#halicarnassushorror

[halicarnassushorror]

So regarding this wayward monster i feel like an update of sorts is in order. 

All notions of deadly fauna and otherwise dastardly monsters aside the damn varmint is in fact growing on me.  One could even say weve been out and about in the brush and treetops like two good bros simply chilling.  Quite literally.

They say that once you name a critter youll never get rid of it.

So that is the one pitfall that can and must be avoided at all costs.  Once the hoodlum is revived and recovered OUT HE GOES.

I will miss him but really man and monster dont mix.  Specifically speaking as roomies.

Confound mixed feelings.

[halicarnassushorror]

==> Nap

You dream dreams o̪̭ͅf̖̰͙ skulls.

[battersleuth-blog]

▲! ((MAN. I'm just. The answer to this. Yeah.))

Jane thinks Jake is REALLY SUPER NEATO. I don't think that she actually does have a crush on him, but I think that she thinks she ought to! She is absolutely gobsmacked by this whole Jake-Dirk Thing. She didn't see it coming, no one did her the courtesy of preparing her for it, and she's just getting more and more concerned that this means two of her favorite people are going to run off into the sunset holding hands and making out and never, ever talk to her or care about her again. Also, it's a little gross? Just because, in general, she is a little grossed out by kissing and it makes her really uncomfortable to think about Dirk and Jake being sexually attracted to anything let alone each other.

Right now she is super, super afraid of losing Jake in general. Or him changing and therefore losing the relationship they have.

[halicarnassushorror]

battersleuth replied to your post: Alright! So what you’re meant to inform me is something Dirk has already spilled the beans on, so to speak. I’m happy for the two of you! What an adorable couple you’ll make!! I’m glad that we are friends, Jake, really I am! I wish the best to both of you! Adventures, irony, babies!!

Ms. Lolande is just fine and dandy as well! Why wouldn’t we both be just fine? We are your friends, of course, the very best of FRIENDS and we are happy for our friends when they are happy!!! Of course!

You certainly do sound fine and dandy!  What with all the exclamation points...??

I could really think of no finer duo of friends capable intelligent and as ms lalonde would say DEADLY than the two of you.  Really jane youre fantastic and our whole...  Friendly friendness is no less than PRIMO.

Ive got to get cracking on messaging lalonde personally so im glad this conversation both cleared things up and exists as a fine reminder for that.  Two birds one stone and whatnot.

[halicarnassushorror]

==> Listen to mixtape

"Mixtape" is one of the newest and coolest terms all the grooviest (raddest?) kids use to describe a playlist kind of deal made for someone you like.  Basically, a musical version of "I love you".  You know because you had to look up the term during yet another visit to the one stop shop for how to be hip, lingo-wise. No doubt Strider has cooked up a banquet of hot and steaming Hits of 2011 and Beyond.

169 MB later, you finish it.  Whatever it is you're feeling now is likely the pop culture equivalent of a journey of enlightenment.  In a way.

Actually, you're not really sure what you've learned.  Probably nothing.  Or, well, you have learned that intergalactic bodies are a popular way to make sexual innuendo.

And then there was the song half in English and half in...right, Korean.  Might've been a decent idea to have taken more of an interest in linguistics by now.  But as a man of curiosity, you hasten to look up the translation.  Something that yields not the most fruitful results.  "Babongabwayo" could mean...  No, you're not even gonna try to decipher this one.

It's probably one of Strider's expectedly unexpected hijinks, adding it in.  In all realness though, it made about as much sense as the Childish Gambino one.  Though on second though, that one is easy enough to make out as "fucking, sex, fucking, sex".  And something with a possibly deep meaning about walking dogs?  You acknowledge you were going back and forth grinning madly and biting your lip during that one with some laughter you couldn't stop mixed in.  The, what's it called.  Dirty Picture one.  That one had the same results.

Not that you're totally deaf to the message of this batch of handpicked tunes.  It's all kinds of hilariously romantic in the most ironic ways and nothing less than what should be expected from him.  Laying on your bed - headphones on because you're listening to the Abba song on repeat, your favorite of the mix and one of the only two tracks you'd heard before - you text him the verdict.

GT: Consider me thoroughly educated on the matter of all things pop culture and the hippest of hop happenings.

GT: A real lesson tantamount to no less than eye opening.

GT: Romantic overtones not to be ignored as im sure that was the primary intention.

Your fingers trail over the keys again.  It's difficult, not alluding to a couple of the songs in particular.  Maybe just for the hell of it, maybe for a reaction, maybe because you just want to.  And you consider yourself anything but reluctant, so fuck it.

GT: Whether the gesture is enough to earn what you call a dirty picture?  Hah!  An entirely different question of the ages.

