farsighted
3/3 of baila conmigo - a professor!Javier Peña x reader fic
part one | part two
rating/warnings: nc-17 - explicit language, sexual content - thigh riding, cockwarming, age gap (legal), smoking, listen there’s a lot of angst in this one but stick with me this is Javier we’re talking about
word count: 6.4k
summary: the semester is coming to end, as you and Javier figure out what that means for your relationship.
a/n: i just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who read even just one part of this series and i hope you enjoy! i don’t have anything else in the works (yet) but if you have any requests i’d love to hear them :)
It’s the second to last week of April, meaning the end of the semester is rapidly approaching and any given day of the week you might have your life together or you might be a complete mess. The stress and anxiety of your impending thesis due date results in those calm moments existing few and far between, but today feels different. It’s one of those rare days where everything is just a little bit more. The sun shines brighter; your emotions hit your soul just a little deeper. It’s the kind of day you wait for as the memory of the most recent occurrence reminds you that it’s possible to feel this way.
For once, you wake up feeling well rested after making significant progress on your paper the night before. Your hair falls just right when it dries from your morning shower, and you’ve chosen to wear a sundress that makes you feel confident and sexy. You have time to stop for an iced coffee at your favorite place before your slate of lectures, and the weather in Austin is quite honestly perfect - warm and sunny, but not humid.
You watch all the characters out and about, a bout of pride filling you as you witness how alive this city is, and you’re part of it. You’re not sure where you’ll end up after graduation, but if isn’t here you know that you’ll miss it terribly.
Your lectures go by quickly until you’re crossing campus to a building you’ve spent most of your time in this semester. Despite all the pressure you’ve felt the past few months, pockets of serenity and bliss have occurred in this building and walking in allows the feeling to settle over you immediately. He’s here and just the thought brings a smile to your face. You think back to the day just before the beginning of the semester when you marched into Professor Hunt’s office, sure that your final few months of college were ruined. How wrong you’d been.
You greet the other TAs as you take your usual seat for Javier’s lecture, making pleasant conversation with them about end-of-semester woes as you wait for the professor to arrive. Jessie excitedly tells you about a job interview she has at the Pentagon next week. You’re so enthralled by the details that you haven’t noticed Javi walk into the lecture hall, but when you do your heart stops for a brief moment. He looks good, he always does, but in your elevated mood your thirst for him is just a little bit stronger. He’s in a light yellow short-sleeved button-up shirt, fitting for the temperature outside and accentuating his tanned skin. As you run your eyes over him, he looks up and catches you, a soft smile playing at his lips as he looks away and searches in his bag for something.
You lean over to reach your backpack on the floor, taking out your notebook and pen. When you straighten, your eyes meet Javier’s and you realize that he’s watching you. You both have done a pretty good job of hiding your relationship from others, but as the heat rises between your thighs you decide that you’re willing to push the limits today.
He’s lecturing about policymaking today, one of the last topics on the syllabus, and you feign busy with taking some notes. He pauses to ask a question of the undergrads and you bring your pen to your lips, softly chewing on the cap as you look over what you’ve written. You can feel a pair of eyes on you, and your suspicion is confirmed when you look up and meet Javier’s deep brown orbs already on you. You grin, narrowing your eyes at him with the pen still in your mouth.
He folds his arms and leans against the table at the front of the lecture hall, dragging his thumb across his bottom lip as he listens to the student answering his question. He knows how it drives you wild, you’ve told him as much while working together in private. He wasn’t aware he did it until you pointed it out to him.
You huff quietly, crossing your legs and allowing the skirt of your dress to rise slightly and expose more of your thigh. His eyes fall to your legs and he quickly averts his gaze back to the nearly full lecture hall. There’s a bit of an awkward pause as he tries to remember his train of thought and your smile is smug.
The two of you continue the game throughout the rest of the lecture, small actions that the unfamiliar eye wouldn’t recognize but are unmistakable acts of teasing to you and Javier. Somehow you make it through the hour, and you slowly put your things away as you wait for the room to empty.
“Y/N, can I speak to you in my office?” Javier’s voice rings out and your eyes shoot up to his, maneuvering up and out of the desk.
