#barelydigestible

[barelydigestible]

Sure, according to Governor of Wisconsin Tony Evers, it's the "Wild West" in Wisconsin now with the Supreme Court throwing out his Shelter Order - but it's especially wild in the bars. And this is Wisconsin we're talking about. Midwesterners so polite and so rule abiding they struggle to even take a seat when they are given a drink for sheer worry they might offend. Let alone hit on anyone younger and better looking after 3 more. (though let's be honest those WI bros were not getting any even pre-Covid.) That's why this Friday night, Barely Digestible in its ongoing series of Friday Bar Tips is helping you, Fine People of Wisconsin (I am calling you "fine people" as I was raised in Michigan where we are nearly as polite except for the threatening our governor with guns bit). We're also helping the far-less-fine people of San Francisco and Nearby Festering Cesspools of Lefty-ness. Because darnit it's our turn to go get a drink and get hit on by a skank! We need to urge Gavin Newsom to wuss out and act a lot more polite like Tony Evers! Please, write to him to encourage him to milktoast-it-down a bit so our Supreme Court Of Lefty-ness can figure out they can go all BDSM-dominant on his rear too! It's never gonna happen if he keeps acting all tough and stuff. And I'm really dry. Where's the Gavin who used to own bars? Where's the Gavin who showered in hairgel and applied facial product? WHERE'S MY GAVIN WHO POSED IN FRONT OF A FIREPLACE ON A TIGER SKIN!!! Oh Captain Our Captain, we are begging you here. Come back to us. Man down. If you think for a minute we're going to let you off the hook with this fake "I'm no longer a metrosexual see I have some grey on the side stopped using Bumble & Bumble years ago" routine, you've got another think coming! Wisconsin is in the Far East - WE ARE THE WILD WEST (*#$&(*! We got coyotes on rooftops. Men dressed in giant, pink condoms. Men not dressed at all except for a little towel. But most of all, we have the Wildest Damn Cougars you've ever seen but the CDC* advises you never touch. They're all at the Balboa, every Friday night (some just all day). And you're keeping them from Essential Services they really, really would like to perform tonight. oh gosh that sounded rude. tony please come get me. i need a hug. and four cosmos, lance. document.getElementById("theToon").src = "https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7391/9609261739_ba778e7c84_o.png"; - jeff

[barelydigestible]

Could have been worse. Could have served Smurf And Turf. And now we know Tom is spongebobworthy (admit it ladies you were always thinking that to yourself quietly while pretending to still be "interested" in your significant co-sheltering other – something about wanting to just rub that cute lil’ bald head of his and find out exactly where he sprinkles on a little gourmet finishing salt) By the way Hugh Acheson is totally fine. Jeez we got a ton of nasty emails about that last week (ok actually no one has ever ever ever written us an email), claiming we shouldn’t have killed off Hugh when he’s the only defense food workers have against "The Governor" from The Walking De… whoops Governor of Georgia. We didn’t. See, he was only poisoned – you can tell because he had those little Xs in his eyes? Right. That’s how cartoonists draw “hey so this here's a Poisoned Character, Xs for eyes like on the poison bottle, be totally fine and back in a panel next week with a little sunshine and remdesivir”. Seriously, that happened what like a hundred times in Charlie Brown, remember? And in fact he is. Fine. Hugh. Except for the suing us part. (wait was that Padma? so many “you’ve been served” papers we walk over on the floor in the artist garret here that we're losing track…)