be a time again when he’d considered buying something for him. Any other day he’d been ecstatic about how the shopkeeper addressed him (this male body was definitely a welcome change). But today – he couldn’t help but feel at fault.
After all, how could this be anything other than punishment? Finally becoming who he was always meant to be, falling in love and then having that love be returned, being happy – only to find out that his body once was the mastermind of some of the most appalling atrocities he could have imagined. Only to have the love of his life look at him, defeated, disappointed, horrified – and break up with him.
Fazil could only conclude that he deserved it, somehow.
The growl of his stomach pulled him out of that thought. He hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before, so his body demanded nourishment. Truth be told, Fazil had avoided dinner last night like the plague: Gale usually cooked, in his stupid cute obsessed way of creating delicacies with next to nothing as ingredients, so the bard had steered clear of the camp for entire hours last evening; fiddling away on his violin, desperate to distract himself. He’d only returned after he’d been reasonably sure that everyone was tucked away to rest.
But now – he felt like he was starving. I could kill for a good meal, he thought; then immediately remembered that with his memory loss and Bhaalspawn identity, this could become reality rather easily. So instead, Fazil made his way to a bakery they had discovered just a few days ago. The buns, croissants, cinnamon rolls and even scones were a nice reminder that no matter what your reality was, food remained an universal language of care and love. (It also reminded him of the way Gale looked at him when Fazil had nearly screamed “THEY HAVE CINNAMON ROLLS HERE?” – as if here was Baldur’s Gate and not this entire new reality. But he didn't think of that. No. No.)
The bakers were a cute elderly couple: Two dwarven ladies constantly bantering with each other while serving their customers, introducing themselves as “Honey” and “Sweets” while serving pastries that reminded Fazil of Earth. Goals, he thought, then immediately scolded himself for being such a sad, hopeless romantic.
He stood in front of them now, as Sweets climbed on top of a stool to meet his gaze.
“Rough morning, my love?”, she asked, gently smiling at him. He probably looked like shit. At least he felt like it.
“Sort of”, Fazil mumbled back.
He couldn’t decide what to get. Everything looked great. He felt like he could eat the world.
“A honey bun will help”, Sweets offered. “That with a cup of chamomile tea and the day just can’t go wrong, right Honey?”
“Yes, Sweets”, her partner called back from the kitchen, hands rolling out a large chunk of dough. Someone behind him shuffled, so the elf decided to hurry along.
“Fine”, Fazil couldn’t help but smile, “I’ll have one.”
“Make that two, actually.”
It… couldn’t be. What was he doing here?!
Slowly shaking his head, Fazil turned around to face his former lover. “You... don’t need to do this.”
“Oh, I know”, Gale insisted, “But turns out I was just in the mood for a nice, tasty, honey bun.”
“Two then!”, Sweets beamed.
Sure. Whatever.
Fazil reached for the brown paper bag, but Gale was quicker, tucking the pastries close to his chest as he indicated for Fazil to walk out of the store first. Outside, the bard waited for Gale to step out, eyes firmly planted on the food. (He was really hungry. And really uncomfortable.)
“I thought I’d find you here”, Gale started, then followed Fazil’s eyes down to the bag. “Oh.”
He handed him the bag, but Fazil was too tired and too hungry and too embarrassed to pay attention, so he half grabbed the bag, half grabbed Gale’s hand. Their eyes shot up to meet each other’s gaze instantly, only for both of them to look to the sides in the fraction of a second. When Fazil yanked his hand away, he suddenly held the entire bag.
“T-Thanks”, Fazil mumbled, taking out one of the buns. He shoved the food into his mouth, unsure what to do or say next.
“You didn’t come to bed last night”, Gale said quietly. He sounded hurt. Which – of course. Fazil was a monster. Of course Gale would be hurt.
But then, he had already stayed away, and left him be. What more should he have done?
“I’ll leave camp tonight”, Fazil eventually realized. “You won’t have to see me again.”
This was what he wanted, after all. And it was what Fazil deserved: being cast out, starting over, finally making amends for the lives he had ruined. Here or on Earth – people would be better off without him.
Gale stared at him with wide eyes. “What?!”
“I might go sooner, maybe. I just – need to… figure some things out.” The honey bun was tasty, but it didn’t really matter. Nothing mattered. There were many ways to disappear, and Fazil would be damned if he chose one that could hurt even one more soul.
“Figure what out, exactly?”, Gale asked, alarmed.
He was eyeing Fazil up and down skeptically, nose wrinkled, brows furrowed – the way he’d look at a particularly difficult spell or a daunting paragraph in a book. Only now, he was trying to read emotions; something they both knew he wasn’t the best at. Fazil stuffed the rest of the honeybun into his mouth, chewing slowly to win more time. He needed to think. The last thing he wanted was for Gale to think less of him. Think of him as a monster? Okay, yes, he could hardly change that now. But think of him as impolite? Or careless? Fazil swallowed and blinked the tears away that were lurking in the back of his throat.
