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Bathilda ships it

Bathilda Bagshot: Gellert, how many times must I tell you not to leave your clothes in the living room?

Gellert: Sorry, Tante Hilda!

Bathilda: *picks up shirt and examines it* Gellert, this shirt is too small for you. Who does this belong to?

Gellert: Er, it must be Albus’ shirt. *telling blush*

Bathilda: Why did he take off his shirt here?

Gellert: *panics* Um, it’s summer? I guess he was hot.

Bathilda: *mutters under her breath* Hot for you.

Gellert: What?

Bathilda: *whistles innocently*. Nothing, dear.

Gellert’s British relations

Bathilda: I wrote back to your father, Gellert.

Gellert: About?

Bathilda: He wanted to know how you're doing.

Gellert: And?

Bathilda: I mentioned your burgeoning friendship with Albus and added that you're taking the summer to become fluent in British relations.

Gellert: You did what?!

Bathilda ships it again

Gellert: Tante Hilda, is a Blood pact as dangerous as an Unbreakable Vow?

Bathilda: Why do you want to know?

Gellert: Er, I don’t. I’m asking for a friend.

Bathilda: Why does Albus want to know?

Gellert: *nervous*. Why do you think it’s Albus?

Bathilda: *knowing look*

Gellert: Ok fine, it’s Albus. Well?

Bathilda: You can’t die from a blood pact like you can with an Unbreakable Vow.

Gellert: *mutters* Blood pact it is.

Gellert tells Bathilda about Albus

Gellert: *smirks* Yo, Aunt Bathilda, Albus and I are fucking now.

Albus: *facepalm* Not what I meant when I said tell her.

Bathilda: Just use wizarding protection! Albus, you never know where Gellert's been.

Gellert: *glares at Albus* I'm not the whore in this relationship.

Albus: I think you might be. *crickets*

Bathilda strikes again

Bathilda: Albus, dear, you don’t have to sneak out the back door when you spend the night with Gellert.

Albus: *gay panics* What?

Bathilda: Feel free to use the front door. Although that might not be as pleasurable as what you’re used to with my nephew.

Albus: O.o

#bathildashipsit