Barely Digestible

Fresh, local, and renewably inked

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Hey it's our second cartoon of 2021! A very generous friend gifted us an Ooni Pizza Oven over the holidays and we are into it. I am into it anyway. At the moment self-inflicted permanent scars and minor second degree burns may outnumber successful pizzas served to the wife and child, but I'm getting there. Next time I am gunning for first degree burns. And pepperoni. - jeff

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Happy New Year all! We're kicking off the new year with our first all-newly-drawn cartoon in... years!

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While most Americans will spend this weekend amidst flags, bunting, and the charred remnants of what once was protein, it’s a sad commentary how little most of us know about our country’s history - especially our rich food history. For instance, did you know America’s great BBQ tradition had its beginnings in the Revolutionary War? It’s true: tea was a minor nuisance for Colonists spending most of days time blitzed on rum, but the Brits - having long lost the intestinal capability to process anything but fried cod and boiled mutton - slapped an enormous tariff on imported bottled BBQ sauce. This led to the slightly less famous, but much more environmentally tragic “South Amboy Q Party”, at which seven hundred and twenty six barrels of West Indies sauce was dumped into the harbor by men dressed in nothing but bbq aprons and face soot. And George Washington himself played a key role: we now know his secret assignations with Betsy Ross (which historians always debated - after all the guy did wear a wig) were really due to her recipe for “Lip-Smackin’ Quaker Hellfire Sauce”; with leftover scraps from the whole flag thing, she made him his own red, white and blue BBQ apron loudly proclaiming “Ye Hot Stuffe”.1

Luckily for our July 4th parties - I mean, imagine firing up your grill for pudding - Cornwallis surrendered at Yorktown; key to the Articles of Capitulation negotiated there was a provision for “Waggons to be furnished to carry out those kettles, drums and other metal implyments necessary to the provisioning of a rocking goode barbeque partye for thee enlysted men.” It is said that George himself, as Commander in Chief, stood at the grill for three hours with a tankard. From the memoirs of a young staff sergeant: “Trying out salt pork in a large drum over the fire, he put to it chopped onoyns, vinegre of apples, and good Bermoothe peppers. Therein, did he place sundry capons, legs of hinde, and rack of hogs slaughtered for the occasion. Taking them out again, he fired up those puppies; whereupon we ate, and caroused, and didst well licke our fingers and emit prodigious belchys until quite late.” 2

You could crosscheck all my historical references, but seriously - what’s the point ? Your beer will go flat, and who wants to be reading some stupid Wiki while it’s sunny out and you could be out in front of a seriously raging grill? So get out there and regale your sun-and-booze-addled friends and family with your new-found patriotic food knowledge; cite Barely Digestible (repeatedly - ask them to send some PayPal cash too).

Now that it’s on The Internets, it’s true.

Happy 4th, Everyone!

- jeff

1 - Betsy Ross, Hot Mama Of The American Revolution, Reader’s Digest Publications, 1893. 2 - Diary of A. Smithee: Revolutionary, Patriot, Prep Cook. Faber College Archives, 1978.

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Happy July 4th All! Reposted from, um, July 4th a few years ago. When I was still young and vigorous and could uncurl my fingers from my cold beer a few minutes to type. How times change.

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So there you have it... Shmoo, a character I didn't even create, beats me in my own cartoon. Somehow, somewhere Al Capp is having the last laugh. Either that or it's just pitiful how little control I have over my own content. We hope you enjoyed Top Chef Season 17-C, Covid Edition! And now that you've struggled through it with us, we promise... brand new content that we've been working on here, not just retouching, coming this week! I promised Kate! So I have no choice now! Oh god what did I get myself into. - jeff

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Well it's Sunday Afternoon and... ok I lie. It's really Monday. Since you may have skipped right past the weekend and like me are still a bit hazy exactly what happened after about 5:05p last Friday, why not click "Next Page" below to find out?

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The lowest form of humor, they say, is a pun. The lowest form of human, they say, is a cartoonist. Put the two together and you get... yep, totally awesome cartoon humor Cartoonists aren't transitive; you're just gonna have to trust us on this one. Anyway there's your Friday Cooking Tip; now go out and grill up some burgers! - jeff

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OMG IT'S FRIDAY! BUT LIKE TWO WEEKS LATER! Nope not your fault - though we here at Barely Digestible could forgive you if you didn't remember to come read our latest toon just like we forgot to post our latest toon. Given the quality level of the content. But Hey if you missed baking clafoutis with an Easy Bake Oven... and you are old enough to know what an Easy Bake Oven is... well then it's Friday and you definitely need a cocktail. But after that click Next Page down there for an Even Better Cartoon! Happy Friday!

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You know what? This week I hit my limit. Not going to joke around when there are people getting killed and people looting and people saying we should shoot people. I'm done with this week. So instead, I'm simply celebrating. Kate finished finals week and gets to celebrate. Let's all just settle in for some family time and start this whole thing over. Baking clafoutis together with our Easy-Bakes.