“Of course, Professor,” You smile, a jolt of electricity running through you in anticipation. You wait for him to finish returning his papers to his bag before following him to his office, just one floor up and through a fluorescent-lit hallway, a path you’re all too familiar with. You wait patiently behind him as he fishes the keys out of his pocket and unlocks the door, allowing you in and immediately closing the door and locking it in one swift motion once you’re inside.
“You’re such a goddamn tease, you know that?” He says with amusement, throwing his bag on the floor and sitting in his big, leather office chair as he allows his shoulders to relax. He lets out a deep breath, as if releasing the pressure that weighed on him throughout the hour. You stand there, waiting for him to take control of you as your core tingles in wait.
“I could say the same for you,” You give back to him, your tone biting.
He’s running his eyes up the length of your body and you can’t help but feel exposed under his intense stare. “What am I going to do with you?” He asks, his voice sounding far away, strained. His legs are splayed and he’s leaning back in the chair, his elbow on the armrest with his hand cradling his face and it’s just so inviting.
“Baby you can do anything you want with me,” You say as you approach him, slipping off your sandals and crawling into his lap. He smirks, his eyes trained on your face as you hook your legs through the arms of the chair. Your arms are wrapped around his neck and he grabs hold of your backside, pulling you against him tightly. Your choice to wear a short sundress works in your favor as Javier slides his thick hands up your thighs with ease. Goosebumps rise on your skin at his touch, the heat from his caress spreading higher. You shift against him, the friction from your underwear against his jeans igniting a warmth that goes beyond the physical touch.
You grind your hips against him deliberately and he presses harder against the skin of your thighs, letting out a quiet grunt as he grows more uncomfortable in his pants. You reach down to feel him through the thick fabric, lowering your lips to his and savoring the taste. Javier’s lips curl into a smile against you as he palms you through your underwear, exciting your senses further and you bite down on his bottom lip in response.
“You said I can do anything I want with you,” He breathes after he pulls away from your kiss. You nod in confirmation, humming in agreement while closing your eyes as you continue to grind against his thigh. Your lips fall open as you give yourself over to the feeling rising in your core.
“I want to fill you up,” He whispers, watching the divine expression on your face as you begin to unravel before his eyes. You hear his belt unbuckle and he releases himself before tugging on your underwear. He grunts as the flimsy lace fabric doesn’t give him the access he wants and he pulls harder, ripping them off aggressively and you gasp, your hips stinging from the impact.
“I’ll buy you a new pair,” He mumbles into your neck as he nips and licks at you, his cock teasing your folds, dipping into your wetness. He lines himself up with you, slowly guiding your hips as you sink down into him. You let out a groan as he delivers on his promise, your walls stretching around his length. His head is resting against your chest and he can feel how fast your heart is beating as you hold on to the back of his neck, supporting yourself.
You begin to slide upwards to come down on him and he stills you with his grip. “No.”
Your eyes snap open as his words register and he pulls away to look at you, to watch your reaction as you realize what he’s asking of you. How in the world can he just sit there? You feel him throbbing inside of you, and his breathing is shallow but the rest of his body is still. You’re so warm that you think your skin might actually be on fire and you have no control over your twitching. A whimper of his name rolls past your lips and he reaches his hand up, sliding his index and middle finger into your mouth. You slide your tongue in between his digits eagerly and he watches you with a smoldering stare.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” He says. “In this short little dress, teasing me all fucking lecture.”
You know you have to be quiet. It’s the middle of the day, and this building is crawling with people, but you have to let it out. If he isn’t going to let you ride him, he has to let you speak. You open your mouth wider and he takes his fingers away as they find their way to your clit, stimulating you at an agonizingly slow pace.
“Javi, please,” You beg.
He tucks a piece of hair behind your ear as he gives you an innocent look. “Please what?”
Your voice catches in your throat as he adjusts himself the tiniest bit inside you. “Javi, please let me fuck you.”
He smirks as he appears to ponder your request. You both freeze when a sudden ringing interrupts your focus. Javier’s eyes travel behind you to his desk and you can see the thoughts forming in his eyes.
“Javier, I swear to God if you answer that phone.”
