The instruments as things I’ve heard them say/seen them do
Piccolo: I wish to sacrifice the 2nd chair flute to the tubas.
Flutes: *glares at trumpets* I am so done, with all of this, why did the freshman Sax talk to me, where the f**k is my coffee
Clarinets: there was this one time, my second year, when we got told to play QUIETER. *smol clarinets ooh and ahh*
Bass Clarinet: no, I am not playing this honker of my own free will
Bassoon: I would really, just once, like the melody
Oboe: wHat IS IN tuNE
Alto Sax: *nonstop ultimate sax man*
Tenor Sax: maybe if I play dead the director won’t make me march bari next year
Bari Sax: *long sigh* I told you I identify as a low brass. You can’t assume my instrument family, Sydney
Soprano Sax: *plays a nonstop 12 measure double high C during a jazz solo section* / Director: why / soprano: I’m sorry I panicked
Sousaphone: no hannnddssssss
Tuba: the director put a frog in my bell for a picture once. It stayed in there the entire sectional. And we haven’t practiced by the woods since
Trombone: WHY DID I PICK THIS INSTRUMENT ITS A GIANT TUNING SLIDE I SUCK AT TUNING
Baritone: *flexes* GAINS BRUH
Mellophone: *scraped a dead frog off the road* *made it a little habitat in a plastic box* *places it on the drum major podium as a mascot and inspiration* all hail the frog king
French Horn: wait so where’s my spit valve *distant laughter of older section mates*
Trumpet: *scream pool party and the entire section squeezes into the drum major’s bathtub* *justdance-off* *real life hunger games with lightsabers* I CAN PLAY HIGHER THAN YOU
Cornet: I can play higher than all the trumpets and I think first chair is plotting my assassination
Snare Drum: *final run* STRIP RUN!! *takes off pants and does final run in pizza boxers*
Quads: *drops a stick in the 3rd set*
Bass Drum: MAKE WAY LIL FRESHIES I CANT SEE SHIT
Pit Percussion: *takes a nap under the marimbas in the middle of practice* *no one cares*
Color Gaurd: *is a step off her dot, whacks a baritone in the face, breaks his nose, gives him a concussion* whoops
Piano: all of you could die and The show could still go on, I am superior
