Anyways, I'm heading off to the gym but considering this "New Era and Saga" of this blog that Riku officially marked off, I think I'm really cutting my thin and believe it or not present filter down more cause if we are being #MoreGenuine here, then fuck it sure. We having transparency? Then sure I'm more than fine showing the fucking "bad survivor" that over half of our system is in terms of having learned to be an asshole and decently violence/aggression prone due to trauma cause hello, thats like 95% of my personality and thats not me saying it as a good thing.
But literally since I re-surfaced (for the lack of better words) like my whole fucking main issue and thing I had to work through ESPECIALLY when I formally took up Co-Host was Not Getting Us Arrested and Not Starting Addictive Habits and finding a way to tame the fucking chronic piss, shit, and vinegar I developed and how that shapes what FEELS like the most fun ideal life for me because rationally I know that FEELING is stupid and just gonna lead at least the rest of the system to a misery since most of this system isn't "built like me".
Like I typically filter on this blog cause Riku is like, the opposite of me in regards to how they live their life in their compulsive bow tie they throw on everything that looks ugly about their life and healing with massive skill and I respect this as their hobby and their shit, but like, if they say we are just gonna use this to be casual about whatever shit then cool cool, Ill take that as permission to drop a lot of the filter I have on crap.
Still gonna have one cause there are some things you can't say for reasons of living in a society and cause I know we aren't planning on being that "genuine", but I'm dropping it enough cause people who shit on "bad survivors" for being evil and like to shit on people who develop cluster B personality disorders as a result of their trauma are so fucking annoying and like quite frankly, you can be a good person while still having piss and shit in your blood. It takes time and I'm no where at the point of having perfectly balanced my piss and shit in a way that actually makes it easy but ya know how it be. Shit takes time and god fucking damn it if I havent made a shit ton of progress in the past year of co-hosting then I don't know who the fuck has lol
-XIV