But ultimately you’re powerless against him as he gives you his innocent look again. “It could be important,” He teases as he brushes his lips over your collarbone, leaning forward to reach for the phone.
You bite down on your bottom lip, the shift of his body causing a shudder to rip through you and it takes everything in you not to make a sound. He brings the phone to his ear and greets the caller, the time moving painfully slowly like you’re stuck in an alternate reality that lags behind. You can’t believe this is actually happening right now.
“Murphy! Good to hear from you.” He sounds so god damn jovial and it’s obvious that he’s enjoying this. You bury your head in the crook of his neck, dragging your teeth against his skin that you have access to. He clears his throat and you grin at the sign of his struggle.
“Yeah, yeah, of course. Why don’t you meet me here at my office when you get in town? We can do lunch.”
You have no idea how he can speak so calmly, completely disregarding the fact that he’s balls deep into you. Your sex is pulsating against him; you can’t wait much longer, but he’s still talking to the unknowing individual on the other end. You card your fingers through his hair, grabbing onto a section towards the back and giving it a tug.
When he says goodbye against the receiver, a wave of relief immediately washes over you and he throws it on the desk not bothering to hang it up. The dial tone can be heard blaring softly as he pulls you tighter against him abruptly, readjusting his grip.
“That’s a good girl,” He says before his voice descends into a growl. “Now fuck me.”
With his permission granted you don’t hold back as you move your hips, holding onto Javier’s shoulders while you move up and down on his cock. He buries his head in your cleavage, tracing lines with his tongue and his nose exhales hot air against the trails of his saliva, the cooling effect of it bringing your nipples to full attention. He palms your breasts through the cotton of your dress, squeezing and tugging at you until your head rolls back in ecstasy.
You both make quiet little groans letting each other know that you’re close to the finish. He slips his hand back to your sensitive bud and places just the right amount of pressure as you come down hard on his hips. It hits a particularly sweet spot and he can see from the color of your bottom lip, flush with the pressure of your teeth that you’re almost there.
“Come on baby,” He says. Only a few more strokes are needed as he holds on tightly to the small of your back. He gives himself over to the pleasure that’s rippling through him, moving his hips with yours and straining to hit that spot he knows will do it for you. Your thighs squeeze around his hips, your toes curling against the leather of the chair while the wave of pleasure circulates through your body. You smile as you come down, riding his last few thrusts through the aftershock.
You let out a huff as he pulls out of you, the feeling of emptiness catching you off guard. You remain in his lap, enjoying the closeness. He tucks your hair behind your ear gently, running his eyes over your face like he’s committing this moment to memory. It’s one of the ways you know he cares about you, the way he can communicate through his eyes the words he doesn’t say. You stay like this for a few minutes, allowing the excitement to settle.
“I have to get to the library,” You whisper, your hand running down his chest. He laces his hands with yours, bringing one to his lips for a kiss.
“So dedicated,” He says, releasing you as you get up from his lap, a little wobbly and he steadies you by your hip. You smooth down your dress, making sure everything, save for your underwear, is back in its place while he tucks himself back into his pants.
“I can’t believe it’s really over next week, but I also can’t wait to be done with the whole thing.” You sigh. The silence envelops you as you’re both contemplating what comes next in a grander sense. You don’t know how to bring it up, but the days are hurdling by faster than you’d like towards graduation and you have no idea what that means for you and Javier.
“Do you…” His voice trails off as you grab your bag. “Do you have anything lined up yet?”
You freeze. You hadn’t expected this conversation to come up with him now. You wish this arrangement you have could last forever, but you know better than that. You know that it couldn’t work, and he doesn’t want that anyway. Why would he want to keep this going? Once you graduate, you’re no longer his teaching assistant and the thing that drew him to you will be gone.
“I have a few interviews in DC in the next couple weeks, so I’m waiting to see how those pan out,” You inform him. He nods, getting up from the chair and walking around to close the distance between you. He leans against the desk and his eyes fall to his hands, clasped in his lap.
“I’m sure you’ll get one,” He says quietly. You pause, taking in the sight of him. You know there’s more going on in that head of his, words he won’t say out loud. He’s not great with expressing his emotions, that much you’ve picked up on easily in the few months you’ve known him. And you’re not going to force it out of him. You’d given up on that when he wouldn’t tell you anything more about Colombia, but it still hurts when you can see it on his face and he won’t let you in.
