‘ i can’t believe i let myself let you down. ’ / for sam !
@reporterduty can spam me as much as she want / lost meme
SamWinchester wished that day never happen, that eventuality he might lost Deaninto another manners as he previously witness at the Leviathan’s end — butnot carried out his dead body upon a bed, to see a lifeless body, to becoming another spectator of Dean’s death. Asthe same time he missed his brother every coming day, something inside reunionterrified him — it wouldn't be the brother he knew anymore, the caring and tormentedbig brother who wanted doing it right — he lost his brother the moment Metraton killing him. ‘It was better that way’were his last reassuring last words but could be better? Any others times, he would have been angry at Dean. Hewould have blame him to be so reckless, blame him to think dangerous and expeditedecisions would be wise, blame him for thought his attachment to the FirstBlade was right…however Crowley wasthe only person he was pissed with — it was the one who proposed a solutionfor kill Abaddon, who pushed Dean to get the Mark of Cain, who giving him theFirst Blade…the whole time he knew.
He didn’twanted to take that anger out of the others demons in the bunker. He perfectlysaw Jason’s expression lowered down at time goes by, to forcing Dean to get aclean head and to calm down, feelingthe guilt increased into his voice. Even when he was somehow alone to deal withthis new problem, he was still here, trying to helping him to find his brotherinto a case he might been responsible of, protectinghim for Dean's danger.
Thoughtfuleyes on his computer screen, his researches hadn’t been conclusive. There werenights when he loathed it, when he could picturing Dean’s shadow around theroom — he missed his noisy way to waking him up, to welcoming him with breakfast,to find his others with sexual websites he hadn’t asked for or even his eyeswatching the screen asking him what he had found. Sighing, his attention centeredinto Angie’s gaze.
“ It hadn’t been simple for everyone ”Sam noticed without bitterness. “Andyou hadn’t let me down. You need time, as everyone does into the actual circumstances” He didn’t mention his brother. Ithad been years since he was in front of that possibility, of this scary perspective to have an entire newDean Winchester in front of others people — enough for preparing himselfemotionally to been beat up, killed byhis brother without obligation’s behind. “ I’m here for you. I can…handle myself. ” A half-lie — he wasn’t sure to manage his whole situation byhimself. He wished things were like before. Hewanted his brother back. He mourned his brother far too much into thesepast years.