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OMG IT'S FRIDAY! LAST THING I RECALL WAS A BEER AND BBQ ON MEMORIAL DAY! Same thing happen to you? Miss a whole week sometimes during The Covid? Yep it's a problem. But if you missed the Penultimate Elimination Challenge Of Top Chef: Cartoon Edition 17-C Episode 5, don't worry, we're like Netflix! We always get rid of the good stuff but leave the old junk right where you can binge it! Reverse Time And Still Have That Beer Tonight on Barely Digestible: Click "Next Page" For Last Week's Cartoon!

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OMG Our hero, the first Top Chef ever to literally beg to be eliminated, just made it to The Final Round Of Top Chef Season 17-C Cartoon Edition and gets an all-expenses-paid-trip to the CDC* in not-Atlanta because there is no CDC* because we don't want to go to Federal Prison! Tune in Next Sunday for the Exciting Concl... hey - you still reading? Tap. Tap. (ok yeah joe, decrement our Active Users count one more for this one)

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DON'T FORGET TO GET YOUR FRIDAY DRINK ON, ON A MONDAY! Feel left out that the Wisconsin Bros got all the booze and broads this past Friday? Well with the magic of Barely Digestible, we can send you back in time to catch some brewskis with Governor Newsome! Next Time on Barely Digestible: Click "Next Page"!

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Sure, according to Governor of Wisconsin Tony Evers, it's the "Wild West" in Wisconsin now with the Supreme Court throwing out his Shelter Order - but it's especially wild in the bars. And this is Wisconsin we're talking about. Midwesterners so polite and so rule abiding they struggle to even take a seat when they are given a drink for sheer worry they might offend. Let alone hit on anyone younger and better looking after 3 more. (though let's be honest those WI bros were not getting any even pre-Covid.) That's why this Friday night, Barely Digestible in its ongoing series of Friday Bar Tips is helping you, Fine People of Wisconsin (I am calling you "fine people" as I was raised in Michigan where we are nearly as polite except for the threatening our governor with guns bit). We're also helping the far-less-fine people of San Francisco and Nearby Festering Cesspools of Lefty-ness. Because darnit it's our turn to go get a drink and get hit on by a skank! We need to urge Gavin Newsom to wuss out and act a lot more polite like Tony Evers! Please, write to him to encourage him to milktoast-it-down a bit so our Supreme Court Of Lefty-ness can figure out they can go all BDSM-dominant on his rear too! It's never gonna happen if he keeps acting all tough and stuff. And I'm really dry. Where's the Gavin who used to own bars? Where's the Gavin who showered in hairgel and applied facial product? WHERE'S MY GAVIN WHO POSED IN FRONT OF A FIREPLACE ON A TIGER SKIN!!! Oh Captain Our Captain, we are begging you here. Come back to us. Man down. If you think for a minute we're going to let you off the hook with this fake "I'm no longer a metrosexual see I have some grey on the side stopped using Bumble & Bumble years ago" routine, you've got another think coming! Wisconsin is in the Far East - WE ARE THE WILD WEST (*#$&(*! We got coyotes on rooftops. Men dressed in giant, pink condoms. Men not dressed at all except for a little towel. But most of all, we have the Wildest Damn Cougars you've ever seen but the CDC* advises you never touch. They're all at the Balboa, every Friday night (some just all day). And you're keeping them from Essential Services they really, really would like to perform tonight. oh gosh that sounded rude. tony please come get me. i need a hug. and four cosmos, lance. document.getElementById("theToon").src = "https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7391/9609261739_ba778e7c84_o.png"; - jeff

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A week after winning Cartoon Restaurant Wars tm by poisoning fewer than 3 of their 4 judges, our cartoon heroes Pause To Reflect… (take a moment. this one is gonna smack ya right in the feels) Next Time on Barely Digestible: Click "Next Page"!

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Could have been worse. Could have served Smurf And Turf. And now we know Tom is spongebobworthy (admit it ladies you were always thinking that to yourself quietly while pretending to still be "interested" in your significant co-sheltering other – something about wanting to just rub that cute lil’ bald head of his and find out exactly where he sprinkles on a little gourmet finishing salt) By the way Hugh Acheson is totally fine. Jeez we got a ton of nasty emails about that last week (ok actually no one has ever ever ever written us an email), claiming we shouldn’t have killed off Hugh when he’s the only defense food workers have against "The Governor" from The Walking De… whoops Governor of Georgia. We didn’t. See, he was only poisoned – you can tell because he had those little Xs in his eyes? Right. That’s how cartoonists draw “hey so this here's a Poisoned Character, Xs for eyes like on the poison bottle, be totally fine and back in a panel next week with a little sunshine and remdesivir”. Seriously, that happened what like a hundred times in Charlie Brown, remember? And in fact he is. Fine. Hugh. Except for the suing us part. (wait was that Padma? so many “you’ve been served” papers we walk over on the floor in the artist garret here that we're losing track…)