“Thanks,” You say dejectedly. You’re waiting, just waiting to see if he musters the courage, but you’re not sure if you know what you want to hear either. His eyes travel up to yours and there’s a sadness emanating from them, almost a pout.
“I’m going to miss this office,” You offer, trying to lighten the mood. It’s not what you really want to say, but you’re tiptoeing around it. It’s never gotten quite this real before, you’ve never acknowledged what this is or how you may or may not feel about each other.
“And Austin?” He asks timidly. “Would you stay here if you were offered a job?”
“You know I love Austin,” You murmur, staring into his deep brown eyes that rival a puppy with the way he’s looking at you right now. A lump forms in your throat when you realize you’re talking about more than just the city. You haven’t allowed yourself to entertain the idea, but it doesn’t scare you like you thought it would now that you’re confronted with it. “I didn’t think there was an opportunity here for me, given what I want to do. I need to be in DC.”
His lips purse as he tilts his head up at you, his expression serious. “You’re right. There really isn’t anything for you in Austin anymore.”
That’s exactly what you were afraid of.
---
You look into the crowd of antsy undergrads impatiently awaiting the start of their American Government exam. Today is the last day you’ll spend together collectively. They’re all exhausted, you can tell by the looks in their eyes. You are too, but there’s a weight lifted off your shoulder in that your paper is done. Now all that’s left for you is your thesis defense, and you’re as ready as you’ll ever be for that.
You glance up at the clock, noting that there’s only a few minutes until the exam is set to begin and you frown as Javier is nowhere in sight. You try to suppress the nerves that seep into your bloodstream, accelerating your heart rate.
You haven’t seen Javi since your last exchange in his office. He canceled his office hours with a note taped to the door, the light remaining off and the handle locked. You’re painfully aware that if you don’t see him today, you might never see him again. Of course, you know where he lives, but there’s an unnerving twisting in the pit of your stomach at the thought that he doesn’t want to see you.
As you try to fold those thoughts and shove them back into the corners of your mind, Zach walks in the door holding a stack of packets and begins doling them out between the group of you so you can hand them out to the class. He gives you the last stack and you take the pile slowly, a distressed look on your face.
“Where’s Professor Peña?” You ask. He furrows his brow in response.
“He didn’t tell you?” He pauses for your confirmation, shocked that he knows something about the professor that you don’t. You shake your head, your face becoming hot with the embarrassment of your ignorance to the situation and with the anger of him holding it over you. “He can’t make it today. We’re proctoring alone and turning the grades into his mailbox.”
All you can do is nod as you attempt to hide how blindsided you feel. You don’t hear a single word Zach instructs of the class prior to the exam. You don’t remember walking up the stairs of the hall and distributing the test packets down the rows but suddenly you’ve finished your task and are sitting at the front of the hall, staring at the crowd but unable to focus.
Your mind runs through all of the scenarios that could explain why he’s missing, regardless of if they’re sound or not. Your first thought is that it’s confirmation that he’s avoiding you, avoiding saying goodbye. The anger bubbles up inside you and you ball up your fists, your fingernails digging into the skin of your palms. You knew you weren’t going to be with him forever, but the man at least owed you the amicable parting of ways you were capable of.
This certainly feels like the nail in the coffin that you two are over without a word.
You ruminate on this for what must be half an hour, growing more enraged by the minute. All of your respect for Javier is teetering on the edge of oblivion. You feel so stupid, unsure how you fooled yourself into believing that this man was different, but it’s obvious. His charisma, your attraction to him, the sweet accomplishment of attaining what was unattainable - it blinded you, and you fell for it.
The anger finally subsides into a sickening feeling that spreads throughout your whole body in pain. Maybe he really didn’t care about you at all, and he’s making it known that he’ll be fine if he never speaks to you again. And it hurts, it’s so painful that you’re not sure you’ll be able to hold it together much longer. You can’t stop fidgeting in your seat, wanting to be anywhere but this godforsaken lecture hall.
