cigarette smoke
synopsis ﹕on a night out with friends for your birthday celebration, you run into your ex-boyfriend, bakugou katsuki.
tw / cw ﹕afab · chainsmoker · ex girlfriend reader · bad (ex) boyfriend katsuki (implied) · angst · forced proximity if you squint · cigarette smoking · swearing · mentions of (legal) alcholic consumption · WE bully the fuck out of katsuki · kamisero crumbs · not yet proof read · could be read as a prelude to this
author’s note ﹕ this was supposed to have porn.
wc ﹕ 2666
you were the centre of attention, yet you danced like no one was watching, like you were a girl again, dancing in your underwear to your favourite songs in the comfort of your own room. swapping the panties and baby tee and your favourite songs for an opaque party dress with silver beading along the waist serving as a belt, and whatever the dj had chosen to play. your childhood bedroom was replaced by a club because it was your twenty-first birthday and you were going to do it right.
a night on the town with your closest friends was long overdue; you found it almost serendipitous that everyone you knew was free on your birthday.
(your friends made certain to have the weekend free, but sure, let’s call it serendipity.)
you all vowed to go into tonight with an open mind, and they pleaded that you’d go in with an open heart, or at least open legs. you were still yet to have a real boyfriend, and you hadn’t had sex in an embarrassingly long time. when your closest friend, camie, found out about four years ago, she was appalled, “girl, this isn’t the eighties anymore, you need to catch a dick!” quoting one of her favourite shows. but her slightly degrading pep-talk, if you could even call it that, did you no favours because you still haven’t done ‘it’. you weren’t a prude; it’s not like there was just much opportunity, and when there was, the guy wasn’t all that attractive, or he didn’t understand your cynical humour, used cheesy pick up lines, or just wasn’t someone you’d want to spend the night with. but who could blame you? most men shouldn’t compete where they don’t compare, and as it goes to show, finding a rebound after the fifth-ranking pro-hero in the nation was no easy feat.
but it wasn’t just sex; it was also hard for you to feel comfortable opening yourself up to someone romantically. you found even more flaws in potential romantic suitors than you did when looking for a terse hookup. needless to say, the blonde damned you some serious issues in the romance-sex department.
so you resorted to getting very a little tipsy and dancing til your vintage pumps gave out. if you never stood still, no guy would approach you, and your friends couldn’t set you up with random men from a club.
it wasn’t your ideal meet-cute anyway.
meanwhile, a group of six roamed the lively city streets, enjoying the last night of their stay in shizuoka. two were skipping along the sidewalk, clamouring over a plan they had hatched in the bar they just left. while the remaining four walked a few steps behind, grimacing over that same plan, the victim of their scheme was hanta sero, groaning as he tried to wipe the denki residue from his lips.
“fuck you both.” sero muttered.
“i can’t believe it worked!” mina exclaimed as she looked to the rest of their group. “only time i’ll say it, but you’re a genius, denki!”
“i know, i know.” he basked in the overwhelming glaze his pink-haired friend was coaxing him with.
a few (very drunk) girls from the bar recognised the group of heroes. several gossip blogs have been making guesses as to several pro-heroes' sexualities, one being chargebolt, labelling him a bisexual man, and they wanted to see if it was true. begging the pro-hero to prove or dispel the rumours, denki was quick to decline. he liked the mystery behind it, probably because the answer was still also a mystery to himself. but once the two girls offered money, he was more than happy to accept. but he was no idiot when it came to a friendly wager; he kept declining to lure the overbearing, drunken women into upping their offer.
this ploy grossed a hundred dollars out of the two women; obviously, he kissed sero.
and no, the tape hero did not get any money out of it.
the two men began bickering over whether or not sero should see any money from it. he referred to it as traumatic and demanded financial compensation.
another member of this group, bakugou katsuki, was fed up; he sped ahead of the rest, turning into the nearest club with the rest following not too far behind.
“how about i get you a drink? we all know you’d spend whatever money i would’ve given you on one anyway.” denki proposed.
