#battersleuth

[cestblanche-blog]

battersleuth started following you

bonjour et enchantée! c:

[halicarnassushorror]

battersleuth replied to your post: Alright! So what you’re meant to inform me is something Dirk has already spilled the beans on, so to speak. I’m happy for the two of you! What an adorable couple you’ll make!! I’m glad that we are friends, Jake, really I am! I wish the best to both of you! Adventures, irony, babies!!

Ms. Lolande is just fine and dandy as well! Why wouldn’t we both be just fine? We are your friends, of course, the very best of FRIENDS and we are happy for our friends when they are happy!!! Of course!

You certainly do sound fine and dandy!  What with all the exclamation points...??

I could really think of no finer duo of friends capable intelligent and as ms lalonde would say DEADLY than the two of you.  Really jane youre fantastic and our whole...  Friendly friendness is no less than PRIMO.

Ive got to get cracking on messaging lalonde personally so im glad this conversation both cleared things up and exists as a fine reminder for that.  Two birds one stone and whatnot.

[halicarnassushorror]

J, I don't mean to be a bother, but your Mr. Strider told me there was something you wanted to tell me? He's said it's something delicate. I suppose he was just acknowledging that only your gentleman-adventurer sensibilities can handle can handle some matters. Everything is OK, though, with you, right?

Ah yes!  Sensibilities and delicatations and whatnot.  Hm.  Well.  I dont think now is the time to stonewall anything so to be maybe kind of brusque about it i guess you could say...  Wow haha there is really no non-blunt way to put this is there!  I guess you could say after some discussion and slash or potentially awkward confessions strider and i have decided on steering our broship to a more than platonic kind of one?  That is to say hook up.  All ironic details he is sure to have appreciated aside.

And by god i realize consulting you on any and all things feelings wouldve been the choicest course of action intuitive young lady you are.  I hope that you know.  Everything is hunky dory and okay on your end with this change in events?  Let me in on the status of ms.crocker.

((Yeah i think she already knows but jake doesn't know she knows AKA someone tell me how tumblr RPing/chronology works here))

[halicarnassushorror]

Present from Jane ==> Arrive

The sight's a beautiful one, but there are more important matters to attend to.  Like your transmaterializer, which is on a roll today.  Being that it's a holiday and being that you have only the most kickass group of pals ever.

You take a look at the contents, and - this one's an obvious Janegift.  No real deducing needed.  A neat tray of green velvet cakes sit in the transmaterialiser and you grab one and down it before taking out the rest.  It is the perfect mesh of sweet, sweet ingredients, whatever those may be.  Magic probably.  Sugar.  Etc.

Being hungry and in the presence of Jane's cooking is a deadly combination.  So it's best to put these babies in the fridge and avoid eye contact with them until after you get a decent meal.

It's a full five minutes before you completely ignore that sentiment and have at the cakes.  Fortunately for your stomach, the transmaterializer whirrs before you can finish the fourth one -

[deadalytothegrid-blog-blog]

Present from Jake ==> Arrive

When you get the present from Jake it takes all of ten seconds before you realize that it is simply the greatest thing to ever grace your desktop in all of existence. You immediately set it up on your desk next to all of your other SWEET LOOT from the day, sitting the letter under the edge of the cat relic so you won't lose it.

The thing is almost kind of creepy in a totally awesome way. You think maybe it... moved? Nah, probably just the alcohol talking.

The cookies are, well. Pretty burnt. But you eat a few anyway because hey, vodka makes even burnt cookies taste good after a while, and they're still pretty great.

You take a moment to look over all your Valentine's day presents. You have some awesome friends, goddamn. Look at all that SWEET LOOT. You're not even sure what to do with it all.

You kick back on your bed with Dirk's book and decide you are an adequate level of wasted to get started on this fine work of literary art. So maybe you don't hate Valentine's day. Maybe.

[deadalytothegrid-blog-blog]

ok valentins day can stay around if im gonna get all this sweet shit all the time

appearified those cupcakes and they were so good jane youre the best baker everrrrr no joke for reals ive already eaten like 3 of em. im goin to get fat on cupcakes and i dont care cause they are from jane and theyre da bomb. you gotta come visit me so i can have all the bakin all the time an keep this delciousness all to myself

dirks present is sittin here til im suitbly drunk enough for such awsome lit though i skmmied this bitch and i must say its great so far your the best bro a girl could want distri

gppd friends, best friends

[deadalytothegrid-blog-blog]

==> Contemplate how much V-day sucks

Way ahead of you there. You've been contemplating how much Valentine's day sucks for the past two or three days, getting a preemptive start on the moping. Okay, not moping. You aren't moping. Moping is a not a thing you do. Rather, you are just kicking back with a few more martinis than normal just because you can. All in the name of the spirit of the holiday, or something like that.

Is Valentine's day really even a holiday? You don't think it should be. It is a "hey look all my friends like each other but no one likes me" day. Singles Awareness Day. Lonely as fuck day.

==> Don't just sit here and mope.

You're not moping! Come on, moping is not a thing you do. You've already stated that.

You've planned something for v-day despite your NOT MOPING real feelings on the matter. You're sending out files you programmed yourself to each of your friends, to be run as specialized Valentine's day cards. You promise you aren't blowing up anyone's computers this time. They're plain old .exe files, none of that ~ath nonsense that you've been fiddling around with lately. You're not sure you trust it at the moment. It seems to only work with explosions.

Anyway.

==> Send out those files, missy!

Already done, jeez! You are soooo on top of this Valentine's day shit. You are the Best at Valentine's. It is you.

Now you just wait to see what your friends have to say about them. While you drink some more of this pomegranate martini and NOT MOPE YOU DON'T MOPE.

((So Roxy made programs for all her friends. They're short, interactive, and ridiculously over the top and rife with typos. Dirk's is an interactive game ending with Rainbow Dash doing pirouettes around his screen while horrible cheesy rap plays and diamonds dance around in the background. Jake's is a fake Avatar-esque text-based game ending in one scantily clad blue lady making horrible sexy faces at the screen (Roxy aims to make him uncomfortable, what can she say). Jane's is insanely ridiculous, rife with hearts and "you're the bestest best friend anuyone could eva have"s all over the place and horrible sappy possibly suggestive poetry all over, complete with pictures of heart cupcakes. All in the name of irony (or copious alcoholic beverages late at night.) You're welcome.))

[deadalytothegrid-blog-blog]

battersleuth started following you

janey!!!! jane jane jane janey jane look at ur blog with all those cupcakse you are just so unironically adorable i cant even take it

(psssst janey i like strawberry cupcakes just in case you were like wondering or somethin i kno how much you like makin cupcakes for no reason i figure we should put them to good use)