Finally, all of your recitation students have handed their exams to you and you’re free to leave. You gather the packets and clip them together, sliding them into your bag. When you look up, you catch Jessie’s glance. Her eyebrows are knit together in worry.
“Are you okay, Y/N?” She whispers. Deep down you know that she knows, and the absence of Javier is not unnoticed as a weird choice by the professor.
You smile at her but it comes out more like a grimace. “I’m fine, thanks. See you at the banquet?”
Jessie nods, the concern on her face remaining as your response is less than convincing. You’d been looking forward to the dinner tonight, a celebration of all the hard work you and your cohorts have put in, but now you want nothing to do with it.
Once you’re out of the hall, you rush up the stairs with the tiniest bit of hope that maybe you’re just coming to conclusions that simply aren’t there. With as much composure as you can scrape together, you approach the closed door of his office. As far as you can tell, the lights aren’t on but you knock anyway. You listen intensely to the silence that follows, and you lean your forehead against the door in anguish. You try knocking once more, just for good measure but are met with the foreboding silence again.
“You looking for Javier?” A voice chimes in from off to the side. You look over and realize that you’ve missed an entire person sitting on the bench outside of Javi’s office. It’s a tall blonde man who looks vaguely familiar to you. You study his big blue eyes and moustache and it dawns on you that this man is a friend of Javier’s. You’ve seen him in photos at his house.
“Um, yeah,” You say bashfully, turning to lean against the door while facing the stranger.
“You’ll have to get in line. It looks like he’s stood us both up today,” The man says with an annoyed affection in his tone. You shuffle over to the bench and sit next to him, wishing you knew anything about him but all in Javier’s circle remain nameless to you. Another reminder that you don’t really know him.
“You’re a friend of his?” You ask, letting your curiosity get the best of you. The man runs a hand through his straight hair and scoffs.
“You could call it that. I’m Steve,” He says, offering his hand to you. You shake it, wincing a bit as he’s got one hell of a grip. Your eyes widen when you realize you have heard that name. This is his partner from Colombia, the one who helped take down Escobar. He’s the one from the cat story that you love.
You give him your name before telling him how nice it is to meet him, explaining that you’re Javi’s teaching assistant and have heard stories about him. His eyebrows raise and he chuckles. “Anything bad he’s said about me, I assure you it’s a load of shit.”
You laugh, beginning to understand how these two worked together.
“He’s been AWOL from campus,” You say, the sadness in your voice betraying you. Your eyes meet Steve’s and he looks at you with raised eyebrows, and then recognition relaxes his features.
“I know that look,” He says. You stare at him quizzically, waiting for an explanation. You’re ready for anything about this day to make sense.
“You and Javi?” He asks. The blush rises on your cheeks and you have to give this man credit. Somehow he’s put two and two together in just a few minutes of talking to you. You wonder if this is something Javier does all the time, and you’re starting to feel even more foolish.
“You need me to beat him up for you?” He asks, a smile playing at his lips and you can’t help but give him a quiet laugh, appreciative that he’s trying to cheer you up.
“We were pretty casual. I just didn’t expect him to up and leave instead of ending it. I thought…” Your voice cracks and you take a moment to settle down. “I thought we were a little more than that.”
“Look, Javier is… Javier,” He says and your shoulders deflate. You don’t love where this is going. “If there’s one thing I know about him in these types of situations, it’s that he has a tendency to shut people out when he’s trying to protect them. The disappearing act seems to be a go-to move. He usually doesn’t do it to me, and I traveled all this way just to visit him, so you must have done a number on him.”
There’s a balance between sincerity and jest in his voice that comforts you even though you’ve just met him. He clearly cares a great deal about Javier and his concern for you seems to be genuine.
“You know where I can find him? Maybe I can knock some sense into him. Not making any promises, but I can be persuasive.” He bumps his shoulder with yours gently. You reach into your bag and pull out a notebook, ripping off a piece of paper and jotting down Javier’s address.
“You’re more likely to find him there.” You hand him the paper.
He nods and gives you a thanks. You shake your head. “No, thank you for being so open with me. You didn’t have to do that.”