GT: *twirls twin pistols with a smirk*

[halicarnassushorror]

J, I don't mean to be a bother, but your Mr. Strider told me there was something you wanted to tell me? He's said it's something delicate. I suppose he was just acknowledging that only your gentleman-adventurer sensibilities can handle can handle some matters. Everything is OK, though, with you, right?

Ah yes!  Sensibilities and delicatations and whatnot.  Hm.  Well.  I dont think now is the time to stonewall anything so to be maybe kind of brusque about it i guess you could say...  Wow haha there is really no non-blunt way to put this is there!  I guess you could say after some discussion and slash or potentially awkward confessions strider and i have decided on steering our broship to a more than platonic kind of one?  That is to say hook up.  All ironic details he is sure to have appreciated aside.

And by god i realize consulting you on any and all things feelings wouldve been the choicest course of action intuitive young lady you are.  I hope that you know.  Everything is hunky dory and okay on your end with this change in events?  Let me in on the status of ms.crocker.

((Yeah i think she already knows but jake doesn't know she knows AKA someone tell me how tumblr RPing/chronology works here))

[halicarnassushorror]

==> Arrive Home and Store Freshly Found Orb

Ah, and here we are now.

The HALL OF PRESERVED HISTORICALS.

It is so fancy.  It is so cool.

Rows and rows of salvaged relics, runes, parchments, and the like reside here.  You find a good spot for your newest edition.  S̺͖̫h̝͙͍̮ͅe̙'ll͎̼͈̙̘̫ͅ ̺͈͔̞fit nicely in between this baby tree frog statue (one of your firsts!) and a very strange old book recovered not to long ago you're far from deciphering.

It's a fine day to be a swashbuckler.

[halicarnassushorror]

==> Recieve Messages

Your phone beeps.  That was fast.

TT: Man, still?

TT: I mean, with my sincerest apologies in regards to your most recent bout of ass beating and all of that, but if I toned him down any further you may as well sit around and drink tea with him. Dress him in a nice suit and tie and present him to the Queen. Get him a day job caring for baby animals at the local zoo.

TT: No offense.

TT: But, you understand, right? The point of the brobot is for personal training. It’s all very wax-on-wax-off or whatever the fuck hoaky triumphant martial arts film reference you want to use.

TT: It’s for you own good.

TT: And if it’s an consolation, he’s programmed specifically not to cause any irreparable harm to your person. But you already knew that.

TT: Regardless, good luck. You’ll get him one day. Give me the play-by-play later if you’re so inclined.

Oh, pft.  Fine.  Time is wasting and you'll only waste more time responding to this display of silly hogwash.

==> Onwards on upwards

Well this is new.  You find stairs leading to an underground passage, sure to wind up as fascinating ruins that have yet to be touched.  You're more than happy to do the honors.

You try to moderate yourself sometimes, with the raiding.  There can only be so many places to desecrate on one island, right?  What are you supposed to do when you run out of them?  You really don't know.  You have given it some thought, and so yes, moderation is a thing you give a keen effort to.  Unfortunately, with a man with your youth, vigor, and need for taking the wild world by the reigns, that doesn't always work.  Sometimes it's difficult.  The moderation thing.  But this is a time of CABIN FEVER and moderation has no place here.

You creep down the depths below.

==> Reach the SACRED MONKEY ORB THING OF SHIMMER

Aw, hell yeah.

It's the Sacred Monkey Orb Thing of Shimmer.

You have heard tales of this rare and legendary relic.  So many tales.  All of which were made up by you, to you, in your head while traversing the many deadly traps of this ancient crypt.  Just now.  It's a thing you do, a bit of a habit.

All ruins need stories.  But who's here to discover what they are and record them but a one Mr.English?  Professor English, to be more accurate.  Yes, you like the sound of that.

See, you don't mindlessly go on crypt excursions.  You examine the walls and markings and ancient alphabets scrawled on decaying paper ALL WHILE avoiding walls with hidden arrows and the whatnot.  Maybe the stories of the tombs are also slightly influenced by a certain series of films you favor in particular.  Maybe by a lot.  Maybe they're influenced by your imagination, which is a wandering and vast thing.  Maybe by a lot.  Maybe you get a bit carried away and "a colony of goat-worshipping peoples" turns into "a colony of actual satyrs who would sacrifice their siblings every full moon and whose power is stored entirely in the orb at the end of this temple and he who holds it will be granted both the power and a life long curse and -" holy shit stop it already.

Alright, so maybe it's not the most scientific method.  But who's got the archaeology degree to judge?

==> Nab that hot orb

Orb successfully nab'd.

You make your way out of the tomb and back to home to examine it further in your HALL OF PRESERVED HISTORICALS.

"Historicals" isn't a word, but it conveys what it needs to convey pretty well and that's good enough.  It's a pretty sweet basement room/hallway, very museum-like and all decked out with your salvaged tomb goodies.  You spend a good amount of time down there when you're not out and about.