“if it’s the best you can do...” the still-bitter sero muttered.
the club was packed, but all the commotion was on the dancefloor, which mina ran towards. denki, still refusing to deny the bisexual allegations, bought sero his drink and was now flirting with a brunette in her friend’s booth. kirishima was getting drinks off denki’s ever-increasing tab, while sero, bakugou, and jirou all sat in silence, watching the more extroverted components of the group do their thing.
the booming club music faded as the dj took the mic, “i’d like to give a shoutout to the birthday girl, y/n!!” before switching to your favourite song upon your friend’s request. the room erupted into screams and cheers; the estranged members of the group looked back at bakugou.
he looked for a more palatable familiar face and realised everyone he knew was staring apart from you.
it was almost cinematic the way he looked over to the dancefloor to see you centre stage, surrounded by the sweaty bodies of strangers, all celebrating you. he felt a glut of different feelings. these past few years, he’d driven himself mad with regret. he was a man obsessed; he was always watching, he had all your social media accounts memorised, desperate to see the life you’d go on to live without him there.
it’s not like you were hard to find.
sure, you fled musutafu right after the break-up, but you still hung out with camie, who hung out with mina.
thought mina never dared bring it up, but everyone knew the three of you were still friends. judging by the fact that she was the only one to make it out alive from your post-breakup blocking spree.
the last few moments of bliss on your face quickly diminished once you noticed your ex-boyfriend’s stare. any chance of joy the night may have provided you was now no longer a possibility.
it was obvious you were in desperate need of a smoke break.
katsuki wasn’t alone in watching you bolt from the floor to the nearest exit. anyone who knew what happened between you two was watching the exchange.
he was hesitant, yet he followed you out, disregarding the scotch paid on his friend’s tab.
there you were, the wretched ex, not like you were a horrible girlfriend, but he always thought of you as one of the last people he’d want to run into by chance, but now seeing you leaned against the brick club wall in an empty alley fucking with your lighter’s striker he knew his heart had always wanted this fortuitous exchange, his mind was repulsed at the mere thought of letting him come to that conclusion sooner. he often thought over what he’d say or do if he ran into you, but after a year of “thinking things over”, it became more of a fantasy than just a preparation for the worst.
“i got it.” he pushed. the crackle from his lighter, which he always carried with him, echoed through the empty street. you matched his hesitation from earlier when you pushed yourself off the wall, holding the cigarette that rested between your parted lips to the flame from his metal trinket. your gaze flickered between the ignition and the similar flame that lit in your ex-boyfriend’s eyes before pulling away, releasing a puff of smoke once you reached a comfortable distance from the man.
“can’t believe you still carry that thing around.” you scoffed before taking another drag from your cig. katsuki hadn’t had to bear through the burn of the smoke in so long; it hit him like a piping hot cup of the world’s strongest coffee.
“habit.” he deadpanned, though his nostrils still flared from the burn. which was soon contrasted by his taunting with the lighter, tossing it up, then letting it all fall into his charred hand. “and you should be grateful, what’s a smoke break without a lighter?”
his teasing only earned an unamused eye roll.
“why’d you follow me out here? i know it’s not because you predicted my shit lighter.” you eyed him as you began your interrogation, only taking a break from punishing him with your withering glare in bursts to release your smog away from him.
“with how much you smoke, it’d be a safe bet.” he jabbed, watching you take yet another hit of your cancer stick. growing up, he always found smoking disgusting. it’s no different now that he’s older. if he were to tell his middle school self that his first love was a chainsmoker, he wouldn’t believe it, but he was sure his younger self would understand once he saw you, because, despite your disgusting habit, he still thought you were the closest thing to perfection. he used to hate the smell, but now it’s a smell loaded with memories, one that now brought him comfort but also served as a remnant from his regretful past.
it was your smell; it clung to everything he owned, making him still feel like it was ours rather than just his.
the toxic vapours clung to him like a symbiote desperate to merge. now, whenever his nose caught a whiff of the smoke, his mind would go back to you. thinking back to the first time you met, your first kiss, and the way your plump lips that glimmered with lip gloss felt forced against his, how her scent, so strong, whipped him in the nose whenever you held him close.
he’s become sensitive to this; his senses have become heightened to the smell of his love.
“but that isn’t why you came.”
katsuki knew he had been gawking at you for far too long, but your questioning left him speechless, and he wasn’t a ‘good’ mute. he had this unwavering, bitter expression, paired with his lips parted, that appeared after a while of being ‘zoned out’, which never failed at making him feel stupid.