Steve smiles at you and the warmth spreads to his bright blue eyes. You’re overwhelmed with the urge to hug him, but instead you thank him again and shake his hand again before excusing yourself to head home. You have a dinner to get ready for that you won’t let Javier ruin.
---
You trail your fork through the pool of salad dressing leftover on your plate. You hate that you don’t have much of an appetite, a mixture of nerves stewing in your stomach as you stare at the table distractedly. The dean of public affairs is addressing you all, giving a rousing speech on you being the future of this great nation.
This should be a happy moment for you, but all of the uncertainty is holding you back from enjoying anything. Your thesis defense is tomorrow, and try as you might you can’t be bothered to pay attention to anything beyond how terrified you are. You’re not even thinking about Javier anymore, the dwindling hours until you have to speak in front of a room of colleagues and superiors on all of your hard work overtaking your brain. You’re not terrible at public speaking, it comes with the territory of your chosen career, but something about this presentation in particular chips away at you more. It’s so near and dear to you, and your confidence has taken a hit considering the events from earlier today.
Before you know it, the dean is done speaking and the program for tonight is essentially over. Everyone’s still mingling, and you allow your eyes to rake through the sea of tables. You almost miss it, but there’s no mistaking it when you look again to make sure. He’s here.
Javier is sitting at a table near the back of the room, talking to another professor though he doesn’t look too enthralled in the conversation. He’s in a navy suit and light blue dress shirt with a deep red tie. Your entire body feels cold as the anger and confusion courses through you. You don’t realize you’re staring daggers at him until his eyes meet yours and you straighten your back, sitting a little higher in your chair.
The thought of him being here and ignoring you is too much, and you’re thankful you didn’t notice until the event is done. You quietly excuse yourself from the table and the others barely notice, too caught up in their own discussions. You walk as fast as your heels will take you out of the banquet hall, maneuvering around the tables and groups of people with your eyes trained on the door. Your breathing becomes labored as the door feels like it’s moving farther away from you, until finally you stumble into the hallway and search for your nearest exit, your vision blurring.
You start for what you think is the direction of the stairs when you hear your name called out, reverberating through the staircase. You don’t stop, overwhelmed by the need to be outside of the building but you hate that just the sound of Javier’s voice begins to unravel you. He finally catches up to you at the base of the stairs and you curse your choice in footwear. He says your name again, catching your wrist in his hand.
“Not here,” You seethe. You may be done as his teaching assistant, but you have a thesis defense you won’t risk jeopardizing by arguing with him in front of other students and professors. He follows you out of the door and down the steps though you’re not sure where to go from here. You take off your heels and start for the campus mall, the sidewalk still warm on your feet from the heat of the day. You finally reach a bench underneath a tree tucked further into campus, a tall lamp post glowing beside it. You sit and he mirrors your action, both of you sighing.
“So you were just going to ignore me, pretend nothing ever happened?”
He doesn’t say anything as he stares at the ground.
“You’re an asshole,” You mutter.
He takes out his pack of cigarettes, sliding one out as he says, “You’re not the first to tell me that.”
You reach over and pull a cig out for yourself. Though you’re not a smoker, you can really use it right about now. He eyes you with worry, but reaches over to light it while it hangs from your mouth all the same.
He lights his own and takes a drag, watching the smoke billow in the air. “It got real for me that you’re leaving, and I don’t want that to happen. But what kind of person am I to ask you to stay? You said it yourself. You need to be in DC. I thought it would hurt less to cut it off than to have to say goodbye.”
You’re still stuck on his admission. He doesn’t want you to leave. You feel your heart tear in two right then and there, but it was hanging together by a loose thread anyway.
“Maybe I won’t get a job out there, you never know,” You mumble.
He looks at you and smirks. “Honey, if they don’t hire you then I’ll call them myself and tell them where to shove it. But I won’t need to.”
You meet his gaze and the emotions are written as clear as day on your face. The words are there, and he knows exactly how you feel because it’s how he feels too. He reaches over and laces his fingers with yours, giving your hand a squeeze.
“I think we both know it wouldn’t work,” He says softly.
You take your hand away from him and stand up from the bench, facing him. “Cut the shit Javi, you either want to be with me or you don’t. You can’t run from your emotions forever. Fuck, I don’t have time for this. My thesis defense is tomorrow. I have to go.”