“Don’t worry”, he attempted once more to calm the situation. He even tried to smile. “You don’t have to see me around for much longer.”
“Worry— what?!” Gale’s voice was getting shrill, but when an elderly man passed by with a scoff, he took a deep breath in. “Do you really think I walked up and down the lower city, trying to find the breakfast place you seemed to love so much, simply because I did not want to see you again? Because I’m pretty sure that I just mentioned that I hoped to find you here.” He was making wide gestures with his hands. From inside the store, Sweets gave them a curious look.
But Fazil couldn’t process.
“You… oh.” Right. He had been searching for him to settle their score. Of course. “I’m sorry. Say it, then.”
Gale mustered him, then shook his head. “You’re not the man I thought you were.”
Although expected, that still hurt. Fazil nodded slowly, waiting.
Gale continued: “See, when I met you, you quickly became one of the first friends I ever had. I saw you fight off cultists and evil, I saw you be there for complete strangers, always putting them first and before yourself. I saw how you gave your all, for everyone but you.” Gale took a deep breath in. “And then, I fell in love with you. And I saw… You.”
Fazil didn’t know when he had started to cry, but his cheeks were wet, and his nose was stuffy. Yes. He’d fallen in love with Gale too. Cherished every night when they fell asleep next to each other, and every morning, when they’d woken up together. Every little kiss. Every stolen touch.
“And now you hate what you see”, Fazil stated matter of fact. How could he not.
But Gale’s protest was firm. “No!” He shook his head, then reached out to Fazil, gently cupping his face with his palm. “Don’t you understand? I’m the one at fault. I thought you were almost… invincible! How ignorant I’ve been!”
This didn’t make any sense.
“I don’t understand”, Fazil said through his tears, trying hard to not simply close his eyes and lean into Gale’s touch.
But the wizard started to wipe away the tears with his thumb. “You are not a bad person. No matter who you were before we met – I know you. I see you. You are good. And you are human. Or, well, elven.” He chuckled awkwardly, breaking the tension between them and earning him a small laugh from Fazil. “You cannot do everything alone. Nor… should you. I’m here for you, is what I’m saying.”
The sob that escaped Fazil’s throat was like the sound of a wounded animal. All the hurt, all the shame he’d kept inside was threatening to come out.
“Let me help you”, Gale said softly.
What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn’t even tell him about how he’d gotten here.
“You don’t hate me?”, Fazil eventually asked. His whole world didn’t make sense anymore.
Gale planted a kiss on his forehead, then smiled. “I could never hate you.”
“But…” Gale needed to know the truth, but how was he ever supposed to tell him? Saying out loud where he’d come from was a surefire way to invite all kinds of suspicion. “I don’t know how to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”, the wizard asked, then shook his head, laughing as he realized the absurdity of the question. “Sorry – right.”
They stood there, awkwardly, for a few moments. Then, Gale’s face lit up. “Nasty little buggars as they are – our little stowaways have one advantage.” He grinned. “You don’t have to say a damned thing.”
Oh. Oh. Fuck.
When Fazil realized what Gale was hinting at, his mouth dropped open. He was right – he could simply show him. Show him his past, his memories (as limited as they were), his hopes and dreams and fears and regrets. Show him who he was. Thanks to the tadpole, their minds could be one.
Not knowing where exactly he took the strength from, Fazil pulled Gale aside, off the alley, down into a smaller path that barely fit two people. He took a deep breath in, then opened his mind to Gale – who, gently and ever so slowly, merged their minds together.
Fazil thought of how he woke up at the beach, amnesia clouding his thoughts. He thought of Earth, and Rihanna, and memes, and the war and of taking his life. He thought of the shame he had felt when he realized he couldn’t even do that successfully. He thought of the horror of realizing he’d awoken in the body of a murderer.
Then, lastly, he thought of Gale: the way his stomach turned whenever he got close. The way evenings became his favorite time of day because he got to watch Gale cook or read or narrate adventures. The way his heart had nearly jumped out of his chest the first time they had kissed.
When he couldn’t think of anything else to share, Fazil took a step back and closed his eyes, unable to look at his partner. This was it. Now he knew.
“Oh, Fazil”, Gale simply said and took him into a hug, gently kissing his head and stroking his hair. “I understand now.”
Through tears, the bard asked just one thing. “So, you see why I have to leave?”
“Leave? You little clown”, Gale held him even closer. “No one’s leaving. There is no leaving.”
He pulled away and waited patiently for Fazil to meet his gaze. “Thank you for trusting me with this. I… might not understand everything. But one thing I do know is: I love you. And nothing, not a single thing you’ve shown me, could ever change that.”
It was late when they finally made their way back to camp. There had been more talking, more crying, and more holding each other than ever before. But when Fazil closed his eyes that night, he did so cuddled up against Gale’s soft chest.
No one’s leaving. There was no leaving.
Only love.