“look, i’ve thought of a million ways this could’ve happened, i thought about it so much that i found myself waiting for it, looking for you wherever i went.”
exhale, “and?”
you were the worst when you were cold. you were the only one to pry the warmth from katsuki’s cold carcass. he couldn’t muster up the strength to be the douche everyone knew him as. he was never cruel, and his fits of asshole behaviour never lasted long. for you, he was nothing but mush. so it floored him seeing how easy being a bitch came to you.
“don’t act like you haven’t thought of it either.” the act of arrogance he attempted to put up faltered; he couldn’t treat you like everyone else after all that time spent loving you.
“i try not to.” you said curtly.
“how’s that working out for you?”
you let out a laugh secreted under a cloud of smoke before brushing past his attempt to match your interrogation. “so what’d you come up with?”
his lower lip was drawn between his teeth as he lost himself in your eyes. he felt his soul get sucked in, leaving his physical form lifeless. he watched himself stand there like a moron as you looked at him with a glint of worry in your eyes. you never knew katsuki as spacey, but here he was struggling to focus.
your lips latched onto your cig, taking another hit before waving your hand in front of his face.
“huh?” he cleared his throat, “i love you.” confessing made his stomach churn; he bit at his cuticle to not only find something to do with his hands but to keep himself from throwing up.“but i think that’s obvious.”
the bad habit, in your hands, held close to your face like a shield, fell as you gave him a look of shock and frustration. you bit the inners of your cheek as you spoke with venom dripping from your tongue. “nothing regarding you is obvious to me.
an echoing drip from a rusty pipe a few metres away rang through the alleyway. you watched as your ex-boyfriend’s perception of your relationship shattered in front of you. he took a lasting nibble at his cuticle, writhing as he bit too deep and drew blood. unamused but still too attached to look away, you took yet another hit of your cigarette as he tried his best to collect his thoughts. he knew he was on a time crunch, and he spent too much of his limited time with you gawping.
after a silence that lasted far too long (you being tipsy caused you to be more generous than usual), katsuki finally spoke up.
“did you know i loved you?”
nearly choked on your smoke, you burst into a fit of laughter coughs wafting away the fogs trying to collect yourself.
you were a cruel ex-girlfriend. all of his friends silently agreed on that fact, but you never vowed to be a pleasant one either. if they dated katsuki and he treated them like he did you, they’d understand.
he would never blame you for how you’d go on to treat me, he understood.
but he wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t sting.
he stood there helpless as the colour drained from his face. your lack of verbal response was still a response, causing him to sigh, hands cupping his skull, tugging at tufts of hair, “look i’m sorry, i can’t fix the bullshit of the past, but i miss you, and i still love you.”
he tried gauging your reaction by staring at you. quickly noticing the tears welling in your soporific eyes, the slight quiver of your velvet lips, and the hurt that lingered in your gaze. he watched as your tense stance melted, and the walls you'd built specially for him were crumbling.
“i still love you too.” the man standing in front of you got his hopes up, he felt his heart beating out of his chest, his hands grew slick with sweat, he’d fantasized about this moment for so long, sound was fighting to escape his mouth wanting nothing more than to take you back inside and buy you a drink, catch up on the years spent apart, hold you close and never let himself be so stupid and lose his grip on you.
“but i’d rather not see you again. we were in love when i was much younger— foolish, but i’m older now.”
“y’still foolish?”
“i’m trying not to be.” who knew a voice slow and sweet like honey could utter something that caused a chest pain reminiscent of being shot a hundred times? you offered him one last smile; it wasn’t joy, but it wasn’t regret, still holding a smile as you blinked away the tears that formed. eyes still glossy, but no tears were shed. you let the cigarette fall from between your fingers. you looked up to your late boyfriend to see those same tears you blinked away were forming on the brims of his lower lids, only he didn’t fight them; he let the salty waves of regret spill down his flushed cheeks. using the toe of your heel to stub the fallen cig, the scent still hung in the air like its last words.
before parting ways for good.
you never saw him come back through the exit, unable to recall ever seeing him return. you fought yourself so hard not to go back to see if he was still there, knowing that if you stayed even a minute more, you would’ve caved.