You take a few steps before pausing. “Listen, I don’t care what you do, but just know that this is the easy way out.”
He doesn’t chase you this time, watching as you disappear into the darkness of campus
---
Breathe in. Breathe out. You repeat the actions over and over, but they aren’t helping. Your hands shake in your lap as you wait. It’s almost time, you can tell by the concluding remarks the student is making. Just a question and answer section is left before you’re up next.
The sun shines into the room through the floor to ceiling windows, a section of the union they’ve reserved for this occasion. The group is gathered together in business attire despite the arid temperatures outside and you can hear the air conditioning struggling through the vents to keep the enormity of the room cool. The fabric of your pantsuit itches and tugs at your skin as you struggle to get comfortable.
You didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, the events of the past week haunting you as you tossed and turned, and it only makes the tremble of your appendages worse. You’re sure that somehow you’ve made the transition to a zombie overnight as you struggle to focus. You might as well have gone on a bender with how much of a trainwreck you feel today. You take another slow, deep breath as the student currently presenting asks for any last questions and the room is quiet in response. It’s your turn.
The shaking worsens as you stand up from the chair, black spots dotting your peripheral vision. You concentrate on setting up your visual aids, breathing in rhythm. Once that’s done, you have nothing left to do but face the crowd and it’s entirely more terrifying than you thought it’d be. A sea of faces stare back at you expectantly and every thought you’ve ever had is locked away in a file cabinet your mind just threw over a cliff.
You sputter out your introduction, stumbling over the words but getting them out all the same. As you start on your defense, you continue to trip over what you’ve practiced as your thoughts tangle together. You grow more frustrated with yourself and it causes you to lose your train of thought. Pausing, you look out into the crowd again and this time, your eyes catch on a familiar shade of deep brown towards the back.
Javier smiles at you and nods, a warmth spreading to his eyes as he tells you to keep going with his expression. You feel yourself settle down as you hold his gaze and you realize that he’s here to support you. There’s a resolve about him, the look in his eyes so different than what you saw the night before. It’s like coming home. You can’t stop the smile that tugs on your lips as your shoulders relax. You take another deep breath, but this time it actually helps.
You get back into your defense and it goes without a hitch. You deliver it even better than you practiced, despite your rocky start. You answer every question with ease and confidence, and the nodding from the professors in the front gives you a pretty good idea of how you did. Once you retreat from the front, you grab Javier’s hand and pull him out into the corridor. You don’t care who sees anymore.
His smile is big and his eyes crinkle a bit. “You did so good, Y/N.”
You blush. “Thank you. Thanks for coming. I didn’t think you would.”
“Of course,” He says quietly. He takes your hands in his. “I’ve been thinking about what you said - about the easy way out - and you’re right. I take the easy way out when possible, but you know when I stopped doing it every time?”
He pauses, and the way he’s looking at you makes your heart flutter in your chest. “When I met you. You walked into my life and you didn’t let me. You make me better than that. Y/N, I don’t want to take the easy way out anymore.”
You grin, engulfing him in a hug. All you’ve thought about this last week was holding him close. You bury your nose in his chest, breathing in his scent that you’ve missed. You look up at him and he lowers his head, meeting your lips for a kiss that takes your breath away. He’s yours now, no pretense about it. He pulls away and looks at you, searching your eyes.
“There’s some things I want to tell you; stories I owe you,” He says softly. He’s ready now. He wasn’t before, but the thought of losing you hurts more than the thought of being honest. He knows that you’ll be there for him no matter what he says.
“Wanna talk about it over tacos? I know this great place not too far from here.” Your smile is smug. He shakes his head and laughs, holding your hand tightly as you both head for the restaurant that started it all, ready to begin a new chapter together.
tags: @zeldasayer @pedrothirst @pedrosdoll @sailorflowermoon @thesadvampire @beskars @twomoonstwosuns @fioccodineveautunnale @auty-ren @and-i-swear-we-are-infinte @grapemama @moonlightmvrvel @kkaiparkers @mrsparknuts @lady-tano @charlie-sloane-art @thinemineours @rainstorm-in-the-sky @rae-gar-targaryen
