it’s okay to not feel okay sometimes
“ Even though there's no fixed timeframe that we have to make a comeback by, we are doing our research well. Hitting the milestone of 5 years also means that this album is going to be very important. We're thinking of what we can show everyone after this fifth year.” -- Jung Jinyoung, Ize Magazine © .
They like to say that the fifth year is an important year for idol groups to see whether they’ll survive or not in the industry -- or, at least, that’s how the media likes to emphasize it -- they write articles discussing about certain groups who’ve reached the five years milestone or seven years milestone, predicting whether they can continue in the long run or quietly disappear when the public no longer paying attention to them.
It’s one of the things that the media likes to exaggerate (everything is exaggerated and being over-sensationalized in the eyes of media, so what’s new about it?)--as if they’re trying to prove how short idol’s career is in general with terms such as: ‘the seven years jinx ‘, ‘ five years jinx’ ; and so on (not their fault, though. isn’t this why everyone tries their best to maximize through their own capabilities within such short amount of time?)--and, contrary to the popular beliefs about his optimistic image, Jinyoung actually keeps a handful of worries insides him (he just don’t like to talk about it, that is all) -- after all, he’s the the leader, meaning that he’s in charge of holding the key role in decision making and leading the group. And boy, it would’ve been a lie if he says that he don’t feel the pressure weighting his shoulder with such role he’s been carrying for over than five years now.
( “Taking care of a hyung who is not very much apart in age because he is 'the leader' and maintaining the team so smoothly by tuning together everyone's ideas,” he said on the the interview for WHO AM I album, once upon a time in the year 2014, but truth be told is that not everything runs smoothly like how he stated in his words -- it’s just in how they solves those problems that coming their way and enjoy the ups and downs coming their way. Because nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, they like to say. )
He tries not to think about it sometimes, lots of times -- likes to distracts himself with millions of other things and side-projects that can get his mind off this because the whole thing about ‘hitting the milestone’ keeps on giving him headaches no matter how hard he tried to be positive about it. It’s like that one analogy where you just keep on taking all these side-quests because you cannot afford to accomplice the main quest yet.
Jinyoung, on the other hand, feels bad because he promised the fans that one of his wish in 2016 was to release more songs and music -- but it’s now the second half of the year and he can’t confidently say that the album is anywhere near finished, yet here is what he’s doing now: accepting the role which was offered to him to become a second lead on drama, making him feel like how his ‘carpe diem’ mindset overwhelming his responsibility as a leader because he just accepted another side quest instead of finishing the main quest.
( “Do you think I’m being greedy -- you know, for accepting the role?"
He asks once to the manager, to Dongwoo, to Naeun -- because they’re the only person he can only asks about things like these; people whom he show his vulnerable sides to. Each of them gave him different answers and until today Jinyoung still wonder if he is greedy).
Almost everyday he wake up with all kind of ‘what ifs’ and ‘whether’ occupying his mind: whether they’ll survive this fifth year curse, whether the upcoming album will come out great, whether the drama he’s working on right now will become a hit in South Korea -- but he never tried to let it phase him. It’s an inevitable thing to have these thoughts, but Jinyoung, keeping his image as the one in charge of bringing up all the positviity in the group, don’t really like to share it with others (“because what’s the point of sharing something that brings no positive impact to the group?” he thought about it once before as he was so close in speaking out about this to his fellow bandmate, CNU).
And there he is, sitting by the stool in the studio with his eyes glued to the screen. Again mingling with the mixing engine at the wee hours of nights, shutting down his phone in the process just so he can concentrate better on his job.
There are a lot of thoughts running in his mind right now as he tried to work on a piece while also memorizing the script in the other hand for tomorrow’s filming (because what is sleep again?), but Jinyoung tried not to let it phase him (like any other gazillion problems that’s actually coming onto him ever so subtly).
Of course he’d feel bad about not coming back soon with new music and instead shooting drama, of course he’s worried about whether they’ll do a good job in their upcoming album, and no sane person would’ve been feeling exactly okay with everything coming onto them all at the same time. So here he is, trying to cope with everything with a big smile on his face while concentrating on his work, because it’s okay not to feel okay sometimes.
