Unidentified Ex Object
unidentified ex object. AlbedoKreideprinz x g!reader wc.826
Synopsis:
Albedo wants to understand human emotions. He starts by asking about your ex. One analysis later, he’s convinced the man defies logic, science, and possibly the laws of existence.
He concluded that your ex must be an unidentified object or an ex object. Maybe both.
Tags: fluff and humor + crack, comfort and comedy, soft albedo moments, clowning ex
Notes: Oh my gosh.. LMAO! this idea was completely random.,, I know I usually write lilia x reader but I ought to show Bedo some love too,,..
Dragonspine is quiet tonight. The soft wind, warm lamplight, and the faint scent of alchemy reagents cling to Albedo’s coat as he sits beside you on a cliff overlooking Dragonspine.
He has been staring at you for a while. Not in a creepy way, more like he’s studying a new star in the sky.
Finally, he says, “May I ask you something personal?”
You blink. “Uh… sure?”
Albedo tilts his head like he’s preparing for an experiment.
“I’ve been trying to deepen my understanding of human emotions,” he says. “I’d like to know more about your past relationships. Specifically…” He pauses, carefully choosing his words. “Your previous partner. Your ex-boyfriend.”
You choke on absolutely nothing.
“W–Why him?”
“You have mentioned he was… peculiar.” Albedo’s eyes narrow with scientific curiosity. “I would like to examine this peculiarity.”
You sigh, lie back on the grass, and mentally prepare yourself.
“Please,” he says politely, “describe him.”
You sigh again. “Okay. But I warned you. He’s stupid.”
Albedo nods, notebook and quill ready. “I have documented many forms of stupidity. I doubt he will surprise me.”
"If anyone asked me about my ex, I would simply say: I don’t claim him. He’s like an unidentified creature they once encountered in the wild." You started and couldn't help but stiffle a laugh because honestly? It's not wrong. Your ex wasn’t just a red flag. He was a walking color palette of warnings—flashing lights, sirens, a built-in hazard sign. Definitely radioactive.
Albedo leans in. “I’m listening.”
“He said… ‘Deal my ego.’”
A quiet beat.
Albedo blinks. Slowly.
“Deal… your ego,” he repeats, like he’s trying to translate ancient runes. “What… does that mean?”
“I don’t know!” you groan. “I still don’t know! My friends heard it too. We all thought he was casting a spell.”
Albedo’s brows knit, expression serious. “Spells usually require clarity of intent. His phrase lacks both clarity and grammar.”
“EXACTLY.”
You continue, waving your hands. “And then—get this—he said, ‘I don’t care, I’m a Narcissists.’ Plural. With an S.”
Albedo freezes mid-note. “…Did he mean that he embodies multiple narcissistic traits simultaneously?” he asks carefully.
“No, Albedo. He meant it like a title. Like a job. Or a species.”
Albedo slowly lowers his notebook, staring at you with the expression of a man questioning the structure of the universe. “…Plural?” he whispers.
“Yes.”
“Meaning he believes he is… multiple narcissists.”
“Yes.”
Albedo sits back, eyes glazed in awe. “…Remarkable.”
“Why are you impressed?!”
“This is unprecedented. A human claiming to be a collective.”
“He’s not a collective, bedo.”
“I disagree. He appears to be a highly disorganized hive mind.”
You nearly choke laughing.
Albedo flips the page.
“Please proceed.”
“And,” you finish with a flourish, “he always said, ‘You wouldn’t understand me. I’m unique. I’m not like other boys.’”
Albedo slowly lowers the notebook.
He looks at you.
Then at the sky.
Then at the ground.
Then back at you.
“…Was he,” he begins gently, “trying to imply that he possesses extraordinary traits?”
“Yes.”
"Does he possess extraordinary traits?"
"He possesses mentally questionable traits."
Albedo nods slowly, compassionately, like he’s diagnosing a rare illness. “I see.”
You sigh, rubbing your temples. “Yeah. He was a whole mess.”
Albedo taps the page with his quill. “I have concluded my analysis.”
“And… what’s the conclusion?”
Albedo closes the notebook with the ceremonial gravity of a man sealing away an ancient evil.
“Your ex-boyfriend,” he says, “is the most scientifically perplexing organism I have ever heard of.”
You almost burst into laughter.
Albedo looks genuinely troubled.
“I have studied dragons, mutant plants, elemental anomalies, yet none of them match his level of unpredictability.”
“Albedo, please-”
“It is unclear whether he defies logic,” Albedo continues, “or simply refuses to engage with it.”
You wheeze.
“I believe,” he says carefully, “that your ex-boyfriend was attempting to appear… extraordinary. But instead of uniqueness, he achieved confusion. Instead of confidence, he displayed insecurity.”
You blink at him.
“…Wow. You just roasted him politely.”
Albedo tilts his head. “Did I?”
“Yes. And it was beautiful.”
He hums thoughtfully, then shifts closer, brushing your hair behind your ear. “In any case,” he says softly, “I am grateful you are no longer with someone who causes you distress.”
You flush.
“And,” he adds, “should you ever wish to talk about these things again, I would like to listen. Your past is part of what shaped you. And understanding you…” His eyes lower, warm and sincere. “…is a study I value deeply.”
You smile, heart a little gooey.
“Thanks, Albedo.”
He takes your hand, thumb brushing your knuckles, gaze gentle. “Of course. Now… may we return to the part where he said ‘deal my ego’? I am still attempting to categorize that phenomenon.”
You groan. He smiles.
And under the quiet sky of Dragonspine, you tell him the rest of the story while Albedo takes notes like he’s discovered the most bizarre creature in Teyvat.
Notes: what's the inspo, you ask? My dumb ex, lmao. the only unforgettable thing about him is his ass grammar..,, this why they say that never offend a writer cause they gon clown yo ass in their story lol.. peace and love ya'll^^,,... Yes. this is based on real life experiences,..
